Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 19 - Ooze
One of the most infamous games in the original NES multicart of Action 52, this crappy platformer had a substantial cash prize tied to it, payable to anybody who entered the "special" code revealed upon beating the final level...
However...
This is technically impossible without hacking the bloody game as the game will always lock up past a certain point, making seeing the [identical to all copies of the game] code something of the proverbial fool's errand.
As for the game itself... well, it stinks worse than the toilets in Hell.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0018: Night Fright [1967]
In 1967, John Agar proved himself handy in becoming Earth's best hope against Z-movie alien invaders in both "Zontar, the Thing from Venus" & this low budget piece of Texas-shot schlock where Agar plays a sheriff who has to contend with a mutated space gorilla prowling the dark woods of Satan's Hallow [a place where only bad things tend to happen, although the local 30-year-old teenagers regard it as an improvised hot spot] & to keep the town's age-pension-drawing geriatric teenagers from going there to shake their butts to bad generic surf rock music while doing the worst dancing the late 1960s had to offer. Most of the film consists of people walking through dark woods & there is some pretty bad day-for-night photography.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 18 - Critical Bypass
An excruciating experience to behold, as the nasty background of this horizontal shooter proves to be the worst thing about this lousy game wherein you play a weird object trying to blast every obstacle in your way, only to find that drawing a bead on your targets is hella difficult since the player's attacks are tied to the last direction they are travelling in, making accurate fire a real challenge.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0017: Wizards of the Demon Sword [1991]
AR-0017: Infamous jack-of-all-genres schlock director Fred Olen Ray was a bit late to the 1980s fantasy genre party when he made this rather low-rent flick in 1991, because the genre had died out by then. But thanks to a last-minute casting choice giving a performance so funny on the first day of shooting, Olen Ray decided to turn what could have been an atrociously tacky low budget barbarian flick you were supposed to take seriously... into an atrociously tacky low budget barbarian flick you were NOT supposed to take seriously. So basically a parody of the genre. This is the only effective way for the Bad Movie Masochists among us to digest this particular piece of smelly cheese, as the poor script & hilariously simplistic dialogue work better as a comedy than played straight.
That being said, it is still pretty bad.
My Grade: D [Bad]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 17 - Atmos Quake
A pretty darned bad space shooter where you play a starfighter shaped like the Star Trek logo, vertically scrolling through some difficult obstacles to shoot enemy ships. The problem with this one is that the course is highly difficult to navigate through safely, resulting in an experience only slightly better than "Star Evil".
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 16 - Streemerz
A vertical platformer where the player controls a socialist version of Mario, who has to climb platforms by using his streamer as a grappling hook. This is the only way to advance through the game and touching any of the objects lying around results in health being lost. Without the use of a Game Genie hacking cheat code to enable infinite health, beating this game will be extremely difficult, but it is possible...
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0016: Red White & Blue [2010]
AR-0016: A seriously evil young woman stalks the bars of Texas, engaging in one-stands with random men, on a mission to spread HIV through the menfolk as a personal statement of revenge. Her plan gets unstuck when one of her victims - a garage band musician who discovers he is HIV-Positive - decides to track her down & get his revenge, only to not realise she had a friend who happens to be a former CIA Blacksite interrogator with a serious mean streak. This is an utterly awful movie that has been described by someone as "an apocalyptic love story". Well, that is only half-correct. It is apocalyptic to an extent as most of the characters wind up in deep crap, but a love story it is not. Just an insidious movie that should be avoided.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0015: Project Kill [1976]
Before he became comedy royalty, Leslie Nielsen was a serious actor, making his work in B-budget thrillers & telepics. Here, Nielsen stars in the lead role as a US Military project supervisor who goes AWOL after deciding to leave the program he was heading as he realizes it is being corrupted, heading over to Manila to live a quiet life. His second-in-command is sent to "retire" him by any means necessary while a local gangster is hired by the CCP to persuade Nielsen to join them to make a parallel program for a small fortune.
Luckily for us, Nielsen had ethics...
My Grade: D [Bad]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 15 - Bubblegum Rosie
A mixed-type game [first & third levels are platformers, second level is a driving game] where the player controls a little girl who defeats enemies by blowing bubblegum bubbles at them. Yeah, it sounds childish, but believe it or not, this game was intended as a tribute to one of the devs' girlfriends who loved to chew bubblegum, so there. Of course, getting past the first level is gonna be hella tricky. If you do get past it, the subsequent levels are much, much worse.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0014: The Tomb [2007]
AR-0014: The first of a number of ultra-low-budget post-millennial horror atrocities made by notorious German hack Ulli Lommel that I'm going to cover here, this 2007 ultra-cheap knockoff of the "Saw" franchise consists of a group of strangers with serious[ly unconvincing] wounds trapped in a warehouse & having to find a way to escape while the psychopath taunts them with nonsensical clues over the warehouse's PA system...
"Eight nails, who fails?"
Apparently this was based on a H. P. Lovecraft story, but this is bulls**t & even Lovecraft websites warn their fans to be aware of this piece of trash.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia about this review subject, please leave in the comments for this video.
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 14 - Micro Mike
This is a rather infamous game on the original NES multicart of Action 52, where the player must control a piece of malware that speeds through the circuitry of an infected computer, avoiding obstacles & antivirus software gunning for you. The boss of each of the three levels looks rather dirty, plus the insane speed the game runs on makes it almost impossible to beat, unless you have unusually fast reflexes or a Game Genie hacking cheat code to enable practical invulnerability.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments for this video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0013: Funeral for an Assassin [1974]
AR-0013: Remember that actor who got decapitated by a falling helicopter on the set of "Twilight Zone: The Movie" back in the 1980s? Well, Vic Morrow was a veteran actor who in in the early 1970s did this "Sarth Efriken" [South African] typical product about an assassin who returns to his home country to settle the score with the apartheid government, mainly by planning to blow them all the way to kingdom come by way of a sabotaged funeral. Meanwhile, a federal security agent from that government is hot on his heels & won't give up for sh*t.
A pretty bad movie, even by South African standards...
My Grade: D [Bad]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 13 - Non-Human
A rather bizarre oddity on the original NES multicart of Action 52, this awful platformer has a weird creature under the player's control traversing a very short & quite hazardous obstacle course with the souls of the damned under the floor [or at least that's what those ghoulish faces look like. One game to avoid...
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0012: Hellraiser: Hellworld [2005] (Hellraiser VIII)
AR-0012: The eighth film in the Hellraiser series, this was the third & last of the trilogy of direct-to-video sequels Rick Bota made for Neo Art & Logic & the last Hellraiser of the 2000s. An absolutely abysmal sequel that trashes the Cenobite lore for a misbegotten attempt at making a "meta-sequel" set outside the series' universe as a group of Millennials obsessed with an online game based on the Hellraiser films find themselves trapped in a nightmarish rave party held at your typical remote spooky mansion.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 12 - Crazy Shuffle
A unique entry in the original NES multicart of Action 52, this is a maze shooter where the player must traverse a hedge maze, shooting enemy sprites that use the "Action 52 Boss" AI, meaning their movement is unpredictable. Very easy to get killed in this game, plus the sprites are so small they are difficult to make out on the old CRT TV monitor screens of the era.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0011: Maciste & the Queen of Samar [1964]
AR-0011: This end-period Italian peplum is better known in English international release under the title "Hercules Against the Moon Men" [& later fell victim to the savage robot hecklers at MST3K], even though this film's protagonist isn't Hercules but the native Italian superhero Maciste, a character that was extremely popular during the silent era in the 1910s [but never exported outside of Italy] but then revived during the peplum era [1958-1964]. In this late outing, Maciste comes to the rescue of a kingdom whose narcissistic queen is aiding a race of alien stone robots whose mummified queen needs the blood of human sacrifices to fully come back to life.
A very poor example of Italian peplum & a dumb film, but at least this is relatively watchable for Bad Movie Masochists & causal viewers might want to get inebriated before they tackle this one with the boys...
My Grade: D [Bad]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 11 - Fuzz Power
This is one of those platformers on this NES multicart of Action 52 that really begs the question of what was going on in the devs' minds when they were thinking this game up. A literally unbeatable game [there is an obstacle on the third level that is impossible to get past], this has the player character being a hairy John Thomas with big feet [so I guess that old saying about guys with big feet is true...] who has to defeat hair combs & blow dryers attacking them with hot hair.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0010: Howling IV: The Original Nightmare [1988]
AR-0010: The first of the Howling series to go direct-to-video, this unholy sequel was shot in South Africa in defiance of international trade sanctions at the time. An awful Scooby-Doo styled horror mystery that may have been more faithful to the books that started off the franchise in the first place, but lacks the scares, effects and wit of the cult classic original film. The film does have one ace up its sleeve though with the series second-best transformation.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 10 - Evil Empire
The player is on a mission to take down an empire of tiny ant-sized sprites that the manual refers to as "evil Arabians" [don't look at me, that's what the manual calls them - no offense intended to real-life Arabs], with some of the tiniest sprites ever seen in an NES game. Anyone playing this on an old CRT television back in the day would have serious problems playing this, although there is one interesting attribute as the player can theoretically gain unlimited lives by collecting 1UPs. Other than that, this game sucks goanna eggs.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0009: Robot Holocaust [1987]
AR-0009: This is the second film in a five-picture deal that cult Full Moon producer Charles Band signed gay hardcore erotica pioneer Tim Kincaid to produce ultra-low-budget movies to release for Band's Wizard Video label. These five films [four of which Kincaid directed himself] were the very first direct-to-video films ever released, Band having created the market as a way of maximising profit & also avoiding being ripped off by greedy distributors. This particular film is a bargain basement post-apocalyptic quest fantasy where a group of rebels head out across the post-nuke New York landscape to defeat an AI & its army of killer robots. The level of effort here is reasonable but Kincaid is spectacularly out of his depth here.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 9 - Lazer League
In this horizontal space shooter [one of many] on the original NES multicart of Action 52, the player controls an astronaut with a surprisingly effective backpack that allows them to evade most enemy shots, going up against strangely-designed enemy ships & do battle at the end of each of the two levels against a massive sun dial cruiser firing scatter shots. The boring gameplay & irritating soundtrack will take you out faster than the enemy ships...
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
Any questions, comments or associated trivia for this review subject, please leave in the comments below this video.
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Apatros Review Ep-0008: Manos, The Hands of Fate [1966]
AR-0008: One of the undisputed champions of the Bad Movie viewing circuit, this ultra-low-budget, shot-to-win-a-bet, made-in-El-Paso-Texas, abomination has a family trying to escape a small house owned by a demon-worshipping zombie cult. Awesomely bad in just about every way, plus this film also became infamous through the cult bad movie heckling show Mystery Science Theatre 3000 - in fact their most infamous victim.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 8 - Billy Bob
An infamous entry in the Action 52 NES multicart stable, this platformer has the player dodge falling blocks & arrows while at the same time trying to time their jumps accurately enough to reach the other end of the screen. It is possible to make it through the game but extremely difficult to manage it unless you've had enough practice.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Review Ep-0007: Submerged [2005]
AR-0007: This direct-to-video Steven Seagal flick from his laughing stock days in the 2000s has the Stout Sensei lead a team of mercenaries to defeat a mad scientist developing a means of remote brainwashing. This awful movie managed to become infamous in Uruguay [the setting of the movie] due to all the mistakes the Bulgarian production crew made in regards to the depiction of that country in the film.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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Apatros Action 52 Masochist: Chapter 7 - Manchester Beat
In this glitchy platformer, the player control a (possibly female) character who has to run the typical Action 52 gauntlet, knocking off grey punk rockers, dodging musical blasts & squaring up against the boss fire-rockers. There is a glitch in the game where falling down the death pits won't automatically kill you provided you then jump up to walk through the floor as an unclipping exploit & enabling you to avoid as much of the obstacle course as you wish.
My Grade: D- [Atrocious]
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