kaleidoscopeANON

many brilliant thoughts come to me in the dish pit non-discriminatory corruption...enslavement via habit most don't even know what an idiosyncratic behavior is alone time. freedom. mobility. no better example of slavery than technology i love having a car but it really is such a pain in the ass i know crazy uncle ted already brought this up in the nineties you either have to have a car or know sumin that has one i know these points ain't new but in light of my recent car accident i started to think about our entire system again anybody that knows me knows why i don't have a smartphone that phone weighs a lot more than they anticipated i made my decision back in 2007 you won't throw out yer standards if you have a strong conviction i ain't a regular ass virgin but i won't let technology taint me ...but it turns yer brain into swiss cheese! technology puts a wall between you n everyone not to sound like a marxist or anything imagine karl marx living right now actually if karl knew that his shit philosophy helped to shaped this society we live in now, he woulda just gotten drunk like always people seem to make a lotta subconscious decisions now they have to deal w/ all these complications that they didn't realize they signed up for my whole lifestyle is intentionally alienating there's never a case you can make for society they'll bend over backwards to avoid having to change themselves for the better so much potential in hardship w/ adversity comes growth n knowledge i learned way more from my mistakes than anything else, success is the product of many mistakes after all

i gotta write this all down on a whiteboard but... you're stuck w/ this shit you're supposed to get emotional at Church forgive me for the cheese i understand why people wouldn't expect me to be religious considering... she is no doubt gonna whack me w/ her tail i still have an issue w/ organized religion i must accept paisley behaving like a cat since i domesticated her Orthodoxy is the full spectrum she is aggressively affectionate there's a loving way to approach various aspects of degeneracy Hellfire n damnation ain't a good tactic n it's kinda boring really Godphobia makes more sense than homophobia retaliation is always based in emotion that they don't even understand emotional maturity goes a long way luckily my line of work has enabled me to be around all types of lifestyles what is the real world these days tho i hate drama, i already work at a restaurant none of this is new n different, it's just being magnified since the algorithm knows you better than you know yourself... all the "conspiracies" took a backseat cos i was focusing more on God no longer freaking out about things i can't control like my family's medical decisions or what people think is happening in this world i soak up so much of my experience, lucky to do this if only people valued their experience this world would look a lot different

ag hates helicopters FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU i know i just look crazy they won't stop proving how much they're doin ominous shit you can't explain these things to most of society i got 5 to 7 heads paisley (cat) proves that i'm crazy whenever she chimes in i'm not gonna be a slave if i can avoid it things are connected to other things yawl i don't like it later haha is it weirder to play music at 8:30am or 3:30am be proud of me for reading the Bible enough for the hardback to fall off Isaiah is just the best mark of the beast in yo pocket tho

conformity kills putting my work clothes on, i will be back biologically n psychologically prone to procreate so when people wanna make all these cases for not doin it they are just lying to themselves n the rest of the world there's no need for a bra over here pretend you didn't see that, sari i exposed myself accidentally things bother me now that never used to women are told to wear bras n they are dumb enough to do it you don't have to burn your bra, just don't wear it not all feminist points are wrong if i were slightly more functional i would totally have kids sooooo many greys, i'm dying freud n marx had to overcompensate these people won't shut up about anything tho if you're not doin it the natural way you gotta overcompensate i don't like being authoritative w/ children what does my opinion matter tho, no skin in the game right adults know better but then again they don't the education system is part of the conformity process what's in yer hand all the time mf whining about degeneracy as an internet junkie find me a trance or autist w/ a flip phone n i will buy you a liquor store

i am very happy (for the most part) cucumbers, keyboard n soul my soul is the most important thing remember impulse control? good times everybody has their reasons you always have a choice you will value things way more if you wait for them convenience ain't shit n it's not satisfying them anyway nobody on their smartphone can see themselves lookin stupid people won't take responsibility for things they don't see themselves doing there hasn't been a second recently where i wished i was like everyone else when i was younger i wasn't too cool w/ myself you don't have to whip yer dick/tits out to expose yourself narcissists don't have self-control i'm not gloating cos your lack of self-awareness is showing you have more options than that false light fuck you you're wrong damn my eye is so lazy! you dunno how to do anything anymore back when i was a drunk... my addiction was very very loud

refridgerator door swung wide open...CLASSIC ag habits it's very strange being up during the day time forgotten smoothie...oooooh ginger bear w/ me...kidding no attention span i'm so friggin cute i make music cos it's fun not to impress everyone the internet is not fun i love my liberty, that's why i still have a flip phone you don't have to defend anything if you're right me n ke$ha went to high school together the man in my head said that it's ginger so it's ginger everything wrong w/ this world is due to conformity i am not a capitalist all cos i believe in working make demands on yourself not the world hopefully once the control arm is replaced it will be driveable smartphone technology is bad, can't stress it enough stop lying, things are not better liars go to hell so...

paisley must go on a diet fat shaming my cat as if i'm not her roommate that feeds her just raw meat watch paisley lick herself from over here n then from over there i still love dogs by the way everything belongs in this world so it's wrong to say otherwise all b/c you have a preference a lotta cat people are super annoying tho animals are our friends n i relate to them more than people why is racism frowned upon n yet you're allowed to hate an entire species just cos of either a bad experience or general distaste dog people tend to be emotionally unintelligent maybe dog people are right about cat people dogs are followers whereas cats maintain their independence cats are naturally more for people that accept "dying alone" dog people are more social cos dogs are pack animals animals suit our personality types i guess it depends on the person i know that i make generalizations a lot i think that we just have a deep misunderstanding of the word love loyalty is what makes a dog appealing a cat won't do shit if you get attacked if only paisley would scratch the shit out of an intruder all creatures of this world have a purpose so we don't have to agree or like it, that's just how it is not ALL dog people just most of em plz forgive me, paisley (awwww, she did or she just forget)

nice angle there, it's good to switch it up yawl like these intros any decision feels like the wrong one when living a life of indecision back when i attempted to have a bf hahaha what was the point in catchin me nobody can keep me but God why i get attached to things that don't seem to be worth it i'm lucky to acknowledge this damnity damn i sound like some kinda gutter punk angel you can sway the future to work out in yer favor w/ faith analyze til i cry my eyes out full of doubt in myself so much in between due to the torment of trying to figure out what this or that meant if it seems like i'm ______ that's why i'm sorry if i got chu upset, i didn't mean it i'm just venting is all that sounds like a real ass flute now that sound is so eighties vaporwave i'd like to have a nice thing w/out ruining it i'd like to have a good thing w/out pushing it far far away from me this whole fiasco is making me realize that i should probably change certain aspects of my life b/c they keep proving to be hazardous i'm convinced i do this cos i'm an orphan that has internalized a lotta guilt n shame i am attached to cars like a man my red chevy aveo, fiona *rest in peace, little dinker i blew out the speakers n wrote the Psalms on my car b/c i made it mine it lasted a long ass time she got slaughtered when i made a left hand turn n got t-boned it was a pretty dangerous intersection tho stupid n careless in relation to doing anything where i should be wise and careful i don't wanna be a piece a shit in any kinda way i organized all the dvds yawl, now i just need to do that w/ my music collection maybe i should do a mini-series... am i the sinner anointing my own head guilt n shame like i said it ain't fair to do this to myself (indicative of self-loathing) is it silly for me to try to use a mini cooper to motivate myself

this hat makes me look like a folk singer i've been listening to bob dylan a lot lately so... the right opinions are the ones they won't do anything about save ya face not ya ass even tho you sit on that the man in my head yells at me they are both equally important! i am talking about image here i can't believe that this paper straw hasn't melted into my coffee, it's all soggy n shit i love that flute sound so much it makes sense to save sumin that is actually useful your face is liable to change but not yer ass so concerned about how they look n sound that they look n sound stupid those calling you names dunno much of anything (but neither do you if you care what nincompoops think) defending yourself puts you in their hearse (cos you lack grace) you can't expect grace from the world you just look like you're full a shit i talk about so many things it's kinda ridiculous they'll never do anything that actually helps some BOD EH sometimes i wish i didn't focus on what's so wrong with the world alter ego/persona/whatever the fuck i love it so much so of course imma mess it up n forget what it was haha it was very sweet n innocent sounding i'm so happy to have this over here i have felt so shitty lately, so stressed about my car did this emotional stress allow me to make a bad n impulsive decision based on attachment i don't wanna let it go if there's sumin else i could do (i lost arlo you have to understand) am i settling for unhappiness cos i assume i won't have it in anything else what if i'm just content n loyal to my contentedness i've bought sooooooo many bags of drugs n various items of habit or impulse so...

forgiveness is not being a doormat i became a people displeaser (waaaay easier) did yawl like that choreography there there's that one part of me that wants to be the favorite honesty n humor go a long way if you can't override my negative qualities BYE i don't deal in bullshit i would love it if you had a solid argument i don't react to individual things but bigger picture things i tend to talk about a lotta stuff in one single video, you can't not notice synth drums mf playing music is so much fun so bad that it might be good? doubtful i just love these chords did yawl hear that is it that special time of the night schizophrenia is just God n the Devil in HD it's frightening at first but then you remember the good that's inside of ya i try to ta ta ta tap into that as often as possible you ain't afraid of the darkness cos you see the light that is God which is always inside of you whatever anyone thinks of you is THEIR business (no matter how much they try to make it YOUR business) retaliation ain't worth it debating it just means that you already lost everything is a _____ in some kinda way my mind never stopped being elastic my feelings are bombastic but from over here i hate it when anyone does that at least i can use my ovaries as a reason to be emotional i hate gender *i had to listen to that 5x to hear what i said cos it sounds like i said i hate cheddar haha male artists must be very in touch w/ the female part of them in order to release the emotion of art female artists must be somewhat masculine becuz they have to be in control of their endeavors (we see what happens when they are not but this is also a problem w/ just selling out in general) every industry is all about money n control you wanna just have fun n get drunk but guaranteed someone will wanna fuck, sorry my story musical confessions...the twenties having a stick up your ass vs. throwing out gender completely

i love those dead bears so much all artists are somewhat androgynous, DEAL you gotta be in touch w/ the other side of yer brain both sexes are equally important but for different reasons, that's it why do people get this so twisted everyone makes everything so difficult i get so bored w/ the way of the world in this day n age it is a virtue to keep shits real i have tried 3 x in my entire life to fake it...FAIL! never thought it was possible to keep it close to the vest "help" just destroys our God-given abilities decent people convinced that the wrong thing is the right thing i do feel sorry for em esp if sumin bad happens their life is proof that they don't think about what they do i don't wanna be a judgmental cunt cos it makes God look bad the proof is in the pudding n the pudding is the internet *byebye west civ you can't have shame w/out self-awareness self-control is an undervalued ability a society w/out humility is a very sad society so many people getting the wrong idea of Christianity b/c of bad christians Christians need to get off twitter, there i said it it's not yer responsibility to clean up their mess they're not even talkin what are they doin as if i was even ever an advocate for normalcy hahaha stare at a screen instead of a human being right in front of you i've always wondered what the fuck people are talkin about myself i've always been on the outside you choose to be a victim as you get older adulthood is processing things that happened when you were younger forgiveness is all about you, not them

i get attached to what i know won't stick around ag...too dark? i dunno my mommy, that's typically the reason behind a lot of silly things that i do i know that the world shaped me quite a bit the culture, the nation n my God-forsaken generation so conscious that it's obnoxious i tend to be scared shitless of what i'm supposed to do even ronnit scolded me n that's my bff guilt n shame i suppose? this (ag's existence) is why we can't have nice things two nearly identical injuries on both ring fingers maybe i'm just a dishwasher i hate how i have to dissect everything n there's no room to enjoy anything there are so many things that get stuck in my throat i go w/ the thing that other people tell me to throw away it just meant sumin that warrants emotion is all ag wanna be startin sumin, thank you michael how am i holding myself back w/out realizing it giving up when you don't have to seems a little cold n heartless (at least to me)

lightening my spirits w/ cold coffee my camcorder is always resting on sumin unsturdy (this was a common problem when i shot videos, driving around) paper straws are terrible there is no solution to the plastic straw situation paisley is overcompensating for ag God will truly love you back fuck that poster stare at me (says my cat) there's that ass again we're gonna have to cut down on her food intake n then feed her better (raw diet) i don't eat that much cats wanna eat way more than ag why do we have to coerce our pets into eating the way that they're supposed to it's my fault that my cat is fat i need to stop giving her so many treats now that paisley no longer has to worry about arlo pushing her outta the way of her own food dish it's totally natural for them so it's actually not nasty at all

come back vortex! setting you on the crock pot was obviously not a good idea my pipes were very clogged, now not so much thank God, i dunno what happened but i am grateful i do not have the $ to fix it right now, too much else to worry about w/ my car in the shop i will do what i have to do to keep that mini cooper cos it's such a nice car a terrible driver w/out ice so... i don't wanna end up in the same situation again take care of stuff when you can take care of stuff or else i woulda already had a rental car had i taken care of my license when i shoulda done it i had to get me a "cigarette" since i've been a dishwasher at various jobs for quite some time i will not let shit pile up, my work ethic seems to be the opposite of what i allow in my regular ass life however the older that you get the more you figure out you don't have to have MY standards but at least have SOME kinda standards should people that make bad decisions get govt $ or free housing? w/out self-awareness you won't have empathy why would i take people's opinions seriously when they don't have self-awareness i don't have to be ugly to anyone n that is foolish for people to feel entitled to mistreating people for whatever reason think about how much we deserve but God still forgives us it's a wonder that you still know how to breathe...exactly how are we holding ourselves hostage by a particular idea of who we are...i ask myself this question often if i was supposed to be a different person it probably woulda already happened but you never know when i turned 30 i accepted what i knew as a child i'd rather be in this position even if it appears to be a cope (it always will cos it always is in some kinda way) as long as you're happy w/ yer decisions MOST of the time you made the right one

yawl know how i feel about sitcoms not a problem for me to watch tv w/ other people not everybody wants to talk conspiracies they're not even shitcoms amy comedy is good in the background every creative person i know has gotta do it this way you don't wanna be even more tempted to kill yourself cognitive decline maybe the creativity itself is good, the putting it out there for the world to see is the most nerve wracking thing about it but also i hate the internet hippo cannabis is a cliff where the memory jumps to its' death i don't think i ever had good memory ever if i can't just say it then we're really in trouble

7:59 alarm...CLASSIC ag move i got this apple at church haha satan is injured, apparently she shoulda tricked him instead of being tricked by him women are supposed to have intuition how could self-medicating be wrong if you are self-aware you gotta just trust the process of moods n life experience be grateful that you are able to cry 1 outta 5 americans can't cry cos they're on meds that prohibit it all that you held back thru out yer life you can unleash on stage a change of perspective does not occur via pharmies if only i had shown my therapists all my notebooks those that let it all hang out are usually keeping themselves a private mental yahcht i wish i could control how people view me but that would be a little weird if i wore a burka that would be very confusing to a lotta people at my church i just wanted to talk about mental illness i don't wanna do this for real i no longer wanna use any perjoratives motherfucker is hands down the best curse word ever i use that term mainly as one of endearment but also as a trivial perjorative meaning it doesn't mean anything to call somebody that perjoratives are only surface level offensive

those nails look so ratchet no, not doin asmr painting my nails is by far the girliest thing that i do i am somewhat in awe of women that can apply makeup totally aware of this disassociation there's a reason why it's a fantasy who you are when you're alone is who you really are so many videos cos we got a lot going on their brains are now swiss cheese they use liberals to make talk of feelings seem stupid lack of emotional intelligence is a disability of sorts you can talk shit w/out ever being held accountable never expect the world to not be shitty twitter used to just be for celebrities letting regular ass citizens use a social media site intended for celebs... their only business is running their mouth false feeling of importance, superiority n control this channel is ag's own private twitter haha let's pretend we live in a world that values that sorta thing the description box kinda resembles twitter it's not good for anybody to have a twitter account smart technology ain't a smart move, dearest society that was a pretty decent metaphor if only people were aware of the negative qualities that they possess health ain't much of a virtue our standards of living dwindle by the nano second good thing i exist yawl, imma save the world

i've changed quite a bit over the years most things are made in china more examples of split mind it does start w/ a c! my writing makes my "mental illness" pretty dang obvious it is quite a bit like dementia most will not understand this path that i am on discovery of stand up comedy was the best thing that ever happened to me spring/summer of 2018 ag had a saul/paul experience "transformation" that they can control they will capitalize on whatever they can change must be gradual for it to stick i used to write a lot but i did nothing w/ it "you're not gonna do shit w/ your life" best therapist i ever had n he didn't even like me i have always said brilliant things b/c of God recently plowed my car into a guard rail, but it was icy tho from YOUR perspective i DO need help short n sweet blanket statements no amt of explanation is gonna win over certain people so i don't bother being liked already was a contest but now you have the internet how many contests can we get into in one hour so many people live like this they all behave like functioning alcoholics hey, at least i was getting drunk i could be wrong about em but it doesn't seem like a lotta fun this social media business

i just ate my bacon, now it's time for veggies you know we have us a jalapeno remind me what help is again people that disagree w/ me usually make statements like that most people won't listen to you so... help doesn't help, see: the govt if YOU decide then it will probably work medications don't fix anything the thoughts don't stop but the awareness does my voices reflect the energy i pick up on ag is an internalized reaction to life experience a shithole called the world i spilled a smoothie all over my posters...CLASSIC ag flop close up on lil crustie but like the thief will i confess thee...exactly. you know me, rationalize the mistake i've wrecked enough cars to prove this never ever under any circumstance feed a vulture women on top turns the world to slop as much awareness as i have it still doesn't stop me from lookin at stuff that makes me angry n depressed i can still get sucked into bullshit drama, i just can suck myself back out (very few have this ability) not lady like but schizo like

i talk about these things a lot cos they are prevalent in my life i am obsessed w/ myself cos i don't have much of a choice the fantasy of being on stage the other side of ptsd ag is a mirror reflection on lsd blonde on blonde has the worst track one in the world no excuse for an artist to have a terrible track1 rainy day women #12 & 35 musta been bob dylan's sick joke on his fans i like stuff that's from the heart which is why i love folk so much i don't idolize or idealize anybody i hope to help others thru my creativity the way that others have helped me thru theirs yet another opportunity for them to impress themselves n their "friends" on the internet i'm unhappy only some of the time it's fun to yell in my car, damnit sobbing on the living room floor is just a part of it, man why i try to stay off the radar how to have empathy w/ ag: cancel yourself imagine that you are that person w/ their stupid twitter handle wearyourdamnmaskDENNIS pretty good at gauging when it's appropriate to reply back i don't see the importance of being right a millisecond hit of dopamine ain't worth all the trouble i wish i wasn't right about technology society will always be stupid, never forget it

more proof... giant ass white board w/ nothin on it...CLASSIC ag irony ugh uh paisley...no shame at all at least dogs have shame i washed my harr, be proud i don't wanna go back on the internet my sub count shot up to 420 subs i shoulda taken a picture, alas what do i have to say to get my sub count back down don't worry, it ain't plant based i can't stress enough how much i despise the internet i still need to apply for a job @ food lion i look up my brain, so much out there that i'm convinced nobody reads why don't people care more about their well-being there's really just a hole in my brain what if it's a demon that tells me to hide things from myself blood on the tracks on repeat kimberly was also sobbing so many piece a shit narcissists in this world i'm grateful that waffle house still exists it's not just a southern staple but an american staple i've never had a bad experience at a waffle house man, i miss the smoking section just leave the pot of coffee the multiple sides of my brain...

being real is my appeal but i dunno what else to be not much of an accomplishment to do what comes most naturally i guess it makes me free in a way my tongue is a tool of separation n annihilation is that a freudian slip or what i nuke every opportunity to be relatively normal i don't have to assume, i pick up on energy i can hear all the words you've bitten just go on social media that way you can spray it there's a major role reversal going on nobody is what they were once before when you rearrange it's just the same thing from another angle polischticks...there's nothin else i can do, i'm a woman will anyone get what they want if they dunno what they want i don't expect much from people that can't stop themselves from hitting a button "don't touch that red button" meaning i was always the one touchin the hot stove i did the opposite of what i was told anybody that wants to do anything is gonna do it regardless it takes most people a long long while i come up w/ epiphanies every day all day so often i wish that at least one would stick well i guess comedy stuck sorry that was kind of abrupt will sumin ever fill me w/ such inspiration that i become organized can i keep using the "artist" title as an excuse, what if it isn't an excuse but an actual reason as long as i do the dishes, pay the bills (and of course clean the litterbox) i don't want my house to stink! these little animals inspire me to keep goin when i really don't want to how can you not feel pretend loved God will allow you to still have everything

glad that you get sumin outta this, that is why i do it (on the internet anyway) i always knew that there was sumin in me that was bound to be important sumin inside of me is problematic anything they don't understand they have to reprimand so they have the upper hand why get mad about it, it's still annoying i wanted to get my nose pierced when i was 8...10yrs later i lived my dream psychotic break is a good thing everything is the opposite i wish i could save the whole world i wanna rid myself of all these negative feelings i have towards society sometimes i want em to feel to shit in this little fantasy bubble... people want a vigilante hence tv appeal everything is an opportunity to study culture so much you can learn watching a football game i make a lotta bold statements being extreme is kinda my thang way less strife w/ flip phone life the best option would be to break that smartphone but i will take what i can get sumin is most definitely missing when it comes to sex addicts but i suppose that asexual people are probably missing sumin as well sex is about connection n i feel dead inside whenever i do it can i create a sexual non-sexual experience opposite of porn: watching a crazy bitch pet her cat

actually i can. the people haven't got much sense left you're not wrong if you wanna kill yourself, just don't do it do yawl see paisley get intimidated by a pink fuzzy ball why are people so afraid of ______ that existential crisis will never go away until you start making stuff nothing will fill the void so... maybe the void is supposed to be there you "care" in a way that you can't help but share i dunno how to not _____ they can't stop themselves i'm happy in my sadness, knowing the purpose sometimes this is all there is other times so much more could be expanded upon most are too dim-witted to see thru these divisive tactics that thing you think is a threat for whatever reason they usually reject me haha why wouldn't they continue since that's all they have done the majority be lyin' i wish that everyone would benefit but you couldn't take it seriously if they did not everyone is gonna get it x3 it's okay to be depressed n da da da da da i'd be super boring if i didn't gaslight myself if you look at ALL of it like it's important to your growth it's worth it, that's where i get my fulfillment if God is surrounding me always... you don't see what all i can see

that's a cat, i bet you're so shocked a cat: "lonely" woman mascot if you're in touch w/ the childlike part of yourself then you still got it don't worry i wish yawl could experience a cat's "love" the purring really is what makes them the best pets it's harder to establish a bond w/ a cat canines are submissive, felines are just rude if i had a dog it would pretend to love me for food things have always been this way, justice is not a worldly virtue 50 yrs to solve a crime vs. 45min episode of crime drama once you realize how long this shit has been happening you will understand why the future is always bleak should i just get addicted to opium who's gonna feed paisley if i'm passed out on the floor you can grow opium tho all my plants die cos i can't remember to water them, they're too quiet to remind me "mentally ill" people have a lotta detours she has to do that cos she's a cat, amy she does whatever the fuck she wants too many things distracting me always i forget my destination all together cos i either get lost in the woods or my car gets stuck in a ditch