Navigating Little Feelings of Doubt or "In-Betweenness"

10 months ago
27

In my mind, I am not happy if I am not in happiness for twenty-four hours.
20.00 The next thing I want to look at, is the “in-between” , “what could I do now?” And I feel myself reaching towards something…looking for something…that will make me feel excited.
20.30 It’s like sending out virtual feelers and want to find a corresponding ‘zap’ to the feeling to pull me along in that way. SO if you have just completed something and you are in a kind of liminal zone, not quite sure where you are going next, allowing your body to defrag and find its way back to harmony, makes absolute sense.

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Topic: INSPIRITION: Activating Human Potential 8pm GMT session
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I discuss still having little doubt voices, and I want to find out: where it comes for, what it is, who’s making it? Am I making it? what is making it, is it anchored into the cells of my body? How can I release it completely? Is it just a symptom of low energy?
1.40 Describing how I work ‘in the soul room’- a space continuing all information we want to access- in the etheric level.
3.10 I get ready by doing my ‘prayers’ commanding myself in the space where, I can fully receive. I give a little recap of yesterday’s work of earth field and source energy field and we the personality/soul are the holder of these energies, a spark of soul, a little synapse between the current place of incarnation and the energetic field for which all things come.
4.50 The commands
6.30 I stand in the central space of my soul room. Which has a central space in lowered central space and over walls and it actually looks like an eye from above. A few days ago I received this beautiful essence in her in an egg while I was there you can go and see that I think it's three videos away and it contained apricot pink dancing energy basically my soul essence and I've now put that around the edge of the circular area in the centre and it's like a curtain moving shimmering alive and in that is the ability to receive any information.
8.00 what I'm looking at is this doubt and how it manifests is it comes through as though I have done something wrong and that can be triggered by all sorts of different things in this case if someone doesn't contact me who and expecting them to contact me and hoping they will.
8.30 I tell the story of a little girl who was upset by having to fight to be seen and heard. I explained that if people are grumpy it's not usually her fault it's theirs and the light went on in her mind. I know that that doubt is not real it's still there so we're going to find the bottom of it.
10.10 I ask my field of information: where does hit programme of self doubt arise for? Who created it? I? Or an external program i meshed with?
10.45 In front of me on the floor is a little stalked seed, containing small seeds, little puzzle.
11.20 I begin to choke! Have to clear my throat, so I repeat the exercise to check, in case i see something different….
11.55 The seed opens in to four pieces, like beech nut. What is the seed doing in my soul room- its come from outside….a seed wishes to find fertile soil to rest within and be able to grow.
12.40 Who sent the seed? “It came from the tree of the energy of that which is managing your environment. The seedlets, little control mechanisms- programmes, little pieces of challenge, little ‘gameplays’ you could say, if you imagine it’s a virtual reality.
13.00 Who creates these? “ The game-players create these. These are thrown into the game, as to see what will happen with them. - comparing it to the Pokemon games…The difference between a seed and your own production is, ‘will it take root within you?’”
13.33 Why did I allow that to ever take root within me? “- because it was just pattern that was around me. Everyone else was doing it. We were all doubting ourselves, so it was almost a la mode. In fact, it was considered rather brash if you didn’t doubt yourself. “ I do live in England after all and in my childhood it was considered bad to be in any way seen or heard. You were supposed to be modestly hidden. (My voice catches on this again…!)
14.22 How can I remove this seed and its contents? “I could throw them out into the ethers…Could even put them into a compost, where they degrade back into their component parts. The point is, when you are conscious of something , it is easier to discard it.
15.00 It’s not a good feeling, is it? To have your quiet purity, your love connection to Source, destroyed by doubts about the integrity of yourself.
15.30 The doubt was triggered by wanting a reaction from somebody else. Psychologically, that would be termed co dependency.
16.00 We also understand the universe works on reciprocal transactions: receptors and transmitters. Synchronicity is the moment that the two are joined together, on the same frequency of resonance. Frequency enmeshment, entrainment- what learning is all about. - Not just humans, animals, plants, minerals, other stuff we can’t see…
17.00 So why, when I am hoping for something from somewhere, do I go into a place of loss, a kind of a torture? A lack- why does that happen?
We were expecting something for that somewhere with energy to take US to a place. When that energy does not come we feel down, because we are still in OUR original place. WE have to LIFT ourselves regardless….
17.50 If doubt comes in, it means you are not in a particular high vibrating frequency. So doubt is useful as an indicator. Reminding you to recalibrate yourself. Thank you!
18.30 I love it that the disappointment happens, because It means I WON”T be pulling energetically on them- i like to make sure I am self-sustaining. I could use any of my energy tools to get me hi-vibing again, or sleep, or eating, or moving my body…
19.29 In my mind, i am not happy if I am not in happiness for twenty-four hours.
20.00 The next thing I want to look at, is the “in-between” , “what could I do now?” And I feel myself reaching towards something…looking for something…that will make me feel excited.
20.30 It’s like sending out virtual feelers and want to find a corresponding ‘zap’ to the feeling to pull me along in that way. But sometimes I think I am making myself dependent on external circumstance being a certain way….
21.00 I want to have the sense of NOT NEEDING to ‘search out there’- because that is ‘pulling’ and I want to be in a state of ‘flow’ rather than pulling. ( The state of unconditionality…)
21.20 I am hoping you will resonate with what I am talking about: like an expectant state, between one thing, and another that you are doing.
22.15 So I want to ‘go in there ‘and see if I can understand more about the potentialities of that space- what this means to me. (Using the count down for ten again.)
23.00 I see a cricket wicket and bat. - the idea of fairness. - as though there was some universal system of what is fair. slow sport, with fast and furious elements. also I do not play cricket. I feel that I am looking for something that perhaps isn’t MINE when I am looking.
24.19/ Is this to do with me being aligned with my soul centre? Yes
Is there a better way to recenter myself to a position awaiting the next best possible thing to engage in? Yes. And what might that be?
25.00 I saw different coloured waving filaments of light, aqua, cerise, white, yellow- a series of wave forms “sound light”. If I put myself into his particular down pouring I would want to move and dance.
26.00 I explain I live in a charming house but it is small. I do yoga happily in the garden, but I do not dance in the garden- isn’t that sad.
26.20 I feel the sadness could be relieved, as I am looking to identify the best thing to do ( and here starts the next adventure…and I am excited, because I wanted to explore the soul qualities of dance next!)
26.50 When you move with your body, you are moving energy. For instance you can build up the energy of the aura through ballet….every move has its own energy attached to it- language symbolising something and shifting energy.
28.10 SO if you have just completed something and you are in a kind of liminal zone, not quite sure where you are going next, allowing your body to defrag and find its way back to harmony, makes absolute sense.
28.30 I ask you if you can see the auric field in the video light….( easier to see them in the evening when the air is moister and the light dips)
29.00 I play with showing you how I can tickle my hand by tickling my auric field two inches above my fingers.
29.40 So if i can feel that…what does it mean when I move my body through the auric space, through the air?
29.50 Referring to yesterday’s actively made connection between earth energy field and Source energy field: the more conscious we are the more consciously we create within the earth’s energy field. -‘Negatively conscious’ creators such as those manipulating weather systems….
30.30 For example, a hurricane is the breath of something affecting what is on the ground and the air…I am forming the analogy between the movements of our bodies and the consciousness……When you move your body, you are changing the landscape of your energy body.
31.01 You could remove heavy energy….example of a kiss which is blown, a wave, they all mean things energetically.
Or clumsy-moving people who are not fully incarnated into their entire body…or beautiful dancers kissing the earth. We are praying through our movements. We are expressing our Source Energy.
32.00 And if we want to find something, we have song, speech, idea, stuff we do; making things and painting things, - bringing in awareness and possibility of Source through our physical bodies.
32.30 And we have these self-generating medicines that we have with us all the time: sung sound. Specific sounds with specific words are developing packets of Source energy to be receive by people.
33.00 When I teach Activating Human Potential, I am looking at all these things. The body has transformative information within it.

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