1 year ago

I Want To Break Free (5-21-22)


There are few things that are as thrilling to me as the open road with no commitments. You give me time and you give me money and I'll want to drive or fly away.

Like a running back, I want to run to daylight.

I still savor the memories of all those college professors who told me I could become anything I wanted. My mom said I could become a star for God. My dad was a star. I wanted to outshine him.

I'll never forget taking the I-5 South from Sacramento in March of 1994. I was returning to LA after five years away and I had a place to stay in Westwood for a few weeks until I got things sorted. I had money in the bank and I had choices and I had dreams and I had no obligations.

I was 27. I was coming out of six years of bed-ridden Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I felt like the world was my oyster (while living out of my car for most of the next year). I loved exploring LA and its beautiful women. I thought about returning to UCLA to finish my degree. A 27-year old on a university campus would not be weird. Or I could go to work for Dennis Prager. He said he might have a job for me. Or I could become an actor or write a book. The possibilities seemed endless (beyond my significant limitations of exhaustion).

As the months rolled by, I felt my options dwindle. I couldn't articulate what was going on. I just felt my life getting smaller. I saw that I would not be on the same level as my peers for much longer because they were all getting established in careers and family.

* Road to recovery: https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=130767
* Ideas that give me energy: https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=130933
* Our Problems Are Not Our Problems, They’re Just Symptoms Of Deeper Problems https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=136900
* With or without you , https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=136247
* I’m Dysfunctional, You’re Dysfunctional: The Recovery Movement and Other Self-Help , https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=133894
* Sham: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless, https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=133768
* How to bypass your self-destructive tendencies, https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=132822
* A life that works, https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=132737
* Bringing souls out of hiding, https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=130933

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