Narcissism with Sam Vaknin

Chooses you not for who you are but for what you can give (4 Ss) Doesn’t do empathy, emotions This is why often ends up with borderlines who are as abusive as he is Emotions are weaknesses: holds you in contempt Emotions are fake, manipulative: you are the enemy, narcissistic injury (you underestimate him) Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Narcissistic abuse and pathological narcissism from the perspective of a male interviewer (Ruan de Witt) and a female interlocutor (Azam Ali). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Scroll down for symptoms of depersonalization and derealization BPD: Intact reality testing; NPD not BPD: Reaction to stress, substance abuse; NPD reaction to deficient supply, injury, and mortification Disrupted integration of self-perceptions with sense of self (estrangement). BPD: situational and reactive; NPD: constant Both: Watching oneself from a distance, as if in a movie BPD: Out of body and mystical experiences; NPD not Both: Auto-pilot (going through the motions, automatism, roboticism) Both: Acting vs. observing (BPD’s bad object, NPD self-audiencing) Both: Dream, fog (BPD trauma response; NPD fantasy defense) Both: Body dysmorphia, detached from mirror image, organs, whole body (especially cerebral NPD) BPD: Out of control speech or locomotion, ventriloquist’s dummy; NPD grandiosity defense BPD: Alien or intrusive thoughts; NPD only after injury or mortification Both: Memory retrieval issues, alien memories Both: Numbed emotions (BPD intermittently and defensively, NPD all the time) Both: Unfamiliarity or detachment from surroundings, people, objects, time (BPD after rejection; NPD at the devaluation-discard phase of shared fantasy). NPD: Hypoemotionality plus unreality, unfamiliarity From “Dissociation and the Dissociative Disorders: Past, Present, and Future”, 2023 “Depersonalization (DP) describes a disrupted integration of self- perceptions with the sense of self so that individuals experiencing depersonalization are in a subjective state of feeling estranged, detached, or disconnected from their own being. The following are common descriptions of depersonalization experiences (Sierra & Berrios, 2000): feeling strange, as if not real or as if being cut off from the world; feeling as if parts of one’s own body do not belong to one¬self; having the feeling of being a ‘detached observer’ of oneself, including the feeling of being outside of one’s body or watching oneself from a distance; perceiving the body as very light, as if floating on air; perceiving one’s own voice as remote and unreal; feeling detached from autobiographical memories as if not having been involved in them; not feeling any affection towards family or close friends; feeling as if not in charge of movements, as if moving automatically or like a robot; perceiving one’s own image in the mirror as strange and unreal; feeling the need to touch oneself to make sure that one’s body is real and exists; feeling disconnected from one’s own thoughts and feelings. Depersonalization is frequently accompanied by derealization (DR) – a sense of unfamiliarity, alteration or detach¬ment from one’s own surroundings, other people, and objects. The following are common descriptions of DR: seeing the surrounding as ‘flat’ or ‘lifeless’ as if looking at a picture; feeling detached from surroundings or perceiving them as unreal, as if there is a veil between the person and the outside world; impression that objects seem to look smaller or further away; experience of familiar places looking unfamiliar, as never seen before (Sierra & Berrios, 2000). Notably, all the above experiences are “as if ” experiences, meaning that an individual with DP/ DR has intact reality testing; this point is crucial to the differentiation from psychosis. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/narcissismwithvaknin Mental health dictionary http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mentalhealthdictionary.html Catalepsy Catatonia Catatonic Behavior CCMD Cerea Flexibilitas Circumstantiality Clang Associations Clouding (Also: Clouding of Consciousness) Cognitive Dissonance Compulsion Concrete Thinking Confabulation Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS) Confusion Culture-bound Syndrome Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Psychological defense mechanisms (aka defenses) fulfill two functions: 1. They prevent the dissonance and anxiety that arise when one is confronted with internal or external information that challenges one’s self-image and equilibrium; and 2. They help to deny, reject, and disavow parts of the personality, traits, or behaviors of themselves that the individual finds unacceptable or intolerable. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

The Arab scrutinizes me doubtfully, not sure if she understood correctly. Do I suspect her of being a terrorist or don't I? Full text here: https://samvak.tripod.com/bus-en.html Short Fiction About Narcissists and Psychopaths: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtLdPsCsQPc&list=PLsh_y_ett4o3haxsa62BXUwz8mB6eXWur Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

WATCH Hitchcock's Halloween Treat (or Trick?): Psycho, or Embodied Introject https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-p_CyCTHuc WATCH “Dead" Mothers and Their Offspring: Narcissistic, Borderline, Psychotic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csukYBQpyHE In my work, the death drive is not a primal drive. It is internalized and inculcated – not innate. It is the dead mother’s gift to her child. Dead mother engenders death-seeking ego ideal (superego) to: 1. Emulate the mother’s deadness (fantasy or phanatsy defense); 2. Get rid of the bad object (fantasy or phantasy defense, Akhtar, 1991;Shengold, 1991); 3. Re-experience symbiosis (oceanic feeling, loss of boundaries) in self-extinguishing rather than in love (perceives love as dissolution, merger/fusion, disappearance=death) (Lacan, 1938; Lewin, 1950; Jacobson, 1964; Mahler, 1971; Kaplan, 1978; Chasseguet-Smirgel, 1984, 1991 “nostalgia for primary narcissism”); 4. Ensure immediate and automatic gratification of needs without agency, guilt, and shame/inferiority (Stone, 1971). Lacan, 1946: death drive is the suicidal tendency of narcissism. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

FEATURES OF URBAN WARFARE The more you destroy, the more concrete defenses you provide, rubble is optimal, booby traps Small units Killing zones and ambushes Hidden enemy, constant guessing, surprises, shocks Hand to hand combat Underground, on the ground, from top of buildings (three-dimensional death envelope) Grind, no clear end or horizon, feels like it could last forever: from shaping operations to actually urban warfare (invasion) Advantages to defender: bloody, slow, complex (great equalizer) Civilian collateral damage inevitable: attackers are bad guys Need to besiege defenders in pockets (siege mentality, static trench warfare) No prisoners, kill everyone in sight Night operations (superiority of night vision technologies) Assets (drones, robots): mechanical, impersonal airborne or land warfare (to clear rooms, for example), blowing up building in contested urban warfare – war as a video game Combined arms maneuvers: infantry and commando units guide pilots and navy, artillery Heavily armed force followed by isolation force Personal responsibility, you are on your own, no one has your back PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFENSES and OUTCOMES of URBAN WARFARE PTSD No movement or accomplishments, frozen scene, surreal Gruesome death as constant companion Sense of abandonment, extreme dependency on others: external locus of control, splitting, alloplastic defenses, defiance, acting out/crazymaking, moral collapse, magical or superstitious thinking Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Few narcissists are also sadists. Sadistic Personality Disorder should be included in the DSM 6 and merged with Masochistic Personality Disorder (from Freud to Millon). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Cruelty is not the same as sadism. Sadism is the art of pain: gratification, pleasure, creativity. It is often coupled with masochism which is self-punitive (bad object). Cruelty is self-regulatory and narcissistic: In the wake of mortification (public shaming and humiliation) Intended to restore grandiose, inflated self-perception because it is unnecessary and excessive, a choice, an expression of dominance and control (coercion). It causes elation (Grunberger), but not pleasure. Sustains a narrative of retributive justice (quid pro quo, eye for an eye (lex talionis): competitive, grandiose, entitled victimhood Requires the cooperation of the victim: an admission of vulnerability, hurt, damage, pain. A kind of shared fantasy. WATCH Sadist: Pleasure of Your Pain, Anguish of Your Pleasure (+Narcissist) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcgHRdcw3mU WATCH Narcissistic vs. Sadistic Supply https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFyPWQggAiA WATCH Narcissist's Pain: Narcissism, Sadism, and Masochism https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL-CS0jtFWk WATCH Narcissist's Sadism, Masochism, and Self-Destructiveness (ENGLISH responses) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56evsD9lzL8 Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

When the introject is sadistic and dominant, it may lead to OSDD and hijack the person's body, pretending to be a protector self-state. A psychological analysis of Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece, "Psycho". Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Importance of mother demonstrated via studies of orphans (ERA), adoptees, and foster care children. When mistreated, children often inquire: “Am I adopted?” We need to revolutionize the adoption process: full disclosure to the adoptee from day 1 and close collaboration between the family of origin and the adoptive family. LITERATURE Selma Fraiberg and Rene Spitz on pathological defenses in infancy WATCH Why Childhood Abuse Victims Hate and Are Hated https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jQ2kqDj-vQ What Are the Mental Health Effects of Being Adopted? By Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT Published on February 14, 2022 Paine, A.L., Fahey, K., Anthony, R.E. et al. Early adversity predicts adoptees’ enduring emotional and behavioral problems in childhood. Eur Child Adolesc Psychiatry 30, 721–732 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-020-01553-0 Paine A, and others. The neurocognitive profiles of children adopted from care and their emotional and behavioural problems at home and school. Child Neuropsychology. 2020;16;1-20 Meakings S, and others. Birth sibling relationships after adoption: the experience of contact with brothers and sisters living elsewhere. British Journal of Social Work. 2016;30:386-396. Paine A, and others. Charting the trajectories of adopted children’s emotional and behavioral problems: the impact of early adversity and post-adoptive parental warmth. Development and Psychopathology. 2020;1-15 Depression and anxiety symptoms of British adoptive parents: a prospective four-wave longitudinal study. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2019;16:5153 Anthony R, and others. Adverse childhood experiences of children adopted from care: The importance of adoptive parental warmth for future child adjustment. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 2019;16:2212 Anthony R, and others. Patterns of adversity and post-traumatic stress among children adopted from care. Child Abuse Negl. 2020;7:104795 Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

A foray into the land of narcissism: from Freud to cutting-edge research. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

The classic Borderline offers the Covert Borderline an ideal love fantasy which he craves. But his ideal partner is a codependent "shy or quiet" borderline. Borderline is a failed narcissist because she has an intermittent mother, not a dead one: intermittent reinforcement allows the borderline to perceive external objects by outsourcing ego functions and even her body despite her huge narcissistic investment. The narcissist gave up on the externality of separate objects because they are bound to frustrate and hurt. The borderline still has hope: she interacts with separate external objects via merger and fusion, by becoming their internal object. Full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttCH2QYSZ8k Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

0:00 Borderline as failed narcissist: why the failure? 40:18 Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in DSM 49:01 Covert Borderline and Borderline Types in Love The classic Borderline offers the Covert Borderline an ideal love fantasy which he craves. But his ideal partner is a codependent "shy or quiet" borderline. Borderline is a failed narcissist because she has an intermittent mother, not a dead one: intermittent reinforcement allows the borderline to perceive external objects by outsourcing ego functions and even her body despite her huge narcissistic investment. The narcissist gave up on the externality of separate objects because they are bound to frustrate and hurt. The borderline still has hope: she interacts with separate external objects via merger and fusion, by becoming their internal object. Covert borderline is a child who was first subjected to a dead mother and then to an intermittent but loving mother. He is trying to recreate this love. Shy or quiet borderline: useful idea miscast as a diagnosis. Borderline’s anaclitic object choice Narcissist’s fantasy is to be loved by a mother figure Covert Borderline’s fantasy is ideal love expressed through children Borderline’s fantasy is be regulated by secure base, special friend, rock All experience shadow via their partners (Archaic wounds, V-spots) LITERATURE WATCH Borderline’s Partner: Some Enter Healthy, Exit Mentally Ill https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16x7bvr85u8 WATCH Borderline Demonizes Partner, Pathologizes Narcissist (Or Herself) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc5yf4pjt5Y Articles and book by: Grotstein, Kernberg, Masterson, Rinsley, Searles, Gunderson, Rosenfeld, Steiner, Brown, McDougall, Green, Modell, Volkan, Giovacchini, Stone, Boyer, Meissner, Bion, Balint, Khan, Bowlby, Winnicott, Jacobson WATCH Odd Couples: Codependent-Codependent, Narcissist-Narcissist (1st in Series) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuegI8OWERk WATCH How Covert Narcissist Deceives Covert Borderline and He Loves It (2nd in Odd Couples Series) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FonsjXlf_I0 Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Cluster B personality disorders are post-traumatic conditions. As such they are indistinguishable from sufferers of CPTSD (complex trauma). But CPTSD is transient and curable. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

There is a trauma response playing on both sides. Israel is a product of the Holocaust and the Palestinians have their Naqba. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is a form of competitive victimhood: a clash between two entitled and self-centred dysempathic victimhood movements. Like every conflict in history, it gives rise to: Paranoid ideation and conspiracism Narcissistic defenses (cognitive distortions such as grandiosity), Impaired reality testing, Magical thinking, Splitting (dichotomous thinking): We are all good, our enemies are all bad. Reactance (defiance and contumaciousness), Recklessness, Mood lability and emotional dysregulation, Suicidal ideation coupled with religious righteousness (Masada, shahada) The parties to the conflict abuse and manipulate each other by externalizing aggression, gaslighting, and projective identification (provoking the other party to behave in a way that conforms to expectations and negates a negative self-image). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

The covert borderline craves love and a family. The covert narcissist deceives him by offering him both. He lets her mislead him and gets addicted to the shared fantasy. WATCH Odd Couples: Codependent-Codependent, Narcissist-Narcissist (1st in Series) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuegI8OWERk Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

What to do when the narcissistic parent turns your children against you? Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

We aggrandize ego-incongruent introjects, endowing them with depth and authority (like the Royal We). Naming psychological parts and constructs is very common but we tend to use the definite article in a self-referential way to set apart a voice as superior somehow (example: THE False Self): more knowledgeable, more profound, deeper, more ancient, etc. We then often externalize the introject (a narcissistic defense): perceive it as emanating from outside reality. Music Triggering, but of a much more primitive kind. It reminds the narcissist of his early childhood entraining. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

We have an innate need to make sense of the world. The more uncertain reality is, the more inclined we are to impose counterfactual narratives on it. But it is when these works of fiction hijack politics that we are in real trouble. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

On Saturday, a Jewish holy day, more than 1000 Palestinian fighters, affiliated with Hamas, penetrated the security wall (fence) from the Gaza Strip and entered the territory of the State of Israel. They took over several villages and towns, killed about 600 Israelis, most of them civilians, including women and children, and abducted more than 100 Israelis, both military personnel and civilians, including children. Another 2,000 are wounded, about 400 of them in critical condition.

Together with Jordan Peterson and other scholars, I helped Ginger Coy compile a taxonomy of the psychopathology of woke movements. It is now available on public.substack.com, Michael Shellenberger’s and Peter Boghossian’s blog. Watch my interview with Ginger Coy on my vakninmusings YouTube channel. Woke Psychopathology: A Taxonomy Chart https://public.substack.com/p/why-this-one-simple-chart-will-end Victimhood and woke movements have been pathologized: they have been infiltrated and hijacked by narcissists and psychopaths. LITERATURE WATCH Narcissists, Eternal Victims, Trauma, Psychosis: Splitting the Inner Dialog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0 WATCH Victimhood Movements Hijacked by Narcissists and Psychopaths https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBpxFxMAztA Ok, E., Qian, Y., Strejcek, B., & Aquino, K. (2020, July 2). Signaling Virtuous Victimhood as Indicators of Dark Triad Personalities. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000329 Waismel-Manor I, Kaplan YR, Shenhav SR, Zlotnik Y, Dvir Gvirsman S, Ifergane G (2023) ADHD and political participation: An observational study. PLoS ONE 18(2): e0280445. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0280445 Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 165, 15 October 2020, 110134 The tendency for interpersonal victimhood: The personality construct and its consequences Rahav Gabay, Boaz Hameiri, Tammy Rubel-Lifschitz, Arie Nadler https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110134 Gollwitzer, Mario. (2021). Matters arising from Gabay, R., Hameiri, B., Rubel-Lifschitz, R., & Nadler, A. (2020). The tendency for interpersonal victimhood: The personality construct and its consequences. Personality and Individual Differences, 165, 110134. Personality and Individual Differences. 168. 110294. 10.1016/j.paid.2020.110294. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Total narcissistic collapse is the same as narcissistic mortification. Partial collapse leads to type inconstancy (transition from one type of narcissism to another) and is the outcome of deficient narcissistic supply: negative, low-grade, fake, or static. Partial collapse is also triggered by any failure in any of the phases of eliciting narcissistic supply: triggering, conversion, and provision. Partial collapse is a response to an imbalance between sources of primary and secondary narcissistic supply or to a failure to form a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PNS). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

Libidinal investment (cathexis) in external (love) or internal (narcissistic cathexis, megalomania) object common in schizophrenia, paranoia, BPD, NPD: positive only affects, idealization (object perfection)=infantile regression, magical thinking (omnipotence of thoughts, magical power of words) Fantasy-infused thoughts (dereism) or narcissistic and egocentric self-absorption (autistic). Reality alienation (hypnoid states, twilight states) Amentia: decathexis in both external world and internal objects, cathexis in total wish-fulfillment universe Postponement of pleasure, tension (reality principle): involves grandiosity (omniscience of future pleasure, catastrophizing as in depression) LITERATURE Abend, Sander. (1979). Unconscious fantasy and theories of cure. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 27, 579–596 and (1982). Reality testing as a clinical concept. Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 51, 218–238. Arlow, Jacob A. (1969). Fantasy, memory, and reality testing. Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 38, 28–51. Freud, S. (1911). Formulations on the two principles of mental functioning. S.E. 12: 213–226. and (1915). Instincts and their vicissitudes. S.E. 14: 109–140. And (1917). A metapsychological supplement to the theory of dreams. S.E. 14:217–235. Grossman, L. (1996). “Psychic Reality” and reality testing in the analysis of perverse defences. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 77: 509–518. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3