The Press Is Right

As incredible as it may sound, the press at a news conference are not unlike politicians at a congressional hearing. Both like to shout out questions and proverbially “pound the tables” in order to appease “the folks back home.” For politicians, it’s their constituents; for journalists, it’s their editors, subscribers and Twitter followers. Both think that the brief camera time they receive will somehow make the difference between keeping and losing their jobs. Both politicians and journalists also have lips that move faster than the speed of thought, so invariably in their vain attempts to make themselves look busy, a stupid question will come out. Actually, when you think about that last sentence, it’s really something of an accomplishment when both politicians and journalists each can employ three difference meanings of the word “vain” in the same sentence; “vain” as in fruitless, “vain” as in insubstantial and “vain” as in narcissistic.
We here at CoBaD think there’s a fine line between wisdom and making an ass out of oneself, and that fine line is called the mouth. And to their credit, both politicians and the press are persistent; they never cease until they cross that fine line and make utter fools out of themselves. There’s a fine art to listening and keeping your trap shut until all the facts are in before you say something. That probably explains why law and journalism aren’t majors in the school of fine arts.
Marsha Fields’s first question is clearly alluding to the famous Barbara Walters interview with Katharine Hepburn in the early 1980s. Contrary to popular belief, Ms. Walters never asked Ms. Hepburn, "If you were a tree, what kind would you be?" In the interview, it was in fact Ms. Hepburn who brought up the tree discussion, saying that she was like a tree, to which Ms. Walters naturally followed up Ms. Hepburn’s remark with the question “What kind of a tree are you?” Ms. Hepburn then said she was like an oak tree. Ms. Fields’s question (and the whole skit for that matter) is more in the spirit of a January 2018 White House press conference when Dr. Ronny Jackson, physician to then-president Donald Trump, spoke to the press in regards to results of the president’s annual physical exam. Dr. Jackson reported that the president was in excellent physical health. He also mentioned that Mr. Trump took a test for mild cognitive impairment at Mr. Trump’s insistence (the first time in American history that a president had taken a cognitive assessment). He didn’t think taking the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) was necessary based on casual observations (at that point in time, Dr. Jackson had been around the president every day for nearly a year). As it turned out, the MoCA was in fact unnecessary because Mr. Trump scored 30 out of 30 on the test, well above the average score of 26. Dr. Jackson concluded by saying that based on the assessment result, Mr. Trump showed no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever.
Dr. Jackson was then asked by a left-leaning mainstream media reporter if a cognitive test is the same as a psychiatric exam (it isn’t). Undaunted, the rest of the left-leaning “tabloid psychiatrists” jumped in and asked Dr. Jackson a series of questions (speculative in nature of course, beginning with deflecting phrases such as “Some people might say,” “There is a lot of speculation” and “Questions have been raised”) asking him if the president is mentally fit for office (at least 22 times according to one source), including those who wondered if he might have Alzheimer’s, dementia or a drug addiction. One reporter even asked what Dr. Jackson’s role is in relieving an unfit president from his duties under the 25th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. All of these questions were totally irrelevant as the MoCA results Dr. Jackson just shared completely ruled out all of those possibilities. One liberal-minded reporter was even so daft as to ask “There isn’t anything that’s part of the president’s health records or his overall physical fitness or any medications that he’s taking that you’re not permitted to tell us? Is there anything you’re keeping from us for privacy reasons?” The question seems particularly perplexing since it runs contrary to one of the foundations of the left; that is, emphatically fighting to protect an individual’s right to privacy.
In the 2018 press conference, it almost seems like each reporter was trying to out-liberal one another, much in the same vein that the reporters in this skit were trying to out-stupid one another. So it appears based on Dr. Jackson’s press conference that toeing the party line is yet another common trait between politicians and journalists. The only difference is in regards to ethics; toeing the party line is SOMETIMES unethical in politics; in journalism, where one must exercise impartiality, toeing the party line is ALWAYS unethical. Looks like our journalist friends would really enjoy reading Chairman Rosie’s new book.
This skit also pokes fun at rebels. When Marsha was told by both Will and Monty that “…this is a man’s job…” and “…she doesn’t belong here…” her natural instinct when she was told that she couldn’t do something because of her sex was to rebel. By the end of the skit it became apparent that the “here” wasn’t a press conference, it was a game show, and “this is a man’s job” wasn’t referring to journalism, rather it was referring to being a contestant in a game show where the goal is to embarrass yourself by asking stupid questions in order to win prizes. So when Monty and Will said that “…this is a man’s job…” and “…she doesn’t belong here…”, perhaps they were (in an admittedly brusque fashion) being complimentary by thinking women were too smart to play such a silly game. Maybe Marcia should have thought more about what she was rebelling against before she opened her mouth.
Some people might think that we here at CoBaD are sexist depicting women the way we did in this skit. Well, let us say to you that we here at CoBaD believe in equality amongst the sexes. We are of the firm belief that women are just as capable as men, if not more so, at insisting upon asking stupid questions and debasing themselves in front of a national audience for the chance to sign away (in a Faustian-like manner) their life stories to the entertainment industry. If you require more information on our response, please see Mr. Some People for details and they might tell you.
For more on the egregious Chairman Rosie, see “The New York Times’ Effect on Man” sketch and the “Bach’s Diversified Portfolio / Spirit of Sechsundsiebzig” sketch.
Special thanks to Videvo for providing the game show sound effects and music.Show more

References:
Elliott, T. (2018, January 16). Reporters Ask W.H. Doctor 22 Times If Trump is Actually Sane [UPDATED]. Grabien News.
https://news.grabien.com/story-reporters-badger-wh-doc-after-he-gives-trumps-mental-health

Payton, B. (2018, January 17). 10 Of The Dumbest Questions Reporters Asked During Trump’s Health Press Conference. The Federalist.
https://thefederalist.com/2018/01/17/10-dumbest-questions-reporters-asked-trumps-health-press-conference/