The extremely rare unc*nsored original version of Toto's 1980's soft yacht rock classic hit "Africa".

The first volume of extremely rare instrumentals carefully collected from vinyl, cassette, and two inch tape reels; remastered and compiled by Hard Archive. TRACK LIST 1. 0:01 B*tches Do Dishes 2. 3:18 B*tch Slap (1976) 3. 6:32 Butt F***er 4. 10:39 Snitches Get B*tches 5. 15:03 Crackers Be Trippin 6. 18:41 I Feel Like Saying N... Today 7. 22:46 Beach is Closed 8. 27:19 Pool's Closed 9. 29:45 You Drive Like Sh*t (1985) 10. 32:04 I'm STILL Whooping That A** (1969) 11. 36:42 Shut The F*** Up C*** 12. 39:15 No Means YES (1978)

Extremely rare cover version of Nate Higgs banned funk pop single "I Feel Like Saying N... Tonight" performed by Kate Hikes and The Awakening.

Extremely rare funk dance-pop cover version of "No Means YES" by Van Allen.

This funk single by Stan Lee Hooker is said to be based on real events Stan witnessed during his decade long friendship with fellow singer and musician Cornelius "Backhand" Jackson. LYRICS [Verse 1] I'll tell you the story of a man A radio active Pope bit his hand His hand grew ten times it's normal size To help him get offerings on time He knew if a nun was telling a lie Which was one hundred percent of the time Super powers to make laymen listen He sees your adultery with s3x ray vision Leap a synagogue in a single bound Slapping sinners down to the holy ground His name was famous across the land They called him The Pope named Super Hand [Chorus 1] (Oh sh*t yeah) The Pope named Super Hand He had powers no other Pope had (Oh f*ck yeah) The Pope named Super Hand That Holy Vicar was super tan [Verse 2] He was given super human faith He could hear the church from miles away Played the funkiest organ ever played I heard him sing "B*tch I wear a cape!" Pope hand fast as a speeding bullet That makes a nun pray up to the fullest He hates devils more than kryptonite And when stupid sinners just can't act right Super Hand don't put up with lying He will crush your cold heart into diamonds You better confess all of your sins Or he will smack your lip with his giant Pope ring [Chorus 2] (Oh sh*t yeah) The Pope named Super Hand He had powers no other Pope had (Oh f*ck yeah) The Pope named Super Hand That Holy Vicar was super tan

Extremely rare 1970 funk rock single by The Ides of March. The band's lead singer and frontman Jim Peterik wrote this song in 1969 to celebrate the election of the first black Pope in history, Pope Reggie Jackson Sr. After the success of the American civil rights movement in the 1960's, Reggie was elected as the new Pope, despite the fact that he was a Protestant from Memphis TN. Many accused Reggie of being a "affirmative action" hire, to which he responded quote "It ain't affirmative action, it's affirmation action. We showing love to all of God's children." Reggie was also known for his witty and humorous rhetoric. After being elected Pope, Reggie declared "Now that the Pope is black, if you atheist, it's cause you a r*cist." Reggie was only Pope for 45 days before he was killed in a tragic Pope-mobile accident.

Zip ZOP zoobity BOP! Ya see? Kids they listen to the rap, which gives them the brain damage, with their hippin' and their hoppin' and their biippin' and their boppin' so they don't know what the JAZZ is all ABOUT! Ya SEE? We use to play stickball! With the poke and the mon and the thing where the guy comes out of the thing and he makes a bwah wah ha ha... Ahh COO COO ca CHOOOOO!!!

The original unc*nsored version of "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes. Record producers convinced Jack to rewrite this song to be more radio friendly, which resulted in this single being their biggest hit to date.

The original never released version of The Beatles baroque pop classic "Eleanor Rigby". John and Paul wrote this song together about one of the very few things they fully agreed on; their absolute disdain for panhandlers and the home impaired. George and Ringo later convinced John and Paul to rewrite the song, being concerned with backlash from fans for "punching down". LYRICS Ah, look at all the homeless people Ah, look at all the homeless people Eleanor *igby picks up the cans at the church where a wedding has been She likes to scream Waits at the subway, asking for change that she keeps in a jar by the door Now she wants more All the home-less people Where did they all come from? All the home-less people Don't give change to those bums Father NicKenzie mumbling the words of a sermon while he drinks a beer No one goes near Look at him jerking, dangling his d*ng in the day when there's everyone there He does not care All the homeless people Where did they all come from? All the homeless people Don't give change to those bums Ah, look at all the homeless people Ah, look at all the homeless people Eleanor *igby stood at the church to ask if you can spare any change Nobody gave Father NicKenzie wiping the sh*t from his a** as he squats in a daze He needs to bathe All the homeless people Where did they all come from? All the homeless people Don't give change to those bums

Rick Astley's extremely rare 1987 cover version of Nate Higgs 1983 funk pop single "I Feel Like Saying N.. Tonight".

Extremely rare 70's yacht rock cover version of Enrico Pallazzo's 1960's opera classic "Bone Zone" performed by Michael McDonald and The Doobie Brothers. This was originally intended to be included as a bonus track on the 1976 album "Taking It To The Streets".

Extremely rare funk cover of Charlie Murphy and The Line Steppers classic 1969 hit single "I'm STILL Whooping That A**" performed by 'The Godfather of Soul' James Brown. Charlie and James became good friends in the 1950's while they were both enlisted in the military. James brought Charlie and his band The Line Steppers along with him to Vietnam in 1968 to perform for the troops deployed there. During their encore performance a fight broke out in the crowd which prompted Charlie to sing this song's lyrics over what would later be known as the song "The Payback".

Extremely rare recording of Sammy "Bo" Jackson's classic 1967 Father's Day hit "Daddy's Belt" performed by The Jackson Five. One night during a long studio session rehearsing "I Want You Back", Michael felt safe to perform this parody version after his father and band manager Joe Jackson had to leave the recording session unexpectedly to get a pack of menthols. Joe arrived back at the studio just in time to hear Michael sing the last chorus. At the end of the song you can hear the exact moment Michael noticed his father had returned.

The extremely rare 1972 funk soul version of "Super Hand" performed by Curtis Mayfield.

Hearken, O ye people, and incline thine ears unto an old song, which cometh forth from Saul of Tarsus, a vessel chosen of the Lord. Let not your hearts be hardened, but open ye unto this sound, for it is filled with wisdom and grace, revealing truths of the Most High. Rejoice, ye nations, and be glad, for the voice of Saul doth proclaim the light that shineth in the darkness. Hear ye this word, and be moved by the Spirit that guideth him to write and record the first rock song to ever exist.

Extremely rare 90's pop funk power anthem theme song from the canceled R rated adult Power Ranger spinoff series called "The White Ranger Power Hour". This song was used as the opening intro theme song for the first season before being the first ever TV show to be canceled due to "extreme" popularity. The song is said to be made by a famous writer and producer that wished to stay anonymous, though there is much rumor and speculation about their identity.

Hark ye! Lend thine ear to this rare version of thee hit song performed by Sir Bartholomew Jackson and The Squires. This special version was commissioned by The Earl of Sandwich in the year 1521 AD as a gift for his wife. Lyrics [Verse 1] Maiden! Thou dinest like pigs Didst thou see that meal that thou almost missed I'd rather eat the ox chaff instead Dining with thee I shall end up dead Ask me not if I need a bib Maiden thou dinest like pigs [Verse 2] She just ate through the bailiff's crop I do not want to get the executioner's block Maiden! Heavens why did I let thee dine Tis' a miracle thou art still alive Ask me not if I need a bib Maiden thou dinest like pigs [Chorus] Woah woah woah woah Look out! My damsel dineth Watch out! My damsel dineth like pigs Woah woah woah woah Look out! My damsel dineth Watch out! My damsel dineth like pigs [Bridge] Darling! Thou art such a greedy diner How in Hades didst thou get thy gains She sayeth nay ever binged she afore Save she indulged at the byre's store Ask me not if I need a bib Maiden thou dinest like pigs [Chorus] Woah woah woah woah Look out! My damsel dineth Watch out! My damsel dineth like pigs Woah woah woah woah Look out! My damsel dineth Watch out! My damsel dineth like pigs

Rare 70's soul funk single written and performed by George "F U Money" Carlton. This song was written by George after a frustrating experience trying to teach his children the "bad words not to say", but unintentionally teaching them new swear words they never heard before.

Proudly presenting the original never released version of "The Lady Is a Tramp" by Frank Chairman. This was Frank's favorite version of Rodgers and Hart's classic show tune that later became a popular music standard. The original song was a spoof of New York high society and its strict etiquette and phony social pretensions. Frank thought the funniest thing he could do with the song was to simply change one word to make it completely unacceptable for high society listening. Record executives rejected Frank's reworked version and forced him to record the original, by quote "making him an offer he couldn't refuse".

Extremely rare 80's soul pop single by Guy Forker and Sal Minella. This song was a favorite in Hell's Kitchen, and quickly gained popularity nationwide after the band appeared on an episode of Soul Train in 1990. Their popularity came to a swift end after an appearance on the Soul Train themed cooking show called Soul Food which ended in a large grease fire that burned down the television studio.

HONK HONK HONK! Honk honk honk, Honk HONK honk "1979" honk honk honk. HONK honk, honk honk? HONK!!! Honk honk honk HONK honk, HONK honk HONK honk honk. Honk honk honk HONK, honk honk honk. Honk honk honk HONK!

Obscure funk pop single written and performed by James Mayday. This song is about James terrifying experience dating a commercial airline pilot in the early 1980's. This may be one of the only copies left in existence after most of the pressings were lost along with all of James luggage on a connecting flight to Spatula City during his band's final tour before he and two members of his band were killed in a mysterious plane crash in 1987.

Extremely rare hip-hop vinyl single from 1996 by Duck Johnson and Eddie "The King" Faroo. Duck and King wrote this rap song after winning the Pizza Hut three on three tournament in 1995. Pizza Hut's tournament was a promotional campaign for the men's NCAA basketball tournament in which anyone could enter to compete to win a lifetime supply of pizza, mini basketballs, and Pizza Hut sunglasses. The undefeated Detroit locals Duck and King won the tournament as a two man team before they were ultimately disqualified for starting a fistfight after the championship game. The fight ended with a dozen people in the hospital including fans, cheerleaders, and all three referees in critical condition. Verse 1 and 2 and hook by Atomic Wax Verse 3 and 4 and beat by Hard Archive

Obscure funk pop Valentine's Day single by Teddy Money and The Pocket Watchers. Teddy wrote this single in 1979 to vent his frustrations with the high cost of going on a Valentine's Day date after living through a short recession with an inflation rate three times higher than the previous two decades. Teddy and The Pocket Watchers had mainstream success for a brief time in the early eighties before the band finally broke up in 1986 after lead singer and band leader Teddy retired from music to work as a writer for Hallmark.

Bizarre obscure psychedelic funk single by James Kennedy and The Final Notice. There are conflicting stories about how this strange single was produced. The producers and record label claim James was allegedly tripping on acid at the studio while recording this song, while James claims someone slipped acid in his drink before recording the final takes in attempts to sabotage the song. James claims he wrote more lyrics to the song but couldn't remember them after the acid started kicking in, leaving James to only say "let's get back to the music". James also said quote "The more you follow the money, the more you see who is pulling the strings. The further you go down the 'rabbit hole', the more silent the 't' becomes.

Smacks and Stacks 2009 drum and bass remix of Shawn Luther King and The Boulevard's banned funk anthem "We Can Say N.." from 1979.

Rare copy of 1500's tavern song by Sir Bartholomew Jackson and The Squires. Shortly after ai was developed, the elite ruling class's primary form of entertainment changed from 'playing God' to 'attempting to create God' by combining advanced modern technology with ancient witchcraft and black magic. The gov claims the "Stargate" program was only intended for ai research and development and never intended to open an actual stargate, in spite of the fact that they named the program "STARGATE". This extremely rare yet perfectly preserved hologram copy was sent to me through one of the stargate portals located behind the White Castle in the greater Spatula City area.

Hark! Depart ye to Rumble to hear a true tale too gruesome to be told on the emperor's video platform. I present ye the only known existing copy of Sir Bartholomew Jackson's "Well's Closed", which tells a story of battling evil treacherous witches through the midsummer heat. Lyrics [Verse 1] We are in the midst of an heat wave But thou needst to close the well today No joke tis a serious problem Someone hath poisoned the water [Verse 2] Had to slap a witch right in the face There was rats all over the place Now the water may test positive Best close the well if thou wants to live [Chorus 1] Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed for today Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed due to plague [Bridge] Summer is hither, it can't get any hotter Yet we can't drink because there's plague in the water Don't drink if ye don't want to get the plague Don't drink lest thou art already gay [Chorus 2] Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed for today Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed due to plague [Verse 3] I caught a witch with a bag of rats She had a big nose and a pointy hat Now there's plague at the water well The witch that did this shall burn in hell [Chorus 3] Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed for today Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed due to plague [Chorus 4] Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed for today Wells closed (wells closed) Wells closed due to plague [Outro End] Block the bucket, block block the bucket Block the bucket, block block the bucket You don't want wanna get plague, b*tch!

"Tired of Your S*** (1970)" Rare funk single by singer and full time plumber Mario Stubbs. This steaming hot funk track was written by Mario in the bathroom one night after a long day at work of dealing with people's s***. Mario , who considered himself an expert in s***, told his wife to not go in the bathroom for at least 35 to 45 minutes after he wrote this song, saying quote "this may the funkiest s*** ever. Somebody open a window". Lyrics [Verse 1] You think you're so cool (so cool) You think you're real smart (so smart) You think you're the s*** (the s***) Cause you smell like a fart (Hot Damn!) [Chorus] I'm tired of your s*** (tired, so tired) I'm tired of your s*** (tired, so tired) You've been stinking up the whole house I can taste your a** in my mouth I'm tired of your s*** (tired of your s***) [Verse 2] I went into the bathroom (oh no) And couldn't believe the stench (oh s***) Whatever came out of your a****** Smells worse than your breath (Damn!) [Chorus] I'm tired of your s*** (tired, so tired) I'm tired of your s*** (tired, so tired) You've been stinking up the whole house I can taste your a** in my mouth I'm tired of your s*** (tired of your s***) [Bridge] (Ooh ooh ooh ooh) That smell will melt the nose right off of your face (It smells like s***) I don't know how much more of your s*** I can take Oh no! [Verse 3] You think you're so cool (so cool) You think you're real smart (so smart) You think you're the s*** (the s***) Cause you smell like a fart (Hot Damn!) [Chorus] I'm tired of your s*** (tired, so tired) I'm tired of your s*** (tired, so tired) You've been stinking up the whole house I can taste your a** in my mouth I'm tired of your s*** (tired of your s***) Oh no no no I'm so tired of your s*** (Wipe your a**)

#classicvinyl #strictlyvinyl #vinyl #vinylrip #nostalgia #music #obscurerecords #obscurevinyl #reggae #60sreggae #comedymusic JAH! Yuh crazy bald heads a guh luv dis rythm yahso. Dis song from di lgenedary reggae singa Sanka Coffie. Lawd a massi! Dis tune irie! Lyrics Jah! Oh yes! Jah love, Jah love Jah hates f*gs Jah love, Jah love Jah hates f*gs [Guitar Solo] Oh yeah! You are gay Jah love, Jah love Jah hates f*gs Jah love, Jah love Jah hates f*gs (Oh f*ck yeah!) [Guitar Solo] Oh yeah!

#hardarchive #classicvinyl #strictlyvinyl #vinyl #vinylrip #nostalgia #music #obscurerecords #obscurevinyl #funk #70sfunk #comedy Extremely rare funk single by funk musician and pigeon keeper Vince McMann. According to the liner notes, Vince wrote this song as a self indulgent expression of his grievances with the record industry gatekeepers for banning his popular cover version of Cornelius "Backhand" Jackson's timeless classic "Don't Test Me B*tch". Lyrics [Verse 1] You can make songs all about sex Or glorify crime like playing grand theft When it comes to shitting on women I do it the best Baby! Take this steaming insult on your chest [Chorus] Life just ain't worth living (ain't worth living) If I'm not allowed to shit on women (shit on women) Fuck you and your gay feminism (fuck you bitch) I can't stop (can't stop) I won't stop (won't stop) shitting on bitches (Ooh yeah) [Verse 2] You can be a bitch ass simp all day long But you better not make fun of Elon If you try to put a bitch back in her place They'll delete your songs for being too based [Chorus] Life just ain't worth living (ain't worth living) If I'm not allowed to shit on women (shit on women) Fuck you and your gay feminism (fuck you bitch) I can't stop (can't stop) I won't stop (won't stop) shitting on bitches (Fuck yeah!) [Bridge] I'm directly over the target with this You're not allowed to say "don't test me bitch" Why do you think that song is banned? Cause the answer to our problems is a strong pimp hand (Fuck yeah!) [Guitar Solo] [Verse 3] You can't let these bitches get a free pass Women and immigrants cut your wages in half Weak men being raised by single moms Now they get their feelings hurt by a fucking song [Chorus] Life just ain't worth living (ain't worth living) If I'm not allowed to shit on women (shit on women) Fuck you and your gay feminism (fuck you bitch) I can't stop (can't stop) I won't stop (won't stop) shitting on women (Oh yeah) [Chorus] Life just ain't worth living (ain't worth living) If I'm not allowed to shit on women (shit on women) Fuck you and your gay feminism (fuck you bitch) I can't stop (can't stop) I won't stop (won't stop) shitting on bitches (I gotta take a shit!) [Outro End] Yeah yeah yeah Fuck you, bitch

#classicvinyl #strictlyvinyl #vinyl #vinylrip #nostalgia #music #obscurerecords #obscurevinyl #funk #70sfunk #comedy "We can rebuild her. We have the technology. We can make her better, hotter, less bitchy." Lyrics [Verse 1] Let me tell you about a new invention This robot b*tch never needs correction You can get one refurbished for a small amount You pay a lower price for a higher body count [Chorus 1] Scientists made me the perfect b*tch They replaced her brain with a computer chip She talks ninety nine percent less sh*t She's the six million dollar b*tch (Oh yeah!) [Verse 2] There's a self cleaning oven installed within So no matter where she goes, she's always in the kitchen If you want the model that doesn't complain You gotta pay extra for the mute button upgrade [Chorus 2] Scientists made me the perfect b*tch They replaced her brain with a computer chip She talks ninety nine percent less sh*t She's the six million dollar b*tch (Oh f*ck yeah!) [Bridge] I believe that we can rebuild her (rebuild her) We have the technology (f*ck yeah) We can make her better than she was before Check out our new version of the three o four [Verse 3] She's got silicon t*ts and a great a** This is the only woman in the world that can do math Hurry! Order now cause they're selling out fast Just swipe your credit card up her a** [Chorus 3] Scientists made me the perfect b*tch They replaced her brain with a computer chip She talks ninety nine percent less sh*t She's the six million dollar b*tch (Oh yeah!) [Chorus 4] Scientists made me the perfect b*tch They replaced her brain with a computer chip She talks ninety nine percent less sh*t She's the six million dollar b*tch (Oh f*ck yeah!) [End] Oh sh*t! I got the error message three o four

#classicvinyl #strictlyvinyl #vinyl #vinylrip #nostalgia #music #obscurerecords #obscurevinyl #hardarchive Hello buddy, this song is very good sir! You will like this song buddy. I will play this song again if you send bobs and vagene, buddy! Lyrics [Verse 1] You're in the wrong place You're in the wrong town You really should've stayed Cause sh*t is going down [Verse 2] You just made it here You fell for the trap Gonna build a wall So you can't go back (oh no!) [Chorus] They know it's true (oh yeah yeah yeah) But they don't want to hear You're the new slaves (oh no no no) Cause you volunteered [Verse 3] They tell you you're free So you won't escape Welcome to the zoo Hope you like your cage [Verse 4] Better pay on time The taxman won't wait You'll learn soon enough How to be a slave [Chorus] They know it's true (oh yeah yeah yeah) But they don't want to hear You're the new slaves (oh no no no) Cause you volunteered