Reddit Tymes

What should everyone try at least once in their life? [Serious] Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Most of those "transients" you see on the street are actually very nice, normal people who just had a bad break. Look someone dead in the eyes and say exactly what you think about them. See how it turns out Plant a tree. Exploring different places around your neighbourhood on your own... You never realise what you can find until you try. Then bring someone along with you next time and show them. Go somewhere with no light pollution, on a clear night, and look at the stars.EDIT: Thanks for the comments and doodads! I'm glad so many people have experienced this! Doing something kind for a stranger, they may remember it for a lifetime Do something you normally wouldn't do, like a hobby you normally wouldn't consider doing. Even if it might not be for you, you at least have some knowledge of it. Spending extended time with people fundamentally different from you. Write a short story that one actually wants to write, especially if it turns out bad. In my experience, experiences in school dissuade people from writing for themselves. Everyone can write something cool and interesting, and failing a lot is part of the process at becoming better. This applies to anything creative, including engineering. Travelling to another country. It's really great to experience a different culture #reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday

You are teleported back to 2001 terminator-style (butt ass naked) and end up in the middle of Times Square. What do you do or say to convince people you’re not a stoned homeless person? I'd emulate Old Biff and try to predict something that I knew would be coming up. They'd at least figure that I was either a time traveler or a psychic.Edit: Or insane, true... "You guys are alright. Don't go to work on Sept 11th." Did they just see me come out of a ball of electricity? Ill need no explanation.... What's the date? I feel the city might be a little preoccupied. I would start with "your clothes, give them to me now". I'd probably just cry 2001 Times Square....I doubt anyone would care or notice... Like with the blue ball that appears, then pretty sure they would believe me right?edit: With blue ball I do not refer to blue testicles, I mean the sphere from wich the terminator comes out because of the time machine. Please people understand that. I'd call 2001 me to wire me some money, then get back home to talk about the next 20 years. I'd been expecting that call, so it wouldn't have been a stretch. Stand outside of the TRL window Jokes on you. I am a stoned homeless person I’d just pick up a guitar. Shout "Wooo, spring break" Say something really smart like *You have fingertips but not toe tips, yet you can tip toe but you can’t tip finger* I'd want them to believe I'm a stoned homeless person so they would leave me alone. Just say I got muggedEdit: wow did not expect this to blow up. Thank you kind strangers for the awards I think the giant ball of reality bending, asphalt melting energy would do that for me. You say: Shit! That must have been a **seriously** good party. Everyone laughs and you go on to make serious moves on bitcoin. I wouldn't.A stoned homeless person is likely to end up in rehab or detox which is infinitely preferable to jail or a mental institution in such a situation. Ergo: if cops think I'm just homeless and stoned out of my mind, I will encourage them to keep believing it. As a chick I’m pretty sure I could say I was drugged and abandoned or something. Kill someone and steal their leather jacket. Go find a cop, tell them a story about how someone robbed me at gunpoint and took all my clothes and ask for something to wear Try to send my parents a letter. Telling them to invest stock in Gamestop and a thing called bitcoin. I'd just steal the naked cowboy's hat and start taking pics with people for $$. After about 20 minutes when I have at least $600, I wander over to 5th ave and buy some nice threads. I then head to whatever club is coolest and start assembling a posse of badasses to stop 9/11. It’s Times Square, you might be ignored. I'm not going to lie. If put in this situation I wouldn't bother with trying to stop 9/11. Before my departure I'd look up past winning powerball numbers, beg for 2 dollars, and then go find myself. idgaf about any of those people I'm running back to California to warn my dad to never go to the party he got shot and killed at Come with me if you want to live Wait till you hear about covid 19! I would start running and screaming facts about these 20 years in Spanish. Then I will wait 5-10 years until "Crazy Spanish nudist" becomes popular on youtube.People will go crazy when everithing I said becomes real. “I need yoah clothes, yoah boots, und yoah motahcycle.†#reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday

What's the weirdest / most disgusting thing you've ever seen at a party? Chick in a the walk in closet making herself available to any person that walked in. Wasn't hired, wasn't paid, just liked to do it. Girl was on something and just pulled down her pants and pooped infront of everyone. Party cleared out real fast after that. I've seen a drunken Army man in full uniform deepthroat a dildo in the middle of a kitchen full of people as they were chillin' and snacking. I mean it was weird because it wasn't 'that type of party'. He had just found one of the peoples dildos... don't even ask me how... and thought it would be funny to take it downstairs into the kitchen where we all were and stick it down a throat. Awkward Girl shit herself in the frat house tub, and then fell in it in her party dress. By herself. She had to be dragged out by her feet, sobbing and blackout drunk by her sisters. Leaving a trail of shit #reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday

Do you use that opening in your boxers/briefs to pee, or do you just pull down the top of your boxers/briefs? That little opening just doesn’t seem that useful. Thank you in advance. Honestly, how thoroughly do you wipe your butt? What about cleaning it in the shower?And uhh unrelated, how open are you to the idea of prostate massages/any kind of sexual attention being paid to your asshole? If you're straight, do you ever include any of that in masturbation? would it feel weird/ uncomfortable if a partner wanted to? Imma keep it real, I did not think my balls were that interesting lmao How often do you really cry? What makes you cry? When you use the toilet, does your weenie just hang into the toilet? Do you rest it on the seat? Do you ever get poop splash on your ween? You like cuddling after sex just as much as we do, don’t you? Don’t lie. Do you ever worry about what your friends think of the attractiveness of your girlfriend/wife? Like are you ever worried that people you know don’t find her good looking or judge you for being with her? (This question is obviously coming straight from my insecurities lol.) Someone probably already asked this, but is it hard/difficult to shave your balls? Can you feel our boobs when we hug? Does a woman’s height matter? What about weight? Is using urinals when they’re all full but there’s one left, is it awkward? Do you mind a little hair down there (even if it’s nicely trimmed and short)? What are some of your thoughts on girls making the first move? Do y'all enjoy late night chats as much as girls do or it annoys y'all if it's very often? I can’t think of a question that hasn’t been asked already. I just wanted to make it a point to say that I’ve spent probably two hours reading through this thread. To all of you men who have participated, thank you. You’ve made me laugh and some of you have honestly made me feel better about myself. You guys are awesome. is it true you really get random boners? what the flock do you do with someone’s balls during sex are you as judgmental over our bodies as we are? Are all boobies good boobies? I’m with someone who buys me flowers to make me smile - what would be something I could do similarly for him that is nonsexual that would brighten his day? Do pussies generally taste / smell appealing? Do men like it when females (friend/girlfriend) tell you they feel safe around you? Does what our vaginas look like truly matter to you? Like girls having longer lips and such. I’ve always felt incredibly self conscious about guys going down on me even if guys have never mentioned it before.Edit: Strangers on the internet finally made me feel good about my body. Is it true that guys generally hesitate or avoid going up to and talking women that are super attractive? I mean like a 9 or a 10/10? Is attractiveness/appearance something that makes you stall when “shooting your shot†? What does it feel like to run with no underwear on. Does it just flop around? Does it hurt? Does the bouncing get you hard? From my significant other "what does my pussy feel like" What does and erection feel like? How much does height matter in attraction? What makes you really like a girl? Do you guys wipe your dick after you go pee? Or do you just shake it, assume it’s good, then put it back in your pants?? Doesn’t that leave a little bit of pee in the tip? Why would you do that instead of just taking a bit of toilet paper and dabbing your ween?**EDIT:** I don’t mean wiping your dick like you’d wipe your ass, I’m realizing now that “wipe†was the wrong word lmfao This comment section is the most wholesome one I've seen, and it's mostly about dicks. #reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday

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When I'm lip reading someone and the intrusive thought of "they have nice lips" comes in and I lose the conversation. HANDS. I don't know what it is about them but, hands? Hands! Hands... The goddamn forearm. I almost got hurt at work once because I got distracted by bulging forearms. Men if you take anything away from this, let it be the button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. There is legit nothing hotter. You may fascinate a woman with a piece of cheese I'm a straight woman, but it's not a man's body that would distract me like this. Sometimes, a man just smells so good that it makes me a little lightheaded. The smell is usually a glorious combination of subtle aftershave and their own unique body musk - I think that's about the closest equivalent to me as a woman getting distracted by a random man I don't know. Voice can be very distracting. If they have a deep voice, I'm gone to a different land lol Muscular forearms sticking out of rolled sleeves of a long-sleeved shirt. Getting distracted by your own boobs. Man's shoulders, chest, eyes, arms, hands, legs, butt, waist, fashion, voice, laugh, dance, smile... I can't count the times I've noticed something attractive about a man and missed whole sections of a conversation trying to focus on acting normal. I can only speak for myself - but I easily get distracted by men with a nice haircut. My wife says forearms and shoulders. I said to her, "But what about between the shoulder and forearms?" She said, "That's a bonus." noted. i need to wear aftershave with a slight bit of personal body musk, grey sweatpants and a button down shirt with sleeves rolled up and maybe a chefs apron to show i can cook and a funny slogan on it to show i have a sense of humour. noted. As a woman, I can say it's getting distracted by a woman's boobs. #reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday

Safety glasses. When working away it's easy to talk yourself into doing something really quick without them and there is always a voice in your head yelling at you to put them on.Stopped grinding the thing I was working on got my glasses came back, and then this chunk flies up and cracks the right lense. Spidy senses 1 Murphy's law 0 I knock out my shoes and squeeze the toes for good measure. Hi Mr. BROWN RECLUSE! Only happened once, but once was enough to convince me it was a good habit to have. Arrive in San Francisco a week into a trip. As we gather our things during a moment of downtime I go back to check the bus cause, you know, it never hurts. Found my passport, which i had no idea I'd dropped. I had a car sitting on jack stands because I needed to do some transmission work. Before climbing under it, I thought it'd be a good idea to rock the car around. One of the jack stands was not in the right spot and the car slipped off it, slamming down on the front disk brakes. Would have killed me. Take 10 before you send has saved my ass countless times.Means take 10 seconds to re-read your email/post/whatever written communication before you send. Emails, especially in the workplace, last forever. Got insurance for a moving van. It was $50, and I thought "just in case"Turns out my room mate wasn't paying attention, and caused one of the walls to be ripped up. Would have cost near $3000 in damages, but since I paid the $50, I didn't owe anything. Ctrl+s, ctrl+s, ctrl+s, and more ctrl+s. Never know when the power will go out. This one is a bit more light-hearted. A few years ago I went on a trip to Venice. It was going to be sunny, and I knew I have terrible luck, and that there are many pigeons, so I took an old white baseball hat with me and put it on. Of course, a pigeon shat on my head.Right on the hat I had with me just in case. Very simple, but a roll of toilet paper in the glove compartment of my car has literally saved my ass multiple times. Flipped over my shoe and shook it, cause i had found a spider in it the night before, just to make sure.There was another spider in there. I spent extra money on kevlar motorcycle gloves, a lot more expensive but five times more durable. When I later on crashed with my sports motorcycle, I slid the first stretch of meters on the palms of my hands (and feet and knees) before I started rolling etc... Picking the more isolated wire cutter to cut a highvoltage power cord. Working in an electric panel I went over to check to make sure the disconnect was off.It wasn't. I was being careful either way not getting near the high voltage stuff but it didn't need to be on, and could have easily killed myself with 1 mistake.This happened yesterday. Drunk me takes better care of myself than sober me. If I get too drunk on a weeknight, I always wake up, without fail showered, shaved, with clothes and keys and everything I’ll need laid out and usually some food ready to grab and go with little to no memory of handling all that. But damn do I appreciate it when I wake up. Totaled a charger I was renting from enterprise. Bought the insurance, Best 17.99 insurance i ever spent Was about to send an email out to a few thousand people with links to tutorials, etc. Something in my head told me to *check the links*. Ok, whatever. I do. Third link down didn't go to a tutorial. It went to a picture of a squirrel with a bazooka. I had sent it earlier that day to a friend. Whoops. *check your links kids* Was on my way out the door for a trip to the Rocky Mountains with some friends. Saw a whistle sitting randomly in my junk drawer. Went out to the car to leave. Thought "Well... I guess if I get lost it could come in handy. Meh I probably won't need it" But went back in and put it in my pocket. ...guess who got lost in the mountains and got my ass saved by having a v loud whistle with me? Moved back into out empty house. Went to visit a friend and decided to take my luggage and computer with me in case the neighborhood still thought the house was empty. Came home to the empty house broken into and the front door had been unlocked from the inside. My computer would've been stolen. back during the craze of the wii i managed to get one for my brother during my lunch break at work. roads were bad so jokingly buckled it into the passenger seat belt. totaled the car on the way home. had i put it in the trunk it would have been destroyed. my brother was maybe 8 or 9 at that point. when i called home i told him his wii was ok, said he didn't care as long as i was ok. I often give my mother cash to hold on to for me. It always ends up saving my ass in a financial emergency. #reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday #ultrainstinct

#reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday My dad defended my childhood rapistSaid men have needs, I should feel flattered he chose me. How can I even call it rape, if I was too young to not know the word back then? I had a very complicated pregnancy. I found out at 4 months(crazy, I know). I was extremely high risk, and my FIL was asking my husband what he'd do if it he had to choose me or the baby. Before hubby could answer, my MIL pipes up with "Well, if it's her or the baby save the baby you can find a better mother." I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE. Husband lost it. I was basically bedridden after an accident left me in constant, debilitating pain..my ex screamed in my face to "just die already" but apparently Im remembering it wrong and it wasnt that big of a deal I was 11 and it was my first group sleepover. One of the girls told me she would shove a pair of high heels so far up my vagina that I'd never be able to have children. She also threw my teddy against the wall and it's eye popped out! My dads speech at my moms funeral: †mom and son had a close relationship, I’d have preferred to have a daughter.“ Not sure how thats relevant for the occasion but ok. Either that or the: “Your mom wanted you, not me.“ Many years before that.Somehow he’s still surprised I blocked him and didnt give him my new address. To kill myself when I was 9, at a family reunion, by a 45 year old auntie.I asked my mom about it earlier and got more context. She was disappointed that I was half white, hadn't skipped a grade and that made me "a disgrace to the black half of the family." She had apparently called her after the whole ordeal. "It shouldn't've been your dad. It should've been you. It should've been you."Said repeatedly by my mother, both drunk and sober, after my father's death. I think I looked too much like him for her. My mom once told me that if she had had to live my life, she would have killed herself at 16 y/o. I was working at a school with my two best friends, who were engaged. I was a teacher (f), one friend (f) was a teacher and the other friend (m) was a teaching assistant. Our principal accused me of trying to start an affair. He went out of his way to warn both of my friends about me and his “concerns†that I was trying to steal my friend’s Fiancé. My mom told me that if anyone got close enough to really know me, they’d find out what a bitch I am and have nothing to do with me anymore. (PS: I have lifelong friends and a relationship with my siblings, she doesn’t) "When I think of how you've ruined your life, I want to kill myself" \-My father to me at 18 in my final year of high school. It was the the only promise he kept. My boss pointing at me said to my coworkers "He may be fat but he is the most hard working person here". "No one is going to want to have you as their gf while you're this fat" -my moms friend. I was 14 at that time and not even fat. It still haunts me

#reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday Jinx, you owe me a coke. Not! Up your butt and around the corner Like totally “SUCK IT!†*gestures an X over crotch* That's wack. My 46 year old son calls me Homeslice. South Park quotes from the first season: "Screw you guys, I'm going home", "Respect mah authoritah!" "You killed Kenny! You bastards!"Calling something dope, "the bomb" or "the bomb diggity".Deez nuts"Whaddup, dawg?" or calling someone homeboy, but ironically, because we were suburban white kids.Peace out. You're killing me Smalls!

#reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday Asked my husband to use the whip on me when I was on my knees. He has terrible aim. He literally whipped my pussy on accident and it was unlike any kind of pain I’d ever felt- and I’ve given birth 3 times.Edit: I promise I’m not completely without manners. Thanks for all the generous votes and awards, people. My whipped pussy tips it’s hat to you. was in China, rode a train for 2 hours to meet a girl, didn't have sex, a terrible blowjob, she got tired after a minute then cried cus she missed her ex. You know those silicon ass things they have in sex shops for like 300$? When I was in Montreal in my sophomore year of college, I tried to buy one. My debit card got declined, so I didn't buy it. I got a call from my dad that evening saying someone in Montreal must have stole it from me, and I had to do the talk of shame explaining that I really did do that. A stripper let me Jack off in front of her once. That and another time I flocked a hamburger. Using the twin precussion handheld backmasager on my dick. Ngl it felt really flockin good. But it left a lingering tender feeling that had me walking funny for a bit.Happened when I was but a wee mid-teen In my early teen years, I accidentally made my clit burn using Vicks Vaporub that was supposed to give it a tingling sensation (I watched way too much BDSM and got ideas). I was in immense pain and was lying spread out under cold water to try and make it stop, and I couldn’t tell my extremely religious parents or they would’ve freaked out. When I was about 12-13, I had just learned about sex. One day I was super horny and was playing with my dads back massager. I quickly realized that it felt REALLY good to press it on my dick. I took it into my bedroom and went to town. My mom was walking by and heard the noise so she just let herself in. Needless to say things were weird after that for a bit, and she hid the massager. Ruined a jar of peanut butter. Not sure if this counts but. Was about to do it with a guy and discovered we had no condoms. Decided to drive across town to his place, since he had some. Got in a (minor, not our fault) car accident on the way there. Ended up at the cop station to report it instead of banging. Her name was Annie, and she stalked me for 2 years after that. Using Shampoo to jerk off. Worst piss pain ever. Fucked my landlord. He lived in the same building on the floor below me with his ex-fiancé. It was actually pretty fun until he started monitoring when I was home and knocking on my door when he knew I was home alone. Had to put an end to that reaaaal quick. My only regret is not getting a discount on rent :( When I was a stupid teen, I put an ice cube in my vagina. My reasoning was that if hot water felt nice, maybe something extremely cold would. It did not feel nice, it was horrible, and I couldn't remove it. 3 minutes of agony. Late to the game, and this will get buried but...I knocked up my ex wife one month after our divorce was final. Drove 1200 miles Friend passed away due to a trucking accident, went on tinder due to desired needs after a divorce... took a chicks virginity and later found out she was the friends sister visiting for the few weeks till they figured out the funeral...Never told anyone about this... Asked a escort to come over to my house at 2 am instead of jerking off like ya know for free... Well she and 3 other guys ended up kicking in my door and robbing me and my house. 0/10 never againEdit: holy shit thank you for the awards! This is my most popular comment by far, I appreciate you all! flocked a couch when I was like 13. I was at a sleepover at my moms bosses house (I was friends with her kids) and it was like 2 am and my dick was saying it’s go time. I heard Shane Dawson or some other Youtuber at the time say they flocked a couch so I thought I’d give it a go. I cut my dick on the cushion zipper and I think my couch flocking days are over. Edit: Thanks for my first award! Ah yes....her name was Autumn. One faked pregnancy later and I still don’t date girls named after seasonsEdit:Can’t believe THIS is the comment to blow up.Advice...don’t stick your dick in crazy, boysEdit 2: added the comma....but it’s funnier without it Hooked up with a co-worker who looked like Mr Bean (she was a girl). Broke my frenulum. Got jizz in my ear ,ended up with an ear infection..try explaining to a doctor what the foreign liquid is in your ear when your 15, hey guys thankyou for the awards and upvotes , for clarification this happened in 1987 and was purely accidental Almost got a bar of soap stuck in my booty holeEdit: Wow thanks for the awards guys. I can't believe my first comment to blow up is about the time I became a human soap dispenser. *Pulls out the little black book*Are we doing this chronologically or alphabetically?

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#reddit #reddittymes #tymes #reddittymestoday Using a home TNS machine to zap myself to finishing I was quite horny in my early teens, so I looked up innovative ways to masturbate. As it seems, if you hollow out a cucumber and microwave it, it does not feel like the inside of a vagina. I was left with the most disgusting vegetable you've ever seen and a memory that lives under the surface of my dignity. Not me, but a dude that was a few years older than me in high school. This dude, Ted, decided that it was a good idea to flock a Head and Shoulders shampoo bottle while he was in the shower. His dick ended up getting stuck in the bottle and he had to go to the ER to get it removed. Afterward he was forever known as Ted and Shoulders. I one day was bored and alone, my fiance left her butplug at my house that day, I figured nothing would happen if I tried so I used it, well long story short I couldn't get it out and had to call her to help me Shoved a 2by2 inch bathbomb up my ass with plastic rap still on. I tried to use hand sanitizer as lube once.....Don’t try it Poured shampoo down my urethra, thinking it would generate some sort of pleasure.*Narrator: it did not* One time I heated up a 5 layer bean burrito from Taco Bell for about 150 seconds before trying to use it as a fleshlight. I went balls deep and caused 1st degree burn on my crotch. Yes, I was a teen when I did thisYes I worked at taco bellNo I would not recommendNo that's not how we made sour cream got so horny that i masturbated with a carrot and went to see my then-bf with the carrot still inside me (20mins bus ride), just to be greeted by his mom at the door. noped the flock outta there even before entering his place.edit: wau. thanks guys. Made a fake vagina with a rubber glove, empty pasta sauce jar, a bath sponge and a rubber band. Then flocked it for weeks as a lonely teenager dug a penis size hole in the ground, filled it with packing grease, flocked it. Spent a whole day during school break lazy, in bed, seeing how many times I could ejaculate. The answer for 17 year old me was 12 times. 44 year old me has not yet repeated the experiment, but my guess is once. Once when I was a young teen I wanted to know what my cum tasted like but licking it off my hand seemed gross so I jerked off into a Tostitos® Scoop and then ate it.It would take me years to realize that cum is both salty but not that salty. When I was a kid I had the thought "if I could jerk off but keep the cum in me, would it feel good for longer?" So I put scotch tape over my pee hole and went to town. Suffice to say it was very painful and I have a bit of a lasting trauma. Would not recommend. I wrote a raunchy message to a girl on my phone but didn't send it.I aimed my erection at the phone and made a deal with my dick that if it could get hard enough to reach the Send button, the message would get on its way. I wanted to make my own fleshlight so I took the tube out of a roll of toilet paper and dunked the tp into warm water. I then put my dick into this warm mass of wet toilet paper. It felt decent but made such a mess, and the post nut guilt was something else. Saw a thing in a hentai, decided to try it out, gave myself a UTI and thrush.If you're gonna flock a bottle, make sure to sterilise it first In middle school, I once got a postcard from a girl I was super into (I’m pretty sure it was a generic bday card). Anyway I was so excited that I opened the card, cut a hole in the middle and tried to flock it. Didn’t go well, do not recommend. Highly uncomfortable and painful I used a wooden sword as a dildo when I was a teenager Fucked myself with a shampoo bottle on FaceTime with my ex, with my dead hands (I have a neurological condition) flailing about uncontrollably; was horny, in retrospect not the sexiest I’ve ever looked Tied my own legs to the bed posts behind my head but I tied them too tight so I had to cut myself out with a mechanical pencil on my nightstand. It took ~~about 20~~ maybe more like 15 minutes. I used a soft fishing lure as a dildo and lotion as lube. Got super freaked out after (I was really high and paranoid) so I called poison control thinking I was going to die from the chemicals on the lure lol Tried to suck my own dick. Managed to get the head in my mouth. Did not feel like a blowjob, hurt my back. 2/10 do not recommend.Edit: this is my first ever post or comment to ever get a reward. Classic Reddit that it is about sucking my own dick... wonderful. Thanks guys. Fucked a cabbage PIV. Penis in vacuum. I was going through puberty. Make flock to the couch cushions, ya know in between the crevice? Blew myselfEdit: Somebody reported me to Reddit for self harm. You know these weird intrusive thoughts you sometimes have when near somewhere you could jump from?Welp one time i just put a butter knife up my V.

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