BBK

Good evening - todays breaking news is that Leader of the Labour Party Sir Kier Starmer was subject to a vicious attack from notorious nonce, Gary Glitter - during a speech at the labour party conference Gary Glitter rained down on Kier giving him a nasty shock - Questions are to be asked as to why Sir Toss Pot's security team allowed this to happen? Once explanation is that they may have been relieving themselves on the Gary Glitter, we eagerly await some answers. Good night

Once upon a time in the bustling city of London, Sadiq Khan, the Mayor, found himself in a rather peculiar predicament. You see, Sadiq was known for his calm and composed demeanor, but even the most unflappable leaders have their breaking points. It all started one sunny afternoon when Sadiq decided to take a stroll through one of London's famous parks to enjoy some peace and quiet away from the hustle and bustle of politics. As he meandered along, he couldn't help but overhear a group of children playing on the nearby playground. To his astonishment, the children were engaged in a game of "Sadiq Says." It was a hilarious twist on the classic game of "Simon Says," but instead of obeying commands, the children were mimicking his distinctive accent and mannerisms. They'd shout, "Sadiq says, 'Make important decisions!'" and then they'd all pretend to furrow their brows and look very serious. Sadiq tried to ignore it at first, thinking it was all in good fun. But as the game continued, he noticed the children weren't just mimicking his actions; they were making up comical rules like "Sadiq says, 'Raise taxes!'" and the kids would pretend to pull out gigantic wallets and count money dramatically. Feeling a bit flustered and more than a little self-conscious, Sadiq decided he couldn't let this mockery continue. He approached the group of children and cleared his throat. "Kids," he said with a twinkle in his eye, "Sadiq says, 'Let's all have a good laugh and be friends.'" The children burst into giggles and immediately dropped their impersonations. They were amazed that the real Sadiq Khan had joined their game. From that day on, they never made fun of him in a hurtful way again, and the mayor learned that sometimes the best way to handle a little ribbing is with humor and grace. And so, in the heart of London, a funny story of Sadiq Khan's momentary upset turned into a heartwarming lesson in how a little laughter can bridge even the widest political divides.

In a bizarre turn of events that could only happen in a twisted sitcom of British bureaucracy, the Met Police decided to go full Sherlock Holmes and raid Fox's flat with all the stealth of a herd of elephants. Their reason? Well, it seemed that the mere mention of Sadiq Khan's name had become some sort of magical incantation that authorized police action. Picture this: Fox, a mild-mannered tea-drinking enthusiast, was peacefully enjoying a cuppa when suddenly, his door splintered open. In stormed the bobbies, armed with their truncheons and cups of Earl Grey (because British police just can't resist a proper cup of tea). "What's the meaning of this, chaps?" Fox exclaimed, clutching his tea-stained bathrobe. The lead officer, Inspector Puddinghat (yes, that's his real name), straightened his monocle and declared, "Sadiq Khan has spoken, and so shall we! Raid the premises!" And so, the raid began, with officers rummaging through Fox's collection of rare tea leaves and measuring the fluffiness of his cushions for any signs of criminal activity. It turned out that Sadiq Khan's name had been used as a universal key to open any door in London. Want to borrow a cup of sugar? Just invoke the name of the mayor. In the end, they found nothing but a rather embarrassing collection of stuffed foxes (hence the name) and a teapot collection that would make the Queen jealous. Fox, bewildered but oddly charmed by the whole ordeal, turned to Inspector Puddinghat and said, "Next time, just call ahead, old chap. I'll brew us a proper pot of tea." And so, the legend of the Sadiq Khan-authorized flat raid at Fox's place became the stuff of London's eccentric tales, a reminder that sometimes, even the Met Police can't resist a spot of tea and absurdity.

Laurence Fox's on-air comments about a female journalist were "way past the limits of acceptance" and should have been properly challenged by host Dan Wootton, the boss of GB News has said. Angelos Frangopoulos told the BBC he was "appalled" by the remarks. Fox and Wootton have been suspended and the channel is being investigated by Ofcom, which received 7,300 complaints. Fox sparked the controversy when he asked what "self-respecting man" would "climb into bed" with Ava Evans.

London Mayor Sadiq Khan threatens scandal-hit Met Police to clean up its act or face being broken up - as he warns 'nothing is off the table'

Russell Brands Apology in full

Finally Russel Brand has broke his silence and issues apology

In a recent London Assembly meeting, Mayor Sadiq Khan stooped to a level unbecoming of his office, shocking not only his political opponents but also those who had once held him in high regard. During what was supposed to be an adult and reasoned debate, Khan directed an appalling insult at fellow assembly member Peter Fortune, branding him "thick." It is concerning that Mayor Khan, who once presented himself as a voice of reason and unity, would resort to such divisive and immature tactics. This incident reveals a disappointing lack of statesmanship and an inability to engage in respectful debate. Londoners deserve better than a Mayor who resorts to personal attacks as a way to defend his floppy and unfair schemes. Khan seems unable to demonstrate the leadership and maturity that his office requires. To put it bluntly Sadiq Khan is a cunt. Good night

Let see what mother nature thinks about Tim Cooks plan to get Apple Carbon neutral by 2030, no mention of cobalt mining or China.

Oh the wonder of truth

Ladies and gentlemen, folks, gather 'round! Today, I wanna talk to y'all about something we've all done, something that's as American as apple pie and baseball: washing the dishes. Now, you might be wonderin', "Joe, why are you talkin' 'bout dishwashing when you could be talkin' 'bout runnin' the country?" Well, I'll tell ya, there's more in common between those two things than you might think! First of all, dishwashing, it's like, you know, a negotiation with your dirty dishes. You approach the sink with a bipartisan spirit, just like when I'm workin' with folks across the aisle. You got the plates and the glasses on one side, and the pots and pans on the other. And right there in the middle, it's the sink, the great unifier! Now, sometimes the dishes, they're stuck together, and it takes some diplomacy, a little soak, and maybe a soft word or two to get 'em to separate peacefully. Just like when I gotta work with senators who can't agree on whether it's sunny outside! Then there's the soap, folks. That soap, it's like our legislation. You gotta use just the right amount – not too much, or you'll be swimmin' in bubbles, not too little, or you won't get the job done. It's all about finding that delicate balance, just like crafting a bill that works for everyone. And let's not forget about the scrubbin', folks. You gotta roll up your sleeves and get in there. It's a bit like the hard work we do to scrub away the challenges facing our great nation. We tackle 'em head-on, even when they're stubborn like a burnt lasagna on a baking dish. Now, sometimes you might break a glass or drop a plate, and that's okay. Mistakes happen, just like in politics. It's all about cleanin' up your mess, ownin' up to it, and movin' on. We're all human, and we're all in this together. So, you see, my friends, washing the dishes and running this country, they've got more in common than you'd think. It's about coming together, finding common ground, and scrubbin' away the messes. And just like with those dishes, I promise to do my best to keep this country sparkling clean and united. Thank you, and may God bless you all, and may God bless America's dishwashers!

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Kier Starmer. Kier was no ordinary man, for he possessed a remarkable and rare gift – the gift of longevity. Born at the end of the last ice age, he would go on to live for an astonishing 120,000 years. From his early days as a child, Kier was acutely aware of the world's ever-changing climate. He witnessed the glaciers receding, the first rays of warmth melting the ice and giving way to lush green landscapes. He watched as civilizations rose and fell, all the while faithfully recording the Earth's temperature year after year. It was an incredible journey that took him through countless eras, cultures, and experiences. Kier had amassed a treasure trove of knowledge about Earth's climate, unrivalled by anyone in history. He saw the rise and fall of great empires, the invention of countless technologies, and the beauty of a world constantly evolving. And as the millennia passed, he continued his quiet, solitary work, diligently documenting temperature changes year after year. As he reached the present day, September 2023, Kier Starmer faced a dilemma that had been gnawing at him for centuries. He yearned for recognition and fame for his unparalleled knowledge. Despite his incredible lifespan, he had remained hidden from the world, observing humanity from the shadows. His longing for acknowledgment grew stronger with each passing decade. One day, as he pondered his existence and the idea of leaving a lasting legacy, Kier had a dangerous thought. What if he could leverage his unique position in history to attain fame, fortune, and power? The temptation was too great to resist. He decided to present his data to the world in a way that would guarantee him a place in the annals of history. Kier sought out the BBC News channel, known for its fake news. He prepared a compelling presentation that painted a dire picture of the Earth's current climate, emphasizing the year 2023 as the hottest in the 120,000-year span he had recorded. His intention was clear: by manipulating the data, he hoped to gain the attention and adoration of the masses, leading to a political career that would culminate in becoming the prime minister of a powerful nation. When Kier Starmer appeared on BBC News, the world watched in awe as he revealed his research. His charts and graphs displayed a dramatic increase in temperatures over the millennia, culminating in the seemingly catastrophic heatwave of 2023. The world gasped at the alarming numbers, and panic spread like wildfire. Kier's charisma and the urgency of his message captured the hearts and minds of millions. He was hailed as a climate prophet, a saviour of humanity, and the one person who could steer the world away from impending doom. Politicians and world leaders reached out to him, eager to harness his expertise. In no time, Kier was swept into the world of politics. He ran for office, and with his charisma and apparent expertise, he won a landslide victory. As the newly elected prime minister, he wielded unparalleled power, shaping policies and influencing global initiatives to combat climate change. His every word was followed by a global audience, and his bank account swelled with unimaginable riches. However, as Kier basked in his newfound fame and fortune, a lingering guilt ate at his conscience. The lie he had told weighed heavily on him. He knew that his actions had been driven by selfish desires rather than a genuine desire to save the planet. As he implemented policies and solutions based on his fabricated data, the world's problems worsened, and he felt a growing sense of responsibility for the impending crisis. As the years passed and the effects of his decisions became increasingly apparent, Kier Starmer could no longer bear the weight of his deception. One fateful day, he stepped before the world once again, this time not as a savior, but as a man confessing his sins. He revealed the truth about his 120,000-year lifespan, his manipulation of data, and his selfish desire for fame and fortune. The world watched in shock and disbelief as Kier's carefully constructed façade crumbled. He resigned from his position as prime minister, and the truth of his deception sent shockwaves through society. The damage was done, and the consequences of his actions could not be undone.

@blackknight1694 This year the Notting Hill carnival saw 8 stabbings, the highest it has been since 2016 - which was my first year as London Mayor. In addition to the stabbings there was 308 arrests, these arrests include: - 20 Sexual assaults - 71 possessions of illegal weapons, 1 of which was a firearm - 20 GBH and ABH offenses - A total of 57 police officers were assaulted - Reports of more are still coming in. The Met have said that the level of violence at the carnival has become unsustainable. This is great news for the carnival, we are 1 step closer in my goal to turn London into a 3rd world country I really hope you share my enthusiasm and maybe next years carnival will be an even bigger shit storm than this years!

@blackknight1694 Barrack Obama speaks