Pentagon's New Weapon - Ukraine's Funding - Xi Jinping Shames the US

After months of continued supply of bombs to Israel and humanitarian aid to Palestinians in Gaza, the US Secretary of Defense claimed that: "This task has stretched our logistical capabilities to their maximum and has encouraged us to look for new ways to optimize our efforts" The comments were made during the unveiling of the Pentagons new Explosive Bread Iniciative. "This new program should guarantee that the US remains true to its commitment to its allies, while also holding the moral high ground as one of the most commited food suppliers in the Gaza Strip." remarked the former US Army General.

In other news, the president of Ukraine made an astonishing announcement after facing dwindling military support from its Western allies, "We have worked very hard developing a new way for people to support our cause and we are happy to announce the launch of the Zelenskoin, a new crypto project that will totally provide major ROI to its investors, with liquidity guaranteed by Blackrock, Inc." When questioned about how the iniciative could improve Ukraine's military capabilities, President Zelensky called the journalist a "Russian Fudder", and encouraged all potential investor to "HODL to the Moon".

In a recent Chinese Communist Party meeting, the President of China Xi Xinping, shamed the US for having considerably cut back its military support to Ukraine in favour of Israel and claimed that: "The US is totally capable of maintainig both combat fronts, but its just not willing to dip into its reserve equipment. This decision is completely baffling, since its not like the US has to worry about any other possible conflicts in the near future." Stated the chinese leader.

Music: Just Breaking by David Fesliyan