Sola Satura

BROOKLYN - New York boy stuns family with $2,618 Amazon order for SpongeBob popsicles. Four year old Noah Bryant ordered 51 cases containing a total of 918 popsicles to be shipped to his aunt’s house. Just how a four year old orders online is still unclear. solasatura.com

ORLANDO - Disney goes 'woke' with new anti-racist agenda for employees. “The people in charge at Disney are rich, privileged white males that push this divisive, critical race theory as corporate dogma and the end is division, it’s self-hatred” said Mickey Mouse. solasatura.com

KEY WEST - The U.S.’s first open-air genetically modified mosquitoes have taken flight. After long debate, Oxitec pits a GM mosquito against a Florida invasive species spreading Zika. "The only problems we had was the large size" said a Oxitec non-binary they/them. solasatura.com

CHICAGO - Mayor slams media’s overwhelming male whiteness: decision to limit interviews to minority journalists. "I'm only accepting news interview requests from the black and brown journalists" said Lori Lightfoot, the first black lesbian mayor in the city’s history. solasatura.com

SEATTLE - Microsoft’s toxic culture flowed from the top after Bill Gates picked out women to fulfill himself. It also includes employees allegedly being called 'p---y' and 'c---s' with former chief executive Steve Ballmer being branded 'our limp d----d CEO' by females. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - Americans will lose unemployment benefits if they turn down jobs. "We don't see much evidence of slobs on a couch" President Joe Biden said. "The Democrats are paying 4 in 10 jobless more to stay home than to return to work" said Rep. Kevin Brady, R-TX. solasatura.com

SEATTLE - Bill Gates known for womanizing, naked pool parties: biographer says. "Bill was a computer nerd that loved porno movies, hot strippers. After meeting Melinda at Microsoft he settled down to time spent with Jeffrey Epstein and his gal pals" said the biographer. solasatura.com

MUMBAI - Indian doctors warn against using cow poop as COVID-19 cure. As coronavirus ravages India, some have taken to rubbing cow dung on their body as a way to fight the virus. In Hinduism, the cow is a scared symbol of life. "Holy S--t" said Deepak Chopra. solasatura.com

PYONGYANG - August 2016: The 'Hermit Kingdom' North Korea banned sarcasm against the government. It was reported the government gave the warnings in mass meetings across the country. Recent reports suggest that Hillary Kim Jong-un has banned sarcasm altogether. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - CNN political correspondent Jim Acosta thinks former President Donald Trump is still in office: fake news. "I still have nightmares that Trump is President and I have to create false stories to make him look bad" said Acosta from the psychiatric hospital. solasatura.com

CHICAGO - Staff writer at satirical website 'The Onion' fired for writing an internet meme critical of liberals. "John Doe was terminated because he poked fun at a 30 something man bun drinking Starbucks making a wise crack about Trump" said a company spokesman he/she. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reveals she is attending therapy and learning to 'slow down' after Capitol riot. "I'm doing therapy but also I've just slowed down. I think the former President Trump had white liberal Democrats in total cry baby mode" said AOC. solasatura.com

BARSTOW - Axl Rose issues takedown notice over ‘Fat Axl’ photo: Web Sheriff request seeks Google image removal of Guns N’ Roses singer used in viral meme. "Yeah, I'm fat, so what I'm fat but it's not my fault. It's Trump's fault, he made me stuff my face" said Rose. solasatura.com

PYONGYANG - Kim Jong-un bans hair mullets, skinny jeans in North Korea. There is no party in the back on his watch. The North Korean dictator of the 'Hermit Kingdom' has outlawed mullets and jeans in a recent attempt to cut off decadent western-style fashion trends. solasatura.com

SAG HARBOR - Maskhole! Fully vaccinated CNN anchor Chris Cuomo takes mask-wearing to absurd heights covering his face cruising alone in a convertible with the top down. "You can never be too safe when it comes to exposing others to a liberal idiot" said Cuomo. solasatura.com

BEND - Seven rural counties in Oregon voted for Trump voted to secede from the blue state and join Idaho. "We are sick of Portland libtards that have ruined our state" yelled the right-winger wearing a Donald Trump mask with Vuarnet sun glasses waving an American flag. solasatura.com

MARTHA'S VINEYARD - Pig & Pothead: New book reveals Barry Obama called ‘Lunatic’ Trump a ‘Corrupt Motherf---er' and 'Racist, Sexist Pig' according to sources. Obama reportedly used much more colorful language when he talked about Trump than previously disclosed. solasatura.com

NEW YORK - Mayor Bill de Blasio becomes an instant meme after donning Brooklyn Nets gear. Memes compare de Blasio to actor Steve Buscemi's character on 30 Rock. Hizzoner donned the get-up to announce NYC’s latest scheme for encouraging the people to get COVID-19 vaccine. solasatura.com

HAMMER CITY - Separatist group ‘Black Hammer’ acquires 200 acres of Colorado land to create independent communist city. "Nine city dudes plus a chick with a dog. May God have mercy on them, the arid scrublands of inhabitable earth will not" was a Twitter comment. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - GOP: Lauren 'Boobs And Bullets' Boebert causes stir on House floor by going topless despite threat of fines. "Old Witch Speaker Pelosi is all about control. Tops are oppressive and nothing but a political tool. End the oppression" Boebert wrote on Twitter. solasatura.com

MARTHA'S VINEYARD - We don’t know exactly what they are: Barack Obama says UFO sightings appear real. “But what is true and I’m actually being serious here is that there’s footage and records of objects in the skies that we don’t know exactly what they are” said Obama. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) shouts in the face of a staffer for Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) to defend his mask-wearing. "You don't tell me what to f---ing do" shouted Eric today. Swalwell is known as 'The Dumbest Man in Congress' by colleagues. solasatura.com

OCALA - Bikini-clad Florida woman claims cops were called by jealous hotel manager because of hot body. Melody Carr was spotted at the Country Inn & Suites pool by the manager who didn't recall her checking in. "B---h had the nerve to ask if I was a guest" said Carr. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - Larry Kudlow: AOC is a woman with no horse sense at all. Kudlow sounded off Thursday on Russia's involvement in the Colonial Pipeline hack and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's criticism of Biden's support of Israel defending itself against Palestinians. solasatura.com

WASHINGTON - Marjorie Taylor Greene accused of verbal assault on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Cat fight. "She's a chicken, a coward, and pathetic" said MTG. "I used to work as a drunk bartender. These are the kinds of people that I threw out of bars all the time" said AOC. solasatura.com