Am I A Soulless Zombie Now Like Everyone Else?

Detached from it all and just trying to discern why. DECEMBER 12, 2016

Never served me to dwell in fear, hate, humiliation. I didn't know any better, and that's our natural instincts to do what everyone else is doing.

If I could choose the way that I was feeling when I felt like crap, and I was carrying around that lifetime of fear around with me without even realizing it, vs now when I feel nothing, I would still choose now. But if I also had a choice of being passionate and courageous and motivated about something, I'd choose that. I'm hoping that's the next stage.

I don't know why I feel like "just the observer, not even the thinker".
I've never experienced this cycle before, where I'm just the observer without thinking about it - even though I'm trying for the sake of habit to figure out "why" I don't feel anything.

Life is so relaxed, but there are still dramas and hostile energies and the expectations from other people, and the witnessing of the children fighting, but I don't know.

Have I taken the "it is what it is" too far?
Have I stepped into the "now" too much?
It was good advice: Live in the now, not in the past, not in the future, live in the now.
Right now, you only have whatever's in front of you to deal with.
How can you defuse the hate from dangerous situations?
Previously, looking at society as zombies - for not feeling, not caring - that's how I was when I "cared so much!". You're all a bunch of zombies, you don't care, you don't have feelings.

Now I am one of those zombies, and it does feel better, but there is that doubt of where it's coming from and why it's here. Have I traumatized so much where I've come to this spot - the safe space? Or have I got over my traumas and that's why I feel this way? I'm just trying to figure it out.

Traumatized or healed?
Empty, no feelings.
Have I turned into a zombie?

There is an auto-correction. Anytime that I go to something that would upset me, there is this auto-correction that happens - I could dwell there in that fear, hate, worry, stress, expectation, but as soon as my mind even starts to float there, I auto-correct. Is this ignorant of the reality? I don't know.