Saved By The Whale

This skit was inspired by the tradition made most famous by David Baker, the former President and CEO of The Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio (that building you may have seen on TV that looks like a giant lemon squeezer). When football players were elected to the Hall of Fame, the President/CEO himself would visit the players or (as was the case here with Ms. Tennille Ahab) visit surviving family members, knock on their doors and deliver the happy news in person. In a ceremony later that year, recipients would receive a gold jacket and be presented with a bronze bust which would be permanently displayed in Canton. The picture behind the scenes, though, is far uglier. The President/CEO and more especially the members of the selection committee (mostly members of the media) are really nothing more than “prey” that are “hunted” in the form of incessant lobbying on the radio, television and social media. These members of the media are hunted by fellow journalists, former teammates, coaches and other assorted harpooneers who have taken up the cause of getting “their guy” into the Hall. This skit is a spoof of that “hunt.”

This skit is poking fun at two players from the 1970s (we’ll call them “Captain” and “Pequod”) who also happened to be teammates, and as of 2019 were still waiting to be elected to the Hall of Fame. We agree that both deserved to be in the Hall; both had stellar careers. What bothers us here at CoBaD is that both were very vocal about wanting to get into the Hall. It took a turn for the worse in January, 2020 when both were selected as finalists: “Pequod” was elected, while “Captain” was not. We came across some footage taken from “Captain’s” home just after he learned the news. To our surprise, “Captain” was pouting, swearing, and throwing a temper tantrum. His response was quite disillusioning as we were big fans of his and held him in high honor. In fact, one of our troupe members personally attended his induction into his team’s Ring of Honor in 2011, and was quite touched by his giving thanks to God in his acceptance speech. So we here at CoBaD were quite disappointed with this very public tirade. Watching “Captain’s” embarrassing and childish conniption fit on national television berating the Hall and its selection committee and saying how he deserved to be into the Hall of Fame, we couldn’t help but think of Herman Melville’s Captain Ahab and his equally maniacal obsession over landing the white whale (“Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. Sink all coffins and all hearses to one common pool! and since neither can be mine, let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, though tied to thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!” Chapter 135, The Chase —Third Day.).

We here at CoBaD think one should always receive an honor with great humility and dignity. Can one humbly and nobly receive an honor that one has been demanding and actively campaigning for? There’s just something not quite right about figuratively pounding on someone’s door demanding the privilege of having that same someone turn around and literally knock on your door.

You’ll be happy to know that all ended well. “Captain” was finally elected to the Hall of Fame in 2021, CoBaD thinks it was probably due to his literal “grisly army of harpoon brandishing” supporters, but also probably due to sympathy votes and the “permissive parent” faction of the committee who simply gave the septuagenarian brat his “lollipop” so that they wouldn’t have to put up with any more of his nationally televised pissy little hissy fits (we here at CoBaD saw his tearful rant as a vote-grubbing tactic, and, like all vote-grubbing tactics, is a psychological form of harpoon brandishing). To us it was a pyrrhic victory. “Captain” may have won a gold jacket and a bronze bust, but because “Captain” didn’t take his 2020 loss with an equal amount of humility and dignity as he did his enshrinement in 2021, he lost CoBaD’s respect. We hope you’re happy now, “Captain.”

Physeter is a genus of toothed whales. The sperm whale is the only living member of the genus.
“Come back for your lay later” - Each crew member of a whaling ship received a percentage of the profits (a “lay”) rather than wages. The size of the lay depended upon status, with the captain and the “boatsteerers” (harpooneers) getting more money than “greenhands” (those new to the ship). 
For those of you interested in knowing what life was like aboard a whaling ship, CoBaD recommends the following articles:

Life Aboard - New Bedford Whaling Museum
https://www.whalingmuseum.org/learn/research-topics/whaling-history/life-aboard/

History Engine 3.0 (richmond.edu)
https://historyengine.richmond.edu/episodes/view/5198

What It Was Really Like Working On A Whaling Ship (grunge.com)
https://www.grunge.com/316697/what-it-was-really-like-working-on-a-whaling-ship/

Finally, the cartoonist particularly enjoyed drawing the cartoons for this skit. Not only is he a fan of Herman Melville’s classic novel, it was also a bit of a nostalgia trip for him as well. When he was nine years old, he went on a family trip to Sea World and Marineland in Florida. He was greatly inspired by the sea life he saw, and for years afterwards drew cartoons featuring whales and dolphins before he was unfortunately lured onto the rocks of user interface design by the vile human factors sirens. The white whale featured in this skit was based on one of his characters.