Narcissism with Sam Vaknin

If your email went unanswered, DM me on Instagram and I will whitelist your email address: https://www.instagram.com/narcissismwithvaknin The narcissist is incapable of social learning or relationships. Social learning theory Social-cognitive theory Self-efficacy emulation, imitation, mimicry Social motive, Social breakdown syndrome Social age and social clock Social maturity and social competence Social deficit Social imperception disorder Social role Mental age anchor and social anchoring Social comparison theory: contrast effect assimilation effect Reference group: membership group, aspirational group, dissociative group Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Narcissist loves through the death instinct, kills the love object by removing its ontological attributes: internalizing it and then disabling (“freezing”) it. Coercive snapshotting completes the process of entraining. Read this: https://www.instagram.com/p/CuWiQLQMpF4/ Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Spirituality, spiritual factor, spiritual faith healing Mental healing, psychic healing Empirical self, nominative self Geisteswissenschaftliche Psychologie Naturwissenschaftliche Psychologie Verstehende Psychologie Existentialism, existential psychology Being-in-the-world and world design Dasein, authenticity, and essence Humanistic psychology and human-potential movement Fulfillment model Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Watch yesterday’s video Narcissistic Abuse: 21 Signs You’ve Recovered, Healed, Moved On https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7GGJxhzjD8 In the 1990s, I coined the phrase “narcissistic abuse” to describe a subtype of abusive behavior that was all-pervasive (across multiple areas of life) and involved a plethora of behaviors and manipulative or coercive techniques. Narcissistic abuse differed from all other types of abuse in its range, sophistication, duration, versatility, and express and premeditated intention to negate and vitiate the victim’s personal autonomy, agency, self-efficacy, and wellbeing. Sadistic abuse (dark tetrad) NARCISSISTIC All-pervasive Driven by phases of shared fantasy Aims to negate the victim, convert her into the idealized internal object (coercive snapshotting) Recovery via separation-individuation PSYCHOPATHIC Domain-specific and criminal Driven by power and control Aims to accomplish goals Recovery via the legal system BORDERLINE Coercive (external regulation) Driven by anxieties Part of the repetition compulsion Recovery by mirroring (rendering oneself unfit and unsafe to act as external regulator) Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Anna Freud: identification with the aggressor Stockholm syndrome Identification, defensive identification, and anaclitic identification Incorporation Introjection Mental representation and symbols Ego-ideal and superego Part objects: good and bad (splitting) Faibairn and antilibidinal ego Object loss Separation anxiety and separation distress Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

WATCH Narcissistic Abuse Healing and Recovery Playlist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCKm2lywhZg&list=PLsh_y_ett4o1_RZDY0EJMBzuWfDOHrgoA WATCH 20 Signs that Narcissist Infected YOU (Zombie Narcissism) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WqokA5nXVfU No disparaging introjects traceable back to him (incl. flying monkeys) No ego dystony or hesitancy in decision-making Ability to trust restored No doubting your judgment Independent reality testing restored (no cognitive distortions) Sense of agency and self-efficacy restored Autonomous motivation No catastrophizing (imminent doom) No anticipatory anxiety No addictive cravings or sentimental nostalgia coupled with separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety) No seeking of same type partner (from narcissistic to anaclitic mate selection) No maternal or parental impulses (no narcissistic transferences) No “us”, only “you” (no merger or fusion in a shared fantasy as well as intact boundaries, no enmeshment or engulfment) No attempts to mind read No self-sacrificial, people pleasing impulses (no emotional blackmail) No infantile defenses No self-idealization or self-devaluation, just realistic introspection and self-awareness Restored functioning: social, workplace, as a parent, empathy No emoting by proxy (crying in a movie) No trust aversion or dread of intimacy No victimhood stance – assuming personal responsibility Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

To the narcissist, you are a mere object, not a love object. Narcissist uses narcissistic transferenes (idealization, mirror, and twinship) in the lovebombing/grooming phase of the shared fantasy. He coerces you to accept the idealized snapshost (introject) of you as the only reality. Last 1:29 overview of narcissist's schizoid empty core by @shadowdeangelis (Instagram) Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

WATCH YOU and YOUR BODY after Domestic Violence, Rape, Battering: Perpetrator and Society Collude https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U-MJtEMCCA Coercive, synchronized, or mirror snapshotting (introjection): narcissist entrains you to introject his expectations (your idealized introject in his mind), to share the internal object (=merger, fusion) Only if departure from previous identity, not including bodily signs of trauma and abuse: Decline in empathy (post traumatic) Irritability Impulsivity Mood lability Emotional dysregulation Suicidal or self-destructive ideation Self-defeating and self-handicapping (e.g., perfectionism or procrastination) Cognitive distortions (e.g., grandiosity or Dunning-Kruger) Aggression or Passive-agression Recklessness Identity disturbance (“this is not me!”) Defiance and contumaciousness Thrill, novelty, and risk seeking Projection Splitting or dichotomous thinking Denial Exploitativeness Repetition compulsions Automatic negative thoughts Dissociation Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Last 1:30 The Narcissist’s Schizoid Core by @shadowdeangelis on Instagram (Cyberviking on TikTok). AI (Artificial Intelligence) follows social media as the second wave of the narcissistic takeover of the world. Grandiosity precludes cognitive miser (fear of making a mistake). Hyperreflexivity: narcissist ventriloquist with susceptible dummies Mimesis or real intelligence? Beyond Turing test to a qualitative version with qualified professionals (What makes intelligence human? Sentience?) General headline intelligence, deep learning, expert systems How to safely interact with both AI and narcissists AI Hallucinations vs. narcissist’s fantasies Omniscience Can AI help victims of narcissistic abuse cope with narcissists Legislation: beyond criminal code into social engineering Sam Vaknin column archive in Brussels Morning: https://brusselsmorning.com/author/sam-vaknin/ Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/narcissismwithvaknin Mental health dictionary http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mentalhealthdictionary.html Blocking Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Borderline Personality Organization Scale (BPO) Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

The Talented Mr. Ripley provides a blood-curdling blow by blow description of a war unto death between a covert narcissist and a psychopath. The Truman Show teaches us everything about the narcissist's shared fantasy. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beIvpL4Fz4E WATCH an honest person in the last 6 minutes of this video. My new concepts are now being shamelessly plagiarized and stolen - and not for the first time: “snapshotting” (confusing external and internal or introjected objects), the dual mothership (regression to infancy in intimate relationships), and the shared fantasy space, among others. I found one exception, a breath of fresh air: this guy @shadowdeangelis (Cyberviking on TikTok). The covert narcissist steals from you habitually: your ideas, your life’s work, your girlfriends and wives, your job, your money, anything he can. He acts this way for 3 reasons: Self-aggrandisement Oneupmanship Passive-aggression (symbolic hyperreflexive consuming of the frustrating object of narcissistic rivalry and malicious envy) To be able to face himself in the mirror and to allay his justified fear of retribution, the covert narcissist deploys a host of good object infantile primitive defenses: denial (the things I am stealing do not really belong to him and actually what I am doing is for the greater good); repression (I don’t recall the stolen ideas or goods being someone else’s); splitting (he is a bad person and deserves what I am doing to him, so my acts of pure theft are punitive and morally upright); and projection (he stole these things from me or I paid for them, so I am just reclaiming them). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Is malicious envy a form of sadism? Wish to destroy your betters is. Covert narcissist’s pseudo-humility and victimhood stance masks sadistic malicious envy. He compensates with fantasies (good person, superhero against supervillains, behind the scenes power, rescuer/savior/healer, etc.) Our wellbeing depends on connectivity and narcissists are hurtful because they deny this possibility. Sadistic component in narcissistic pathological related to power, not only to pain. More precisely: to the power to inflict pain, even if it is not used. Sadism is mediated via sadistic rivalry and malicious envy. Sadism can be externalized-aggressive (inflicting pain) or passive-aggressive (frustrating, withholding, avoiding). Wary of possible retribution, narcissists withdraw into a world of fantasy where they are adulated, loved, and shielded from the consequences of their actions (because they are preciously unique or childlike). LITERATURE Pathological narcissism and sadistic personality: The role of rivalry and malicious envy by Guyonne Rogier, Alessandro Amo, Beatrice Simmi, Patrizia Velotti, Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 205, April 2023, 112097, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2023.112097 Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

How Narcissist Breaks Your Spirit: conditioning (both classical and operant), entraining, shared fantasy, coercive control, snapshotting. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Watch Child's Defense Against Madness: Personality Disorders (Schizotypy and Neoteny) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0az5F9igi8 Psychosis or Schizophrenia? Schizotypal, Schizoid, Paranoid Personality Disorders are pre-psychotic. Role play in (erotic, aggressive, self-aggrandizing) fantasy (e.g., hero) about self (others=self) Self-directed self-efficacy (wish-fulfilment and substitutive action as self-regulation) Pathetiology: childhood trauma (PTSD) Internal vs. External (hyperreflexivity) Paranoia and Paranoid PD Magical thinking (persecutory: demons or grandiose: hero, tasked by god) Delusions (cognitive distortions such as grandiosity) Hallucinations (stress in BPD) Derealization and depersonalization Lability and dysregulation (erratic) Self-perception (e.g., as victim) Anhedonia Reduced affect display Avolition Asociality WATCH Narcissist to Schizoid to Psychotic: Progression, Common Roots, Modernity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzYq6HvL9eM LITERATURE Psychosis and Schizophrenia-Spectrum Personality Disorders Require Early Detection on Different Symptom Dimensions by Frauke Schultze-Lutter, Igor Nenadic, and Phillip Grant Front. Psychiatry, 11 July 2019, Sec. Psychopathology, Volume 10 - 2019 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00476 Psychotic symptoms in borderline personality disorder: developmental aspects by Marialuisa Cavelti, Katherine Thompson, Andrew M. Chanen, Michael Kaess, Current Opinion in Psychology, Volume 37, February 2021, Pages 26-31 The Concept of Narcissism in Psychosis and in Severe Personality Disorders by Trifu, Simona; Zamfir, Raluca.  Euromentor Journal; Bucharest Vol. 5, Iss. 1, (Mar 2014): 120-127. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Scroll down this description for links!!! Autistic and dereistic thinking are the only exceptions to enactivism. Ways of relating to reality, experience, logic, and to other people. Fantasy-infused thoughts (dereism) or narcissistic and egocentric self-absorption (autistic). These patients’s illogical and idiosyncratic cognitions derive from an overarching and all-pervasive daydreaming or fantasy life. They infuses people and events around them with completely subjective meanings. They regards the external world as an extension or projection of the internal one. Such patients often withdraw completely and retreat into his inner, private realm, unavailable to communicate and interact with others. Examples: autists, narcissists, paranoids, delusional (religious). Mindful Wealth Mastery AI channel https://www.youtube.com/@mindfulwealthmastery/videos The Psychology of Border Violations in Mental Abuse (Declarations: The Human Rights Podcast, Centre of Governance and Human Rights, University of Cambridge) https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/declarations/episodes/Season-7-Episode-6-The-Psychology-of-Border-Violations-in-Mental-Abuse-e246v1b Vaknin Musings channel https://www.youtube.com/vakninmusings Sam Vaknin’s work on Academia.edu (top 0.5% of 270,000,000 academics) https://calmu.academia.edu/SamVaknin Smear campaign debunked http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/rebuttal.html Work in psychology: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mediakit.html Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Here is the bleeding-edge info about Antisocial Personality Disorder and its extreme form, psychopathy. From heredity and neuroscience to psychopathology and medication. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Failed hoovering leads to cognitive dissonance and to a delusional devaluation and discard (the narcissist convinces himself that he did not want you in the first place and that he is the one who has discarded you). WATCH Why Narcissist Hoovers, Replaces YOU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACdRrnfcQKQ WATCH "Hoovering": Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va32SSPWa1w Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

A great, accessible summary of this video Love Yourself: Here’s How - or, The Four Pillars of Self-love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo Original posted here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqh8ABRcPCM

The narcissist collapses in the absence of regular narcissistic supply. The collapse triggers a transition between types: from overt to covert and from somatic to cerebral. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Grieving in the wake of narcissistic abuse is a fantasy. We mourn the shared fantasy via a fantasy of grief. We internalize the narcissist’s snapshot of us which started off as a mental representation of reality and then became an idealized, fantastic, constant, internal object. We do it to both please the narcissist and to answer the question: what does he want from me? (Lacan’s neurotic fantasy). Self-contained vs. incorporating fantasy: reality repressed or reframed (cathected fiction, symbols, signifying structure), involves compensatory wish fulfillment (future) or reconstruction (past): erotic, aggressive, self-aggrandising, ego-syntonic, soothing (defensive, to avoid trauma, Lacan), and experimental (testing out scenarios safely). In a shared fantasy, these roles are outsourced, allowing for passivity and a sense of safety and stability. In this sense, the intimate partner in a shared fantasy is rendered a borderline. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Brussels Morning Sam Vaknin Author Archive https://brusselsmorning.com/author/sam-vaknin/ Your future self is a stranger, your past self is real, there is no present self. Identity is made of memories. But memories are unreliable and, consequently, your identity is in flux. So, to orient ourselves in a future world, we hark back to the past: our autobiographical memory plus our emoational reactions to catastrophic events. Hence repetition compulsion. Fantasy, Daydreaming, Wishful Thinking, and Plain Dreams. 3 techniques: 1. Talk to your past self from POV of actualized fantasy 2. Write a letter to your future self (guided imagery) 3. Map of happiness Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Watch 7 Phases of Shared Fantasy: Why Narcissist Needs YOU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp3YFC0OQfU Why does narcissistic abuse cease after the shared fantasy is definitely over? What in the shared fantasy triggers abusive misconduct? The shared fantasy metamorphesizes and mutates. It can become paranoid or anticipatory or courting or nostalgic. It is terminated only via mortification, successful devaluation (betrayal), or appropriation (introject taken over by a substitute maternal figure). Once switched off, the abuse stop instantly and thoroughly. Why is that? The maltreatment within the shared fantasy is reframed by the narcissist as tough love, reactive abuse, a test of loyalty and allegiance, or the outcome of disillusionment with and exposure of the partner (devaluation). But the abuse is also a form of cathexis. It is a pattern of attempts to coercively align the external object with the idealized internal object in order to maintain the idealization. The narcissist mislabels idealisation as profound love because it is a reciprocal process (co-idealization) and involves maternal introjects. But the narcissist associates love with hurt and anxiety. The abuse is a prophylactic: preemptive effort to forestall pain and, possibly, mortification by controlling and manipulating the potentially frustrating objects, both external and internal. When the internal object is dormant (suspended), discarded, or no longer idealised (cathected), it no longer possesses the power to hurt the narcissist. At that point, there is no longer call for abuse. Any interaction following this phase is civil, even amiable. Still, the minute the object is re-idealized (recathected in the hoovering phase), the abuse starts all over again. Abuse and idealisation are inextricably linked because idealisation is a form of abuse: it involves objectification, parentification, and instrumentalization. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Covert self-supplies and is avoidant. He is his own audience. Overt depends on external sources and approaches them. When unable to deceive himself owing to public shaming, the covert endures narcissistic injury and the overt endures mortification. When unable to deceive others, the covert endures self-efficacy injury and the overt endures narcissistic injury. Mortification in the covert is the simultaneous occurrence of both injuries: narcissistic and self-efficacy. It is an internal event, independent of any witnessing. It is self-shaming. Crisis and drama - anxiety - are defenses against depression. Narcissist provokes and engineers crises intentionally and artificially to mask like-threatening emptiness, dysphoria, and anhedonia. Abusive misconduct is one such crisis-inducing dramatic strategy. Abuse is anxiogenic - but also anti-depressant. It is more common when the narcissist is deflated. Reacts with self-aggrandizing paranoia or mythologizing fantasy. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

To justify our cognitive bias (the belief in karma, or "just-world hypothesis"), we blame and shame victims: they deserve their suffering, they had it coming. Psychology attempts to stand out from philosophy and religion as a rigorous, almost exact science. Hence the rejection of morality and value judgments in psychological theories and practices. But narcissistic abuse shatters our belief in a just cosmos. In this sense, it is a moral calamity. LITERATURE Griffin, B.J., Purcell, N., Burkman, K., Litz, B.T., Bryan, C.J., Schmitz, M., Villierme, C., Walsh, J. and Maguen, S. (2019), Moral Injury: An Integrative Review. JOURNAL OF TRAUMATIC STRESS, 32: 350-362. https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.22362 Shay, J. (2014). Moral injury. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 31(2), 182–191. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036090 Jinkerson, J. D. (2016). Defining and assessing moral injury: A syndrome perspective. Traumatology, 22(2), 122–130. https://doi.org/10.1037/trm0000069 Shay, Jonathan. "Moral Injury." Intertexts, vol. 16 no. 1, 2012, p. 57-66. Project MUSE, doi:10.1353/itx.2012.0000. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3