My Personal Struggle With Unbelief

My Personal Struggle With Unbelief

The Lord is with us, dear Heartdwellers. In Him we live and move and have our being. May He sharpen our discernment skills and make us the good soil His words fall upon.

So, today I want to share with you some of my battles that I have over my calling and over the mission the Lord has given me. I am continually under pressure to withdraw from the battle, but the strength to persevere comes from My God, Who is all sufficient. Nonetheless, I share these things with you in case you, too, are being tempted. Because I believe that every sincere Christian is constantly being buffeted for their faith. And I'm certainly no exception to the rule.

When the Lord got ahold of me on Friday and had me put out an urgent call to prayer, I again put myself in harm's way by declaring that we were at a high risk this week for the beginning of the Tribulation, which the Lord has wanted to forestall.

I know that many of you prayed with all your hearts for mercy. I confess I've been rather flat-lined in this area of prayer, but I knew that if I called upon the Lord to give me a burden He would. And so He did, and I cried out with all my strength for Mercy, God's Mercy. And for this country, more Mercy and that Godly leaders, elected by God would rise up in victory over the evil ones who are not true Americans. They do not carry the vision God has for this country. Rather, they hate our freedoms and are bent on destroying all the good God has done through this nation.

Not overlooking that we as a nation, through our sins of omission, mainly..."I'm too busy making money and spending it at the mall"....OUR sins of omission. To busy to pay any attention to what we have allowed and hosted on America's soil: the elite's agenda to commit heinous crimes against humanity, genocide against what they call 'useless eaters' and the populations of third world countries. We have training grounds in this country, and they're absolutely detestable.

These have been my heart cries. Little did I realize that these kinds of prayers also totally wipe you out for any other activities. Yet, I knew I had done what was most important with my time. I prayed with all my heart and all my strength.

And as the weekend developed and the Lord came to me with messages - especially Saturday morning, when He said that the Father has heard our prayers...the enemy also came in with his agenda. That is, to cause me to want to give up, by saying, "See, nothing has happened and nothing will happen because you are a false prophet!" He hit me hard, over and over again with these accusations and last night I finally cried out to the Lord and said, "Lord, please! Do something, say something! Am I your servant or am I deluded??" And after about 6 hours in and out of prayer, but mostly worship, I just sat there and cried because He wasn't saying anything.

Earlier, I had been inspired to combine all my short song lists in iTunes to one long list of 96 songs, or 9 hours of listening, that Holy Spirit could choose from to direct me in worship. Because I have found that if I let Him pick the songs, He speaks very clearly to me. So, I set it to 'shuffle' and 'repeat all'. It has been amazing the way He addresses my moods and fears through these songs. I know He chooses. Much like making my music library a big rhema pool.

Just when I was at my lowest last night, a song I didn't even know I had started to play. A song by Cody Carnes with Kari Jobe, entitled, "All He Says I Am". I would love to play this song for you on this message but it will get censored in Germany and in other countries if I do. So, for the sake of our German listeners, you'll have to put up with my voice...which I think sounds a little bit better than reading. Incidentally, if you listen to this song, you may need the lyrics, 'cause they are hard to understand at certain points.

The Lyrics:

He whispers in my ear

Tells me that I'm fearless...

He shares a melody

Tells me to repeat it...

And it makes me whole...

It reminds my soul...

I am all He says I am...

I am all He says I am...

I am all He says I am...

And He says I am His own.

I was blinded by scales upon my eyes...

Then He came like a light...

And burned up all the lies...

He set me free...

He reminded me...

I am all He says I am...

I am all He says I am...

I am all He says I am...

And He says I am His own.

When I heard the lyrics clearly and realized what God was saying to me in this song, I just sat there in tears of joy, thanking Him over and over again.

Well, at that point it was time for me to go to bed. Ezekiel was getting up and I told him of my struggles. He went to the Bible Promises asking if I was truly hearing from God and opened at random to the page entitled 'Holy Spirit.' He said, "Honey, you are hearing from God, it IS His voice." Wow, that made me feel better, because he is my covering. And in addition to what he said, Carol had also been getting similar readings about the message that I was giving out to you - a call to prayer for Mercy.

And the Lord had given me rhemas over the past three days as I was calling you all to prayer for Mercy. And this is what they were:

"I have poured out My Heart to you and made My thoughts known to you."

That was one rhema. Then another one was:

"I have put My words in your mouth."

That was the rhema I received right after I recorded the message, "The Call To Prayer for Mercy."

And the third one was:

"Streams of Living Water are flowing from within you."

So, the Lord confirmed four times over that night, through several different means, that I was hearing from Him and this is the message He wanted me to deliver to you.

And being totally transparent with you all, I need to hear these words, because I knew I was putting myself on the line declaring that this weekend could be the beginning of sorrows if we didn't pray very hard for Mercy.

I knew that God was merciful and when He asks us to pray to avert something, so far that I know of... it never happens. I know that. It is a rock-solid belief in my heart. He wants to stop something, so He asks for prayer - and then it stops.

So, I knew in advance I would be open to ridicule, from not only my enemies but from the skeptics and weaker listeners on our channel. But I also knew I could not let My God down; I had to speak what I knew to be the truth - ridicule or not.

I have been in this position several times, it is not new to me. Although being in this place before an audience of potentially 17,000 people, IS new to me. But no matter. God's words to me are God's words to me and millions could not make me cow. I know who He is and He always reinstates me when I begin to doubt who I am to Him.

I know how Jonah felt, and I've fought to avoid that attitude like the plague it is. A proud, self-righteous attitude that would rather see tens of thousands of heathen die than be "wrong" in the eyes of his critics and possibly stoned as a false prophet. If not for the grace of God, I would be there right now.

So, I counsel you, dear listeners. I have brought the words of the Lord to you faithfully. You have prayed, God has heard and responded by extending Mercy. We have avoided calamity and you have proved yourselves through your heartfelt prayers. You have proved that you are truly His Bride, for you have laid down your lives for your friends and taken up the heart cry of your Spouse, out Lord Jesus. You have shown brotherly love and fidelity. And God has answered by withholding His wrath.

Or perhaps you've chosen the other view: there never was any threat of events this weekend and I'm a false prophet.

Well, if you believe that, I sympathize with you. I have my doubts, too. But He never ceases to confirm His words to me, never. But you may not have that connection with Him and I understand your doubts - that's why the Lord has given me scores of videos to help others learn discernment.

Welcome to life in the Spirit!

Discernment is the hardest task you will ever face in your life. I pray for you, because it is my heart that you, with Holy Spirit's help, will master that skill as much as it can be mastered in this life, behind the veil.

And I just wanted to mention to you that, this morning when I got up, Ezekiel - the Lord had spoken to Ezekiel and told him that there was some kind of a serious threat that was coming up with Syria last night, and that what I went through was a suffering. And it was part of a suffering that was offered up to avert this conflict. So, that was very comforting. And then I got an email that the people who were working on the peace treaty in Paris were flooded out by a river that rose 20 feet within hours and flooded the room they were working in. So, the Lord scuttled the so-called "peace talks" in Paris when the Seine River overflowed. In fact, several people died in that flood.

So, He's definitely moving. And for those of you who've prayed for Mercy, this is some of the fruit of your prayers.

This Scripture Mark 4 was quickened to me as I finished up this sharing with you.

The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.

This has to do with people who hear the voice of the Lord, but then they hear from other people, "Oh, she's a false prophet." or "She's of the devil." or whatever they hear. And all of a sudden they get frightened and the word that was sown is taken away by the enemy.

16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution or opposition comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others are like seed sown among thorns. They hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.

I used to be in that place, guys. But I think a lot of you, older parents, you have adult children who are in that place. They're so into their wealth and desire for good things that they've choked out the word. And it's been unfruitful in them. And they are absolutely scornful about a revelation coming to pass in their lifetime, because they are enjoying their lives.

20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop--some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown."

What I want to say is, to you Heartdwellers who prayed for Mercy - you've produced a crop. You have produced Mercy. And it's no accident that those peace talks were washed out by the Seine River, by it flooding 20 feet. I mean, they haven't had anything like that since the turn of the century. Twenty feet in a few hours, rushing through the rooms that the men were working in to try and finish up this peace treaty. The Lord definitely blocked it. And you know what? They can't get together again until September. So, your prayers have definitely had an impact on what's going on.

Dear Lord, we pray that You make us the good soil. That when your prophetic words are spoken we take it deeply to heart and produce a crop of righteousness, some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown. Thank You, Lord, for Your Grace. Help us to always correspond to it and bring forth this crop. Amen.

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