The Catholic Midlife

We commit listening violations frequently. It’s natural to jump in with our me-centric perspective. Listening, however, is other-centric when it’s performed at more than a surface level. We talk about some of the common listening violations and suggest alternatives. We want you to come away from this episode with ideas about how to spot what’s missing when your spouse is listening to you and what you might be overlooking as a listener. Listening is directly proportional to giving and receiving intimacy. Most of us are never taught even the most basic listening skills. Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

When we are not satisfied with something in our marriage, it’s up to us to do something about it. Because that’s when things change, when someone is ready to make the effort to figure out what and how to change the patterns in the relationship. Often we have an idea that it’s just one “thing” that we are after. “Things” however almost always exist on a continuum. For instance, there’s no vision if we don’t have enough of both light and darkness because no contrast means there’s nothing to see. If we are not growing, we are going backwards, that’s the law of nature. Today’s podcast talks about three tensions. Three “things” that are in opposition. But they aren’t really in opposition; it’s more like they are different ends of the same thing, or part of the same continuum. One of the “things” is Independence versus Intimacy. These are in tension in marriage. There’s always at least one area where we want more of one or the other. Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Join the conversation with Phil and Michelle at Connected Marriage, which has been transferring skills to married couples for more than a decade. Midlife is a time when our past investments and patterns start to yield fruit. You have mixed results. What’s going to change? Where is turning toward your spouse (not) happening? Also, why do women tend to give up on an area of relationship at about the time that the men are starting to notice it? Join us! Get in touch with guests Phil or Michelle at www.connectedmarriage.org Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Grow grow grow. Worried about how great your marriage is going to be when it’s back to “just the two of us”? You should be! Maybe not worried, exactly, but proactive. What to do? Date nights? Common interests? Karen and Curtis invite you to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. What’s really going to serve this marriage? Think in terms of growth. Think SHARP! S is for Shared Vision. What are things you want to be able to say about your marriage in 10 years? What stories will you tell about your together experience? That’s “S”. Listen in for the rest! Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Life goals are so important! Without goals, momentum starts to take over your life. You live in reaction mode. Your past controls your future. Your day-to-day life blocks your bigger questions about what your life goals are. What are you going to put on the table? Because God is waiting to help you bring your gifts and talents into play. We often want God to simply tell us what to do. At The Catholic Midlife podcast, we believe He is often waiting for YOU to tell HIM something you want to do. What will you offer? Here are some signs that you might be letting momentum take over your life: You are not setting goals. Your goals are not stretching and changing you. You are not acting like an apprentice in any areas of life; you are comfortable; you lack resilience dealing with obstacles; or you live by checking off your to-do list versus focusing on your goals. Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

The question for goals is: What is the harvest that you want? Goals are all about the Law of the Farm: you plan, you prepare the field by removing rocks and tilling, you plant, you water, you do the right things in the right season, and finally you harvest. Goals engage the law of the farm by creating the plan & engaging the process. There is SCIENCE to this; there is also ART. You make a lot of decisions along the way that changes the process or influence the outcome. Goals are so helpful in keeping us moving! It’s easy for inertia to grab us with the result that we go in circles or dig into our rut deeper. Join us as we share tips and traps for setting goals. Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

“Why Goals?” Because the rest of your life matters. Grab that mindset. Often we are merely coping. Striving to do what is necessary and carve out a little “life” in between. When we believe that the rest of our life matters in terms of what we live, do, say, and be - we have a different outlook. The people around us need us to show up at our best. The culture around us needs the Christian perspective and service; the life-giving, loving, and supportive presence that justifies being called the salt of the earth or the yeast in the dough. How do you think and feel when you truly think that the rest of your life matters? If you’re 50 years old, you could easily end up living another 30 years. Think about what you’ve accomplished, and what you’ve left undone, for the past 30 years. What does another 30 years mean? To you? To God? To those around you? To the culture around you? It’s midlife, baby! Time to dig in and dig out. We think an important angle to the rest of your life is to think about what it means to be a member of the kingdom of God. Working it all out with your Creator is quite the process, right? Here’s a suggestion: think in terms of opportunities. Join us! Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

“Why can't I achieve this goal?” There are a lot of reasons. For example, we don't always set the right goals. And when we set them, we don't always have a clear sense of what it will actually be like to achieve them. Also, we have a bunch of unspoken goals that we're already working on consciously and unconsciously, and those can take priority without us even realizing it. So we may not even appreciate that we're already working on many goals. Think about what's your approach to achieving a goal. If you're like most of us, you've got a goal in mind, you sketch out the steps, and then you're thinking, “OK, here's the next thing to do. Here's the first step, and I'm gonna just get started.” You might throw in a couple, “I got this.” That’s the instinctive go-to plan: to use some willpower, maybe with some affirmation thrown in there. Often it hasn't worked out for us… New Year’s resolutions, anyone?? I think we don't appreciate that we when think of “goals” we think about the external process to goal achievement, namely, I decide on the goal, and then I think about what I need to do to get there. And then I “motivate” myself to take action. Make a list of the steps, get pumped up, and get going. The internal has to come first. That’s why we talk about unconscious goals in this episode. See ya there! Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Christ is born to be King! He IS King, now. Merry Christmas! That makes us agents of the New Creation because Christ has already started the New Creation. Paul talks about this a lot. God wants to dwell with man and will bring heaven down to earth and they will exist together in the new creation; think of the New Jerusalem descending in Revelations. Christ, he says, is the “first fruits” of the new creation. He’s the first to be resurrected, to show us the way. He’s sent the spirit to us, and we, too have the “first fruits” of the new creation. Creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God; for… creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the glorious liberty of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in travail together until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. -Romans 8:19-24 “For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem a rejoicing, and her people a joy. -Isaiah 65:17-18 All of creation is groaning, awaiting its deliverance! We suffer with Christ and with the world, which is God’s kingdom, just as Christ suffers with us and with all creation. We are Christ’s children and heirs; we enter into his suffering and are glorified with him. You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. - Romans 8:15-17 We have a vocation of being the people of God. It has personal and communal consequences. As Paul says, Jesus is the king of the whole world. In heaven and earth, He reigns. And when we're in Christ, we're fellow heirs to the kingdom. We're celebrating the new creation. We're celebrating that we are part of the new creation. We are agents of the new creation, and we anticipate the new creation right now in the present age as we wait and hope for the new heavens and the new earth. Always God hears the “groaning.” God is victorious. God acts, and we are anchored in the hope and glory that is there for us, and nothing can separate us from the love of God.No principalities, powers, rulers of the world - whatever it is, nothing can separate us. Merry Christmas season! Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

You are a citizen of Heaven - did you know that? Paul wrote that in Philippians 3. His listeners would immediately know that’s like being a citizen of Rome. Philippi was a colony. Roman citizens there were agents and emissaries of Roman culture, law, language, customs, and power. Roman citizens living in Philippi weren't interested in leaving Philippi and going to Rome if things got dicey. They would call on the emperor to send in backup. John’s gospel, which is our focus this season, explains that Jesus has already started his kingdom on Earth. You are a citizen of that kingdom. That makes you an agent and emissary of the Kingdom of Heaven’s culture, law, language, customs, power, and all of it. Citizens living on planet Earth aren’t interested in leaving Earth just so they can go to Heaven. God will bring Heaven down to Earth in the end times. That’s a process that’s already started. Jesus inaugurated it. He rose again as the first member of that blended new creation of Heaven and Earth. We will follow him. Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. - Philippians 3:20 We can think we’re just putting in our time, being “good” so we can get to heaven. That’s a beautiful idea that we get from Greek pagans. Not a Christian idea. Nope. We are the agents of King Jesus and work so that his Father’s will is done here, as it is in heaven. Then God will come to be with His people. Now we see that imperfectly. Later, it will come about in fullness. We can forget we are agents of Heaven and try to do “good” without reference to the kingdom. For instance, we might perform acts of charity without bringing the gospel. Works of mercy are valuable however activism without the rest of the gospel is merely a stop-gap solution. Also, for instance, we can passively be “good” in the hopes that, somehow, we will perform the other roles of our heavenly citizenship, like bringing the Kingdom of Heaven’s culture, law, language (of love), customs, (restorative) power, and all of its many facets. A temple is a particular place where heaven and earth are joined. We see the temple in creation, the tent of meeting, the tabernacle, the temple of Jerusalem, in Jesus, in his people, and in our bodies where the Spirit rests. More in the podcast, I only got some of this in here (Curtis). Thanks for dropping in! Send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or impressions! Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

John is determined to show how the Shekinah has returned in an unexpected way: in the person of Jesus. Then who, when, where, and how of its return is shocking. There could be no messiah without addressing the Temple question. The Messiah would restore the temple. Period. No restored temple, no messiah. The Temple was central to Jewish thought, history, practice, mindset - to everything. If the messiah did not restore the Shekinah, which is the glorious presence of God, there was no messiah. Scripture was very clear on this point. Ezekiel 43 has a beautiful passage describing the return of the Shekinah. It behooves us to pay attention. God created a cosmos like a temple and there He had a place to dwell, with humanity. God then saw creation descend into chaos and misery and, as Adam and Eve were banished, He also withdrew the glory of His presence, perhaps because He no longer had a suitable place to come to rest / to dwell / to pitch His tent. He created the Jewish tribe as a place to dwell. With the tent of meeting, tabernacle, and then Temple, he dwelt among them. The people were fickle and He could no longer dwell among them, and He withdrew. Finally, he sent His only son. God put a lot of work and planning into creating the Temple as His place to dwell. What does that mean? What does it mean about our relation to God? To Jesus? To the Holy Spirit? What does it mean as individuals and as a people? The Seven Signs of the Return of the Shekinah Read the miracle at the wedding feast of Cana. John explicitly says that’s the first sign. As John’s story progresses, he increasingly reveals more and more of the glory of God that Jesus manifests. When Jesus does healing for the nobleman whose son was sick at Capernaum, John’s gospel explicitly names it as the second sign. After that, John leaves the signs to be observed by the readers. The further signs three through six are: There's the paralytic at the pool; the loaves and fishes; healing the man blind from birth; and Lazarus. Each progressively reveals more glory. The Seventh Sign What is the seventh sign of the increased revelation of glory? The sign greater than Lazarus’ resurrection? What would you pick? I would pick the resurrection. Max glory, I would say. Can’t top that! That’s not what John’s gospel picked. John picked the crucifixion as the summit of the return of the Shekinah. We know this because Jesus’ last words were: It is finished. These words invoke God’s words when he rested on the seventh day of creation, and signal that Jesus is kicking off the new creation right then and there. The resurrection is testimony to the crucifixion and inauguration of the new reality in the new creation. Max glory: Crucifixion. The Shekinah has appeared and been revealed. Ecce homo. What does this mean? Ecce Homo We think it is crucial to view the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the context of the story they tell about themselves through their words, deeds, and revelations. Theological formulae about atonement and the Trinity are indispensable but ultimately reveal very little. I’ve heard a bunch of atonement theories. Heard a bunch of questions asked and answered. That’s fine and even necessary. But it gives little light. These kinds of formulae and explanations perhaps obscure as much as they reveal. How is it that the crucifixion is the final sign of the full revelation of God’s glory returning to His people? What’s in the story, the narrative, that John provides us that gives us answers? Many books could be written in response! It seems to me (Curtis) that, if the crucifixion is the final sign of the return of the Shekinah then one thing that God is telling us is that his glory is revealed when He shares and meets us in our suffering. His story always involves Him coming to find a place to dwell among us, all throughout the history of humanity. There is so much suffering here. Only God could sort all of this out. He meets us in the midst of it all. He is bringing His presence, His gaze, and His hope. The New Creation Looking ahead to the upper room, considering that the crucifixion marks the start of a new creation - and thinking about the Genesis story of breathing life into humanity…what does it mean in John 20 when Jesus breathes on them? Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

The creation account in Genesis is not understood by modern people. We’ve pretty much missed every important point in it. We have read all of our modern preconceptions into it, wondered why it makes little sense, and then created pointless controversies about why it is so. Listen to the podcast to grasp what Genesis is actually all about. God Resting Doesn’t Mean Watching the Superbowl, with snacks We can look at how the words of Genesis are used in other places in Scripture. We can also look at other creation stories to see what THEY are talking about so we can get a grip on the mindset and assumptions the listeners of these ancient stories had. Here’s one ancient mindset: gods come to earth to dwell in temples. What they do there is “rest.” When a god was resting in his or her temple, she was busy ruling the region. In modern terms, we might say “the spirit rested upon him and he prophesied” meaning the spirit took up residence and started making things happen. When God “rested” on the seventh day, it means He was taking up residence. He was assuming control of the operations. He was on the job, doing the things that He does. It’s as if you moved from one home to the next. After you pack, ship, unpack, arrange, turn on utilities, hook up the water and internet… THEN you “rest.” Because you’re operations; You are good to go. God rests in a Temple Here’s another thing the ancients understood: gods rest in temples. It’s what they do! When the ancients read an account of all the things that happened in the first six days, they would think “Sounds about right, but so what?” Then they would hear “God rested” there in creation. Suddenly the ancient prelightbulbs would go off, “aha!” You are describing six days to make a temple for God to rest in. And that cosmic temple is… Earth. Wow. There’s more but you have to listen because we have to post the episode now and I can’t be writing more stuff. Find out what God put in his temple and the no-way so what about that! By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. -Genesis 2:2-3 Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

What a great question! How should you relate to your emotions, indeed? We paint a picture for you in this episode, which wraps up our Surprising Mind season. We also share 10 common, erroneous myths about emotions and talk about how we have synergy or overlap with certain healing ministries. Painting A Picture for relating to your emotions Think of a Catholic man or woman in midlife, which you probably are. And, in this person’s life, her dad passed away several years ago. She’s had some time to grieve and heal. And today there’s something coming up like a birthday or an anniversary. She’s sad because her dad's not there to celebrate with her. She is sad. That's a present moment, an emotional experience, and of course, she might be sad and might weep or be downcast for a time. She might think about her dad and process through the experience of the emotion. That’s an example of a healthy way for your emotions to show up. Now, let’s go further and say that she has baggage that she hasn’t released, like an emotional block or some kind of limiting belief. As she thinks about missing her dad, a bunch of other thoughts and emotions also arise: “my dad wasn't there for me, he wasn't a very good dad. I have a lot of hurts. I feel abandoned.” And all that stuff comes up when she is experiencing the sadness. That's the past coming to invade your present emotional experience. That's baggage. If and when she releases and lets go of all that baggage, then she can enter into the present moment, an emotional experience that’s natural, healthy, and without added stress and darkness. That’s the kind of experience that also creates false beliefs like, “nobody's gonna be there to help me. I've gotta do it all on my own, all the time.” In terms of the relationship, she might just think,” Yeah, I've got baggage, and I always will. That's just how it is.” You can do the work to get rid of your baggage. So you can feel better about life. So you don’t walk around unloading it on others, or letting it come out sideways. So your spiritual life can take deeper root in the other areas of your life. So you can have interior peace and freedom. Ten Untrue Myths About Emotions Working with the emotions means suppressing them. Having strong feelings means I'm out of control. It’s wrong or inauthentic to shift my emotions. My emotions speak the absolute truth. Some emotions are stupid. Emotions happen for no reason. It’s better to be rational than emotional. I am my emotions. I should put on a mask and not show others how I feel. If I feel like doing something, then that must be the right decision for me. I should feel like everyone else is feeling. We had a lot of fun talking about these myths. Karen found a buzzer. Kind of a weak goose buzzer, but she had fun giving them the buzzer. There are 10 myths plus a bonus myth. Ha! Which of these myths do you find yourself buying into from time to time? "Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." -Padre Pio Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Most of our listeners know that using the covenant “lens” is a powerful organizing principle for reading Scripture. It helps explain what’s happening and creates insights for us today. The Temple “lens” is a similar powerful organizing principle. There are some surprises there, at least for me (Curtis). I knew Jesus referred to himself as a temple but somehow that slid past me because, well, that old Jerusalem temple isn’t around anymore and its role was replaced. Or maybe I heard growing up that “your body is a temple” that shalt not (fill in the blank) and it seemed like routine moralizing. zzzz The “new creation” theme also runs strongly through the Old and New Testaments, with the gospel of John opening with a blatant evocation of creation “in the beginning.” New creation and temple are related themes since, as you know from the previous episode 41, the original new creation of the cosmos was described in Genesis as a cosmic temple for God. In Exodus, themes of the temple and new creation are running strong. The tabernacle and meeting tent evoke the temple. And God is making a new creation in the form of the Jewish tribe that has become His special place to dwell. This brings us to the Shekinah, the majestic presence of God. The Shekinah left the temple in a heart-breaking scene in Ezekiel 10. What is the people of God without the presence of God? The Exile follows with untold hardship. By the time of the first century AD, the temple had been rebuilt and then built out by Herod. Nobody believed, however, that the Shekinah had returned. Nobody. There was hope, however. Ezekiel 43 predicted Shekinah’s return. The Jewish people did a great job of sustaining hope through many long, dark years. It did so in a shocking way. One of the goals of the gospel of John is to shift Jewish temple theology and place it squarely in the person of Jesus. He is the temple, the image in the temple, the offering, and the priest. John’s narrative carefully includes this theme of the glory of God being unveiled in Jesus and the Spirit resting in Jesus. (You remember from Episode 41 what it means when God is “resting,” right?) We continue this series next week to try to understand what it all means. In the meantime, as you read the New Testament, look for places where the Spirit comes to rest on someone (that’s temple language) or the glory of God is revealed (that’s the Shekinah). We are working mostly out of John’s gospel, so mostly read that one! Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Gratitude has its ins and outs! Karen discusses how gratitude shows up in our lives, points to a couple of pitfalls, and shares some tips. We are grateful for you, our listeners, and invite you to join the discussion at The Catholic Midlife podcast.

We are not OK with it I'm coming to realize that there are people that believe that they don't deserve compassion. As you sit there, you might think that's ridiculous because you know that God made each of us, so of course, we deserve compassion. But then you start digging down into some specific situations and particular circumstances and you find, if you dig enough, that you believe you don’t deserve compassion in some area of life. Like the time you made a mistake or you acted poorly or went even farther astray than that. All of a sudden you are thinking, since I am like X, I don’t deserve compassion. That’s baggage. There’s a belief and some emotion hanging out with it. That baggage is interfering with the action of grace. Makes it harder for grace to penetrate you. A large part of why we do what we do at The Catholic Midlife is that we have come to recognize the layers of the human person, the way they all work together, and the way that the mental and emotional life, and you could call it the unconscious life, is very connected with what's going on in our spiritual life. There's a lot of research that says it's connected to what's going on in our physical life and in our bodies too. These false beliefs, these mental patterns that cut us off from healing, that interfere with God's action in our lives… It's, it's very sad. We're not okay with it. We're gonna do something about it. We are doing something about it. It’s a reason that we are here, now, in The Catholic Midlife podcast. Mental Emotional Release (MER) We offer a process called Mental Emotional Release (MER). Because we all have baggage. It ranges from uncomfortable, annoying, to burdensome, to crushing and paralyzing. MER is a process that uses the language of the unconscious mind to release baggage. It speaks to your conscious and unconscious mind at the same time. Your conscious mind understands what’s happening, and because communication is simultaneously easy for the unconscious to understand, you can work with both at the same time. That’s why it’s fast, powerful, and effective. MER is another way to find the release of baggage so healing and moving on can happen faster and more completely. Prayer and seeking to understand how your own baggage manifests are complementary ways of getting to the same thing. We pray we think, we consult with others, and we act. MER is for you if : You don’t want to re-experience negative emotions as you seek healing You feel unresolved guilt, anger, sadness, fear, or hurt from past events that you are unable to release You ruminate on current or past situations and wish you could just let go of them You desire to act on certain things in your life and avoid or get blocked in creating the change you want You find yourself getting ‘triggered’ or responding in an unwarranted way to present situations You feel burdened by heavy emotions like fear, anxiety, or discouragement You can’t move on in your life and you don’t know how to change that You struggle to establish new habits or behaviors and keep falling back into old patterns You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that “this is just the way I am, I don’t like it but I can’t change it” You have a chronic illness, phobias, or allergies; these are often made worse by your thoughts and emotions You are holding onto deep unconscious beliefs that drive your behavior, such as I don’t have what it takes, I’m not worthy, I’m stupid What clients have to say “Before my Breakthrough Session of MER, I described my stress level as a 9 out of 10 due to the severity of my medical situation. After meeting with Karen, my stress level was a 2. I am feeling grounded and have released my anxiety. Thank you, Karen, I am so grateful!” "I've tried so many different avenues, and this is the single most helpful thing I've ever done." “The body keeps the score.” –Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk Book a consult if you think maybe you are feeling interested Click >> here<< to book a consult Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com

Your unconscious mind is in charge of creating and executing your habits! Habits include your thoughts and emotions. Brushing your teeth is a habit. So is the way you manage conflict. Your style of talking to yourself is also a habit - what’s your self-talk like? Is it mostly positive? Negative? Some things just “set you off”, right? Those “things” are triggers that cause a habit to kick in. Habits of the mind are very powerful. These are typically a huge factor in how much we enjoy life, how effective we are, and whether or not our spiritual values can permeate the “rest of us,” such as our mental and emotional realms. The good news is that habits of the mind are behaviors. And they are habits like other habits. Like all habits, habits of the mind have several steps in most situations. Knowing what all the steps are is a good place to start. Knowing the steps, you can start to change one or more of the steps. Listen to pick up some tips! Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Your unconscious mind does some powerful and amazing things for you. . .but how do you get it on board with who you’re trying to be and where you’re trying to go? Get some tips on working with your elephant and talking to it the way it likes to be talked to–because after all, your unconscious mind is YOU and it can also be your very best friend.

We are going to share a metaphor with you about how your mind works and suggest a couple of ways for you to manage yourself with more grace. The ancients knew that teaching wisdom involved touching the heart and the mind. Here are a couple of examples: “It is better to obey the Lord and to have only a little than to be very rich and terribly anxious.” And “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Modern minds are so deeply enmeshed in scientific materialism that we're not even aware of it. It colors everything we do. Scientists reduce complex phenomena to know the fewest possible true things - that’s scientific parsimony. We are always boiling complexity down to a few logical, abstract concepts. It’s a reduction of reality down to abstract ideas. It's a very powerful approach. It’s hard for you not to constantly do this. It's also a disaster when it's used to try to understand love, God, virtue, beauty, or basically anything that's really important. The heart helps us understand these really important things - the sorts of things that can’t be reduced to a few abstract concepts. Our Western mindset, however, separates the “mind” and the “heart.” We want to logic our way through everything. We want the church to tell us exactly what rules to follow. (Thanks, Paul, for the law of life-in-the-spirit-of-the-messiah (Romans 8) but now let’s get down to business, so tell us exactly what law to follow)). We fall into the trap of thinking “once I have decided I will do it, I will do it because I have decided to do so.” The Western mind likes to think of a human as being governed by an “intellect” that uses its “will” to seek the good. If we fail to achieve good, we are stupid, lazy, sinful, lack persistence, or otherwise, fail to measure up. Man up, and go get it!! That’s an incomplete picture. I’m not telling you it’s a “wrong” picture. But I can tell you it’s a very crude map of who you are and how you actually work. Here’s a better way to map this. Think of a rider on a very large elephant. The rider is your conscious mind, what you probably identify with as being “you.” It’s the language user, the tool user, the goal-setter, the planner, and the logical one. The elephant is more or less everything else: it’s your unconscious mind. It’s a huge elephant – a really big one – which is the emotional brain: it’s powerful, impulsive, the source of motivation and it’s what moves us. The unconscious mind is the goal-getter. The rider and elephant metaphor was coined by the positive psychologist Jonathan Haidt in The Happiness Hypothesis. And it’s discussed at length by Dan and Chip Heath in Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. When the rider and the elephant are in conflict, the elephant will usually win. It’s massive and will eventually wear out the rider when it’s not really on board with what the rider has in mind. Just because the rider wants something doesn’t mean she’s going to get it. Check-in with your elephant - get it to a good place if you want to get something done. And don’t get mad at yourself if you don’t follow through on your plans. Instead, start asking the elephant - what’s going on? Why aren’t you on board with this? The rider - the conscious language user - makes the PLANS. But it’s the elephant and rider TOGETHER that take action. And if the elephant’s not cooperating, the rider LOSES. Learn how to cooperate with your elephant! Here’s another tip: Your elephant likes specific, clear directions. I want to weigh 185 pounds by Easter, not “I want to lose weight.” The elephant wants to know exactly what to do: eat only whole foods as opposed to “eat healthily.” Another tip: the elephant has a big, fat negativity bias. It’s always scanning for threats. When it finds one, it stops scanning, picks it up, and looks it over. Ponders it. Plays with it. What ifs with it. Swats it with its amazing trunk. If you aren’t good at redirecting your elephant, it’s going to spend a lot of time finding negative things to toy with. Like your negative future. Or why that person is a real jerk? Or how unfair the past has been. Or the failures of your circumstances to bring you good things. For some of these negatives, it will slip them in without you noticing, like attributing the lowest of motives to someone you are dealing with. There are many many tips for working with the unconscious mind. We are experts in rooting out outdated perspectives and releasing pointless emotional baggage. If you hang on to the metaphor of the elephant and rider and keep asking yourself “what’s really going on here - why am I acting this way?” then you will be ahead of the game! Listen to the podcast for more, plus some anecdotes that illustrate. Join our Self-Compassion Group starting November 2022 Quote from Karen in the podcast: “ The map is not the territory, and I do, I just am going to add a second thing I want people to take away, which is: it is possible to change your map at any time. It's possible. There's hope and, and we've seen this, I've seen this in my clients. It's what we do. There are techniques to shift your mental map and in the power of the Holy Spirit with the right techniques, this totally is possible. I just want people to feel hopeful about who they can be and how they can process the world, and what kinds of experiences God has for us and, and what's possible.” Learn More: Female: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-seeing-yourself-through-the-eyes-of-god Male: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-toolsformen Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Karen tells the story of the man who thought he was Jesus Christ, somewhere in California in the sixties. It took a while for this version of Jesus to figure that one out. He needed a little help from Richard Bandler, who went on to become a famous psychologist. All I can say to California Jesus, is: Dude, like, that’s so bogus, right? Everything that you know about the world around you came to you via your senses. All of it. The impressions passed into you and your unconscious mind put them into the place in the inner firmament of your mind. When you contemplate the world, you are contemplating your inner reflection of it. Eastern thought has sometimes concluded that all of the universe is therefore an illusion, or, at least, that we can create our own reality using our minds. Or, failing that, we can at least overcome the universe by recognizing it as an illusion and transitory experience. Western thought does not accept that. The universe is real. But Western minds can benefit from realizing that their experience of life is deeply conditioned by the unconscious mind, by your thoughts, beliefs, and values that you have in play when receiving impressions of the outer universe. Our minds carry maps of the universe; these maps are NOT reality. It is so very helpful to remember this. We can adjust our maps to better fit reality and to fit into reality in a way that serves us better. To be happier and to live out our highest values and beliefs with greater integrity and verve. The man that thought he was Jesus Christ had a map of the universe that was grossly in error, to the point where he couldn’t navigate external realities and had to be institutionalized. Maybe we don’t need to be institutionalized but we all have areas on our map that are not in accord with reality. We are finite beings and have to make a lot of assumptions and take shortcuts just to get through the day. The map is not the reality; so what? Once you start to become aware of how your thoughts, beliefs, values and all that you take for granted in your unconscious mind are steering you… you could start to be more in charge of your own life, living more intentionally with your values, and having, frankly, a much more enjoyable and positive experience. By the time you hit midlife, your map is seriously outdated in some areas because a lot of that map was built at a very young age when you didn’t have a lot of smarts, or they are based on first impressions that you didn’t get a chance to reexamine. Midlife is such a great opportunity to set the stage for your next 20-plus years. Have a happy and productive life, filled with faith and generosity, and new life. Join our Self-Compassion Group starting November 2022 Quote from Karen in the podcast: “ The map is not the territory, and I do, I just am going to add a second thing I want people to take away, which is: it is possible to change your map at any time. It's possible. There's hope, and we've seen this, I've seen this in my clients. It's what we do. There are techniques to shift your mental map and in the power of the Holy Spirit with the right techniques, this totally is possible. I just want people to feel hopeful about who they can be and how they can process the world, and what kinds of experiences God has for us and, and what's possible.” Learn More: Women: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-seeing-yourself-through-the-eyes-of-god Men: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-toolsformen Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Time for a new season! It’s your surprising mind. Getting a handle on some of its quirks can really give you a head start on navigating life’s obstacles and continuing to grow. Perspectives on the prodigal son The parable of the prodigal son. Think about what you’ve thought and heard about it. Here’s the younger son, shockingly asking for his share of the estate before his father is dead. Then going away to the heathen that were not the people of God that the Jews sought to be. And then wasting all that money. Wasting it on immoral activities. Then coming back, dejected, just looking for something to eat. Then the father running out to greet him, welcoming him back. Throwing a party, even! People from Western cultures, upon hearing that story and being asked to repeat it and reflect upon it will mostly focus on the son… the sin, the repentance, the return, and his generous reception. Or maybe they would focus on the father welcoming back the lost sheep. People from certain other cultures, when asked to re-tell the story, will emphasize… the famine. Did I mention the famine? Guess I forgot it. It’s just a plot device, I thought. These other cultures know what famine is. It’s a terror. When famine struck the son in that foreign land, it made a big impression on them. The issue was: the son had hit rock bottom, he was lost. First-century Jews, according to NT Wright, would hear the parable of the prodigal son and hear that the long-awaiting kingdom of God that so many Jewish people had hoped for and longed for would include… the gentiles. The lens for the prodigal son parable My unconscious mind interprets the prodigal son story according to the values and symbols that are familiar to me. Work hard, respect the family business, don’t waste your money on frivolity, don’t spend money on vices, take care of your finances and certainly don’t waste it all, have gratitude when your family treats you better than you deserve, and don’t be jealous of someone who’s getting some nice treatment. All that stuff. I have a powerful lens that guides how I see scripture. And how I see those around me, events, myself, my experiences, and everything else. That lens comes from biology, experiences, my understanding of how the world works, values, patterns of thought, habits, what I learned growing up, and what I’ve absorbed from my culture and my beliefs. All that is whirled up into a map of what the world is like and how it works. Visualize whirled peas. What you believe Each of us works to understand how the world and people around us operate. We have a map. Most of what we know and understand is likely to be more or less correct. Alas, it is also true for each of us that there are things that we believe about how the world works and about ourselves that are not true and are no longer serving us. It’s a universal truth because many of these beliefs are formed after only a little bit of experience at a very young age. Since these beliefs pass into our map of how the world “is” we don’t question them. They condition everything that happens. For example, if you were to believe that nobody has goodwill and they only help you because you are giving them something, then every interaction you have would be judged according to that belief. And when you had interactions that didn’t fit that belief, you would basically ignore them, because what you pay attention to, even literally what you SEE is conditioned by your beliefs. You would be pretty cynical. Or, just to throw an extreme hypothetical out there, if you believed that all relationships are about POWER then you would judge them all in that light. And not see all the other values that are so very important to your relationships. You might become embittered and estranged from the world as a result. That’s an extreme example, right? Our lens strongly conditions how we experience reality. It’s surprising. Our lens is not morally good or bad: it serves us. Even as it helps us navigate a complex universe so we can figure out what’s going on around us, it’s also limiting what we see and can do. It cuts in all directions. The point is to realize when it’s controlling what’s happening to you. And to learn how to work with it, in cooperation. And to know it well enough to help it be renewed by the Spirit instead of holding onto an outdated view of who you are and how the universe works. Stay tuned for more about the surprising mind! Join our Self-Compassion Group starting November 2022 A great inner life includes a realistic and kind inner dialogue with ourselves. We can learn to replace the accusatory voice of our inner critic with a voice of truth and love that is consistent with God’s compassion for us, compassion that meets us, lifts us up, and makes us want to go forward! Learn More: Women:https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-seeing-yourself-through-the-eyes-of-god Men: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-toolsformen "Self love is the basic form of love on which all others are founded and makes all others possible.... We are always engaged in somewhat repressing this truth, which strikes us as somehow unseemly" Josef Pieper Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

We often unconsciously resist receiving God’s love and the graces that flow with it. We get discouraged, we ruminate, and we isolate ourselves. We criticize ourselves. We criticize other people. We get stuck in these judgment loops and all of that keeps us both from hearing God's voice and from seeing ourselves the way that God sees us. What if we saw ourselves through the eyes of God’s compassion for us? Could we start allowing God to really help us to have that kind of a vision - instead of looking through some other lens? Jesus had great compassion. He felt the stirrings of compassion deeply and stepped forward into action to heal, to forgive, and to restore. He sees the great value of each person. Their dignity. Their freedom. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36 God sees us with great compassion and wants good things for us. Taking on the inner critic with self-compassion We each have an inner critic that tells us a version of “you are a loser”, “you are not worthy of love” “you have to be _____ before God or anyone will love you.” It’s the voice that jumps on us as soon as we make a mistake, do something that embarrasses us, or fall short of success. Sometimes it’s the paralysis that shows up when we are trying something new or extending ourselves and we just can’t risk trying. Psychologists tell us the inner critic is essentially universal. It’s a voice that can control how we experience our lives. That dictates our emotions in difficult moments. That conditions what we will choose. We could have a different experience of life. A life with a voice that speaks compassionately to us, like Jesus would speak to us. Even if we are need to be told difficult things or be confronted with our shortcomings, we can hear a compassionate voice. The voice of encouragement and inspiration that drives out fear. A self-compassionate voice. Join our Self-Compassion Group starting October 2022 Women: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-seeing-yourself-through-the-eyes-of-god Men: https://midlife.thmlcoaching.com/self-compassion-toolsformen "Self-love is the basic form of love on which all others are founded and makes all others possible.... We are always engaged in somewhat repressing this truth, which strikes us as somehow unseemly" Josef Pieper Contact Info Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

Do those around you deserve to be treated with compassion? With compassionate speech, which is kind and sensitive to speak in a manner that is helpful? With an act of compassion, such as a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or a smile at the right time? Do they deserve to be encouraged when life is offering them difficulty? What does it say about you, when you are able to act compassionately? What about you? Do you deserve to be treated with compassion? Do you really deserve to be treated with compassion? By others? What about you - do you deserve to be treated with compassion by yourself? You try to be compassionate with others: it’s time that you included yourself in this circle of compassion. When a friend has gotten knocked down, would you go over and kick them when they are down? But speaking harshly to ourselves is the norm: “You are such an idiot” “I can’t believe you did something so stupid” “What’s wrong with me to act so ___________” Here’s the truth: you deserve to be treated with compassion. Practicing self-compassion will make you stronger, braver, and more successful in almost every area of life. There’s nothing puny about self-compassion. Today’s podcast episode presented the basics of an exercise that Kristin Neff (the modern founder of the self-compassion movement) calls a “self-compassion break.” First, be aware when compassion is needed, and acknowledge the moment by saying “This is a difficult moment” or other words that help you hear the compassion. Perhaps if you have an argument in a relationship, you could say “It is very painful to be arguing in this relationship.” Second, connect what’s happening to the bigger picture of human life and realize that you are not alone when you suffer. Reflect on how others have, been, and are, suffering. Say true words to yourself, perhaps “Others are suffering with this problem now. Suffering is a normal part of human life.” Third, ask yourself: “What do I need now?” This question is powerful. Karen and I will discuss it in the next episode. If you would like a PDF that you can use to guide yourself through a self-compassion break, email us & we would be happy to send it to you. It’s free! We would love to see you experiment with this practice! Email or text us: Text: The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

When am I supposed to practice the skill of self-compassion? There are lots of chances every day! If you hate being late and you're being late to someplace - maybe your automatic reaction is I should have done “this” or “that” and why didn’t I and why am I so dumb? That's an opportunity to stop and use some self-compassion. Maybe you need to make a difficult phone call and fear of looking dumb or creating conflict is holding you back. Self-compassion can help you embrace these fears and accept them so you can make the call. Maybe you make a mistake at work. Like entering a wrong number in the chart of accounts. We tend to have an idea that we're never going to make a mistake. Or that, if we do, we are “bad.” We make plenty of mistakes… it’s a perfect opportunity to practice self-compassion. And it’s for the big things. The really big things. Things like areas of shame, areas of anger, areas of disillusionment… when you experience those huge paralyzing emotions often, that's where self-compassion is the skill that we reach for... To dig out and, and to being again. Without interior peace, you can do little. With peace, you can be much more effective and it’s easier to hear the voices of wisdom and grace. The fact is those emotions and stressors go somewhere. If you're not engaging with them in a positive and productive way, they're going to find some other outlet, and sooner or later you'll be experiencing its effects. Self-compassion: think of this discipline when you are having negative emotions or strong emotions, or when you have a trial or a difficult situation that's causing you stress - or when you encounter your own weakness, something you're not good at. Think of self-compassion when you're suffering any instance of pain or suffering: physical, emotional, relational - those are opportunities for self-compassion. AWARENESS is the first step in your self-compassion discipline Awareness. You could also refer to awareness as mindfulness. If someone is suffering, and you walk by, oblivious, there’s no opportunity to exercise compassion. You have to see the suffering before you can exercise compassion. The suffering of the others around you. Your own suffering. That’s really not the norm. You would think it is. We often skip over the awareness of the suffering, pain, or discomfort. Moving straight to PROBLEM-SOLVING is one way to do that. And we just keep moving…and don’t come back to that suffering. And we miss the opportunity to have compassion. And the consequent opportunity to put our best foot forward. There are basically three parts to a discipline of self-compassion, It's really hard to overstate the importance of this first part, the skill of creating awareness. More specifically, an awareness of what “is” without adding or subtracting from the reality of what God is allowing to happen now. Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. - Matthew 7:1 As we suspend judgment, we resist the temptation to make assumptions, generalizations, and distortions that make it harder to respond to what’s happening. As we make judgments, we are passing the situation into our brain’s network of past associations, opinions, us vs them thinking, and our own past hurts. It also relieves us of the pressure of playing God. That’s a role that is hard for us, right? Talk about being underqualified! Experiencing events without judging them is so helpful for interior peace! And it’s the first step in self-compassion. Say This When you DO notice a moment of suffering, difficulty, or overbearing emotion… try saying this to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering for me.” Acknowledge that you are having difficulty. Talk to yourself, kindly. The way a good friend that knows you and loves you would speak to you. Drop us a line Listen to the discussion on the podcast and join the conversation by emailing or texting us: Text The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/

“I realized I had been engaging in a lot of self-criticisms because I saw it as part of being virtuous. I thought being a big self-critic helped me serve others better and not be selfish. After practicing self-compassion, I began to realize that my self-criticism was actually keeping my focus on myself. It was a self-oriented and self-absorbed habit. Self-compassion helps me move my focus away from me, to be more available and more engaged with others.” That’s some feedback from a lady who leaned into the discipline of self-compassion. We have the mistaken idea that speaking harshly to ourselves is helpful. If that’s the only tool in your tool kit for self-motivation, you are going to be pretty darn tired by the time you hit midlife. Good leaders know how to inspire those they lead. They raise the eyes and hearts of others to something bigger. Create a shared vision while working through the muddy details. Let’s be good self-leaders that use inspiration. Let’s avoid talking to ourselves using fear, shame, and self-criticism to motivate us. So often, we treat ourselves in a way that we would never even consider treating somebody else. Jacques Phillippe says that interior peace lets us reflect God like a placid lake reflecting a mirror image of the sun and trees. We can’t have interior peace when we oppose ourselves. Most of us have learned to beat ourselves up in order to force ourselves to get things done. Or to rely on fear to motivate ourselves. We oppose ourselves by being both the taskmaster and slave. Or by being the accuser and the accused. At the same time, we can’t make progress if we are complacent or make excuses. “If we accept ourselves as we are, we also accept God’s love for us. But if we reject ourselves, if we despise ourselves, we shut ourselves off from the love God has for us, we deny that love.” Way Trust and Love p 48-49 quote block Self-compassion lets us see ourselves as we are, with our faults, without fear, loathing, discouragement, or excuses. The truth is: God looks on us with a lot of compassion. We can’t receive that if we’re stuck with defensiveness or beating ourselves up. We need interior peace and quiet. Drop us a line Listen to the discussion on the podcast and join the conversation by emailing or texting us: Text The Catholic Midlife podcast: 612-208-9150. Email us: TheCatholicMidlife@gmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecatholicmidlife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecatholicmidlife/ Website: https://thmlcoaching.com/podcast/