Apatros Review Ep-0086: Subliminal Seduction [1996] ["Flash Frame"]
AR-0086: In the 1990s, actor-turned-producer Andrew Stevens formed a company called Royal Oaks, which mounted and issued a moderate number of B-grade actioners and softcore erotica onto the DTV [direct-to-video] market during the second half of the 90s.
"Subliminal Seduction" [also known as "Flash Frame", that title being on my archive print] is one of the softcore erotica thrillers Royal Oaks first issued, a story about a hotshot videogame developer hired by a rather shady firm that has been experimenting with subliminal messaging in their adult games, even subjecting most of their own employees to this program and planning to unleash it onto the American public. Our hero doesn't seem to realise that he is being used as the latest test subject, while the female narcissist executive in charge of the project is hell-bent on keeping the experiment as secret as possible.
While the effectiveness of subliminal messaging was actually debunked decades ago, this concept still has the potential to cause great harm to society, however this particular movie fails to make much mileage out of the idea, merely using it as a hook to set up the sex scenes. A fairly mediocre example of the 1990s erotica thriller market.
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0085: Nude Nuns With Big Guns [2010]
AR-0085: One of the scuzziest subgenres of 1970s exploitation was "Nunsploitation", a type of nasty nonsense involving nuns getting up to some serious debauchery. This only lasted a short time before sanity prevailed and those type of movies stopped being made...
However, in the wake of the disaster of "Grindhouse", some indie filmmakers decided to make their own homages to that nasty subgenre and this particular piece of filth was unleashed in 2010.
The sole survivor of a band of drug-smuggling nuns, having been sold to a biker-run brothel as a slave, gets recruited by The Lord Himself for a mission to punish all evildoers, starting off with the local biker scum and then moving onto the local corrupt clergy, all the while trying to rescue and protect her lesbian lover, a fellow nun [it's Nunsploitation, what did you expect?].
As a serious movie, this is a pile of crap that doesn't seem to respect the boundaries of good taste, plus the film also makes use of counterfeit exploitation devices invented by "Grindhouse" three years earlier, but the movie does live up to the promise states by its title - the movie has nude nuns with big guns, so you get what you asked for, even if the movie is rougher than a pack of Rough Rider condoms...
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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The Rise of Trump [SNES] [Complete Playthrough]
The United States of America, in the not-so-distant future...
Humanity is being threatened by the rise of an army of socialist left-wing A.I. automatons, led by their evil narcissist queen. Their plan is to take over society, turning good honest citizens of the USA into their mind-controlled slaves. To this end they have already brainwashed many human citizens into adopting their evil satanist ideology, effectively turning them into mindless zombie slaves. Humanity seems doomed...
However, the Patriots of the United States, having finally had enough of these totalitarian despots, have sent an agent to deal with these leftist traitors and restore integrity, duty, and the faith of God into the leadership of the United States.
A specialist model of cyborg - on the outside having seriously tough, almost indestructible combat armour [& a nice big set of high-performance titanium balls that provides the secret of his strength]; on the inside a human brain capable of feeling the same emotions of normal humans and sharing the human spirit, a human heart that guides his actions for the good of humanity, and most importantly the one thing that none of the socialist robots can ever hope to have...
A human soul.
This cyborg is given a name: Donald J. Trump.
Having being briefed on his mission [& knowing the full consequences if he were to fail in his duty], Trump takes a special shuttle to the headquarters of the Democrats [which is what the A.I. "elite" call themselves] and prepares to take on these robotic despots in the ultimate battle to decide the fate of humanity.
As an added advantage, Trump has been given a secret weapon - a special full-body kinetic deflector [activated by a secret code] that will protect him from all external melee attacks. This deflector does not protect against firearms, but lucky for Trump, the A.I. despots, fearing their own destruction, have effectively banned the ownership and use of firearms within their territory, a most unwise move on their part.
Prepare to witness the ultimate battle between a brave patriot with super-thick skin, teflon-coated armour, a steely determination and a nice big set of balls, up against a bunch of cowardly brainless synthetic degenerates who think they are otherwise untouchable and hide behind the coward's strategy of manipulation and narcissist control.
Here is the ultimate battle - are you patriotic enough to enjoy this?
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Apatros Review Ep-0084: Enter The Blood Ring [1995]
AR-0084: An obscure based-on-a-true-story DTV [direct-to-video] martial arts drama [quite a few of those around during the 1990s] made by obscure B-grade studio "Gun For Hire" about a former US Navy SEAL who works days as a New York cabbie and nights as an underground pit fighter to make enough greenback bread to save for a one-way-trip for he and his young son to Australia so the kid's brain tumour can be safely removed by a specialist Aussie treatment.
So far he's doing fine but when a friend steals the money he's saved up so far to pay off a gangland debt, our hero is devastated. However, there is a special tournament coming up that will more than cover the goal our hero is going for and he would have to be extremely stupid to pass up an opportunity like this, especially since his son's life is at stake...
Okay, so this ain't quite the quality of something like "Bloodsport", but at least it is substantially more believable than the lies of Frank Dux, and while the movie might suffer a lot in the presentation side of things, at least it has the heart to make this tolerable for Bad Movie Masochists with a bent for '90s martial arts flicks.
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0083: I Spit on Your Grave [2010]
AR-0083: The original 1978 "Day of The Woman" was one of the most notorious movies of the 1970s - an extremely unpleasant revenge thriller that believe it or not is a surprisingly effective film in its promotion of Old Testament justice on those who are evil enough to sexually assault women.
The 2010 remake, however, is the complete opposite - a cynical attempt to cash in on the recognition of that original film, only to wind up making a rejig substantially more technically polished than its source work, but without the ability to carry over its message properly, leaving a nasty taste in the viewer's mouth.
This remake should never have been made - once was enough for this particular story.
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0082: Deadly Heroes [1993]
AR-0082: The very last film made by 21st Century Pictures [not to be confused with either the former 20th Century Fox studio or the identical-named Australian VHS label of the 1990s that moved onto DVD in the 2000s], this rather anaemic B-grade actioner has Michael Pare, the true working-man hero [this guy has done so many movies in action, sci-fi, thrillers, Uwe Boll movies and more that he's going to be quite the common presence in my reviews. Not just that but he is a dependable actor who gets the job done. He is essentially the Jimmy Barnes of B-grade movies], who plays a former Navy SEAL turned CIA intelligence agent returning from a holiday in Greece with his wife and son when some no-good, dastardly, piece of turd terrorists decide to hijack a plane [with plastic-shelled Micro-Uzis fitted with internal 50-round magazines firing specially-coated nickel bullets, the weapons designed to completely circumvent airport metal detectors - that wouldn't work nowadays as today's airport scanners are X-ray scanners that can see your birthday suit so well that the airport staff basically treat them as free porn. Remember that the next time you go through one of those things] and use the hostages [including our hero's wifey] as bargaining currency to get an even worse terrorist [the ever-so-bonkers Billy Drago] out so they can fly him back home to what I believe is Libya where Billy Boy decides to use the captured wifey as an ersatz wifey of his own. She seriously ain't happy about that and a good man shouldn't blame her for feeling that.
While that is going on, Our Hero Pare teams up with his former CO Jan-Michael Vincent [one of those legendary alcoholic actors who let the bottle do the acting for them - I still remember the stuff he did in "Xtro II"] to mount an off-the-books rescue mission to Billy's pad to finally get wifey back and ram their boots up Billy's pencil-thin backside for good.
The story is fairly standard late-1980s international terrorism fodder made about three years too late and the story lags a bit too much with plenty of scenes that could have used some narrative truncating and a tighter pace, but it is pretty quirky enough to be of some worth to fans of trashy early-90s B-grade action and Michael Pare's fan club, although still a textbook example of functional mediocrity.
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
My doggy nephew Gino makes an appearance here.
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Apatros Review Ep-0081: War Wolves [2009]
AR-0081: One of those telepics [made-for-television movies] that the infamous Sci-Fi Channel [or to refer to them by their utterly moronic "SyFy Channel" rebranding] about a squad of female soldiers who get attacked - & bitten - by Iraqi terrorist werewolves [that one secret weapon Saddam Hussein kept as a failsafe in case the US kicked his @$$] during their deployment and are now being sought by other werewolves and assorted Black Ops blokes for various reasons.
Potentially decent idea if done right, but this movie took the wrong approach, causing the movie to catch a nasty case of the SyFy Channel fleas...
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0080: NEMESI5: The New Model [2017]
AR-0080: In the first half of the 1990s, legendary cult action director Albert Pyun carved out a modestly successful place as the King of the 1990s Synthetica, with the total of seven B-grade Direct-to-video action-based synthetica throughout that decade, the centrepoint being the four-film "Nemesis" series.
In 2017, some low budget hack decided to trick Pyun [who was already at work on what was to be his final synthetica with "Cyborg Nemesis: The Dark Rift", which he ultimately had to abandon due to his health-mandated retirement from movie making due to getting dementia] into letting him make a fifth Nemesis film with Pyun onboard as an executive director.
The result is an utterly unholy ultra-cheap piece of garbage that is essentially the original Nemesis done in the manner of a bargain basement three-for-a-dollar clearance bin at your local $2 shop.
This 'movie' is the perfect example of why the makers of classic cult movies, no matter the genre, need to seriously vet their movies' acquisition by newbies - we have seen it with George A Romero, with Star Wars and this particular one is Pyun's encounter with the ugly side of postmodernist hacks who don't have the franchise's best interests at heart...
Any true Nemesis fan does not consider this wretched piece of work to be canon.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0079: Alien Predator [2018 Asylum Mockbuster]
AR-0079: For those who have been blissfully unaware of these guys, The Asylum are an independent production studio in California that since around 2005 have been making low-budget borderline plagiaristic versions of big-budget films, something they call "mockbusters"...
...so essentially they are the new Italians, only without the skill, cool or badassery.
In this particular example [no prizes for guessing which movie they are trying to ripoff here], the dumbest Black Ops unit in the entire US Military takes it upon themselves to head out into the jungle for a quarter-baked rescue mission, only to get shot at by purple lasers [LAAAAME!!!] and eventually discover an alien ship crashed into the only halfway decent building in the area.
Some alien soldiers on their way to a distant planet battlefield took a wrong turn [you guys are supposed to turn RIGHT once you pass Jupiter, NOT LEFT!!!] and somehow I don't think AAMI extends their coverage to the planet these guys were from.
One of the worst Asylum mockbusters I've seen so far, mainly due to the utter lack of conviction and proper research these guys showed. If I had to give one solitary positive, the ending was surprisingly better than I was expecting.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0078: Frankenstein '80 [1972]
AR-0078: In the early 1970s there was a small number of Italian-made Frankenstein flicks that to varying degrees put Mary Shelley's immortal story into a blender, added a few packets of sexual appeal and gratuitous nudity, shut the lid then turned the knob to high and ran the blender for about five minutes to get it nice and juicy for that spicy kicker of a sleazy taste.
This particular one is the least effective of the three such examples I have come across and is by far the nastiest, with a patchwork zombie going around the streets of Berlin [cause hey, why not?] and picking up random hookers and icing them before feeling them up...
...yeah, that sounds just about right on the el sicko front, ain't it?
Doesn't have much to offer except to induce the gag reflex on mere mortals even though the movie really ain't that gory [& I saw the uncut version to boot]. If you want the definitive sleazy Frankie, track down "Lady Frankenstein" for the best try at this sort of thing.
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0077: The Final Showdown [1993] ("The Fighter")
AR-0077: A low-budget [either DTV (direct-to-video) or intended as a telepic - I haven't been able to obtain accurate information on this aspect as this film is as obscure as it comes] drama with martial arts elements starring Vinny Lee as a Vietnamese immigrant to the USA who strikes up a relationship with his female employer [he tends her garden] and after finding out the scum who murdered his sister back in Nam is in the area, decides to avenge her. In order to get some extra money, he joins an underground fighting tournament.
Most people are not going to have the stomach to watch movies that look this particularly cheap [it looks frightfully threadbare, even compared to some of the other early generation DTV movies of the era], but the story is surprisingly engaging and interesting enough to elevate it to functional mediocrity. Sort of a "Hallmark Channel" grade drama feature for Bad Movie Masochists, if you will.
That being said, good luck finding a copy of this on DVD...
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0076: Feast III: The Happy Finish [2009]
AR-0076: The concluding chapter in the rather bullhitsa "Feast" trilogy [the first film was a solid effort, but the second film was just plain wretched] is a slight improvement over the previous sequel but not quite enough to redeem the franchise.
The remaining survivors have managed to reach the safety of the police station house, but soon they need to leave to find a better shelter. This requires going into the sewer tunnels to travel to the nearest city, but there are dangers lurking underground that they need to fight in order to survive...
A piece of junk, to be certain...
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Cerberus Review: The Weaponry of "Quest for Saddam" [Complete Arsenal]
In this first episode of my subsidiary series that focuses on the weaponry, technology and lore of many movies, comic books and games, we check out the weapons that feature in the cult FPS game "Quest for Saddam". There is also a mention of the alterations done to this arsenal in the infamous Al Qaeda-modded "Night of Bush Capturing" version.
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0075: Parasitic [2012]
AR-0075: Remember that prequel to John Carpenter's masterpiece "The Thing" that came out in 2011 that most people hated? Well I saw it when it came out and I found it to be a solid attempt to explain what the hell happened to that Norwegian outpost before The Alien B@$tard of Antarctica got to MacReady and his crew. It wasn't perfect and the studio should not have interfered with the surprisingly good practical effects by supplanting them with CGI, but for what it tried to do, it did a good job storywise. But that is a story for another time...
Here we have an el cheapo homebrew version of The Thing, made on the side by one of the VFX techies who did the original practical effects on that prequel that got futzed with. Released DTV [direct-to-video] in 2012, this has The Thing's redneck cousin arrive on Earth through an asteroid that crashes into the sea off the Florida coast, infects a fish, which gets caught and turned into 🍣, sold to a nasty nightclub manager with a chest that looks like it was blown up with a bicycle pump connected through the nipples, who then has this lucky alien b@$tard sprout his manhood right above her beach balls, possessing her and turning her into a zombie that prowls the bowels of the nightclub while only wearing her panties and nothing else, her massive knockers out to lure her victims in...
This unholy beast of a movie is utter garbage fit only for a laugh by hardcore Bad Movie Masochists although the monster effects are actually quite good and without question the only worthy thing about this meth-addicted 🦃 of a movie.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0074: Lethal Virus [2021]
AR-0074: An extremely low budget Spanish outdoor hike in the zombie-infested woods of Spain shot right before the pandemic [& thus having NO connection whatsoever to The Wuhan Flu], only to have the world catching the Jinping Snuffle before it could be released, prompting the filmmakers to add in a prologue making the Covid-Connection to boost the film's relevancy [a mighty distasteful proposition, if you ask me], this boring-as-zombie-hitsa piece of... Well, zombie hitsa... Has a prehistoric form of rabies escape from the polar icecaps due to Al Gore's pet climate conspiracy [how's the beachside properties' sales prices going eh, Al? I hear the polar 🐻 are looking to move in, now that they have enough children and a bumper harvest of food to survive and they're looking to try living in America for a change], turning those infected into undead humanivores who look like they could win the Boston Marathon. A survivalist decides to help the only surviving scientist from an expedition mission head to a nearby town to retrieve "an important specimen" vital to the mission, which means trekking on foot through the Spanish countryside and dodging zombies.
This is one of the most boring... Excuse me THE most boring zombie film I've come across so far - in spite of my legendary patience this proved such a hard slog even I was having trouble keeping attention on it. For mere mortals this is a guaranteed insomnia cure. The leftist bullhitsa spouted by the female [closet Sapphist] scientist is annoying but the movie isn't exactly bad enough to be atrocious, surprisingly enough, so there's that. However, if you want the true "pandemic zombie" experience that is entertaining, stick with Charles Band's "Corona Zombies"...
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the zombie-infested comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0073: For Hire [1991] ("Lethal Ninja")
AR-0073: David Heavener was something of a major name in C-grade DTV [direct-to-video] action movies and thrillers during the start of the DTV market, putting out a whole heap of strangely quirky movies that weren't exactly terrible, but in a way genuinely entertaining, albeit in a perverse manner akin to what we Bad Movie Masochists are accustomed to.
For this particular film, Heavener was only playing the lead, instead of also directing behind the camera [for this film, one-shot director Stefan Rudnicki took his one chance to make a movie, even though his day job is as an editor], in this el bizarro martial arts / thriller / dopey comedy / drama / exercise in weirdness that ended up being the very last ninja movie of the 20th Century...
While this obscure film only started getting something of a minor reputation in the mid-to-late 2010s from internet reviewers only just starting to hear of it, I had personally been aware of this film since 1992 as my father had not one but TWO copies of the Australian VHS release in his personal collection, and I saw it for the first time back in '92 as a curious seven-year-old. This movie did see an Aussie DVD release through an obscure label formed by the same people responsible for Avenue One - the most infamous DVD company of the early 2000s Australian DVD market, due to their hideous quality DVDs.
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0072: Feast II: Sloppy Seconds [2008]
AR-0072: "Feast", the third film made through "Project: Greenlight", was a surprisingly solid practical VFX monster movie throwback to the Awesome 1980s horror movies. But when it came to making sequels, everybody involved had effectively tossed away the Rulebook of Good Taste and set out to make an extremely cheap bargain basement DTV [direct-to-video] sequel that crossed so many red lines I'm surprised they didn't get tossed out of Hollywood. But then again, given what we know now about the dark secrets of Tinseltown...
I'll keep the synopsis in this video description mercifully short: a bunch of deadly monsters from who knows where invade a town, eating everybody in sight and also reproducing at an incredible rate. They also like to shag their victims, if that wasn't enough for them. A small group of survivors attempt to reach shelter but the local meth head ain't letting them in, so they need to force their way in...
What an abysmal movie...
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0071: AVH: Alien vs Hunter [2007]
AR-0071: The very first time I cover one of the low budget "mockbusters" made by infamous film studio The Asylum on this show, AVH was typical of early-era Asylum content - threadbare quality in just about every aspect of technical and storytelling field you can think of. What's particularly interesting about this particular film is that the credited director apparently wasn't actually doing his job on the shoot, which definitely gives some insight into the film's utter lack of quality.
An alien monster crash-lands into the woods of California, causing quite a bit of a ruckus by devouring the local townsfolk, prompting a [woefully inept and unprepared] group of survivors to attempt to hunt down the monster, but another alien arrives, hot on the first alien's tail and not exactly friendly to the locals...
I have seen plenty of Asylum movies in my time, and for their 2000s catalogue, this one's the worst from that decade.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0070: Future War [1994/97]
AR-0070: One of the worst examples of the long run of 1990s DTV [direct-to-video] B-grade synthetica [killer robot movies], this legendary piece of hitsa was actually made in 1994, the year this genre hit its peak [I should know because I lived through it], but not released until 1997 when the genre began to run out of batteries.
Daniel Bernhardt [the bloke from those "Bloodsport" sequels], plays a human slave to some time-travelling cyborg slave traders who escapes his master's and lands in 1990s Los Angeles, desperate to make a new life for himself...
...but the cyborgs want him back, so they come after him, along with their pet dinosaurs which they use as hunting dogs...
Extremely low budget, having visual effects that make the term "bargain basement" feel like an understatement, and some seriously sloppy writing, this crapola makes for a killer heckling session for MST3K enthusiasts and masochists will find this to be quite a fix, but mere mortals should stick with their synthetica sourced from the likes of Eyres, Pepin and Pyun.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0069: Day of The Dead [2008]
AR-0069: The first of a number of remakes of the cult classic 1985 George A Romero zombie masterpiece [& one of my favourite films], this 2008 piece of zombie hitsa is a remake in name only as it plays even looser with the thenatics of the original than what the legendary 2004 remake of "Dawn of The Dead" did.
A small town in Colorado is hit by a bioweapon with military connections [does this remind you of anything?], turning its victims into some seriously turbocharged undead flesheaters that can even climb on walls. A small group of survivors try to escape the horror by hiding out in the Nike missile silo near the town [& before you ask, no the Nike company did not build that facility - the Nike name stands for something else - we're talking nuclear ICBMs here, not shoes made for sneaking].
An awful movie that was an utter insult to the name of Romero.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0068: Urban Warriors [1987]
AR-0068: One of the last Italian "Mad Mario" movies [Italian knockoffs of "Mad Max 2"] to be made during the 1980s, this is substantially lesser quality than the early Mad Mario movies were.
A trio of military scientists serving in an underground military facility survive the outbreak of WW3, only to emerge about a week or so later and find their city annihilated, with the only survivors being mutants who cannot stay outdoors after dusk and who need human spinal fluid to survive [how did the writers come with that?]. Only one of the scientists has the survival skills to survive this nightmare...
Although it cannot match the enjoyment factor of early '80s Mad Marios, "Urban Warriors" does have some passable action and it makes for a reasonable time killer, although the best audience for this are professional Bad Movie Masochists.
This doesn't seem to have had a DVD release, but it was issued on VHS in the States by Cannon Films [yes, THOSE guys] as part of a very short-lived range of DTV [direct-to-video] features called "Action Adventure Theatre" which all came with introductions made by Michael Dudikoff.
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0067: Triloquist [2008]
AR-0067: From the master of schlocky pint-sized horror flicks such as "Leprechaun", comes this acerbic piece of nasty DTV [direct-to-video] junk about a pair of incestuous psychopathic siblings and their [could be living but that is debatable] ventriloquist dummy with a sunny personality who carve out their own take on "Natural Born Killers", except without the commentary.
Mark Jones is known for his horror schlocky but this is possibly his worst film, his script having no boundaries and without any clear rules to follow, not to mention some particularly unlikeable characters, this piece of trash falls into flames, although it isn't an entirely unwatchable movie.
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0066: The Tramps in The Planet Wars [1978] ("Brazilian Star Wars")
AR-0066: The four-man comedy troupe "Os Trapalhoes" were Brazil's very successful local children's television show version of the Three Stooges, their comedy TV show lasting from the 1970s all the way up to 1993. Believe it or not, but these guys also made a parody of Star Wars that was a surprise hit in Brazil, cracking Brazil's Top Ten for 1978.
Plot-wise, the movie has Os Trapalhoes [loosely translates as "The Tramps", although you can also derive "The Bunglers" or "The Bunglers" from this] spending the night in the bush after getting into a bit of trouble with some local toughs, only to find themselves being called upon by an alien prince [The Brazilian Luke Skywalker] and his sidekick The Brazilian Chewbacca [who looks funky] to rescue his love The Brazilian Princess Leia from The Brazilian Darth Vader and his army of what could possibly be Death Troopers [a good forty or so years before "Rogue One" came out!]. What ensues are some loosely connected slapstick gags and some crazy fights, along with a disco club scene, because hey, this is in 1978 and disco still rules, baby!
To be honest, the movie is better suited for children under the age of seven, because anyone older than seven is gonna think this movie sucks Goanna eggs. Watching this beast requires some serious masochism on the part of the viewer, but otherwise the movie is better than it seems as the jokes are pretty funny. I watched this with both English subtitles and without and while understanding the dialogue is a matter of choice, in reality you don't need to understand Portuguese to get this film, as watching this in its native state makes it quite a trip. BTW the movie was shot on video then transferred to film, giving it an awesome bootleg look.
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0065: Borderline Cult [2007]
AR-0065: We return to the utterly unholy hackwork of notorious German New Wave hackmeister Ulli Lommel with his semi-fictional thesis on the nasty crimewave and spree of killings of random women in the US-Mexican border town of Ciudad Juarez back in the 2000s, Lommel's take being that it was possibly the work of a trio of sadistic serial killers.
An awful movie shot on cheap Digital camcorders that nevertheless has some peculiar interest to fans of SOV [shot-on-video] style horror, plus this is perfect for a prank if you were to record this movie on a VHS tape, remove the credits and trick your friends into believing this being a real-life snuff movie...
My Grade: D [Bad]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0064: Agents Do Not Know Tears [1978] (The Uranium Conspiracy)
AR-0064: A typically flat example of the janky B-grade espionage thrillers that were a dime-a-dozen during the 1970s, this low-grade part-Italian production has an Italian mercenary getting hired by the spooks over at Mossad to help them intercept a shipment of yellowcake uranium [in case you don't know, that is a loose-fill type of uranium ore used in chemical fertilizers, paint and other legitimate industrial uses... But can also be enriched to provide fuel for nukes] that is being shipped to what could potentially be a hostile enemy power.
Completely unexceptional in just about every way, this film also shows the ugly consequences of mounting an espionage mission without grounding it in ethics, as the mission here becomes something of a mess despite being ultimately successful.
The film is known in international release as "The Uranium Conspiracy" but it's original title translated into English is "Agents Do Not Know Tears".
My Grade: D+ [Disappointing]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this particular video.
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