123 | Fearlessness to release useless fears and choose from purpose | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Fear is natural. It's a natural emotion. [00:14:10] Why, then, do we have this emphasis on fearlessness? There are things that naturally come up in life that are always going to give rise to fear. And In those situations, probably what's needed is courage. The courage to act in the face of feeling fear and doing the right thing. Fearlessness is different and addresses all the rest of the fears we have. Fears that are actually meant to be released and not to be overcome. So courage is feeling your fear and overcoming it. Fearlessness is releasing the fears that you don't really need to have and that are not serving you in any way whatsoever and are just the result of your unconscious processes that you've adopted over the years. In that case, the goal isn't courage; it’s getting to a place of fearlessness. Remember what St. Paul tells us. He says that when your love is complete, there is no fear; it's driven out. Did we mention that releasing that kind of baggage, including but not limited to useless fears, is one of our specialties? Email us if you are curious or book a consult on our website. And this is our goal. This is what God wants for us, is to be people who do not dwell in fear, but dwell in love.
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122 | Authenticity is crucial to your life | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
God made you. So live your life. It’s YOUR job. If you are living a version of your life only because it’s the version that someone else thinks is what you should do, you will feel it in your bones. It will sap your power, meaning that sense of agency that creates energy to live your life. Authenticity looks like Acting from your core; doing/saying/showing up from your beliefs, values, choices, perspectives, and talents; being true to yourself, and living with integrity. Being authentic means being emotionally honest, clear about your experience of the world, and free of pretense. Being real. It’s a virtue needed for humility, which is indispensable for coping with life. A lack of authenticity leads to disconnection from yourself, from God, and from those around you. Brene Brown says “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Be more of what God created you to be; that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
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121 | Cultivate serenity and power using the discipline of trusting the process
So often, we're looking ahead. We're looking to the future. We're waiting until something happens or until we get to the next place, or to the next milestone. Or we're worried and anxious about what might happen in the future. That’s living in the future and not living in the present where we're meant to be. Our power is in the present and it is where God meets us. Learning how to trust the process of your own life, and in the events of your life, requires confidence in God’s providence, a release of the desire to control, and a willingness to focus more on what you can learn instead of what you can get.
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120 | The discipline of conscious choice | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
We often think we are making choices, but really it’s our past, our worries and fears, our habits, our trigger behaviors, or our doubts that are making the choices for us. We are hijacked by our past without us even realizing it. Because when we make choices, we are always filtering them through our past experiences. What we learn from those experiences tends to create what the “facts” are for us. Sometimes in coaching, we call this the YOU-Bag. It’s like a backpacking bag on your back: you can’t see what’s in it but you feel it. Often others can see some things in there that you can’t. We have a pack full of unconscious beliefs that drive our behavior. It’s helpful to bring them up to our full awareness so we can see if these drivers need to be updated or replaced. Learn more about conscious choice and the illusion of choice by listening to this week’s podcast!
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119 | Awareness and Examen | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Awareness is a discipline, meaning a kind of excellence that you could cultivate, that shows up in a few different contexts. Awareness is the ability to know “what is”. It’s the ability to discern what’s actually happening from your mind’s interpretation of what’s happening. In a sense, it means being present versus seeing a situation from the past. We have a catalog of past experiences and those can dominate our minds to the point where we don’t “see” what’s in front of us. Awareness includes the ability to sense what’s driving your behavior in a given situation, realizing that our unconscious and semi-conscious thoughts are often taking the lead role in our behavior. The Examen is a great Catholic tradition that can help us bring awareness to our lives if we are asking good questions.
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118 | Discipline of Serene Acceptance | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Serene acceptance is radical acceptance. It sets the stage for our most powerful action and divine cooperation. There’s nothing passive, woe-is-me, or giving up when we practice serene acceptance. It shifts us immediately to see what might be possible. What you are resisting about life? When you are busy rejecting, resenting, resisting, or glumly resigning yourself to a situation, ask yourself: What am I resisting here? What does acceptance look like in this situation?
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117 | When you know what Discipline ACTUALLY is, you know you love it | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Our modern ideas about discipline are deeply impoverished relative to the days of the fathers of the church. When we think of discipline, we think about a general disciplining the troops, the principal dishing out punishment, or the need to persevere to complete a hard task. Yet these are only one part of discipline. Jesus invites us to be his disciples. Disciples are invited to be much more than soldiers following commands or workers pushing through long hours. The bigger meaning of “discipline” still survives in some parts of our language. For instance, we talk about the scientific disciplines or disciplines of the arts. Mastering a discipline is work, yet it also creates freedom in ourselves because we become free to practice that discipline even as we master it. As the disciple matures, she is able to practice like the master, with increasing joy, confidence, and creativity. Being a disciple is a path to increasing freedom, joy, and confidence. Getting focused solely on the sacrificial aspects of discipleship is to miss out on all the best parts! Listen and join the conversation.
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116 | What about MY HOPE now?
Boy! It’s hard to hope! The challenges of the present age overwhelm us, and we worry, we fear, we become discouraged and defeated. As Christians, we grasp onto the cosmic hope of Christ and struggle to make it our own. Hope itself is a contradiction, a stance in the midst of uncertainty, and a refusal to avoid the tension of being human.
We strive to do what Abraham did, trusting “against all hope, but still in hope.”
(Romans 4:18)
Friends, hope is always with us, always around the corner. Let’s encourage one another in hope.
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115 | Easter HOPE that reaches out to all creation | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Our hope is too small. Scripture reveals a hope that embraces all of creation cosmically reordered and recreated as an interlocking of a new heaven and new earth. We are so individualistic, so atomized in our culture, that we can hardly even understand what we read in the New Testament when it comes to hope. Remember Romans 8 where all of creation groans as it waits for the revelation of the sons and daughters of God? That’s a hope that’s COSMIC in scope. It’s beyond “me and mine.” Karen discusses some of the images that Scripture uses to convey this hope on a great big grand scale as big as creation itself. Listen to get a grip on hope at the cosmic scale.
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114 | Hop up to greatness of heart: Magnanimity | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
“I’m gonna answer the call. I am willing to use my gifts. I am going to choose my greater potential.” Magnanimity is the greatness of the heart. It is fundamentally conceived in terms of vocation and stewardship: it is a response to God’s call, and willingness to use his gifts. As Aquinas says: “Magnanimity makes us deem ourselves worthy of great things in consideration of the gifts we hold from God.” I sometimes fear we have become too passive and looking inwards inside the four walls of our parish churches. Magnanimity enlarges the heart. It’s what the other human virtues are perfecting, and it’s the human virtue par excellence that sets us up to receive the supernatural virtues of hope, faith, and love. We don’t hear a lot about this virtue these days. Join us as we dare to hope and aspire.
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113 | Easter Attitude: Get Hopped Up on Appreciation and Gratitude
Gratitude kicks off a cycle of positivity in your relationships because it engenders the same response from other people. We all need to remind ourselves of the good things we have because our lovely brains have a big negativity bias that will take over unless we actively resist negativity. Easter is a season to embrace new hope, and to look at the world with new eyes of faith. Appreciation and gratitude are wonderful Easter virtues. Gratitude can elude us as we suffer through this present age of creation yet we have received much from God, including our life and eternal joyful life. Gratitude refers to an emotion and an action.We all know that experience of feeling a depth of gratitude for someone or something in our life. It's also a habit that we cultivate to get our minds focused in the right direction. When your emotions and actions aren't lining up, you've got some fixing-up to do. Gratitude acknowledges and appreciates the good and the positive.
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112 | Get your Easter heart hoppin’ with Awe and Wonder | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
You weeded the garden in Lent. Now it’s time to plant some seedlings. Try out something new. Reconnect with your experience of awe to open your heart up to something new. God always has something new for you. Something just for you. You were busy cleaning your house in Lent. Now the Holy Spirit is here and waiting to engage you in new ways. Awe is a universal human experience that catapults us out of the every day into the realm of the extraordinary. It lifts us beyond our me-centric view into a God-centric, and us-centered state of mind. We experience awe when we see others act with extraordinary moral courage, kindness, or service. Or we connect with awe in nature or perhaps great art. Awe brings us to Wonder, which leaves us open with curiosity in God’s universe, alert to opportunities in our life. Easter is the time for new initiatives! To plant new seeds. Let’s get our hearts opened up, directed outwards, sensitive to the eternal and the new.
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111 | Lord’s Prayer: Forgiveness and Deliverance | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
When we read the Lord’s Prayer with the understanding that it’s a prayer for the Kingdom of God now and forever, we can grasp how “forgive us our debts” is a reflection on how the Kingdom of God operates. It’s a kingdom where forgiveness is offered and received. We are all reconciled with God and each other. That’s why we are the people of peace: we are living our vocation of forgiveness. Join us as we discuss this profound part of the Lord’s Prayer.
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110 | The Lord’s Prayer: What are we praying for? | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Teach us, Lord, how to pray. And we got this remarkable prayer that’s so very short. How can it be called a summary of the Gospels? The key is to understand how to pray it with the end in mind. Remember that life tip that says “Begin with the End in Mind”? When we keep the end in mind, then the petitions make more sense. “Hallowed be Thy name” can sound like “don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.” But what it’s really getting at is that we want God to come more fully into his creation now. We are asking Him to do the things that make his name Holy, in anticipation of when he arrives fully present in His creation. Learn why the Lord’s Prayer is an eschatological prayer, and how to set yourself up to pray it as a follower of Christ.
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109 | The Lord’s Prayer: Hope for God’s Future | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
The Lord’s Prayer is the most perfect Christian prayer, and in this episode, we discuss creating the right mindset for this beautiful prayer. Watch out! We’ll be tackling big scary things like ‘eschatology’, ‘eschatological dualism’, and ‘2-stage eschatology’–but only to find out they’re not so scary after all. We don’t know exactly what God’s future will look like, but we do know some things, and we know enough to pray for it to come in the power of the Holy Spirit. Learn why the Lord’s Prayer is an eschatological prayer, and how to set yourself up to pray it as a follower of Christ.
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108 | The Lord’s Prayer: Opening up to its graces | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
From the earliest days of Christianity, people recognized there was something very important and special about being given the words of the Lord’s Prayer. Peter Chrysologus was teaching it to some newly baptized Christians and he said: “The angels stand in awe at what you are going to hear today.” I think to the modern Christian, the kind of praise and reverence that early Christians showed to this prayer is not in our experience and if we think about it is surprising. I won’t say ‘we treat it like an old sock’, that’s not true. . . but there is a sense of familiarity that has come about that is not at all like how the early Christians approached it. Join us in a relaxed conversation as we start to open ourselves up to the depths of this profound prayer.
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107 | Marriage: Blossom in Midlife | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
SHARPen up your marriage! We have some high-level tips for you. S is Shared Vision or Story. H is healing in your marriage. A is attend to the marriage bond. R is the R-word, you know what it is: Relationship! Brush up on your R skills! Be a better friend. P is for personal growth. Gotta grow. When you grow, you will bring new energy to the relationship.
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106 | Marriage: How to ask for what you want | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Husbands really, really want to please their wives. C’mon, I mean, St. Paul even warns us about it! Laura Doyle wants wives to believe it and lean into it by telling their husbands what would please them. The trick is to do so without being demanding or unpleasant. Listen in for this how-to marriage tip!
Referenced Materials
Laura Doyle, The Empowered Wife, Updated and Expanded Edition: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband's Time, Attention, and Affection 2023, BenBella Books.
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105 | Marriage: See the bid? Now turn towards | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Much of what is taught about having a great marriage is not very helpful, according to marriage guru John Gottman. He says one of the biggest keys is to learn how to cultivate a deep friendship. He writes, “I rarely see small moments of connection in the tapes of couples who later divorce or report their marriage has permanently soured”. Cultivate a connection with the habit of “turning toward” your spouse. There are big moments, like being asked to do something that takes a lot of time; you are not likely to miss those! Be in the habit of also paying attention to the many small moments where you can turn toward your spouse. When they talk to you, give them your full attention. When they point something out, check it out. Look for these “bids” for attention, affection, humor, or support.
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104 | Marriage: Maps and Five Levels of Sharing | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Our “maps” of who we “know” our husband or wife can get outdated. We have assumptions about them that are not true anymore. We could ask better questions: curious, open-ended questions that are gentle and inquisitive. We give you some good ideas about how to ask those questions. We also discuss the five levels of sharing. It’s surprising how seldom we reach the deepest levels, even after many years of marriage. It’s a lot easier to stay at the medium levels, like making your preferences known, because going deeper can be more risky. We can’t expect our husband or wife to keep up to date on “who I am now” if we don’t share at the deepest levels. Revealing ourselves is part of discovering the depths of each other.
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103 | Five Reasons Goals are Not Accomplished | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
If you are struggling with your goals, we offer you five common reasons that goals are not accomplished. One of them is that our goal does not require taking measurable actions, so we don’t know if we are executing our plan. For example, if you have a goal to improve a certain relationship, that could be a wonderful intention but it does not require any measurable actions, so it’s not a goal. But if you thought about that relationship and decided that you wanted to have better conversations, then you are getting closer. What action could you take for better conversations? If you read a relationship book, you might realize that there are skills to being a good listener. You could list those skills and track how consistently you practice them, and how many times you missed opportunities to do so. You might use a checklist, a journal, or capture notes to your daily planner. Now you’re cooking. Join us as we discuss other common reasons you might not be achieving your goals!
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Episode 102 | Four requirements for change | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
We often lack what’s needed to actually make changes. In other words, we often have a goal and do not realize we are not ready to chase that goal. So we are not successful in creating the change. I think all of us have experienced that!! It’s not as easy as “just deciding” to do “it.” Karen shares the four requirements for change. The first one is to GET RID of the baggage that’s associated with the change. Join us as she explains what that means and shares the other three requirements for change.
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101 | Find your Goals: Do what you are meant to do! | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Today’s episode is an EXERCISE to create great goals for yourself. Jump in and try it! As we practice the virtue of living in the moment (episode 101) we might wonder: Am I doing what I’m meant to do at this time? Having great GOALS helps with this question. What if you had great, inspiring goals? A strong direction? Often our goals are a glorified to-do list that provides little true direction. “Gotta do more better” is not inspiring and it’s not a great strategy for actually doing better. Join for a few minutes to get some new ideas for goals in your life! Because life is growth and growth is change and you have goals; the question is are they conscious and in focus or just sorta meh goals?
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100 | Your invaluable skill of Living in the Present Moment
Living in the present moment is a habit to help us reach for interior peace and integrate our lives. God is never early, He’s never late, He’s always right on time. God’s grace is found in the present moment. If you are in the present, as Jaques Philippe says, you “entrust the past to the mercy of God and trust the future to His providence, doing just what is required of you today,“ and that helps you receive grace, because “sterile regrets, rumination on the past, and worries about the future cut us off from divine grace.“ Peace and grace that’s what we need. Listen in as we discuss why this skill is invaluable and give some pointers on how to better practice this habit.
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99 | Putting trust in time | The Catholic Midlife Podcast
Listen to catch some new thoughts about the way you think about time! The modern mind thinks of time as a commodity. As a tool or a resource. There’s a limited amount of it. We have a lot of sayings that reflect this viewpoint, such as “time is money.” Or “living on borrowed time,” or “it’s about time.” But time is more than another object we use. Time was created by God as a way for us to participate in eternity. We often think of time as the enemy, as something we compete with, or as an unstoppable force. We could, however, learn new perspectives that lead us to trust in time, to value it as our participation in eternity, and to connect the past and the future together in the present moment by way of narrative.
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