JokingNews

Donald Trump is facing the judicial system in his hush money trial in New York. He is under fire for apparently having paid Stormy Daniels to not reveal and affair they had in 2006, which could have jeopardized his 2016 presidential campaign. Although arguably the person who has been most under fire since the beginning of this trial has been Max Azzarello, outside the courthouse. The former president's team is worried that these allegations of him having had an affair and then lying about it, may harm Trump's long-held image as an honest family man. In other news, Joe Biden was apparently caught lying when he claimed his uncle, a WW2 pilot, had been shot down in Papua New Guinea and then eaten by cannibals. According to most experts this would support recent studies that suggest that senile old people and politicians sometimes lie. The leader of Papua New Guinea took offense to the comments and replied "Mr. Biden I believe you are mixing up the stories about your uncle's death in WW2 and your holidays at the Bohemian Grove" Moving to the Middle East, shocking revelations are coming to light when a video of PM Netanyahu has surfaced in which he describes how he would carry a campaign of terror in Palestine with full American support. When pressed on the issue, Pentagon Press Secretary John Kirby stated "It is absolutely despicable, this just goes to show that there is no decency in the world anymore, and that there is absolutely no interest in resolving this conflict. I mean... PM Netanyahu clearly asked the reporter to turn the camera off. The reporter should be ashamed of himself for his incendiary actions." Music: Just Breaking by David Fesliyan

Four 19th-century books suspected of being harmful to humans have been quarantined at France's National Library. The volumes, which include The Ballads of Ireland by Edward Hayes, an anthology of Romanian poetry by Henry Stanley, and a Royal Horticultural Society book, could contain arsenic-laced colorants, popular in the Victorian Era. According to a British scientist: "While the threat of arsenic exposure is very real, we must not neglect the harmful effects of being exposed to Irish Ballads." According to a recent UCLA study, LGBTQ couples could face greater climate change risks. Researchers found that same-sex couples are more likely to live in urban population centers, with high levels of air pollution, also known as "cities". The study also revealed that the US county with the highest proportion of queer couples is Washington DC, which everyone in the Deep South claims to have always known. The New York Court of Appeals overturned Harvey Weinstein's 2020 rape conviction in a 4-3 decision. The conviction was overturned because the judge who oversaw the case allowed women whose accusations were not a part of it to testify. When the accused and his lawyers were asked about how they felt about this ruling, the layers expressed satisfaction and said: "We are very happy with this decision", Harvey Weinstein said: "Me too". Music: Just Breaking by David Fesliyan

Astonishing images are coming from Texas in which the Department of Public Safety stormed the grounds at the University of Austin in order to shut down pro-Palestinian protests. The Governor of Texas Greg Abbott said on Twitter that he will "Always STAND UP against anti-semitism". The Governor who has long championed the cause of freedom of speech in Texas, received praise from other paladins of Freedom such as Xi Jinping and Kim Jong Un. "It is good to see Americans finally embrace the type of freedom that has brought so much progress to the Chinese people" Said the Chinese Communist Leader. A student arrested at the University of Austin defended their protest by claiming that: "You can tell this was a peaceful protest by the fact that even the Uvalde Police dared face the protestors. Had there been any dangerous individuals present, they would still be waiting outside the premises.". Uvalde Police chief rejected these comments saying: "Comparing this situation to the police inaction during the 2022 school shooting is disgusting, in 2022 it was just a bunch of 10-year-olds losing their lives, while in this situation it was Governor Abbott who could have lost his AIPAC funding, which would have been truly heartbreaking" In other news, Columbia University is commemorating the 56th anniversary of the anti-Vietnam war student protest that took place there in April of 1968. Columbia University President Minouche Shafik stated that: "We are excited about this anniversary and we have great plans for this celebration. We are lucky the current pro-Palestinian protest gives us the perfect opportunity to replicate the police actions of 1968. Although, we are hoping that his time it will be more than 1000 officers storming the grounds, fingers crossed!" Music: Just Breaking by David Fesliyan

After months of continued supply of bombs to Israel and humanitarian aid to Palestinians in Gaza, the US Secretary of Defense claimed that: "This task has stretched our logistical capabilities to their maximum and has encouraged us to look for new ways to optimize our efforts" The comments were made during the unveiling of the Pentagons new Explosive Bread Iniciative. "This new program should guarantee that the US remains true to its commitment to its allies, while also holding the moral high ground as one of the most commited food suppliers in the Gaza Strip." remarked the former US Army General. In other news, the president of Ukraine made an astonishing announcement after facing dwindling military support from its Western allies, "We have worked very hard developing a new way for people to support our cause and we are happy to announce the launch of the Zelenskoin, a new crypto project that will totally provide major ROI to its investors, with liquidity guaranteed by Blackrock, Inc." When questioned about how the iniciative could improve Ukraine's military capabilities, President Zelensky called the journalist a "Russian Fudder", and encouraged all potential investor to "HODL to the Moon". In a recent Chinese Communist Party meeting, the President of China Xi Xinping, shamed the US for having considerably cut back its military support to Ukraine in favour of Israel and claimed that: "The US is totally capable of maintainig both combat fronts, but its just not willing to dip into its reserve equipment. This decision is completely baffling, since its not like the US has to worry about any other possible conflicts in the near future." Stated the chinese leader. Music: Just Breaking by David Fesliyan