The Catholic Midlife

HOPE is a theme of our podcast. HOPE. We keep coming back to it. Because we need a LOT of it. We need a lot of it because life is either challenging us, or even kicking us when we are down, and because we are leaning into new challenges that S-T-R-E-T-C-H us. Life is short and needs lots of hope if we want to accept it and embrace it. Supernatural hope does not disappoint. It certainly does CHALLENGE. The world seems a tad crazy, bad, and sad. Cultivating and receiving hope is not so easy. I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. -Psalm 121 Receiving Receiving. Now there’s an interesting concept. Catholics like to talk about receiving grace. We tend to think of receiving grace as a very passive sort of thing. I’m sitting there, prayerful, and the grace simply shows up. That surely must happen, sometimes. Receiving, however, it not merely passive. There’s a continuum from being purely passive to being very active: from NO pursuit to ALL OUT pursuit. Watching the ball game and waiting for your buddy to bring back the popcorn form the concession stand: that’s pure passivity. Exploding off the line of scrimmage, hitting and shoving the player right in front of you, breaking off and sprinting on a slant down field, looking stretching, leaping, fighting the defender to RECEIVE the ball… that’s ALL OUT pursuit. Spiritual life is tricky sometimes and distinguishing making an effort to receive from making efforts to save ourselves by ourselves (that’s Pelagianism or please correct me if I got the wrong heresy name) is not always so easy. We can, at least, discard the idea of receiving as being purely passive. Discouragement Hope is a virtue particularly appropriate to midlife because, in this season, it's actually very easy to get discouraged and to lack hope for a lot of different reasons. For example, we might be looking back over our life and thinking, “Oh boy, I, I wish I had made some different decisions.” Or we are dealing with parental guilt (there’s a lot of that, most of which is pointless). Or we feel that the best of life is behind us because of our health, our outlook, our assessment of our future…And we can be just plain tired. Fr. Jacques Phillippe in The Way of Trust and Love, a book drawing on the spirituality of Thérèse of Lisieux, describes DISCOURAGEMENT as THE MAIN DANGER in spiritual life. I don’t think that would have been my first guess as the MAIN danger. Of course we take this quote in context, knowing that there are many other things that are critical and necessary, like goodwill. Acceptance Philippe’s book about Thérèse is entitled The Way of Trust and Love. One of the themes of Thérèse’s spirituality that Philippe picks up on is ACCEPTING our interior poverty. ACCEPTANCE is not complacency or making-friends with our inner weaknesses. ACCEPTANCE lets us have PEACE as we realize how “little” we are - and you devotees of Thérèse’s little way immediately know that it’s a theme for her. We have to accept what God has for us and what God allows to happen. We EVEN have to accept that the world is a good place despite all the “bad” in it. Life IS good. We would never choose much of what happens to us however God allows it to happen. Accepting what IS happening to us and around us is a big step in the battle of RECEIVING the gift of PEACE that God repeatedly promises to us. RECEIVING this gift of peace, which is a grace (freely given by God, not earned), requires us to make some EFFORT to receive it. An aspect of this effort is ACCEPTANCE. Some of the hardest things to accept are our own weaknesses, our own spiritual poverty. Spiritual poverty is the norm. We are weak. We just are. When we accept that situation, and remain “little”, as Thérèse might say, we are a loooooong way towards receiving the peace God has promised to persons of good will. Self Compassion Karen and I consistently see the need for people to practice self-compassion. It’s a discipline that will help you have ACCEPTANCE of yourself, those around you, the things that happen to you, and what’s happening in the world. Remember, acceptance is not resignation. It’s allowing what God permits to happen, to happen and to be. Let’s talk more about self compassion next week. Drop us a line Listen to the discussion on the podcast and join the conversation by emailing or texting us: Text The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

How do you KNOW you are living with meaning and purpose? We are wrapping up this season on meaning and purpose: shoot us an email if you want our list of eight items to ponder if you are living with meaning and purpose. How do you know? If you are ABSOLUTELY MISSING it, you likely know it. And if you are ABSOLUTING SMASHING IT, you likely know that. The interesting bit is the in-between. I'm really struck by how purpose is such a powerful organizing principle for our lives. It really shows us where our treasure is. It’s a compass. Before we had really dug into this season, I (Curtis) had understood, of course, that it's central to wellbeing. Everybody who's anybody in psychology or positive psychology tells us that meaning and purpose are critical for human wellbeing. But what's really standing out to me is how powerfully orienting it is in our spiritual life and our lives and our mental, spiritual, and emotional domains. A lot of Catholics teaching spirituality place a great emphasis on holiness. Being holy. Sure, that’s something for us to be. However, it doesn’t really tell us what to do while we are being “holy.” Purpose answers this question of: what shall we do now? What’s next? What are my priorities? Where will I spend my time, money, and talent? What will I pay attention to. “Pay” attention. I only have so much of it, right? If you are feeling the PAIN of no-purpose, you are going to start looking for answers. You might stay stuck. But you will look. You might lapse into despair and stop looking, but you will still be hoping it shows up for you. It’s the lukewarm middle that’s intriguing. I think we are too quick to “settle for” much less than is possible for us. That we settle for much less than God will provide for us. While that means more comfort and less challenge, it also, ultimately means less joy and more regrets. Eww. If we are “OK” but not “Full” of meaning and purpose, likely you are not going to change. It’s human nature. Hey, if I don't feel the pain, I'm not gonna change. Why should I? Karen says: “ I don't know if it's been for this way for you listeners, but this question, how do you know that you're living with purpose? The question of how do you know you're living purposefully has continued to come back for me.” What are the signs or symptoms or ways to assess that you're living a purposeful life? Here are some signs. We took these from Richard Leider’s book, Repacking Your Bags ◉You have a purpose larger than your own needs, wants, and desires–a sense of how your life and work fit into the larger scheme of things You know you are part of something bigger. ◉You have an internal compass that keeps you “true” to your purpose in life ◉You have clear boundaries around the two most precious currencies: time and money. ◉You have a sense of your potential talents, the limits of which have not been fully tested ◉You have marked adaptability when faced with obstacles; you simply handle them as a natural feature of living flexibility. ◉Your abundant energy is infectious: it gives you and the people around you even more energy ◉You have a strong spiritual core; a sense of some higher power in your life ◉You have a feeling of lightness: a sense of being unburdened by the burdens you are carrying. Listen to the discussion on the podcast and join the conversation by emailing or texting us: Text The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

In life, we often don’t make progress until we ask the RIGHT question. That’s why we are so impressed with Dr. John Olesnavage’s approach: finding Your Most Powerful Question. He has written the book Your Most Powerful Question; Finding purpose and meaning in God’s plan. It’s the fruit of years of professional work as a Doctor of Psychology, many years’ experience with his own most powerful question, and working with many, many people to help them find their most powerful question. If you read the lives of saints, you will see that their lives are driven by powerful questions. Thomas Aquinas asked “What is God?” St. Vincent dePaul asked: “What must be done?” John consistently sees that, once a person finds their powerful question, it’s liberating and motivating. It draws them closer to God and to His purposes in their lives. He says “If you do what God wants you to do, you're going to make a difference. That's a Catholic understanding, period.” His book is full of examples of people that found their question. One was “What is legacy?” This question lead the asker to take on a new charity that provides hope and encouragement to at-risk youth: they get extensive training on mountain bikes, participate in a long, tough race, and keep their bikes. There are many more examples. God made us free: it is a fact that is inseparable from our human nature. He desires us to be free. To choose freely. To act freely. As John has said, “We may talk about transformation and freedom to be who we really are, but many of us are trapped in our own life story. Real freedom starts with a genuine question we care deeply about and following it to the truth it reveals.” The spiritual nature of finding this question is really quite striking. We can often think that pleasing God is accomplished in the same way that we please humans in authority. We forget the personal and intimate invitation God has for us: to participate with Him in His creation so that his will is done on earth. He is delighted for us to use the talents He gave us. Guest links: Dr. John Olesnavage Powerful Question Institute Askyourpowerfulquestion.com johnolesnavage@gmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------- The Catholic Midlife podcast links: Text The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

If you were heading out to canoe for two weeks in the Boundary Waters, a series of pristine lakes up around Ely, Minnesota, you would be unpacking your gear and selecting what you need to go into the canoe with you. You would not want what you don’t need. You would want what you need and no more. It would be REALLY hard to decide what to take OUT of your bag and what to put INTO your bag if you did not have a strong sense of WHERE you were going. Beach? Flip-flops. Mountains? Parka. Sabaton Concert? High-fidelity ear plugs. Canoe? Waterproof bags. We’ve spent a number of episodes on meaning and purpose because it’s essential to your vocation as a Christina. Your vocation: that thing God is calling you to do. It didn’t stop when you decided to be a priest, nun, brother, friar, married, single, or whatever. God’s always there, inviting you out into the vineyard, which is the world, to be swept up into His plans, to be a part of it all. To love, to serve, to Be. THAT vocation. That’s a reference to the vineyard where the master hired laborers at different times of the day. He kept going to the market and seeing people standing around. No! Come join us in our labors, he said. That’s the parable that John Paul II leveraged in Christifideles Laici, which we’ve been quoting in these last few episodes because it connects vocation, your relationship with God, your work for the Kingdom, and your sense of purpose and meaning together. What a blessing to have an opportunity to make your own unique contribution to the kingdom. Based on who you are. Your gifts, talents, strengths, values, preferences, inclinations, experience, history… the whole ball of wax, meaning you. Meaning and purpose are central to your wellbeing. To being able to do more than just cope. To flourishing. There’s a lady we know that’s retiring. She has to decide where to live and what to do with that house that’s in the family. Sell it? Rent it? Move there? Put one of the relatives in there? There’s a lot to sort out. She’s not in the mood to play around, she wants to move to the next big thing in life; she’s very strong and mission-oriented. Wow, so cool. The thing is, she can’t make any big decisions until she decides: what’s my purpose now? What’s Next for me? That might take a little experimentation. We are so excited! What’s going to be her new direction? She will make it an excellent one, we know that much. That’s what articulating purpose does for you. Helps you strip away what’s not needed and holds you back. And pack-in the things you need now. Goals. Commitments. Relationships. Work. Play. Place. Roles. Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Meaning and purpose are big themes in transition. Transitions like RETIREMENT, EMPTY NEST, or other WAKE-UP call you might have. Where’s the excitement, meaning, purpose, discomfort, and discernment kicking in? Where’s the expediency, fear, super cautious, or momentum kicking in? We had a season on TRANSITIONS, starting at episode 2. John Paul II, in Christifideles Laici, at 58, wrote “The fundamental objective of the formation of the lay faithful is an ever-clearer discovery of one's vocation and the ever-greater willingness to live it so as to fulfill one's mission… God calls me and sends me forth as a laborer in his vineyard. He calls me and sends me forth to work for the coming of his Kingdom in history.” Transitions are a time for discernment. Who am I now? What am I called to, now? How can I use my inclinations, desires, circumstances, strengths, talents, desires, and inclinations to work out my new purpose and meaning in God’s kingdom? Did you catch that inclinations and desires are in that list twice? That’s because we often think those don’t matter when it comes to “spiritual” things like “discernment.” We can forget that we are embodied persons and the “spiritual” stuff is for the whole person and not just out “there” somewhere. Momentum, complacency, or strongly ingrained enculturation can be driving the bus for us. Instead of us, living out our vocation, being in charge. Sometimes our desire for security and predictability hold us back from what God has in mind for us, or at least what he COULD have in mind for us if we have an ever-greater willingness to live so as to fulfill one’s mission. Meaning and purpose naturally show up as QUESTIONS during times of transition. Our roles change, and how we spend our time changes. So naturally we look for new meaning and purpose. Having a good transition, in fact, will bring these issues up to the surface. A key question in a big life transition is: Am I discerning my possibilities and vocation in God’s kingdom? Or am I letting momentum, fear, other peoples’ plans etc. etc., etc. drive the bus of my life? One of the questions I ask myself (Curtis) is: How does my Catholic faith show up in my choices, compared to how I would be living out my middle-class values anyways? Find the National Catholic Register article at: https://www.ncregister.com/features/what-s-next-st-ignatius-advice-for-midlife-discernment Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Indeed as a person with a truly unique lifestory, each is called by name, to make a special contribution to the coming of the Kingdom of God. No talent, no matter how small, is to be hidden or left unused (cf. Mt 25:24-27) . . . . In this regard the apostle Peter gives us a stern warning: "As each has received a gift, employ it for one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace" (1 Pt 4:10). John Paul II in Christifideles Laici, at 56 Making our unique contribution. It’s a powerful catalyst to effective action when understood in a Christian framework. Making our contribution, using our talents, and being stewards of God’s grace. It’s perhaps surprising how central the role of “values” is when we are talking about making our unique contribution. Values are deep within us. Often they are not fully conscious. Here we are referring not to morals or ethics. We are talking about the things that make you different, that makes you prefer one thing over another. For instance, some people have “fun” as a value. Karen, in the podcast, shares how a lady harnessed her value of FUN to empower and uplift others in her daily life and work. Values are deep within your unconscious. They are motivating you. They are driving you. They are why you make the choices and decisions you make, even if you don't realize it. And it's part of who you are, and it's part of your special contribution to bringing your values to the world. And when we are living into our values, honoring our values, that's part of what contributes to having a deep sense of purpose in life. Naming and claiming your values will serve you well. You can leverage that knowledge to bring your values more fully into all areas of your life. You can see where they are driving you in areas you were not aware of. You can choose to honor them to sustain you through difficulty. You can choose one of them to honor when they are in conflict. We offer more tips and offer more insights around values in the podcast. Making our unique contribution. It’s a powerful catalyst for effective action. Do you have a strong sense of making your unique contribution? Why? Or why not? Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Our definition of purpose includes having a profound sense of who you are. That’s intriguing. As we tried to get to the core of what that really means, we touched on about half a dozen key ideas. One of them is a very helpful “how-to” find meaning and purpose. Another key concept is that we have spiritual, mental, and emotional realms that need to cooperate. Integrating these realms so we can be a complete, whole, person is crucial. When we're feeling a lack of meaning and purpose, it’s often a sign that those realms are not cooperating! We work hard on our spiritual lives; being integrated with our mental (mindset) and emotional (feelings) is needed for us to become whole and effective. Autonomy, authenticity, and conscious choice are other key concepts we discuss. Autonomy is being able to make your own choices. You may or may not have all the choices you could wish for, but it’s still YOU that needs to make YOUR choices. In the end, it’s your responsibility to choose - and trying to give away that power isn’t going to work out very well for you. If you’re operating on autopilot, however, you are not really using your autonomy. It’s making choices from your authentic core self is what you want. Autonomy and authenticity are about the need to be living your own life and not the life somebody else chose for you. It’s about acting through yourself, as John Paull II liked to say. Conscious choice is also about understanding what’s really driving your action. Is your behavior based on your highest values and spiritual aspirations - realizing you are an imperfect human and not a machine? Sometimes we act in a certain way without realizing we have alternatives. Definition for purpose Having a profound sense of who you are is an asset when seeking purpose and meaning. Here’s the definition of purpose that we are working with, from Richard Leider: Purpose is that deepest belief within us, where we have a profound sense of who we are, where we came from, what we're here to do, and where we are going. It's a source of deep vitality and vision. Richard Leider (We added the words “where we are going”). As a Christian, you are well on your way: you have ideas about who you are, where you came from, what you’re here to do, and where you are going. Nice! Guidance from our faith is general, so it’s up to us, with help from grace, to bring the purpose and meaning into our daily lives. Spiritual and Mental and Emotional realms You have a spiritual life. You have great values, you cultivate important virtues, you have thoughtful priorities about what’s important, you have lots of midlife wisdom, and you have a relationship with God. You have spiritual practices. You receive spiritual inspiration and guidance from many directions, for example from the Bible, Bible studies, books, your church, your fellow-Christians, books, seminars, retreats, books, online courses, and your inner life of prayer. We read a lot of books around here. Getting that great spiritual life to percolate throughout your entire being is a different question. We often experience a disconnect from our highest spiritual “self” and what we are doing day-to-day. That’s part of the human experience and, indeed, is one of the impacts of sin on us. It’s helpful to think of ourselves as having, besides the Spiritual realm, and Mental and Emotional realm. We also have a physical body, are socially connected to others, and live in an environment. When our mental life, or realm, is not cooperating with our spiritual realm, we can struggle to make choices or to act effectively. For instance, I might see what I “need to do” spiritually but be paralyzed with doubts in the mental realm and anxiety in the emotional realm., Or I see what I need to do and have a good idea of “how” but somehow I “just don’t care” and I am not able to muster the energy to consistently step forward. Coaching often involves creating alignment in the spiritual, mental, and emotional realms. A sense of lost purpose or meaning is often a signal that there is a lack of alignment between the spiritual, mental, and emotional realms. We want to live our life as an integrated whole person that is striving for unity in all those aspects. All of these elements, spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social, and how we internalize our environment are integrated in us as a unity, as a whole person. A lot of the stuckness, the frustration, or the lack of growth and transformation we experience happens when those elements aren't aligning and integrating well into a whole. Something Much Bigger Than You - Purpose and Meaning Martin Seligman’s advice to find meaning/purpose is: “Use your signature strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than you are.” We sometimes state this in terms of “bringing your full authentic self.” Use your signature strengths and virtues in the service and your full, authentic self to something much larger than you are. That’s great advice. Your “signature strength” is a character strength that you have that you love to use, that makes you feel good, and that gets consistently good results. It’s consistent with your values. It’s a virtue that you possess. Understanding your values and go-to virtues is part of knowing your “full authentic self.” Autonomy and bringing the Full Authentic Self to something much larger than you “Full authentic self” can conjure up a lot of images of being self-indulgent or whatever, but that's not what we're talking about. One thing that “full authentic self” signals is acting with autonomy. Autonomy. We want to live our own lives. God made us free. We have choices to make and we want to make our choices. You know what it’s like to do something that’s not your choice. You’ve been pressured, bullied, or guilt-ed into it. You are not willing and resentful. You do the whatever-it-is. That’s life, sometimes. Suck it up, don’t make a big deal out of it. If it’s life a LOT of the time, then you are on a big collision course with reality. Something’s going to break. What you are planting is not going to yield the big harvest that you would have otherwise hoped for. Or you will drag your sad self through life, not being who you could be or achieving what’s possible for you. Of course we are all responsible for our own choices and the fact that you let yourself be pressured, bullied, guilt-ed or whatever else simply adds to the misery of the whole thing. The good news is that we are essentially always “at choice” and there are always better choices available to you if you are in a place where you can see that, for whatever reason, your choices are not the best. Life packs a lot of momentum and if you are in a “stuck” place, there’s a reason. Humans are not perfect, we don’t have that option. So don’t kick yourself. Please ask for help when you are stuck. Let me repeat this: we are not perfect. We are all stuck in some area of life. Sometimes it’s a big one. Don’t beat yourself up. You are not supposed to be perfect. Decide that it’s time to move forward instead of sideways. Conscious Choice and Autonomy You are responsible for your choices. Your choices are sometimes made “for you” without you consciously realizing it. Part of what it means to be living your full, authentic self is to be making free and conscious choices. A classic example is someone that’s pressured into a career they don’t like. Like Dave, who was pressured to be a lawyer/doctor instead of a (commercial) artist. It took him a fair bit of misery to shake his family off and to forge ahead. Or, in the podcast, Karen mentions a lady that had internalized so many messages about who she should be, how she should act, and what it looks like to be happy or successful. And she found herself just kind of at the mercy of all these things she was trying to be. After bringing up all of these internal messages she said, “ I'm trying to live up to all these things and I don't even know who I am.” “ I do not really live as a person when I endure that which happens in me; I am not revealed as the person I am by that which I passively undergo. Rather, it is only by acting through myself that I really live and thrive as person. This important truth is compactly expressed in the title of Pope John Paul II's major philosophical work, The Acting Person. “ John F. Crosby, see here Your choices help form who you are… and then who you are helps to form your choices. Let’s keep this spiral moving upwards. In life, we are going forwards or backwards. Let’s keep it moving in the right direction. As we pass through life, we are accumulating all experiences, perspectives, interpretations and our brain creates a framework of meaning around them. And then it becomes part of how we experience and interpret our life as we move through it. And sometimes those things we accumulate are really helpful. Sometimes they're not. We can start to accumulate all of these things, like a boat accumulating barnacles and the biofouling that slows it down. Part of, I think living your full, authentic self is being able to look at that and identify the things that aren't really supporting your authentic self and release the ones that are not. Which points us back to the “full authentic self.” What is the me-that-God-made? And what are the “that’s-in-me-but-not-really-me” bits. We will be circling back to discuss everything! Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

This is a big topic! We need purpose and meaning. Think about times when you’ve felt that your actions had no meaning or purpose. Yikes. Well-being requires a sense of purpose and meaning. Fortunately, as Christians, we have strong spiritual resources that help us find that. The SPIRITUAL realm of our being does not always percolate down into our day-to-day moments, however. We also have MENTAL and EMOTIONAL realms of life and are PHYSICAL beings connected to others SOCIALLY in an ENVIRONMENT. All of those realities impact us in a big way. The Meaning and Purpose question often pops up around midlife. It’s pretty common. There are a few reasons for this. One reason is that our life’s roles are often shifting around midlife. Another reason is that your values are starting to shift. At midlife, you’ve earned some wisdom and it’s natural for you to want to make some course corrections. You want to look back in 10 or 20 years and not have regrets about the choices you are making now. Here’s the definition of purpose that we are working with, from Richard Leider: Purpose is that deepest belief within us, where we have a profound sense of who we are, where we came from, what we're here to do, and where we are going. It's a source of deep vitality and vision. (We added the words “where we are going”). Purpose creates a unique kind of energy and vision in our lives. Humans have a general vocational purpose: it’s to be image bearers. We are made in the image of God. We are image-of-God bearers. John Paull II writes of a transformation of the world: that is a call to stewardship of creation. It’s part of the human vocation described in Genesis wherein humanity is made in the image of God and is given dominion. Adam is made in the image of God. God’s dominion is wise. As a steward of vocation, Adam is reflecting God’s image into creation. God made humans. Humans reflect him into creation. So part of being in Christ means we're in this kingdom with Christ and we're living this vocation of worship and stewardship that the spirit makes possible. A question I like is: How am I bringing about the restoration of the kingdom? What's the bit of the kingdom that I am working to transform. What’s my part? What is my purpose? What am I bringing to the party? The kingdom is big: it’s the whole world! It’s the entirety of human endeavor. There’s many ways to bring about restoration. Talk about a target-rich environment! Purpose and meaning operate at many different levels in life. There’s the moment to moment. There are short term and long term. There are ultimate and also secondary purposes. Big and small. Personal and communal. There’s the realms of the spiritual, the mental, and emotional. Having a sense of how you are carrying out your general vocation is part of that picture. We have much more to share and discuss on this topic! Glad you can be here with you today. Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: The Catholic Midlife Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Here’s one more take on Romans 8! In this episode, we are focusing on the glory of God: what is it? What does it mean? And whatever is Paul talking about when he says God’s children will be ‘glorified with him’? Can Christians really partake of the glory of God? Paul starts by encouraging us to “celebrate the hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5: 2) and continues to help us understand what that all means in chapter 8. And here’s the thing: it might not be what you imagine it to be. To understand Paul, we need to place ourselves in the position and the worldview of the 1st-century Jew and hear what they would have heard in Paul’s exhortations. Think: God’s faithfulness, the reign of God in Christ, the glory of Rome, the coming of the new age, resurrected bodies, and dwelling with the Spirit! Because when we are in Christ, there is no condemnation. . . AND also, there is the hope of ‘the freedom that comes when God's children are glorified.’ (Romans 8:21) Join with us in strengthening your hope in the glory of God and in his promises for you! Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: The Catholic Midlife Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Book of Romans! It’s not an easy read! We will have a couple of episodes just on Chapter 8. There’s a lot of HOPE and assurances in Romans. There are many more themes, including patience and suffering. It’s all going to be worth it, Paul says. Chapter eight of Romans starts with this: Therefore there is no condemnation for those in the Messiah, Jesus. Let’s all make that a verse we remember, just like we remember John 3:16. No condemnation. It’s so easy for us to skip over it. To start thinking about all the reasons why we should, could, or might be condemned by God for acts or omissions. There’s a big negativity bias in human nature. It’s natural for us to be concerned about our personal salvation. To worry about being condemned. Paul’s letter to the Romans provides the Roman Christians with a lot of assurances. One of Paul’s assurances to them is that, since they are “in” the Messiah, there is no condemnation for them. Spend a few moments with that. Certainly, we need to make strong efforts to “walk the talk.” The book of Romans has themes that recall the Exodus story. We don’t want to fall back into the spirit of slavery (like Israel in Egypt & the complainers that wanted to go back to it). Paul, apparently, has scandalized others with this kind of talk “no condemnation” because he has addressed objections, earlier, in Chapter 5, where he says, at verse 15: “What then? Should we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! “ I love what Fr. Jacques Phillipe says: “The reasons that we lose our peace are always bad reasons” (In Searching for and Maintaining Peace). We can’t let the world, our fear, our limitations, the devil, the whatever, rob us of our peace that we have in Christ Jesus. We are doing the best we can in our Christian journey. We fall short. Regardless, there is no condemnation. Hang onto your peace because there is no condemnation. Peace will make you more powerful, effective, sane and healthy. Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: The Catholic Midlife Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Do you want her to hear you? You must hear her first. Do you want him to see your perspective? You must see his perspective first. Being SEEN and HEARD is important to any relationship that has depth and vitality. The person in front of you has DIGNITY. God made him or her. Recognizing the dignity of the other person is your job. It’s up to you. When you are speaking with your young adults, and pretty much anyone, DO THIS: be on the lookout for how you validate them. When they know YOU understand their perspective, and it’s a perspective that makes a lot of sense, then they will be more open to seeing your perspective. When she’s telling you what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing… then it’s your turn to explain to HER why it’s understandable that she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing that. Validation is about showing that, “Hey, considering your experiences, your perspective on life, what you've been through, and your values, it makes sense that you are thinking/feeling that way.” It takes some understanding. Perhaps you will need to ask a few questions so you can “get” the experience that they are having. Listen to the podcast and get a sense of what the skill of “validation” is all about. Look for an opportunity to practice this skill in every conversation. The results will surprise you! Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Our children, at any age, are always hoping to feel loved by us. Receiving love from your mom and dad is a primary psychological drive. It’s a reason why psychologists are always trying to get you to straighten out your relationships with your parents. As parents, let’s make sure we fulfill our role. It’s our unique opportunity. COLLABORATING will help you stay in that role. Thinking in terms of COLLABORATING with your young adults during their transition to independence helps shift the relationship to a life-long, loving, adult, relationship. Because collaboration means both parties are working together towards a shared goal. Collaboration is sometimes a style of approaching a conflict. It’s also a way of working towards shared goals. Shifting to COLLABORATION is a BIG shift for most parents. We are deep into “control” or “advising”. Collaboration is a motif for building relationships while reaching shared goals. “A summer job” is a shared goal when a parent is hoping their student will find a decent summer job. Hopefully, the student is a self-starter, but she might need some ideas, some transportation, some boundaries around hours, to cooperate with the family vacation, or so forth. A tip for being a great collaborator is: to learn how to pursue an INTEREST instead of taking a POSITION. Positions are the particular solution we propose; these serve a larger Interest. An Interest is the larger thing that you are trying to accomplish with your “position.” Listen to the podcast episode to hear more about the what, why, and how of collaboration. Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

What’s the best way to give advice? Our young adults generally don’t want to hear it. They’ve had plenty of it from us in the past. They likely need lots of advice, however. Or could, at least, use some to avoid making costly mistakes. There’s also something that we often offer when we give the advice: it’s something that they intensely dislike. We discuss some of the biggest DO’s and DON’Ts for managing our relationships with our young adults. What’s a story you have about successes or challenges in relating to your young adult children? We would love to hear from you! Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

There’s a huge goal to never lose sight of when relating to your young adult! This huge goal is: to create a healthy and loving relationship with our adult children. Our expectations of them can conflict with that goal. It’s human nature to focus on what’s NOT happening and to be impatient for what we think SHOULD be happening. We have expectations rooted in our own personal history. Let’s bear in mind that the culture is not what it used to be. Life’s path is less settled and predictable in terms of transitioning into independent adult roles. There’s also lots of brain maturation still happening into the late twenties. As parents, we are transitioning from a role of control (as if we ever really had that!) to a relationship of mutual respect and influence. It’s up to us to model what mutual respect looks like. Our control of our children’s outcomes, meaning the “results” they get, was always limited. Most parents need to consciously move away from taking responsibility for the outcomes their children have. And to release control to them for their experiences of being happy in their circumstances. At the same time, our kids will ping pong from wanting to be fully independent to wanting us to step in with advice and solutions. They are in a big transition (see episode 2) and need some space to start working it out. What’s a story you have about successes or challenges in relating to your young adult children? We would love to hear from you! Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Noreen helps us find wisdom and receive grace as we accompany our aging parents as caregivers, children, and companions as they age and need our help. We talked about what she learned, how God showed up for her, and how she managed her parents’ aging and deaths. Join us as Noreen, a lovely lady of humor and persistence shares some of her touching stories and inspires us. Her book, Keep at it, Riley! is the memoir of her experiences. What’s a story you have about life with your aging parents? We would love to hear from you! Send a text to us at The Catholic Midlife podcast with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email us at: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/ In the interview with Noreen Noreen’s email: Website: www.noreenmcinnes.com Facebook Page: @KeepatitRiley, https://www.facebook.com/KeepatitRiley. Get her book, Keep At It Riley from https://www.newcitypress.com/keep-at-it-riley.html or on Amazon

Happiness, striving for happiness, is important in everything you do. Happiness sets us up for success - in Work, Love, and Play. In spiritual life. In doing the right things. In all of the above. Create an ethic to strive for happiness. Martin Seligman, the positive psychologist was out in his yard doing yard work. His daughter was maybe five or six. She said, “Daddy, do you remember when I was four? And I had to learn to stop whining and it was fairly hard for me, but I learned how to stop?” Martin said, “Yes, I remember.” She said, “Well, I think if I could learn how to stop whining, you could learn how to stop being so grumpy.” He really took it to heart. He thought, “I could learn to be less grumpy and there's actually a lot of really good reasons why. I would want to do that.” Last week, in Episode 11, we talked about Seligman's model of happiness as having three levels: the pleasant life, the good life and the meaningful life. The meaningful life is generally associated with using your strengths, your best virtues, and your highest values in the service of something bigger than yourself. I am sure that reminds you of something as a Catholic. In Matthew, 22:37, Jesus says the first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and soul and mind. And the second is like unto it: love your neighbor as yourself. It’s funny how happiness and holiness coincide. God made us for happiness. We want to be with Him. We want to be happy. That great spiritual life wants to be integrated with the rest of you! Including with the mental and the emotional realms of you. There are endless studies that show why it's great to be happy. To be happier. Happy people are healthier. They live longer. They overcome challenges better. They're more resilient. They have better relationships. They have more career success. They have less stress and anxiety. You want to hang out with happy people. You probably wish the people around you were happier - it would make your own life better. They likely have the same thought about you. One of the biggest obstacles in spiritual life is discouragement. Happiness is a counter to discouragement. It requires us to trust in God, because that is fundamental for hope. Happiness requires hope that we are going somewhere, that what we do means something. That what we are experiencing will lead us to happiness. Catholic philosopher Joseph Pieper wrote a treatise on hope. He says that one of the characteristics of a truly hopeful person is that they have a kind of youthful joy and experience of life that has an optimistic view. A perspective that lives life with a kind of a freshness of outlook and an interest and joy and awe and inspiration. Let's strive for happiness. Let's find our hope and let's be those joyful people. We would love to hear from you! Send us a text with your thoughts as you listen: 612-208-9150. Email: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Text or Leave a Voice Message: 612-208-9150 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

We’ve been discussing happiness. Aquinas views the desire for happiness as ingrained in and being inseparable from, our humanity. We want to be with God because we desire happiness. We are made for Him. There are some schools of thought based on an idea that we should be disinterested in happiness and entirely focused on serving God and others. That’s not how human nature works. Happiness is sometimes used to refer to just feeling good or pursuing pleasure. We are talking about something broader than that. Humans are pretty good at giving up a short-term pleasure in favor of more fulfilling activities. Think in those terms. We are embodied persons, not spiritual machines. There’s a mental and emotional life that we want to have in alignment with our spiritual life. Here’s a perspective on happiness offered by positive psychologist Martin Seligmann. He suggests three levels that exist simultaneously for us: The Pleasant Life - appreciating basic pleasures like companionship, our environment, and our bodily needs. The Good Life - creatively using our unique virtues and strengths to enhance our lives. The Meaningful Life - fulfillment in employing our unique strengths for a purpose greater than ourselves. We all need to learn to set the pleasant life aside for something bigger. Hopefully we learn this before we waste a lot of time pursuing pleasure to the exclusion of the bigger picture. At the same time, remember that the pleasant life has a role to play in contributing to what it means to be a flourishing human. To be a human that can live up to his or her potential. That gets things done. That is effective. That wants to be here. Give the pleasant life some respect. It has a role to play for you. The good life is about engaging character strengths, those virtues and talents that you have, those things you like to use when you're doing good - when you're making things happen, and accomplishing things. When you are using your strengths, it’s helpful to create engagement - that sense of being involved, of making a good effort. Everyone has things they do well. Leverage those if you want the good life. It creates a lot of satisfaction. If you feel like a cog in the machine, it’s tough to show up at your best. Engagement is often overlooked when we are thinking about “what’s missing” in life. We often have pretty good intuition about other factors. When the activity is engaging you in a worthy challenge aligned with your values and virtues, it starts “pulling you in,” and you are likely in a role where you are effective and have enjoyment or at least satisfaction. The meaningful life involves living with purpose and meaning; connecting your strengths, your values, and who you are, to something that's bigger than yourself, and making a contribution to something bigger than you. This requires action. Focusing on your strengths, your values, and your highest purposes is so helpful. If you are focused on somebody else’s values, or what somebody else thinks is what you “should” be doing, it starts to feel like you are living somebody else’s life. That you lack choice. God made you uniquely and for purposes that you and He will work out. Fitting into someone else’s schema for your life is not such a great plan. Because you were made to freely choose. It’s up to you. You have to own this and step into it. Nobody will do this “for” you. You do it. Listen to the podcast, we had a fun convo on these topics. Take a quick moment to email a friend and tell them to check out The Catholic Midlife podcast. They can easily find it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and most major platforms. We would love to hear from you! Email: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Text or Leave a Voice Message: 612-208-9150 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

It is important as spiritual beings, as Christians, and Catholics to strive for happiness. And we can make a lot of choices for it that are perfectly in alignment with our highest values and everything we believe. Happiness helps us be what God intends. We use the word “happiness” to refer to thriving, flourishing, and cooperating with grace. Purpose has an important role to play in happiness. You have spiritual, mental, and emotional components: you want these things to be in congruence because you want all that awesome Catholic and interior spiritual life to flow through you without getting derailed by the mental and emotional aspects, which are very much a part of you. It's actually disturbing how many people get to midlife and say, I've been doing this thing for so many years and actually it's not aligned with who I am. And gosh, now that I think about it, it really is affecting my happiness in life - my flourishing, my thriving. If you are trying to create a sense of purpose, think in terms of action that connects you to something bigger than yourself. Don’t get pulled into our “success” culture and think you need to be doing some “big” thing. God loves you and we don’t think His ideas of what’s “big” or “small” don’t match very well with our own ideas. Love has its own calculus. We would love to hear from you! Email: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Text or Leave a Voice Message: 612-208-9150 Facebook: The Catholic Midlife Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Knowing about the hopes of the Jews as seen through the Old Testament helps us better appreciate what the kingdom of God in the New Testament is, and what that might mean to us. We share how this shifts our perspectives: From pursuing to having; From chasing to possessing; From me acting as an individual to being invited to participate in God’s cosmic project of salvation and transformation, a project that is rooted in Heaven and Earth, now.

Saint Augustine was asked a difficult question: what to ask of God? He said Ora beatam vitam: meaning “Ask for the happy life.” What?? It’s good to be happy. It’s important as spiritual beings, as Christians, as Catholics, to strive for happiness. Humans desire happiness as an inseparable aspect of their nature. There are quite a few misconceptions about happiness. Find out if it’s really OK to pursue happiness. We would love to hear from you! Email: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Text or Leave a Voice Message: 612-208-9150 Facebook: The Catholic Midlife Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

We have a role to play in the Kingdom of God, now. With His Easter resurrection, Jesus inaugurated His new Kingdom. We each have a role and identity in this Kingdom. Listen to Karen explaining how this Kingdom is part of a two-stage process of God unfolding His purpose and, by implication, our roles. Then listen while Curtis uses analogies to the Lord of the Rings to grapple with what it’s all about. Trigger warning: Karen uses the E-word (eschatology). We would love to hear from you! Find us here: Email: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: The Catholic Midlife Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Rites of passage in traditional societies show a firm grasp of the phases of transition. Catholics know a thing or two about tradition! We have rites of passage, for sure. Also, liturgical cycles are tied to the seasons. There’s no single modern rite of passage for midlife. But midlife transitions can bring a transformation in outlooks: we discuss a few of them. Check our website and other Podcast streaming platform: 🌐 https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/ 🎙️ Apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... 🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/703MlE8... 🎙️ Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0... 🎙️ Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-cat...

Description: Transitions have an ending; it’s called the New Beginning. When the New Beginning starts to show up, you are starting on the end phase! This phase can be fuzzy, so having a mastery focus is very helpful. Christian spiritual masters talk of living in the present as a spiritual discipline; a mastery focus helps us with that, too. The New Beginning may not be what we expect! Check our website and other Podcast streaming platform: 🌐 https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/ 🎙️ Apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... 🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/703MlE8... 🎙️ Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0... 🎙️ Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-cat...

There's a lot of uncertainty and insecurity in transitions. Let's decide to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to practice hope, and to get the most out of our transition process! Check our website and other Podcast streaming platform: 🌐 https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/ 🎙️ Apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... 🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/703MlE8... 🎙️ Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0... 🎙️ Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-cat...

Grit and Grace in Midlife Transitions is the topic of Season One. Understanding a few basic things about transitions is super helpful for personal and spiritual growth. Transitions include letting go and receiving. If we want to be filled with new things, it’s hard to receive them if we are full of other stuff. It’s like the old wineskins that can’t receive the new wine. Listen and get the low-down on transitions. Check our website and other Podcast streaming platform: 🌐 https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/ 🎙️ Apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... 🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/703MlE8... 🎙️ Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0... 🎙️ Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-cat...