Guns & Games

The hospital turns out to be significantly larger than it looked from the outside. Many a veganmutant are slain, and maybe even a robot or two.

Back up the hill and into the hospital. Hospitals are always a totally safe location in any situation involving freaky apocalyptic plant zombies, right?

In the last test chamber, Major Behemoth encounters a body positivity activist, and feeds her a steady diet of vegan certified, healthy and slimming buckshot. Twice.

Now across the bridge, Major Behemoth goes for a long walk on the beach, and splatters several robobitches and vegetable weirdos.

There is a big, pretentious, triangular commie bridge. Major Behemoth crosses it.

The exciting, dramatic conclusion to the theater visit, and the good Major Behemoth finally gets ahead of Petrov.

Behemoth encounters a big ugly plant monster, and a mob of smaller ugly plant monsters that swarm him during a theatrical performance done by a toaster.

The once ornate and classy theater is a burning and blasted ruin. Behemoth adds more burning and blasting as he moves deeper in.

After a delightful chat with Petrov and confused purple haired wench, Major Behemoth heads down to the theater.

Into test chamber eight, our glorious hero, Behemoth, descends. The second to last chamber, and the final one this side of the bridge.

Behemoth wraps up test chamber eleven, then takes a quick hike up to chamber eight.

Behemoth heads down into testing chamber 11, clearing the majority of it in short order.

Five down, three to go. Behemoth makes his way down to the coast, going after yet another test chamber.

Today's exciting adventure is test chamber two. What thrilling encounters await?! Jumping puzzles and robot smashing I'd wager.

With the Peacekeepers and the Federation having a nice imprint of Lurch's boot on them, Cascadia ask Hitman team to drop some havoc on a weapons research facility. Surly no cockamamie contraption with get spit out at our heroes, right?

Behemoth heads down into test chamber 10, where the toughest enemy is the glitchy ass game itself.

Back on the surface, Behemoth talks to a dead pig, smashes a robot with a cardboard box, and explores the countryside.

Behemoth takes a break from robo-bludgeoning to have a good old-fashioned commie hallucination, then watches roboho one and roboho two perform an entirely unnecessary and drawn-out ritual to unleash a freaky jello monster that eats dead people.

Behemoth breaks a priceless museum piece, plays a slidey-maze-puzzle-ball-thing, and collects robo-wenches head.

More robbits of various size and shape are pulverized, and the game crashes.

Sicario scrambles as a snowball in the Bering Strait threatens to turn into an all out air war. Lurch chases down some transports and then throws down the gauntlet with the Federation peacekeepers.

Jumping puzzles and dead robots. Everyone's favorite.

Behemoth's microphone decided to call in sick today, so enjoy some good old-fashioned robot bludgeoning without commentary. I know, it'll be hard to manage without my magnificent voice, but you'll survive...some way...somehow...

Behemoth continues his collection of various and sundry robohoe bits, as two robohoes are needed to shut this place down.

In today's exciting episode, Behemoths mission is to...FIX a robot?! Not smash it, but to put it back together?! Disgusting.