how kids judge their parents love differs between mum and dad

when kids are asked to evaluate the love of their parents, they answer differently for fathers and mothers.

for fathers, they think dad loves them when he spends time with them.

this hugely correlates with the requirement for a physical transfer of skillset in particular risk assessment and boundary building.

for mothers, they think mum loves them when she thinks carefully about them.

this hugely correlates with the requirement for nurturing, and passing down the skillset of emotional regulation through her empathetic understanding of her offspring.

remember, our parent's words become our internal monologue.

so if there is gap there, if there isn't assistance with labeling emotions, with processing emotions, with on-ramping back into life after episodes of emotional distress - a kid grows up as a confused leaf in the proverbial wind.

instead of leaning in and listening up to the wisdom of the nervous system we get confused.

“why are you doing this to me!” something i shouted for years when experiencing anxiety.

“i just want to feel ok!”

but it was warning sign. it was the embedded history of all mankind. it was telling me, something is not right, something is disorganised and we have to change that.

but instead, i numbed that symptoms through any means possible.

and by doing so we seal our cyclical fate or the adage “what is not brought to consciousness comes to us as fate”

so again, and again, until finally i started listening. sure it takes practice, you may feel 4 years old when first engaging with anger or sadness - but better to start today than to send it down the line to the next generation.

understanding what you missed and learning how to show up for yourself today will be part of day 1 of the retreat starting September 14. details in the usual place.

to your healing 💙,

Jas

#anxiety #peoplepleasing #emotionalmaturity #somaticsunday #burnout #reparenting