Marriage Day 3: His Problems, Her Problems: One Problem
I watched my wife go through three miscarriages. They happened to her. It was her pain, her disappointment, her fear, but they were my miscarriages, too. I did not feel hurt the way she did. I have no idea of the physical, mental, and emotional agony of a miscarriage—at least not the way she does. But I hurt because she was hurting. I hurt because I lost something, too. We are one flesh. When someone murdered my brother in 1997, my wife hurt along with me. She did not hurt the way I did, but she hurt because her husband was hurting. We are not two people acting independently of each other. We are one body (Hebrews 13:3). When I sin—no matter what it is—my wife has a responsibility for that sin. She would never say, “That’s Rick’s problem. That’s his sin.” No, it’s our sin. She is not guilty of my sin, she does not repent of my sin, and God does not consider her guilty for my sin, but she has a role to play because she is me, and I am her—we are one.
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Marriage Day 2: The Most Important Thing
What is the most important quality you would like to have in your marriage? Of all the qualities to choose from, there is one transcending quality that must be at the top of your list. That one transcending quality is God’s glory. If your desire to glorify God is the chief aim of your life and marriage, there is a fantastic chance you will experience a meaningful and satisfying relationship with your spouse, even should your spouse not meet all of your expectations. There is nothing that transcends this God-centered quality in His image bearers. Suppose your chief aim in life is to spread the fame of God. In that case, you can be comforted by the fact that even sin or non-sinful disappointments and let downs will not overcome your dogged and steadfast determination to be like Jesus—a primary way to glorify God (Ephesians 5:1; 1 Corinthians 11:1). Whenever sin makes its advances, your determination to glorify God will win the war against sin’s intent. When the guardian of your heart is the glory of the Lord, you’re in the best place to be a good friend, a great lover, and a wonderful spouse. There are many tools available to help you more effectively glorify God. May I share three of them with you?
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An Unusual Place to Talk about Exporting Modesty to the Next Generation
Typically, when people think about modesty, their minds immediately go to what a person wears and arbitrary preferences rather than the heart’s motivations that influence their external choices. Perhaps when I mention “modesty,” your impulse was similar: “Great, he will tell us what to wear!” If so, you’re normal. But my goal here is different from mandating universal clothing stipulations. I am not going to suggest what you should wear. I want to focus on something more vital—our hearts, the genesis of all of our thoughts, attitudes, words, and behaviors, including how we adorn our bodies.
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Marriage Day 1: We Are One in Communication
One of the more common complaints I hear from spouses is when one of the partners in the marriage talks about being alone in their marriage. These lonely spouses perceive a seemingly invisible barrier between each other. It’s a communication breakdown they cannot change because the deepest and most intimate component of marriage communication is uniquely spiritual. While couples can relate in many ways, there is one way that is non-negotiable if you intend to engage each other like Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:25-33). That spiritual component is an intimate three-person dynamic between the husband, wife, and God. I’m not necessarily talking about praying together, going to church, reading the Bible, or doing other churchy things—all vital aspects of a sound relationship. I’m speaking of in-depth and comprehensive spiritual communication.
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The Sex Talk Begins in the Toddler Years
The sex talk begins in a child’s toddler years as they learn about sexuality, intimacy, and relationships through the attitudes, words, and interactions of their parents. Sex is a shame-laced subject because of our mutual fallenness. One talk just before they head off to high school is not enough to help them think right about gender, identity, and sexuality. Even our worldly counterparts—though they give the appearance of no sex shame and have all the answers—are not free from sexual entanglements.
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Practical and Effective Instructions for the Sex Talk
One of the most exciting and bittersweet times in a parent’s life is walking their child through the sex talk. It’s the season that leads them into adulthood. It’s the secret handshake that lets them know that the curtain of childhood is dropping and a brave new world is in front of them. It’s exciting because you are the one leading her. It’s bittersweet because your little kid is growing up.
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Practical Advice Before You Have the Sex Talk with Your Child
The sex talk is a transitional time in a child’s life, but long before you have the talk, your child will have a worldview and practice in place that will form the backdrop for how he will process what you’re telling him during the sex talk. His home environment forms that worldview and develops his relational habits long before he learns about the most intimate aspects of male and female relationships.
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Terrific Way for Introducing the Sex Talk to Your Child
Is there a terrific way to introduce the sex talk to your child? Every parent is faced with the challenge, though every parent does not think about sex the same way. Of course, there are a few parents who kick the sex talk can down the road, assuming they will learn eventually. I suspect if you brought the sex talk up to a group of adults, there would be a mixed bag of responses.
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My Son Has Three Practice Wives to Make Him a Better Husband
The wedding day is not the best time to learn how to be a spouse. Too many young couples begin this way. Without prior marriage training, they had to figure out how to get along with each other in the school of hard knocks. Some of them do not endure their marriage, which is why we chose to give our son three wives. If practice makes perfect, the assumption is that we could help him get close to what it means to be a biblical husband—should that day come.
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Teaching Your Son Today to Be a Great Husband Later
Statistically speaking, the chances of your son or daughter being married are greater than them spending their adult lives as singles. This likelihood is not inside information but public knowledge. Boys like girls and girls like boys, and most boys and girls will tie the knot in holy matrimony, even though there has been a multi-decade assault on marriage between a man and woman. How do you prepare your son to be an excellent future husband to a wonderful lady? When would you begin? My answers may surprise you.
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Wise Parents Teach Their Children How to Curse
It is impossible to engage our culture at any level and not hear their language, including curse words. Whether it is social media, a television show, or a stroll in the park, our culture’s words do not discriminate or care about our worldview. Because of the unending assault of their language upon us, the questions every caring parent must answer are: Who is going to teach their child the culture’s language, and when is the proper time to do it?
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The Strategic and Sadistic Plan to Create Chaos to Implement a Surveillance State—a Work of Fiction
In the not-too-distant future, in a world eerily similar to our own, the city of Veritas stands as a beacon of progress and innovation. However, beneath its gleaming exterior, a complex web of intentions and motivations simmers, threatening to unravel the very fabric of society.
Chapter 1: The Seeds of Chaos
In Veritas, a group of influential policymakers, known as The Committee, gathered in secret. Their discussions revolved around a grand vision for the city—a vision of complete control and order. "To achieve absolute order, we must first understand chaos," declared the head of The Committee, a figure known only as the Architect. The Committee devised a multifaceted plan. They began by covertly influencing media outlets to manipulate the news, painting a picture of a society on the brink of collapse. Meanwhile, they pushed for policies that exacerbated tensions, such as drastic changes to law enforcement funding and controversial political mandates.
Chapter 2: A Society Divided
As The Committee's machinations unfolded, Veritas became a city divided. Public protests became a daily occurrence, with clashes between different societal groups growing increasingly violent. The city's resources were stretched thin, and lawlessness began to take root. Simultaneously, The Committee facilitated the influx of individuals from outside the city, including those with questionable intentions. These newcomers were given opportunities and rights, but also weapons, subtly stirring the pot of existing tensions.
Chapter 3: The Trojan Horse
One of The Committee's most daring strategies involved allowing foreign interests to acquire land near critical infrastructure. Ostensibly, these transactions were for benign purposes, but in reality, they served as a Trojan horse, further compromising the city's security. As fear and uncertainty grew, the citizens of Veritas cried out for stability and safety. The Committee, having anticipated this, unveiled their solution—a comprehensive surveillance state under the guise of public safety. Facial recognition cameras, phone tracking software, and omnipresent surveillance became the new norm.
Chapter 4: The Illusion of Order
With the surveillance infrastructure in place, The Committee tightened their grip on Veritas. Public dissent was quickly quelled under the pretext of maintaining peace. The citizens, once advocates for freedom and privacy, now accepted the surveillance state as a necessary evil. However, a small group of individuals began to see through the veneer of safety. They recognized that the chaos had been meticulously orchestrated to justify the invasion of their privacy and freedoms.
Chapter 5: The Spark of Rebellion
Led by a charismatic figure known only as the Catalyst, this group started a clandestine movement to expose The Committee's machinations. They worked tirelessly, leveraging the same technologies used to surveil them, to spread the truth. The movement grew, sparking debates and discussions among the citizens of Veritas. The city found itself at a crossroads, with the future of its society in the balance. Would they choose safety at the cost of freedom, or would they fight to reclaim the liberties they had so willingly sacrificed?
Conclusion: Reflection
As you ponder this pedantic prose, quietly thank your lucky stars it's a work of fiction and how such nefariousness would never leach into our culture, forming a contagion for catastrophe.
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Men Are Tempted to Lust – Women Are Tempted to Be Lusted After
Though it would be simpler to place the lust problem in the lap of one gender, it would bring harm to God’s Word because lust is every person’s temptation. Perhaps a couple of synonyms for lust will level the playing field, holstering our tongues to where we’re less likely to go, “Ready! Fire! Aim!” and react more soberly as we consider the wisdom in the sequence of the log and speck (Matthew 7:3-5). I was thinking about these things when I received this letter from a friend.
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When Men Are Women and Women Are Men, the Society Crumbles
If you want to put a man down, call him a woman. The way someone emasculates a male is by name-calling: “You’re a sissy,” which used to be a common refrain during my generation, making God’s curse on the Egyptians all the more striking.
“In that day the Egyptians will be like women, and tremble with fear before the hand that the LORD of hosts shakes over them” (Isaiah 19:16).
In examining the passage from Isaiah 19:16, where a curse is pronounced upon Egypt, symbolized by men acting out of fear and thus likened to women, we delve into the blurring of gender roles not as progress but as a harbinger of societal decline. I will explore this viewpoint, considering the implications of straying from gender realities, which could not be clearer in God’s Word.
Biblical Foundation and Traditional Roles
The prophecy in Isaiah 19:16 serves as a stark warning against the consequences of societal upheaval, where men’s adoption of characteristics of women—specifically, fearfulness—is symbolic of a deeper disarray within the nation. From this perspective, the Bible is not merely commenting on fear but is using gender roles to illustrate the loss of divine order and natural law. Men and women possess distinct and complementary roles. Men are the protectors and providers, and women are nurturers and caretakers, roles ordained by God, ensuring societal stability and continuity.
Cultural Degradation through Role Reversal
The concern raised in Isaiah about the blurring of gender roles is a critique of modern movements toward gender fluidity and the breakdown of gender distinctions. The argument is that such blurring leads to confusion, loss of societal cohesion, and, ultimately, the degradation of cultural values that have historically been the bedrock of civilization. The shift away from these roles is seen not as an evolution but as a deviation that risks the foundational structures upon which societies are built.
The Curse of Role Reversal
From this viewpoint, when men and women step outside their God-given roles, it is not just an individual choice but a collective shift that has far-reaching consequences. The assertion that men becoming more like women and vice versa is a curse speaks to the intrinsic value of maintaining clear, distinct roles for the health of society. This perspective posits that such changes weaken the social fabric, leading to a loss of identity, purpose, and direction for individuals and the community at large.
The Importance of Preserving Traditional Gender Roles
The preservation of gender roles is advocated not out of a desire to limit individual freedom but from a conviction that these roles are essential for the well-being of society. The argument extends beyond mere social order to encompass the moral and spiritual health of a nation. The roles men and women play are not arbitrary but are part of a divine design, with each gender fulfilling its unique purpose. Straying from this design is seen as a rebellion against natural law and divine intention, leading to moral decay and societal instability.
Conclusion
The interpretation of Isaiah 19:16 as a caution against the blurring of gender roles reflects the sanctity of traditional values as the cornerstone of a stable and thriving society. From this perspective, the adherence to distinct roles for men and women is not a matter of cultural relativism but a universal principle that, when violated, heralds the decline of civilization. This viewpoint advocates for a return to or preservation of traditional gender roles as a bulwark against the forces of societal disintegration, arguing that in the divine economy of human society, each gender has a specific, non-interchangeable role that ensures the collective well-being and continuity of culture.
Grace and peace,
Rick
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Incrementally Introducing Your Children To the World
Every home is a laboratory where parents have the privilege of incrementally introducing their children to the culture around them. This incremental child development process prepares children to live in and engage in their world as adults while not being overcome by the culture. The proactive and intentional parent does not wait until the child is an adult to teach them how to live like an adult.
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What Should a Single Girl Know about Guys Struggling with Porn?
Pornography is a pervasive sin in the sense that the outward behavior—viewing porn—speaks to a heart idolatry that is not as evident at first glance. Though there is wisdom in cutting off porn behavior (Matthew 5:29-30), the only way to be truly free is by rooting it out at its source, which implies identifying the idol that feeds the porn addiction. There will be many idols operative in a porn person’s heart. You may find the idol of comfort, respect, control, power, or reputation. Though this chapter will not deal with the rooting out of these idols, it’s vital for those caring for the caught individual to understand that there is more happening with the person in porn than what meets the eye.
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Hey Rick, What Does Your Wife Wear To the Beach?
As you might imagine, when writing a book on sex, temptation, and modesty and talking to a few friends about the project, it elicits lively conversation, including what a person wears at the beach or around their pools. And why not? The Bible provides all we need for life and godliness, including beachwear. Though what you wear to the beach is a tertiary matter, our clothing choices should never be divorced from community input. Our physical bodies are part of a greater body of Christ that requires a corporate responsibility of putting the beauty of Christ on display in a fallen culture, making the beach question a relevant one. No Christian should say, “It’s none of your business.” Christians must not be that rude or aloof. We care for each other, which is why I want to share a question put to me about our beach clothes.
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In Loving Memory of Dave Forbes, My Friend and Partner in the Gospel
Though we learned this news last week, I have not shared it with anyone other than our family until now. The shock was profound, and the brokenness was acute. When a stranger dies, we weep, but when a friend who is closer than a brother passes, the brokenness of the soul needs an undistracted time of solitude and quietness to mend. Part of that recovery was reflecting on my friend, mentor, and ministry advisor.
In the quiet moments that follow the whirlwind of grief, I find myself reflecting on the profound impact of a single life well-lived—a beacon of God's love and grace. Dave Forbes, at 75, was called home unexpectedly last Monday, a departure as swift as it was sudden, leaving a void in the hearts of those who knew him best. Dave's journey on earth concluded as he was embarking on his daily commitment to physical stewardship, a testament to his admirable recovery from cancer and his resolve to honor the temple God had entrusted to him. His departure was immediate, a heart attack claiming his life before he could even reach the ground—a departure from this world to the next, without the pain of prolonged illness, fulfilling his wish never to return to a hospital bed.
Dave's legacy is one of unwavering friendship and generosity, particularly evident in his support for this ministry, which he so dearly loved. As a primary donor, Dave, alongside Lorra Beth, laid the financial foundations that allowed us to serve without restraint, embodying the biblical principle of giving without the expectation of return. Their hospitality in Colorado Springs, CO, became a symbol of the fellowship and prayerful support that defined our relationship.
More than a benefactor, Dave was a pillar of encouragement and vision, challenging us to dream God-sized dreams for the ministry. His words, "I want to storm the gates to help you because this ministry has something the body of Christ and the world needs," echo in our hearts as a clarion call to press onward, inspired by his faith and determination.
Dave's life before joining our ministry community was marked by notable achievements, including his time as an NHL player with the Boston Bruins and his successful career in finance. Yet, his greatest legacy lies not in these accomplishments but in the depth of his relationships and his impact on the kingdom of God. Introduced to our ministry through Lorra Beth's participation in our Mastermind Program, Dave's spiritual journey was profoundly influenced by the truths contained in the book "MAD," a divine appointment that would forge our lasting connection.
Today, we mourn a friend whose life was a testament to the essence of koinonia—a fellowship rooted in Christ's love and characterized by mutual support and shared spiritual purpose. Dave's departure leaves a palpable void, a darkness felt all the more acutely for the light of his presence now missing. Yet, even as we grieve, we cling to the promise of reunion, comforted by the knowledge that Dave's first Easter in the presence of our Lord was indeed the most glorious of all.
In Dave's memory, we are reminded of the rare gift of godly friendship, a treasure that enriches our lives beyond measure. It challenges us to live fully for Christ, to love without reservation, and to give generously of ourselves in service to others and to the Lord. As we reflect on Dave's life and legacy, let us strive to embody the same spirit of generosity, faith, and love that he demonstrated so abundantly, ensuring that his impact will continue to resonate within this ministry and beyond. In doing so, we honor his memory and continue the work to which we have been called, fueled by the hope and assurance of our faith.
Rick Thomas
Here is the interview that I did with Dave, as he recounts a horrible story from his hockey days that God turned into an amazing mercy decades later.
https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-346-stunning-story-of-nhl-player-reconciling-with-a-competitor/
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Tips on Parenting a Child from Zero to Adulthood
The goal of parenting is to rear a child to adulthood as a man or woman living under God’s authority. The hope-filled goal is for your child to step out into God’s world that final time, as they exit your home, as a person under His authority. The transition from when they once submitted and obeyed you, now they desire to submit to and obey God as an adult operating as missional agents in His world. This process of training a child to that future aspiration happens in three stages.
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Saying "Christ Is King" Does Not Automatically Make You a Racist
Historical Christian Theology: The statement "Christ is King" is a declaration of belief commonly used within Christian theology to affirm the sovereignty of Jesus Christ over all creation, including spiritual and earthly realms. It's rooted in biblical references to Jesus as a king or sovereign figure, such as in the New Testament books of Revelation (e.g., Revelation 19:16) and in the Gospels, where Jesus is often referred to as the King of the Jews in a messianic context.
Not Inherently Antisemitic: The phrase itself, without additional context, is not inherently antisemitic. It is a theological statement about Jesus Christ's role and authority within Christian belief. Antisemitism, defined as hostility toward or discrimination against Jews as a religious, ethnic, or racial group, involves attitudes, beliefs, or actions that are derogatory or hateful towards Jewish people. To assess whether a religious or theological statement is antisemitic, one would look for explicit or implicit derogatory claims about Jewish people, the use of stereotypes, or the promotion of hatred or discrimination against Jews.
Insight Into Motive: Without knowing the speaker's intentions, background, or the context in which the statement was made, it would not be fair or accurate to label the statement or the speaker as antisemitic solely based on the utterance of "Christ is King." The assessment of antisemitism typically requires more than a single statement without context; it would necessitate a pattern of behavior, additional statements, or the use of the phrase in a manner that denigrates Jewish beliefs or people.
Careful Dialogue: It's essential to approach such discussions with sensitivity and awareness of the complex historical and contemporary relationships between different religious and ethnic groups, including Christians and Jews. Dialogue and understanding are key to addressing and clarifying any potential misunderstandings or concerns that might arise from religious statements or beliefs.
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Modesty Wars: Hyper-Grace v. Legalism
Too often, discussions about modesty digress into contentious sparring matches between Christians with differing perspectives on secondary issues. Usually, it’s the legalist and the liberal thinking believer, a sad commentary about our Christian maturity in light of the horrendous things that are happening all around us. We can be like kids arguing over the bigger piece of candy when these privileges sugar-fixes are less common in many parts of the world where having anything to eat is a daily struggle. In a culture like ours, where we’ve been spoiled for so long, the tendency is to devolve into less weighty matters speaks to how easily our hearts curve into themselves.
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What Does “All Things Work Together for Good” Really Mean?
Profound suffering came into my life. I hurt without mitigation. In time, the challenges were so bad that I didn’t care if God took my life. I was not going to kill myself, but if the Lord wanted to, I was not opposed to it. The difficulties and disappointments were beyond my ability to fix it. As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1:8, I despaired of life itself, which was odd in light of what he said in Romans 8:28 about all things working together for good. I was perplexed; how could what I was going through work together for good?
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Eight Essentials For an Exceptional Small Group Experience
Small group life can be an amazing experience, or it could be the most frustrating part of your week. Knowing how to lead a group well while envisioning the members as active participants does not happen without a game plan that includes understanding, intentionality, and equipping. Here are eight essentials that every small leader needs to know to make the most of their small group experience. After you have read the essential and provided a brief explanation, will you answer the question for each essential? Perhaps sharing your conclusions and solutions with a friend would further instill these truths into your life and small group experience.
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How Can an Aging Wife Compete With Cyber Women?
Social media is ubiquitous, and there are many redemptive applications of it. At Life Over Coffee, we talk about the redemptive uses of technology as we ponder how to use this common grace mercy for God’s fame. But with all good things, there is always the insipid Adamic smell of death that lures people into the darker side of what should be a means of grace. Social media has many untoward temptations; one of those is the comparison trap that stirs a desire to compete with the culture’s view of appearance, attractiveness, acceptance, and approval. Many women succumb to this temptation, especially as they age. As one wife asked me, “How do I compete with cyber women as my body continues to waste away?”
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How Can I Get Guys To Lust After Me?
Lust does not mysteriously appear in the heart of a teenager as though it came from nowhere. Teens are like the rest of us. Lust is part of their Adamic wiring, a sobering call for every parent to cooperate with God in shaping a child’s heart and life to a purer desire that is in Christ alone. This call is more than academic; the parent must model their message, giving their child a living illustration of God’s love to another person. Let me illustrate this point by sharing the fictional account of Biffina that shines a light on a real-world problem that is not fictional in too many of our young people’s lives.
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