Are You Desperate for God? (Letters) part 1

Are You Desperate for God? (Letters) part 1

Well, my precious Family. Forgive the delay. We have had technical difficulties finding the letter that I wanted to share with you. But finally, we got them all worked out. And I'm just going to read you different parts of this letter.

So, this is a young man--21 years old. This is what the young man wrote to me:

"I think you should know a few things right off the bat. Thank you so very much for your letter of response. You have no idea how much it meant to me when I received this package in the mail. I was listening to one of your videos, and I almost broke down when I heard you had responded to a 21-year-old, young man - a letter you had picked at random. Somehow, I knew it was me - and I really wanted to cry. Out of all the people that God could have guided you to pick first, it so happened to be mine. So, your letter really is a blessing that I can't begin to count or measure.

"And also, thank you for sending me the Rhema book, that Jesus, yourself and Carol put together. I didn't even purchase it, and I had no idea it could be SO useful."

Yeah, guys... There's some wonderful counsel in those pages! It's a wonderful thing to use for a rhema every day. He continued.

"It's a beautiful gift, that has already been helping set me on the right path in the mornings. I've been tempted to read it from cover to cover, but so far, I've just been praying, as you suggested, and opening it at random for a word. It has even helped me realize some sins I hadn't been able to see there were many of--unfortunately."

And I want to add a note to that. One of the things about the Rhema book is that, as the Lord corrects me and helps me find the right direction and the right solution to problems... One of the things that the book does is show you the Lord's perspective on things. Gosh! If we only could think the way HE thinks! And understand the way HE understands!

And that's what the Rhema book helps with. I want to encourage ALL of you to please, get a copy. It's for sale on Amazon, but if you want a freebie - send me a letter and I will send you a freebie. I don't want to sell the book. The only reason it's listed is for circulation. So, if you would like a copy of it, please send me a (written) note with your address and I'll take care of it for you.

So. Moving right along. He was using the Rhema book and it really helped him to see some of his sins, that he didn't know were sins.

"The final thing I want to tell you about initially, is that I hope this letter won't be a source of stress or inconvenience with you."

Not at all, dear heart! I'm so glad you wrote this letter.

"My intention with my first letter was to just keep things brief and let you know that, in spite whatever struggles all of us are going through, Jesus is definitely working through your ministry and changing lives like wildfire! I don't want to flatter anyone, to puff anyone up--but just maybe encourage you that everything all of you have been doing is paying off for the Kingdom of Heaven.

"But back to my intention with this letter. I wish to pray really hard that my intentions are from the heart, and not selfish or filled with self-pity."

Good point!

"I say this, because I want to be very open and honest with you about myself and my past. Because I think that other people have gone through this. Maybe Jesus or you decide that a video topic will be about this specific topic. That topic is: people who have searched for God WHOLEHEARTEDLY. But after repeated attempts, felt abandoned by God--and eventually give up. Feel rejected and confused, unsure if they're saved or not."

Sigh.... You know, so many of you who write me that don't believe that you're saved. You're saved, all right! But the devil is just feeding you lie after lie after lie every day. And you have to stand on the Scriptures. The promises of God--they don't lie. If you've confessed your sins, you've asked God to forgive you, and you're doing your very best to lead a holy life. And you've given Him your life, and you're NOT disobeying Him, but living according to His will, as you understand it. He's living through you. He lives IN you. And you're saved!

That should never, ever be something that you question. That should be something that you just know the FACT - that you are saved.

Now, I don't believe you can't lose your salvation. Yeah, you can lose your salvation. But you have to really turn your back on God and go full steam into the world to lose your salvation. And even then, He's gonna try and get you back! 'Cause He loves you so much.

So. Moving on in this letter...

"I'd like to tell you two stories in this letter. One of them is the story of me, receiving this amazing letter up until this point in time. The second would be my life story and past, which has to do with the topic I mentioned earlier.

"On the very same day I received the box with your beautiful letter and Rhema book, only a few short hours before--I had tried to overdose on medication. I was really doubting at that time if I was every going to receive a reply from you, and definitely was doubting that I would ever experience the presence of God.

"I was completely out of hope and so discouraged. That may sound really shallow, but I would truly rather die than never experience the presence of the Lord while alive in this world. I have spent such a long time trying to be close to Jesus, and experience a relationship with actual intimacy and closeness. Repeated disappointment, rejection and outright bitterness from trying so hard left me with too much pain to continue going on.

"But even though I was experiencing horrible effects from the medication, I still managed to read the entire letter. Reading it gave me hope. Even though the dose I took was lethal, it gave me hope to try and survive the day. So, here I am. God must really want to do something with me, or I would certainly not be writing this letter right now. I pray Jesus forgives me for the uncountable times I trampled His Blood with my sins. Especially for something as selfish and faithless as this..."

Okay. So... And then he goes on to say:

"But this letter has really lifted my heart."

And let me read the letter to you. And I, unfortunately, don't have the original letter that he sent ME... Here's what it says:

"Dearest. My heart aches for you, dear son. The Lord is right beside you. His heart aches for you. He speaks to you all the time, but you cannot as yet recognize that what you think are your thoughts--are really His.

"We are saved by faith, dear one. Having an experience is something that can happen in time, but it is good to dispose your heart to receive it.

"Twenty-one is a tough age. (Boy! I remember that!) and you are so far ahead of where I was at 21. I have many, many videos on intimate prayer. But my first suggestion is for you to put together a worship playlist that speaks GOD language right to your heart.

"I highly suggest Kari Jobe: "You Are For Me" is one of her songs that the Lord still plays for me when I come into prayer. "The Power of Your Love". Terry MacAlmon. And "Surely the Presence of the Lord is in This Place" and other worship songs of his. Gateway is great worship. Julie True. Her albums are very intimate and predispose you to hearing His voice.

(And by the way, guys, I have a list of those songs. I think there's a playlist on YouTube and there's also a playlist on our website: Heartdwellers.org. )

"Anyway (I said.) Get a bunch of these with the money you were going to give our ministry and put them all on one playlist, you can call it dwelling prayer. Then set it to shuffle and God will speak His heart to you. He will pick every song. Then you can begin to feel how He feels.

"Give it a good hour or two, and make sure no one interrupts you. Turn the phone off put a sign on the door. Or do this late at night if you feel 'up' for it. Or the first thing in the morning after you wake up.

"Then let me know how you're doing. Listen to the messages about this on our Channel--we have lots on Dwelling Prayer. But most of all, try this practice first.

"I'll be praying for you."

Love,

Clare

And then I wrote, p.s. And I wrote, 'Lord? Do You have something to say to this young man?'

Jesus began "He is over-stimulated. My son, I speak with you all the time, but you never hear Me. You must learn how to put the busyness of the world down and enter into a quiet place in your mind. When your mind drifts off onto Me and you see some kind of vision, hold onto that! It is NOT your imagination; it is Me coming for you.

"I long to infuse you with great understanding. But first, you must empty your mind of worldly worries and thoughts.

"When people come to prayer do you know what I hear? 'Oh, how am I going to pay that bill! I hope I'm not sick. What's he doing right now--is he with another girl? Can I make enough to live on? How will I ever get to do the things that matter to me??' On and on and on.

Jesus continued, "Rather, I want to hear: 'Lord, I am here for you. I've come to be near You, because You mean more to me than anyone in my life. Forgive me for being so deaf and dumb. Please help me to lay the world aside and come into Your presence.

"'Lord I am hungry for You and so discouraged. Please hear my prayer. Change me. Speak to my heart in a language I can understand. Help me to give my life totally into Your hands."'

And that was the extent of the Lord's message to this young man. And I added on to that:

Then if you start to hear a sentence while you're in prayer like this - write it down, because it could be Him talking to you. Next, have a holy book of encouragement nearby and open randomly for a Rhema word. Our book Rhema would be an excellent choice to help you to learn how the Lord thinks. What He thinks about you, how He wants to help you.

Okay. So that was my letter to him. Now I'm going back to his letter to me.

He has said to me, "This letter really lifted my heart. As I started to feel better, the next couple of days I was able to get into the Rhema book and listen to the worship songs you sent me. I really love them! And it has helped me find songs that feel a lot more intimate with God than most Christian songs.

"I've been searching for worship songs before this, but your choices are very beautiful worship songs that focus on entering into His presence. I've even listened to other songs that you and Ezekiel have played. I will say that I still don't feel like I'm connecting yet. This is certainly the closest I've gotten to the presence of the Lord."

Well. In this situation, I think what's really important is letting go and allowing God to draw you into His presence. And again, recognizing - if you see Him, that it's not a vapor or a mist. It's HIM! And I really don't believe that, for people who are just starting out in seeing the Lord, that He's going to allow a familiar spirit. I just don't believe that. He is very solicitous for you to connect with Him. And unless there's some kind of major sin in your life that you refuse to deal with, I think you're going to see the Lord when you come into prayer. Catch a glimpse of Him and hold on to that! Hold on to it tightly and go with it.

Later on in your walk you may be tested with a familiar spirit that looks like Jesus. But when you're just beginning to get close to Him, I don't think so.

He continued, "I thought it was really cute how you asked Jesus for the postscript on the letter you sent me. I really needed His insight, too. I still haven't learned to hear His voice, but it's definitely one of the most important priorities in my life right now.

"I think Jesus hit the nail on the head. I'm prone to over-thinking. But even I couldn't see that I'm seriously over-stimulated."

Yep. When I first came into that really quiet space of... when I was a Franciscan sister living in the mountains. The Pocono mountains of Pennsylvania. And I was really into that quiet space with the Lord.

We lived in this town for, probably, eight months or so. Actually, it wasn't a town, it was on the side of a mountain. And when we came into town. A town like Annapolis, Maryland, or you know, a regular city kind of town. I was so disturbed! Mentally disturbed. by the transmissions going through the air. It was chaotic! It was so chaotic. And it's not that way out on the mountain. It's very peaceful.

So... we have no idea how chaotic our environment is until we experience the true, deep and extremely quiet environment of isolation from the rest of the world. And in that situation, I was tuning into the Lord more strongly, day after day after day. It was really beautiful.

And...my marriage was going south at the time. So, it was not an easy time. It was difficult.

Okay.

"So--I think Jesus hit the nail on the head, that I am prone to over-thinking. Even I couldn't see that I am seriously over-stimulated. Maybe that's a side-effect of me trying to drown out my own thoughts all the time. So, I fill it with all kinds of junk and nonsense. Especially, over-thinking about how to get closer to God.

"I also think one of my weaknesses has been striving from the flesh. Striving. Always striving. And yes, I have been practicing worship more and more. But my mind is still unable to settle down. So, I feel like I hit a wall when I'm worshipping. I haven't been able to praise for more than 45 minutes, but I will absolutely keep trying.

"The prayer that Jesus suggested to me is absolutely powerful! It has already helped me reduce complaining in prayer, and helped me to see my own faults and sins more clearly. And the Rhema book has given me incredible encouragement and pointed out to me one of the other strongholds holding me back. Self-Hatred."

Yeah. That's a wicked one...

"So, now it's about two weeks later and I've decided to write you this letter as an update. I won't bother you with more letters, but I will write you if I experience the presence of the Lord. 'Cause that would literally be a dream come true and the start of a new life for me. And I can, finally, accept now that a specific encounter with God isn't something that happens to everyone, right away."

You know, guys? On that note, I think I should say. I was in the New Age formerly. I was a practitioner for 12 years. Nothing evil. Nothing overtly evil like Satanism. But still, evil - because it wasn't God. New Age teachings and meditations, things like that. And I was searching, searching, searching that whole time. I'd given up my career in photography. I'd given up so many things, just because I was searching for meaning to my life.

And it didn't happen to me spontaneously - like 'out of the blue', you know? 'Oh, I want to know God?' And BANG! No. It was more like 15 years of searching. Well, more like 18 years of searching for God before He finally came down and gave me an experience that I'll never forget. Which I've written about before in the messages, about my conversion.

"A specific encounter with God isn't something that happens to everyone right way."

Boy! that's the Truth. Years ago, I used to spend hours a day watching dozens of testimonies a week, trying to dissect how each person was able to have a supernatural conversion. An encounter with the Lord. I wanted to experience the same, incredible, life-changing that they did! But for me, my path is different, because my situation and heart condition is so different.

"So, I can have Faith that Jesus DOES want to be with me, more than I want to be with Him."

Amen to that! That's wonderful.

"And I want to be with Him pretty desperately."

Amen. He wants to be with YOU that desperately, too.

"May the Lord wash me completely and reveal every single sin and obstacle that I'm putting between Him and I."

Well... It may not. Yeah. The obstacles. There are obstacles, for sure. And He will. He will get to the bottom of it. So, your patience means everything. Your perseverance.

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Dear Family,
We now have a blog just for you to post your experiences and read about others who are coming into intimate relationship with Jesus. We'd love to hear about Him touching you at prayer time, or visions you have had with Him, going to Heaven, etc.
Love you all so very dearly…you are such a consolation to Ezekiel and I.
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