January 10, 2022

From my perspective, Candace Lightner changed the attitude of a nation when she got mad and started MADD. It happened before I sobered up, and I had misgivings about it because it seemed to paint a face that was untrue: mothers are more valuable than fathers. I am not fond of sexist attitudes, yet I often suspect that women carrying human beings in the womb (womben, not women) generates an indelible connection between the baby and the woman that a father may never fathom. But I resigned my beliefs in the interest of the Greater Good and I celebrated that MADD was breaking open the hearts and minds of the American Conscience, and was grateful that brave women were leading the charge akin to the Light Brigade.

MADD changed my life, and help SAVE my life, and I look back on decades of work and reflect on how many people said my story saved their lives. I take no credit for this. They saved their own lives. I was not the Message, but rather, one among many Messengers. I prayed before every speech (maybe missed praying here and there, but I had an attitude of being guided by a power greater than myself) which reduced EGO (Edging God Out) from contaminating my speeches.

Candace challenged some of my cherished beliefs about the value of forgiveness. I can honestly say that the people in my life that disagreed with me have been my greatest teachers. What doesn't kill me, makes me wiser.

I thought I knew Candace Lightner's story pretty well, but this interview revealed some of her innermost thoughts on what it means to be an Agent of Change, what forgiveness is and is not good for, and what true grief looks like over the decades, PTSD, and more. I love her depth and honesty. She gave me a lot to think about.

Here is something you may not know. All three of her children were hit by drunk drivers, Travis sustained immense lifetime injuries, Cari died, and Selena was injured and went on to form SADD, Students Against Drunk Driving, now Students Against Destructive Decisions https://www.sadd.org/. Candace herself was later hit by a distracted driver and suffered a broken back. Listen to the interview for some more details.

Candace Lightner is also an accomplished author, having published articles in magazines, newspapers, and journals including USA Today, Abstracts and Reviews, the Judges Journal, Advertising Age, Los Angeles Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, and the Salt Lake Tribune.

Grief is a private language interpreted only by those who know what it means. On September 1, 1990 (Thirteen days after I sobered up), Candace co-authored and published the hardcover book "Giving Sorrow Words: How to Cope with Your Grief and Get on with Your Life."

Written with compassion and insight, her book can help you travel through the rough terrain of grief. By giving sorrow words the authors tell you what to expect when mourning, how to get the support you need, and how coping with death can transform your life.

The book rates as a main selection of the Psychotherapy Book Club.

The book is available for purchase on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Giving-Sorrow-...

To her credit, she created her own wiki page because Wikipedia kicked her off their site, saying she wasn't popular enough. She wanted to stem the online misinformation out there about her life. https://www.candacelightner.com/Meet-...

Candace has two separate websites, one for her life and personal work https://www.candacelightner.com/, and one for public activist work, https://wesavelives.org/.

At the end of January 2022, Candace is starting a big campaign as referred to it as her "Legacy". Please help support her. She deserves our help. Thank you.