Sola Satura

GRAND RAPIDS - Dr. Ted Nugent: The pandemic is real and the people that are sick are real. "I knew that the pandemic was not real and the people that are sick are not real but since I got sick with COVID-19 and thought I was gonna die I have changed my mind" said Nugent. solasatura.com

NEW YORK - Joy Behar apologizes for repeatedly misgendering Bruce 'Caitlyn' Jenner in segment on California Governor race. “That’s who is running his campaign or her campaign. I think that he should, she, let somebody with the credentials take over” said Behar. solasatura.com

SAN ANTONIO - Wax museum removes Donald Trump likeness for repair after it is beaten, scratched. “We’ve always had trouble with the presidential section because no matter what president it is we’ve had people beat them” said a spokesman for Ripley Entertainment. solasatura.com

RALEIGH - Chainsaw wielding man threatens guests at North Carolina hotel. He looks like 'Leatherface' says witness. "The unnamed suspect appeared at the property Thursday night threatening several people but left by the time we arrived around 9:15 PM" said police. solasatura.com

OSAKA - The top cat in the Pacific during World War II wasn't a dawg: WW2 History. Most people think of Jim 'Dog Gone It' Brodsky or George 'The Pit Bull' Lowerydink. "The best of the best was fighter pilot Jack Meow" said retired Air Force General Kibbles N. Bits. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - President Biden pledges to slash greenhouse gas emissions in half by 2030. "If we actually want to stop farting that changes the climate then this must be the year we get serious about breaking wind power" said the masked Biden after ripping a big one. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - The 45th President Donald Trump is running for Antichrist in 2024. Trump and former First Lady Melania visit the Bishop of Rome. "I will be Antichrist, the Pope will be the False Prophet, and the Devil will make us a great unholy Trinity" said the Donald. solasatura.com

HADES - The fallen angel commonly known as Lucifer or the Devil has learned of the stimulus package offered by the federal government to individuals and businesses. "I figured now is the time to get extra funding and widen the road to hell" said Satan. solasatura.com

PAWTUCKET - Rhode Island based Hasbro updates the community chest cards. “The world has changed a lot since Monopoly became a household name more than 85 years ago and community organizers are more important than ever” said Eric Nyman, Politically Correct Officer. solasatura.com

SAN FRANCISCO - Once a joke, D moves mainstream. Online forums whip the meme Dogecoin cryptocurrency’s price higher. “The scam is simple, hold on until it multiplies, dump all coins, become instant billionaire” said Akand Sitra of risk management platform TRM Labs. solasatura.com

SEATTLE - Amazon begins rollout of pay-by-palm at Whole Foods near HQ. The technology, called Amazon One, lets shoppers scan the palm of their hand and connect it to a credit card or Amazon account. "Mark of the Beast is what it's called" said John in the Bible. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - Former President announces he's running but not for President. "Trump For Antichrist 2024 to Make Satan Great Again is my end-times campaign to be the world leader during the tribulation" said 'The Donald' holding a Revised Standard Version of the Bible. solasatura.com

SCOTTSDALE - Paige Spiranac reacts to couple getting kicked off driving range. A story went viral on social media about a couple asked to leave because of their clothes were deemed unacceptable. “Imagine what they would have done if I showed up” said Spiranac. solasatura.com

DETROIT - Motor City Madman Ted Nugent tests positive for COVID after calling pandemic a hoax: I thought I was dying. “I had flu symptoms and thought I was dying, just a real clusterf--k” said Ted. Crisis was 'not a real pandemic' and 'for sheep' Nugent had said. solasatura.com