Space Ice

Listen and understand. Steven Seagal's True Justice Street Wars is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Steven Seagal's tv/movie that shouldn't qualify as either is so terrible, that even Disney would have no choice but to cancel it. But it did get more seasons than The Acolyte, and I have no idea how to feel about that. https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

Seagal's TV series pretending to a series of terrible movies is so bad, that if you don't love it and shower it with praise, then it must be because you're a bigot. Be better.

Steven Seagal's Under Siege 2 is so bad it goes past good back into bad at least 3 times. The "script" was a picture of Seagal running a guy drew as a joke, but Seagal thought it was real so 15 and a half minutes later the movie was in theaters and nobody was happy.

Second half of the first season of The Rings Of Power, finally fixed the biggest problem with Lord Of The Rings: the hack writer Tolkien who never had an original thought in his life. Thankfully, Amazon is here to show us the light and turn trash into pure gold. Thank you, Amazon Overlords. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

The Rings Of Power finally fixes the biggest problem with Lord Of The Rings: the hack writer Tolkien who never had an original thought in his life. Thankfully, Amazon is here to show us the light and turn trash into pure gold. Thank you, Amazon Overlords.

Resident Evil The Final Chapter with Milla Jovovich is movie 6 or 10 or something in a franchise that had a flawless record of zero plot holes until they had to go and ruin it. I won't spoil it for you, but while it's very hard to spot it, when you do it will ruin the entire thing.

Mad Max Fury Road taught the world that hope is a mistake, and what mistake it is. Anything that gets mutant looking freaks playing double neck fire spitting guitars on an amp truck while everything and everyone around them explodes, I lost my train of thought but who cares because you know that visual is awesome. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

Steven Seagal's The Patriot is a lot like Mel Gibson's The Patriot, only its terrible in every way and has absolutely nothing to do with being a patriot. In fact, Seagal's The Patriot has nothing to do with anything and I refuse to believe it wasn't thrown together by an intern putting random scenes together as a joke, but it ended up being better than anything Seagal's ever made so they just went with it.

Battlefield Earth is the John Travolta war crime that managed to bring peace on Earth, by convincing everyone that it wasn't worth fighting for. There was then an even BIGGER war over who would be in charge of a planet that was capable of atrocities like this movie. Just like the movie, that war had no winners.

Star Wars The Acolyte is the single greatest piece of art known to man, but audiences don't believe it. Don't you understand that critics know what's best for you? Why would you question them? They do this for a living, I think they know what they're talking about.

The Christopher Nolan movie Tenet is so good you'll finally understand why that taco cat is never odd or even. It will also make you feel stupid, because you didn't understand it even though I understood all of it perfectly the very first time and even pointed out a couple mistakes that the director admits was wrong and even apologized to me for. .rof em ot dezigolopa neve dna gnorw saw stimda rotcerid eht taht sekatsim elpuoc a tuo detniop neve dna emit tsrif yrev eht yltcefrep ti fo lla dootsrednu I hguoht neve ti dnatsrednu t'ndid uoy esuaceb ,diputs leef uoy ekam osla lliw tI .neve ro ddo reven si tac ocat taht yhw dnatsrednu yllanif ll'uoy doog os si teneT eivom naloN rehpotsiirhC ehT

It's settled, folks. Arnold Schwarzenegger and the mega blockbuster hit movie Conan The Destroyer proved once and for all: masculinity is awesome. That's not saying everything has to be masculine, but most things would be way cooler if they were. For the Blast 'Em Up Kickstarter, and you want me to get referral credit go to: https://underdawg-entertainment.kckb.me/59995c09 If you hate me and don't want me to get any credit, then you should still check it out and visit: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/312678368/blast-em-up If you enjoy Seagal movies, there's nothing I could do to you that's worse than what you do to yourself My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

Steven Seagal's terrible Exit Wounds was the real reason DMX life spiraled out of control and, like all bad things, Seagal is responsible for all of it. Somehow, Exit Wounds wasn't a complete flop but that has to be due to morbid curiosity. I refuse to believe people actually liked this movie. #seagal #badmovies #movierecap

Resident Evil Retribution is the mega blockbuster hit movie that's pretty much a movie version of you. If you want to talk about wasted potential, stupid decisions, complete pointlessness, and I don't even know which one we're talking about right now. It has Milla Jovovich, the lady that changed her hair, and the Chinese one but then there's Michelle Rodriguez and even the good things are corrupted. Do better. For the Blast 'Em Up Kickstarter, and you want me to get referral credit go to: https://underdawg-entertainment.kckb.me/59995c09 If you hate me and don't want me to get any credit, then you should still check it out and visit: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/312678368/blast-em-up If you enjoy Seagal movies, there's nothing I could do to you that's worse than what you do to yourself My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

The Beekeeper with Jason Statham and that lady from the Cosby show and Jeremy Irons sometimes, and I think that was Minnie Driver? Either way, it finally exposes the dark and gritty world Beekeepers live in EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. This isn't John Wick with bees, John Wick is The Beekeeper WITHOUT bees. Don't be a coward. For the Blast 'Em Up Kickstarter, and you want me to get referral credit go to: https://underdawg-entertainment.kckb.me/59995c09 If you hate me and don't want me to get any credit, then you should still check it out and visit: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/312678368/blast-em-up If you enjoy Seagal movies, take a long hard look in the mirror My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

Jean Claude Van Damme has done it again with his mega blockbuster hit movie Darkness Of Man. Just when we thought there was nothing for us except a cold and empty void of misery, he spin kicked up straight and now everything's AWESOME again. Oh JCVD, what would we do without you? Oh yeah, Eric Roberts also orders a burrito. For the Blast 'Em Up Kickstarter, and you want me to get referral credit go to: https://underdawg-entertainment.kckb.me/59995c09 If you hate me and don't want me to get any credit, then you should still check it out and visit: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/312678368/blast-em-up If you enjoy Seagal movies, please report yourself: www.fbi.gov My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Space_Ice

Shoot 'Em Up with Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti proved that good movies make you feel good about yourself, but incredible movies make you realize you'll never compare to its greatness and everything you do is meaningless. Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out, but I'm also not cause you're kinda dumb, too. For the Blast 'Em Up Kickstarter, and you want me to get referral credit go to: https://underdawg-entertainment.kckb.me/59995c09 If you hate me and don't want me to get any credit, then you should still check it out and visit: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/312678368/blast-em-up #shootemup #actionmovie #bestmovie

Steven Seagal's movie Ticker is almost as bad as his actual ticker, which is really saying something. Heart health is no joke, but his movies HAVE TO BE. At least that's what I tell myself, because I've seen more Seagal movies than anyone ever should and I'm a broken shell of what used to be a person. #seagal #badmovie #why

Nicolas Cage's movie Con Air will give you back what Steven Seagal stole from you. Your innocence, your happiness, and all that other stuff people like. Nicolas is Steven Seagal's exact opposite. I'm not saying Nicolas Cage can't do any wrong, but I am saying he HASN'T done anything wrong, EVER. He also does spin kicks and created the Alabama accent that scientists agree is the one and only true Alabama accent. #nicolascage #bestmovie #satirecomedy

Road House, the 2024 very necessary remake of the 1989 way of life, did the impossible and made a movie where Conor McGregor was somehow "Ok, I guess?". By comparison, obviously, he's still awful. Oh yeah, they also replaced the Sam Elliott character with a 15 year old girl because good things aren't allowed to exist anymore.

Look, I know it. You know. Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze knows it. You're an absolute mess. There's nothing redeemable about you. The only thing you have, is hope. Hope in the form of the 1989 movie Roadhouse that forever changed the world and is the only thing giving your sorry existence a chance. If you haven't seen it, then what's wrong with you? If you have seen it, then you know what's up and I have no beef with you. #actionmovie #roadhouse #bestmovie

I'm not saying Steven Seagal's movie The Glimmer Man is a pyramid scheme, because those only take your money. Seagal's The Glimmer Man takes your money, your dignity, your soul, and any chance of another human being ever looking at you with anything other than disgust. If you've seen this movie, you're an awful person and you should be ashamed. #stevenseagal #worstmovie #badpeople

Resident Evil Afterlife is somehow the 4th movie in this terrible franchise and of course it made money because everything in the world has to go wrong like every single time. Some things happen, but they're all really stupid and I'm sure the next movie will pretend like they didn't so it can replace it with something stupider and round and round we go. #residentevil #badmovies #actionmovies

The 5th Fast And The Furious movie, Fast 5, doesn't make a lot of sense which is one of its biggest strengths. Nobody cares about plots, feelings, dialogue, or any of that nonsense. We want fast cars, crazy stunts, and to give science a big middle finger because you're not welcome here. #actionmovies #fast5 #bestmovies