Why positive thinking makes you more fearful!

Seeking safety and security it one of our most primitive instincts.

But how come some people are hardly ever scared and others (like me) have overactive, hypervigilant safety radars going overtime 24/7?

Well, science now has an answer for that now.

Your ‘set’ point for safety and security was fixed by how safe or unsafe your mother felt when she carried you in your womb. The fight and flight chemicals that were produced by her nervous system got programmed into your brain.

Unresolved traumas and stresses carry themselves on to the bodies and brains of multiple generations.

When our security is threatened, we no longer think rationally.

This is the bad news. What is the good news?

There is some good news, but first, let me give you some examples of where some of my clients get it very wrong.

HERE ARE 4 STRATEGIES THAT DO NOT WORK!

1. POSITIVE THINKING
Positive thinking isn’t going to put a dent in your innate fear response.

If your body thinks it is running away from a bear, but you tell yourself that your life is wonderful, your body is going to get all confused and go into hypervigilance.

Your fear will turn into panic or chronic anxiety.

If you take an honest look at yourself, you realize that positive thinking is often driven by fear itself.

You fear that if you stop being positive all the time, you are going to be devoured into a bottomless pit of fear and stress, so you hold the darkness at bay by positivity.

Perhaps we need to stop labeling things ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ and choose to speak our truth, whether it is popular or not.

2. Another strategy that doesn’t work is to push fear it away.

The more you push it away, the more energy you give to it.

What you resist persists! It just goes deeper underground, making your life harder and slower and draining your immune system and money flow.

3. When you feel the fear arise, you start thinking of all the things that can go wrong in the near and far future.

Is this you?

I used to confuse worrying with problem-solving.

I believed that if I just thought about it long enough, suddenly the problem would disappear.

Nothing could be further from the truth. I was just energising the problem…

4. Fight it…

Parents sometimes believe that their kids need to overcome all their fears by confronting the fearful situation. (Bullies at school, or abusive situations at home, or phobias and nightmares they might have.)

The kids are told to ‘man up’ or ‘grow some ovaries.’

Little do parents know that these kids are going to be scarred so deeply that it is going to take another 10 generations to release the trauma energy.

If these 4 harmful strategies were successful, we wouldn’t have the problems in society we are experiencing today.

Here is an incredibly effective technique that will help you overcome fear, stress, and anxiety in your life.

It works great for your children as well.

1. When fear arises, ask yourself “am I in danger right now?” if the answer is no, continue to point 2

2. Now ask yourself: which part of my body is the fear arising from? Where do I feel it? Become really focussed on it, and place your hands on that spot of your body

3. Stay with the feeling…. Notice the quality of the energy… and really concentrate on the emotion you are experiencing.

4. Your thoughts will want to come up with a story or multiple stories. Ignore your thoughts and take your attention back to your body part that is offering the feeling of fear to you.

5. I find it helpful to tell myself: I love myself for feeling fearful. I love myself for feeling scared. And so on. This is often enough to lessen the intensity (while still dealing with the root cause).

6. Now, while you are in the thick of it, talk to your body, and ask it the following questions and give yourself the answers.
• Is the fear big or small
• Does it have a colour
• If it had a smell, what would it smell like?
• If it had a sound, what would it sound like?
• Is it moving or still?
• What would it feel like if it touched it with my hands?

7 don’t rush these questions, really experience every sensation and awareness that arises for you in this exact moment.

8 After the fear reaches a peak, it will start to dissipate so wait for that to happen. It will start to leave your body. If you try to push it away or fight it, it will continue to have a hold over you.

9 Once its going, breathe the sensation of unconditional love into your body. Give it a colour and imagine breathing this colour into every space of your body.

10 ground yourself by feeling the weight of your bottom on the chair, your feet firmly on the ground and continue to take another 6 slow deep breaths into your lower belly.

Focus on the out-breath, which is the healing breath.

Now walk around a bit and enjoy a newfound sense of freedom or spaciousness in your body. You are one step closer to living from your core self.

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