My journey and remembering of CSA #10: MONDAY last breaking round two, The GIRL, Mind shatters

Original date of recording: 13th July 2020

GOD... I thought disclosing the MDMA treatment was BIG..... Jeezuz! This IS big to put out there into the world....

Men... Women..

The things that they did to me to ensure I never spoke out about this.... and I KNOW that they will come for me at some point to silence me... something I have been waiting for my whole life... bring it on - Wolf waits for thee.

In THIS footage... you see me go into 'the last breaking' yet again... a deeper dive, more data, more words, more layers of experience peeled back, more pain, more extreme...

In THIS footage, you see me come to remember, and even talk with the Girl... the girl that I loved and adored, who was brutally murdered in front of me... her death and her dying, enough to shatter my mind, like a plane of glass dropped upon the the floor.

This is where shit gets really REAL.... ideally youve watched all the other episodes before this AS they are what has led me to this point..

HOPEFULLY you watch this all the way through, the severity and the significance and the horror of it makes it advisable... take your time, work through it bit by bit, I recommend not skipping forward so you can see how one layer evolves into another...

I was able to navigate this... because I knew to let go and trust in my body, trust in my experience... even though my mind and my reality was shattering through this (once again).

Time Stamps:
00:00 - 13:00 introduction
13:19 the last attempt to break me
55:25 the last attempt to break me (2)
01:05:22 First full contact with the Girl
01:44:56 First full contact with the Girl (2)
02:25:48 notes and wrap up

WARNING: In this video I use footage of my body memories in which I was reliving being raped as a child, also I started having recollections of a girl who was murdered alongside me, some may find the content triggering or upsetting, proceed accordingly.

CAUTION: I am NOT a health professional, and before undertaking any therapy of any description please consult with a therapist AND do LOTS of your own research (inside AND outside of societally prescribed boxes), some resources are provided below.

RESOURCES:
* MAPS.org (website for Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, they also have a podcast)
* www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/ (an excellent subreddit in which you can get any question answered surrounding MDMA assisted therapy)
* Book: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
* Book: "Waking the tiger" by Peter Levine
* Book: "Healing Trauma" by Peter Levine
* Book: "The language of emotions" by Karla MacKlaren
* Book: "When the body says no" by Gabor Mate
* Book: "The body remembers" by Babette Rothschild
* Book: "Ancestral medicine" by Daniel Foor
* https://thedirtiestsecret.blogspot.com/2008/08/pedophiles-know-dissociationdo-you.html (a horrifying aspect of CSA which we ALL need to be informed about)
* https://csasurvivors.home.blog/2020/01/10/the-false-memory-myth-memory-repression/ (excellent blog covering most aspects of CSA)
* https://larrysanger.org/2019/12/why-pedophilia-is-evil/

Narcissism resources:
* https://thedawnrehab.com/blog/the-damage-caused-by-covert-incest/
* https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/emotional-incest
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWUDLnMfH7Y (mind games and tactics of female narc)
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzD-GZBTQVI (narcissistic pseudo spirituality)
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpceWp2-56c
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqr7B6nhilg (how to break the spiritual bond with a narc)

To Love
To Protect
To Lead by example
To seek truth, no matter how terrible
To do the right thing, no matter the cost

The blood of the innocent shall NOT be defiled.

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