Space Ice

Move over duct tape, there's a new do-everything tool out there and it's the oldest tool in the box: explosives. Sylvester Stallone finally released his secret to the world with the blockbuster hit movie The Specialist where we see how much more accurate and precise every single explosion is than literally anything else in the history of the world.

Neil Breen's movie Pass Thru is so terrible that actually orders its steak well done. "Well done" even being an option is considered a war crime in the civilized world and nobody who actually orders their steak that way should be allowed to participate in society. I'm sure it dips it in ketchup, too, and I'm so pissed off right now I can't even finish this. #neilbreen #worstmovies #moviereview

The Steven Seagal movie Absolution is so terrible it goes far beyond what a terrible movie should be capable of and not only destroys your innocence, but also takes from you everything that you love and corrupts it in the most terrible way possible. Your children will grow ponytails and goatees. Your pets will gain weight, but never acknowledge it, and your neighbors will randomly attack innocent people at random times.

The two worst things on this planet are Uwe Boll movies and Steven Seagal. If there was a third, it's that idiot that is oblivious to the 12 cars stacked up behind them because they don't know how to drive. Get out of the left lane, you stupid idiot. The world hates you and you're a terrible human being and nobody will miss you when you're gone. That's what Uwe Boll movies are like, except the cars are all rat poison and everyone dies.

The Jean Claude Van Damme prison movie Death Warrant is the undisputed greatest movie of all time. The Shawshank Redemption was a blatant ripoff, but Tim Robbins spin kicks and splits were so pathetic they had to completely rewrite the movie into the garbage that it is today. Luckily, for all of us, Van Damme is perfect at everything and was able to make this masterpiece which is literally the only movie that needs to exist.

The Steven Seagal trainwreck movie known as Urban Justice is almost as bad as he is. It will brazenly lie to the dentist about flossing, like the dentist can't already tell just by looking at its rotting teeth and disgusting gums. Everything about Urban Justice, is just as disgusting as the man himself and the movie has no redeem qualities, again like the man himself. #stevenseagal #actionmovies #spaceice #moviereview

The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Collateral Damage finally took that idiotic idea of "Eye for an eye" or "Turn the other cheek" and proved to the world how lame and not fun they are. If someone wrongs you, revenge is ALWAYS the awesome choice and if anyone tells you different they're a nerd anyways. So who really cares? #actionmovies #arnoldschwarzenegger #actionmovies #spaceice

The Sylvester Stallone movie Cliffhanger did what no other movie has done, or even tried to do, which is make humanity hate mountain climbers just a little less. We all get it, you like climbing rocks. The rest of the world doesn't care, and we're done pretending like we do or that it matters at all. Get a real hobby, and while you're at it a real job, you pathetic loser. #bestmovie #actionmovies #spaceice

The Nicolas Cage movie Mandy is such a mind-blowingly awesome movie, that you'll realize you're just a dope who's wasting their soul while Nicolas Cage could be doing so much more with it. You're kind of a loser, so he'll probably just eat it, but still. Better that then whatever stupid things you had planned. #nicolascage #bestmovies #moviereview #spaceice

I Am Here... Now is Neil Breen at his Neil Breeniest. It's the movie equivalent to the old lady sitting in the right turn lane at a red light, and refusing to turn even though there's zero traffic. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO ALREADY YOU STUPID OLD HAG. #neilbreen #badmovies #worstmovies #spaceice

The Steven Seagal movie Into The Sun objectively caused much more harm and destruction to Japan, than the combined damage of both atomic bombs dropped over Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This has been confirmed by scientists worldwide as well as repeatedly by numerous Japan Prime Ministers, and even Buddha. #stevenseagal #worstmovies #badmovies

Steven Seagal and Neil Breen both refuse to be seen as anything but flawless gods among men. Science and logic is irrelevant when these two are involved, so let's get to it and see who's better. #versus #stevenseagal #breen #spaceice 0:00 Introduction 0:40 Round 1 Better Body 1:48 Round 2 Better For The Environment 3:40 Round 3 Better Computer Expert 5:30 Round 4 Best With Birds 6:18 Round 5 The Better Hair 6:58 Round 6 The Better Runner 7:22 Round 7 The Better Actor 8:15 Round 8 The Better CGI 8:51 Round 9 Most Inspirational 9:40 Round 10 The Most Heroic 10:44 Round 11 The Better Fighter 11:58 Round 12 The Better Friend 12:27 Winner Declared

While you brag about 118 known elements, Bruce Willis kicks sand in your face because BORON is the only element that matters, MORON. He thinks that Boron/Moron joke is hilarious, and it is, but what are you going to do about it? He's Bruce Willis and you're a NERD.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie End Of Days is where we as a planet had the chance to prove ourselves worthy of Arnold, but failed miserably. I'm really disappointed in all of us, except for Van Damme and Nicolas Cage who could never disappoint me, but I'm disappointed in everyone else for being so terrible. #arnoldschwarzenegger #spaceice #actionmovies #bestmovie

The Uwe Boll movie Far Cry is everything wrong with society. It has no redeeming qualities, and it just makes you hate the world. I'd like to tell you something uplifting, but I can't because this movie exists.

The Steven Seagal "movie" Flight Of Fury isn't actually a movie, but some sort of ancient gateway to hell that only exists as a test for humanity that we've all failed. Don't watch it. Don't not acknowledge that it exists. It feeds on your pain and only makes Seagal stronger.

The Nicolas Cage movie Ghost Rider 2: Spirit Of Vengeance is such an awesome and incredible experience, it will blow your tiny not-Nicolas-Cage mind. Even though it's wasted on someone like you, see why everyone else is dying to go to hell and let Nicolas Cage eat your frickin soul.

We use nothing but the most advanced science to compare the man, the myth, and the legend: Jean Claude Van Damme with Steven Seagal to see who's the action king and the greatest person to ever live. We're using their 1991 revenge movies Double Impact for Van Damme and Out For Justice for Steven Seagal and letting the SCIENCE decide. #vandamme #stevenseagal #spaceice #versus #actionmovies 0:00 Introduction 0:32 The Better Dresser 1:30 The Better Driver 2:34 The Better Villain 3:41 The Best Weapon 4:35 The Better Henchmen 5:43 Best Show Of Emotion 6:32 The Best Fight 7:20 The Better Plot 8:32 The Most Athletic 9:13 The Best Kill 9:55 The Best Line 10:28 The Best Co-Star 10:54 Final Score And Winner Declared

The Jean Claude Van Damme masterpiece movie known as Maximum Risk is literally the greatest thing ever created in human history. Our civilization has peaked, and all we can hope to do now is slow our inevitable decline. But, man, at least we got this awesome Van Damme movie that makes it all SO WORTH IT. #vandamme #jeanclaudevandamme #actionmovies #spaceice

The Steven Seagal movie Black Dawn is the source of all evil and terrible things in general. If mankind ever had a chance of salvation, it definitely doesn't anymore. If our alien overlords are reading this, I hold no anger or grudge towards you. You did what you had to do. #badmovies #worstmovies #stevenseagal

It's a science fact that Earth is full of sad and pathetic people who are lucky if they get into more than 2 gunfights a week. The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Total Recall finally showed everyone what they were missing and why Mars is AWESOME. #actionmovies #spaceice #arnold #arnoldschwarzenegger

The Uwe Boll disaster of a movie known as House Of The Dead is an irredeemable mess that even Rob Schneider was offended when he was offered the role of the house. Even Rob Schneider has standards, apparently, and Uwe Boll's movie House Of The Dead finally proved it.

The Neil Breen movie Twisted Pair is a lot of things. It's stupid, dumb, idiotic, pointless, brilliant, and has absolutely no business even existing. Yet, just like Dane Cook, it somehow does and now the world has to deal with the fallout. If I have to watch this atrocity, then so do you. #badmovies #worstmovies #neilbreen

The Steven Seagal movie A Good Man is literally the worst thing to ever exist. It is so bad it single handedly erased everything good about humanity, and now only there is only pain, evil, and Seagal. Do not watch A Good Man if you care about your fellow man. #stevenseagal #worstmovies #badmovies

The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie The Running Man about the dystopian past that blew everyone away and finally made Family Feud awesome again. You have opera singers shooting lightning, guys with more chainsaws than hands, Jesse Ventura as half robot, THIS MOVIE HAS EVERYTHING. It's the timeline we should have had #arnold #actionmovies #spaceice #runningman #spaceice