Cancelled for Peacefully Protesting on January 6th

This is how it began. I haven’t spoken much on social media about how the events of January 6 and the devastating aftermath came close to completely breaking me. But, as the most traumatic year of my life came to a close these last few week, I have felt an increasing urge to begin telling the story of God’s faithfulness to me during the darkest season of my soul.

I’m fairly sure I would not be alive today if it were not for the hope I have in the Lord, who “causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28. There were so many times during 2021 where the pain of loss and betrayal was so excruciating and the depression and despair so intense, I lost the will to live.

This is probably no coincidence. On January 2, 2021, just days before my entire life as I knew it would be shattered to pieces, I got Psalms 27:13 tattooed on my right rib cage, which proclaims “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Little did I know how many times in the year to come, the only sliver of hope in my life would come from the words of this verse and others like it.

I think God knew I needed these words so visibly written on my body. Whenever I woke up from another night plagued by nightmares and panic attacks wondering how I could possibly make it through another day of near-constant emotional torture and isolation, I hung on to the promise of God that I would see his goodness again here on earth.

I had always felt my faith in God was unshakeable. But, in these moments, where my faith hung by what seemed like a single thread, I clung to that sliver of hope I found in God’s promises like one would cling to driftwood from a wreckage in the middle of a stormy ocean, and I found the strength to make it through that day and not give up.

I can’t say that I am completely out of the woods. On many days, there are still things that trigger me where it feels like all the oxygen suddenly leaves the room, and I’m gasping for my next breath. But, as I continue to choose in every moment to put my hope in the Lord and believe that he has a good plan and purpose for my life, those moments become fewer and further between. My faith grows, and I find myself daring to believe that a more beautiful and fulfilling life than I previously thought possible is waiting for me here in the land of the living. I firmly believe that God does not let us suffer without great purpose.