What is the best comeback that works against all insults?

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What is the best comeback that works against all insults?
I bet that sounded a lot cooler in your head.
Any time my mom would get called names or insulted, she'd shrug and just say "everybody's gotta be something."
Once I saw a AITA post where a bride was jealous of a guest (because she was too beautiful and "stole her day, even if she was perfectly elegant) and she was insulting her. The bride told her :"So next time, can I come to your wedding in a wedding gown ?".The guest replied :"If you think it'll help".And I found that EPIC
That sounds like something you would say.
"Well, I guess what everyone says about you is true"My Dad told me to say this, and the typical bully type will generally go crazy thinking everyone talks about them behind their back
Just say "okay" and move on​ppl who insult want a reaction. don't give it to them
I found out just asking “Why?” And putting them in a position to explain their insult which didn’t have much thought behind it works well.
Pull my earbuds out with a confused expression and ask “What?”
Hold a stare and blank face for at least 3 seconds, and then ask in a concerning tone, “are you okay?”
“Up your butt and around the corner” Worked when I was 10
Big fan of the pause for a beat, dead pan, and then some variation/combo of "you done?" "Feel better now?" "Got that outta your system?"Just that pause and little bit of patronizing tone while dismissing the childlike behavior usually does more to the ego than a counter insult.
Earnestly ask them if they are ok.
" I hope you know I'm just going to masturbate to this later."
And? Basically takes all the wind out of their sails. They want to get a rise out of you and responding like this doesn’t give them the satisfaction
I once had someone say to me 'jesus they let you out for the day and this happens' and I had to laugh and give them that one.
”Well that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
Stick your finger in your mouth/cheek and pull it forward and out, so that it makes a popping noise. There arent many people who wouldnt be speechless after witnessing that during a conversation/argument.
Just laugh out loud. If someone's trying to make you mad, acting like nothing they've said matters to you in the least and their best attempts at making you feel bad are laughable will really take the wind out of their sails. I've done it, it's immensely satisfying.
I envy the people that don't know you.
Aussie here, you guys are overthinking this, let me help: **"Fuck-off-ya-cunt."**
"So's your face" - JD
Says more about you than me
Stop bullying me, you're gonna make me cum
Your mother should have eaten you while your bones were still softEdit:Wtf this isnt even funny
Bold words for a man in cum shot distance...
It's easy guys. Just repeat what they've said back but in a high pitch sarcastic tone.I find works especially well in customer service when dealing with tricky complaints.