98 | Merry Christmas and the New Creation | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Christ is born to be King! He IS King, now. Merry Christmas! That makes us agents of the New Creation because Christ has already started the New Creation. Paul talks about this a lot. God wants to dwell with man and will bring heaven down to earth and they will exist together in the new creation; think of the New Jerusalem descending in Revelations. Christ, he says, is the “first fruits” of the new creation. He’s the first to be resurrected, to show us the way. He’s sent the spirit to us, and we, too have the “first fruits” of the new creation.
Creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God; for… creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the glorious liberty of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in travail together until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved.
-Romans 8:19-24
“For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind. But be glad and rejoice for ever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem a rejoicing, and her people a joy.
-Isaiah 65:17-18
All of creation is groaning, awaiting its deliverance! We suffer with Christ and with the world, which is God’s kingdom, just as Christ suffers with us and with all creation. We are Christ’s children and heirs; we enter into his suffering and are glorified with him.
You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
-Romans 8:15-17
We have a vocation of being the people of God. It has personal and communal consequences. As Paul says, Jesus is king of the whole world. In heaven and earth he reigns. And when we're in Christ, we're fellow heirs to the kingdom. We're celebrating the new creation. We're celebrating that we are part of the new creation. We are agents of the new creation, and we anticipate the new creation right now in the present age as we wait and hope for the new heavens and the new earth.
Always God hears the “groaning.” God is victorious. God acts, and we are anchored in the hope and glory that is there for us, and nothing can separate us from the love of God. No principalities, powers, rulers of the world - whatever it is, nothing can separate us.
Merry Christmas season!
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97 | You are a Citizen of Heaven Now in the New Creation
You are a citizen of Heaven - did you know that? Paul wrote that in Philippians 3. What does that mean about my situation? Paul’s listeners in Philippi would have instantly connected that idea to being a citizen of Rome because having Roman citizenship was so important. Philippi was a colony. Roman citizens there were agents and emissaries of Roman culture, law, language, customs, and power. Roman citizens living in Philippi weren't interested in leaving Philippi and going to Rome if things got dicey. They could call on the emperor to send in back-up.
John’s gospel, which is our focus this season, explains that Jesus has already started his kingdom on Earth. You are a citizen of that kingdom. That makes you an agent and emissary of the Kingdom of Heaven’s culture, law, language, customs, power, and all of it. Citizens living on planet Earth aren’t interested in leaving Earth just so they can go to Heaven. God will bring Heaven down to Earth in the end times. That’s a process that’s already started. Jesus inaugurated it. He rose again as the first member of that blended new creation of Heaven and Earth. We will follow him.
Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
- Philippians 3:20
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95 | Advent; Jesus as temple, a powerful lens for Christmas meaning | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
There’s a theme that you may not be aware of that runs through the entirety of scripture from the distantly ancient text of Genesis to the merely ancient text of Revelation. You’ve heard of this idea but may not be aware of how it is an organizing principle for understanding Scripture. It’s a theme explicitly present in the ancient books of Genesis and Exodus and throughout the New Testament - it’s one that the writers were very intentional about but one that our modern minds simply bloop over because we don’t have the right lens, or I could say cultural framework.
We were amazed when this theme popped up in Genesis, it’s the theme of TEMPLE in God’s creation and that’s what we discussed last week in episode 94. A temple is a place where God dwells with man: it’s a place where the heaven and earth that He created overlap. Throughout all of salvation history, as shown in Scripture, God keeps coming to Earth to dwell with man in Creation. In the Garden, in the desert at the tent of meeting, and in the Tabernacle.
As we approach Christmas we think about what it means for the temple to be in the person of Jesus. What does that mean to see him as the new temple?
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94 | It’s Advent, So why are we talking about the creation story in the book of Genesis?
The creation account in Genesis is not understood by modern people. It’s very unlikely that you have ever heard a correct account of what it means. As modern people, we have pretty much missed every important point in it. We have read all of our modern preconceptions into it and created pointless controversies about it. Listen to the podcast if you want to know what the creation story in Genesis is actually all about.
By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day, he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
-Genesis 2:2-3
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93 | Reframe in life to get a superior angle | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Reframing is the art of looking at a situation, thought, or belief and finding a different perspective that is also TRUE and MORE HELPFUL. We often lock in on the first interpretation of a situation that comes to us. But we can usually step back and see there are OTHER things that are also true about a situation and these other things can give us a different approach. A new approach that will focus on our agency or shifting our thoughts and emotions to a condition where we can more easily respond. For example, we might fail at a test or on a project and think “I’m terrible” or “I am no good at this subject or task”. With reframing you might end up saying to yourself “I can learn to study more effectively,” or “I had a difficult lesson and look forward to learning from it and avoiding similar fiascoes in the future.” Contrast a reframe with empty positive talk, avoidance, or just shrugging it off, or just sucking it up.
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92 | Say No to the habit of speaking an “IS” identity | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
We have an excellent and very doable language challenge for you this week! We discuss E-Prime, which is a way of using English without any forms of the verb “to be”. That means without any words like these: is, be, been, were, is, am, was, will be, am, are. We think there is one situation where avoiding the “is” and “am” serves you particularly well. We ask you to listen to that situation and reframe your is and am. E-Prime is an intriguing idea and certainly has its advocates. Check it out!
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Episode 91 - Language: Speak Your Week Positively
Your unconscious mind is always listening to what you have to say and will work to make things turn out the way you say. Do you like achievement? Accomplishing things? Improving? Then using positivity in your language is a big help for you! LISTEN to yourself this week. You might be surprised by what you hear. We discuss the possibilities and some limitations of being positive. Get your rational optimist glasses on and prime your brain with sweet, clean, positive speech and emotion for the win! The people around you will say THANK YOU!
Resources:
Robert B.Cialdini, Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade
Curtis one-line summary: Lots of fun research. Mostly about the psychology of sales and persuasion.
Sean Achor, The Happiness Advantage
Curtis one line summary: Positivity is a winner for achievement. The advantages of rational optimism, positive speech, and positive emotion. Mostly directed to business.
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90 | I’m Baaaack!! Boomerang kids. Now what? | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
“Hey, Mom, I’m moving back home!” What do we need to think about if and when that conversation starts? Our first thoughts may be to ask ourselves: How can I help? A better question might be: Is this course of action helping my young adult child move to independence? Create an agreement with your young adult before they move in. Agree WHEN they are leaving and what they need to happen for them to leave. Everybody will have some boundaries: start to figure those out. Think in terms of collaborating and getting buy-in, or at least a mutual understanding.
Resources:
Doing Life with Your Young Adult Children, Jim Burns
How To Really Love Your Adult Child, Jim Chapman and Ross Campbell, MD
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89 | Your Young Adult: The Critical Art of Validating | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
How can you be HEARD? How can you HELP when they don’t want to hear you? If you want her to hear you, then you must hear her first. Do you want him to see your perspective? You must see his perspective first. Being SEEN and HEARD is important to any relationship that has depth and vitality. When you are speaking with your young adults, and pretty much anyone, DO THIS: be on the lookout for how you validate them. When they know YOU understand their perspective, and it’s a perspective that makes sense, then they will be more open to seeing your perspective. When she’s telling you what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing… then it’s your turn to explain to HER why it’s understandable that she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing that. Validation is about showing that, “Hey, considering your experiences, your perspective on life, what you've been through, and your values, it makes sense that you are thinking/feeling that way.”
Listen to the podcast to understand what the skill of “validation” is all about. Look for an opportunity to practice this skill in every conversation. The results will surprise you!
Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150.
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10
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88 | Your Young Adult: Collaborating | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
We want to avoid giving unsolicited advice and comments whenever possible. How is that possible when we have conflicts? Or we are the landlord or banker and we have to spell out some requirements? COLLABORATING with your young adults during their transition to independence helps shift the relationship to a life-long, loving, adult, relationship. Shifting to COLLABORATION is a BIG shift for most parents. We are deep into “control” or “advising”. A tip for being a great collaborator is: to learn how to pursue an INTEREST instead of taking a POSITION. Positions are the particular solutions we propose; these serve a larger Interest. An Interest is the larger thing that you are trying to accomplish with your “position.” Listen to the podcast episode to hear more about the what, why, and how of collaboration.
Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150.
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Episode 87 - Relating to Your Young Adult: Do’s and Don’ts
We discuss some of the biggest DO’s and DON’Ts for managing our relationships with our young adults. What’s the best way to give advice? Our young adults generally don’t want to hear it. They’ve had plenty of it from us in the past. We also discuss how our young adults really hate receiving or perceiving, judgment from their parents. We can carry a lot of judgment of them without realizing it. Or we make the judgment and think, “It’s “no big deal.” Here’s some news: It is a HUGE deal. The perception that your adult child is the target of critical judgment is probably the number one reason parents get cut off or cut out of their children’s lives. Learn how to handle this area of your relationship with a great deal of care and intentionality.
What’s a story you have about successes or challenges in relating to your young adult children? We would love to hear from you!
Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150.
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86 | Your Young Adult: The Big Goal to Never Lose Sight Of | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
There’s a huge goal to never lose sight of when relating to your young adult! Our expectations of them can conflict with that goal. It’s human nature to focus on what’s NOT happening and to be impatient for what we think SHOULD be happening. We have expectations rooted in our own personal history. Let’s bear in mind that the culture is not what it used to be. Life’s path is less settled and predictable in terms of transitioning into independent adult roles. There’s also lots of brain maturation still happening into the late twenties. As parents, we are transitioning from a role of control (as if we ever really had that!) to a relationship of mutual respect and influence. It’s up to us to model what mutual respect looks like. Our control of our children’s outcomes, meaning the “results” they get, was always limited. Most parents need to consciously move away from taking responsibility for the outcomes their children have. And to release control to them for their experiences of being happy in their circumstances.
Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150.
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2
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85 | Self Compassion Yes How Why Now | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Join us as we take a quick break to remember the helpfulness of self-compassion practice, why it’s important that you use this skill now, what it is, and how much we want it as part of our spiritual life. Self-compassion is a skill and a habit. What does that remind you of?? A virtue! Yes, a habitual and firm disposition to do the good. In this instance, to do good to YOU so you can bring God’s good to those around you with serenity, courage, and grace. Need patience? Then you need self-compassion. Need to persevere with hope? Start with self-compassion so you can tap your spiritual gifts as fully as possible.
In this Episode
Check out Karen’s self-compassion live webinar: https://shorturl.at/myB24
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Episode 84 - Interview: Unvarnished Faith with Bill Yoh
Bill Yoh shares how a love of neighbor lit up his life with the fire of the Holy Spirit and inspired him to live a simple, strong, unvarnished faith in a straightforward and consistent way. We were delighted to speak with him as he shared his experiences, from the dumpsters of Nicaragua to the boardroom of one of the largest privately held US companies. He shares lessons taught to him by the poor, by the generous people who serve them and picks out a handful of virtues that will help each of us follow the inspirations of the holy spirit.
In this Episode
Go to Bill Yoh’s website to buy the book, get the newsletter, and learn more: https://unvarnishedfaith.com/
Book: Unvarnished Faith: Learning to Love with a Servant's Heart, by Bill Yoh.
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Episode 83 - Slay the Giant Killer Duty Robot II
How do you know if you have a Giant Killer Duty Robot looking over your shoulder? Dominican Fr. Servais Pinckaers continues to help us see the robot AND tells us what moral theory used to look like before that robot swept down like a terminator from Skynet and displaced the teachings of Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, and the church fathers. It turns out that, if you want to get your ideas about what you are supposed to do (aka morals) you have to START WITH THE RIGHT QUESTION! Yep. It’s true in your life. And it’s true in our life as a community of the faithful. We discuss how it is (moral obligation theory), how it was (the question of happiness), and how to spot that robot in your mirror!
In this Episode
The Sources of Christian Ethics, Servais Pinckaers https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0823208282/
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22
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Episode 82 - Slay the Giant Killer Duty Robot I
Move over, Goliath, we got a Giant Killer Duty Robot to slay here. Good thing we are getting lots of help from Dominican Fr. Servais Pinckaers, who wrote a lot of the encyclical Veritatis Splendor and the Catechism of the Catholic Church with John Paul II. Servais calls the robot “Moral Obligation Theory.” He traces its roots back to the 15th and 16th centuries. It’s a theory that has become a “lens” that most of us modern Christians use most of the time when we think about morals - it’s so powerful we don’t even know we are looking through it! As with most thought distortions, it takes something that’s good and takes it out of context, elevating it to have a priority that’s misplaced in most circumstances. Moral obligation theory is a giant killer robot because it’s a joy killer. Servais is very clear: this theory stinks and does not help us. If dealing with God makes you feel miserable, or you feel like your entire life is grinding out one duty after another, you might be laboring under this theory of moral obligation.
In this Episode
The Sources of Christian Ethics, Servais Pinckaers https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0823208282/
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Episode 81 - Scripture never tells you to be perfect
End your bad habit of “perfect” with us! End it today. “Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect is what it says in Matthew 5:48,” right? After all, PERFECT is an English word that we know very well. If it’s perfect then it’s flawless, without defects, and does not make mistakes. That’s modern English. But the word used in Scripture does not mean the same thing as the modern English word “perfect.” The word used in Matthew 5:48 is a form of the Greek word Teleios. It means something more like “grown” or “mature” like an acorn matured into an oak. Please stop trying to be perfect. Scripture does not require it. In fact, it is worse than useless. Join us as we discuss the details.
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Episode 80 - Me, My, and Your Perfectionism
Amanda is a young lady described in a recently published book reviewed in the August 23, 20023 Wall Street Journal. She’s had perfectionism drilled into her, Barbie-style, and she’s internalized it. “Self-directed” perfectionism is the perfectionism that’s directed at yourself; it’s what we normally think of as perfectionism. Amanda has hit all her milestones through her middle-class upbringing: the grades, the extracurriculars, and the great school. And now she has a great job. She’s empty. Why? Answering that question is, in many ways, the point of this podcast. We all know, intellectually, that chasing success can be a trap. Success, however, comes in many forms, including not only professional work but also marriage, family, children, roles in our local church, health, body image, and more. For instance, have you been complaining about your lack of progression in your “spiritual” life for pretty much all of your life? As midlifers, we are likely to need to give up on some of our hoped-for “successes'' if we want to flourish, if for no other reason than the fact that our ambitious and unrealistic 20-year-old selves very likely set a bar so high that we can’t reach it in every area of our life. Perfectionism is one of the big thought traps we can so easily fall into. Most perfectionists refuse to see it for the performance-killer and joy-stealer that it is. As we say in Minnesota: “Go figure.”
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Episode 79 - Barbie and you are Perfectionists
Barbie, the movie, has something to say about perfectionism. Remember that monologue by Gloria? Gloria was super frustrated with the contradicting and insatiable messages directed to her as a woman that required her to be perfect and to be judged inadequate whenever she fell short. It resonated with many, many women. Perfectionism messages are constantly being directly beamed into you from your environment. Beamed, like Scotty beaming things, OK? That's just one arena of life. Men and women are getting these messages constantly from all over the place in our culture, which is very competitive, often treats us as commodities, keeps us insecure in our roles, and holds us to what are often unreasonable standards. Join us to discuss "so what," "what to do," and "why does it matter, really, really matter"? (hint: yes it really matters)
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Episode 78 - Don’t take it Personally
We take things personally because it cuts to our survival instinct. What’s at stake, in our brains, isn’t “do I get the topping on the ice cream?”; it’s “ Do I get to eat today?” Our brains are always looking for threats. We quickly interpret what people say or do as being directed at “me.” If you are trying to bring that virtuous, charitable, wise “you” to the party, it’s so helpful to create some distance and boundaries around the stories you tell yourself. Listen to the podcast for some helpful thoughts!
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Episode 77 - Rumination - It’s a trap!
Ruminating undermines you. We can quickly move from necessary self-reflection into repetitive negative thought patterns that get in the way of growth and problem-solving. Midlifers love to chew on their mistakes and keep turning things over and over. And over and over. Rumination isn’t solving your problems. It's not bringing health and new growth. Instead, it's making things worse. And some good news is: we don't have to do it. We discuss how to know when you are ruminating, why it’s so engaging for our brains, and what some of your options for pushing back could be. We want you to spot your ruminating and know when it’s not helpful, so you can disengage.
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Episode 76 - Thought traps: Tricky Shoulds
Are you ‘shoulding’ on yourself? (Don’t lie! We all do it) And it’s easy for those tricky ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts” to start defining your emotions and behaviors. I should get up earlier. I should work out. I should get more sleep. I shouldn’t complain so much. I shouldn’t be upset. And what about what others should or shouldn’t do or be? Find out why this is distorted thinking and how it undermines who you are called to be and what you are called to do. Let us know how the ‘shoulds’ are showing up for you!
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Episode 75 - Thought traps: Silly Brain Tricks II
What? More thought traps? Yes, lots more. Hooray. Listen and spot your favorite one to work on this week. These traps derail us or leave us spinning our wheels. The ratio is great but awareness and curiosity are better for spotting and responding to them. We discuss and share examples of some of them, like Personalizing, Blaming, Unfair Comparisons, Regret Orientation, What IFs, Emotional Reasoning, Inability to Disconfirm, and Judgment Focus. Email us about YOUR “favorite” thought trap!
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Episode 74 - Thought traps: Silly Brain Tricks 1
Humans (like you for instance) have some habits of thinking that are traps. We all fall into them, repeatedly. You have to laugh! These traps can shut down our thinking before we realize it, leaving us stuck or making poor choices because the traps often work at an unconscious level. Asking great questions is the key to uncovering thought traps. We discuss and share examples of some of them, like Mind Reading, Fortune-Telling, Catastrophizing, Labeling, Discounting Positives, Negative Filtering, Overgeneralizing, All-or-Nothing Thinking, and the infamous Shoulds. Listen and decide which one is your favorite, so you can work on it this week. Haha, tell us which one your spouse or friend falls into the most. 😉
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Episode 73 - Gospel of Suffering part 2
All human sufferings are capable of being infused with the same power of God manifested in Christ's Cross, writes JP2 in Salvifici Doloris. We have solidarity with Christ in suffering. This solidarity and participation in the cross that unites us with the Holy Spirit is a reality to be experienced and confounds explanations and theories. Moreover, the church is not passive in the face of the world’s suffering; on the contrary, we are asked to go precisely to where people are suffering– and the Spirit comes with us. The disorders of our culture show us where we have not met others in their suffering and have not brought God’s healing restoration to them.
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