Desire, Selfwill & Consequences

Desire, Selfwill & Consequences

Well, my precious Heartdwellers, the Lord is truly leading and guiding us and teaching us. And He always makes good out of our mistakes. We can trust Him to be a turn-around specialist that corrects things when they go the wrong way.

So, the blessing of our Lord, our sweet Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit be with you all, and I'm so glad that I'm able to do this recording after struggling with all these upgrades. You wouldn't believe - wave after wave of frustration. That's part of this message. We don't have a cell phone, and we hadn't had a cell phone. And it was becoming very inconvenient not to have one, and I also needed a camera that was compatible with my Mac system - so we decided to get an IPhone...I decided, not Ezekiel. He didn't have anything to do with this, thank the Lord. He has more wisdom than I do. Because this had to do more with functionality, being used for my work, it wasn't something that he really wanted to weigh in on - rather I should use my own judgment.

Anyway, I decided to get an iPhone with the computer so that I could use the two things together - I could take pictures of things I needed to show you and I could stay in touch with Ezekiel, and do a lot of other things that make an IPhone very convenient for.

I sought the Lord about it, and I asked Him, 'cause it was kind of a big step forward. And there was a sale going on, so I thought, 'Well, you know I've wanted to get a cell phone for a couple of years now. But, the Lord's coming soon - I don't know if that makes sense, to get a cell phone?' And then I went back and forth with myself: "But, what if He doesn't come soon?'

So, I'm sure all of you have had your own reasoning over things, and in my particular case I sought Him and He would NOT give me a really clear answer! He did give me one reading about Money and the World, and I figured, "Yeah, I know. I know it's the world...but I need this piece of equipment, so that I have more flexibility in what I'm doing. It is equipment, it's not a toy. It has a very serious function for us. And I made the decision to that, and I went ahead and got it. And then it wouldn't work with my computer! So, I had to get an upgrade. A HUGE upgrade...

Not only did I have to upgrade my computer but I had to upgrade my recording software, which is Protools, which is industry standard. It was just one problem after another. Just...I mean, just one headache after another. Just wave after wave of frustration and headaches!

Every time I went to open an application, it didn't work - because the upgrade was so big. Every single time. So, you can imagine: writing was very hard without an upgrade, editing was impossible, IMovie 10, which is the new IMovie - very complicated and doesn't have some of the easy features that IMovie 9 had.

But rather than burdening you down with all this technical talk - the basic, bottom line was that every time I turned around to do something...I had a problem. And it frustrated everything I was doing. At some points I thought, 'I'm never going to be able to get this message up!'

You guys remember the message that came up without sound right? Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg!

So, I came into prayer feeling pretty awful, because I really have decided it really wasn't God's will for me to get this IPhone. And the Lord began instructing me:

Lord, I am understanding more how worthless I am.

"Not to Me, Clare. You are of inestimable value to Me, although in this life I don't think you'll find that out. It's your foibles that get you down. "

Forgive me Lord.

"I forgive you, but still there are consequences. Let me ask you, what ever happened to offering this up? All this suffering? You know instead of being under condemnation (making you self centered), you can do some real damage to the enemy by simple confession, repentance and offering the sufferings to Me as a fast offering."

Help me Lord, I'm too little, too weak, please help me! I Just get swallowed by frustration!

"I will never stop helping you. Ever. I am guiding you by your right hand, I am leading you. It is when you pull away to do your own thing that things turn sour. The enemy has had a large part to do with this. When I don't give you a really clear and direct answer, you can rest assured, it is a test. You see, I stand back and watch what you will choose and this tells Me what your next lessons are. Do you see? I always bring good out of your mistakes, But when I am silent it is because I want to see if you have My Heart, My Mind about the situation."

I'd like to take an aside here. I made a huge life decision 15, 20 years ago. Just huge. And I could not get a written confirmation about doing it. But I had such a sweetness in my spirit, that I decided to follow that. A sweetness in my heart. And it was the right choice, although it was also tremendously complicated. But it cleaned up a lot of things in me that needed to be cleaned up. It's when I disappeared up on the side of a mountain in the Poconos and just lived strictly for the Lord and homeschooling my children and my husband.

So, there are times when the Lord wants to see your heart. He wants to see what you will do. Now in this situation my heart was in having this convenience...right. I thought it was a convenience... I would have been better off to just get a camera. In this situation, He withheld a solid confirmation from me, because He wanted to see if I still had some avarice and pride in my spirit. And I did! So, I let go of His hand and I went running off to get this gadget - and wow, I'm still paying for it.

But at least I can offer up my fast offerings to Him for my stupidity. Part of it goes to correction, and part of it goes to other souls. We've seen that over and over again through the years that, when I do something foolish, that I shouldn't do - the Lord corrects me. And I have to live through that correction, or life corrects me. And what I suffer in that correction - part of it is taken as a fast offering for souls that are in deep trouble or about to lose their souls, and the other part is taken, more or less, as payback for my silliness and teaching me wisdom. It does fulfill a certain function that's important in the economy of things. And when I made that decision to jump off and out of the world on to that mountain, the Lord WAS leading and guiding me in that situation. But He wanted to see if I would do it from the heart. He wanted to see what was in my heart.

So, going back to what the Lord said:

"You, My little butterfly, still have some sturdy little wings that love to fly about...here and there...and taste the pollen of different flowers in the world. It's part of your adventuresome and curious nature. I have a hard time reining that in, but I must say, you are way more self-controlled now than you were even 15 years ago.

"Still you have moments of weakness. And...when I see pride raising it's obnoxious head, (yeah, I started to feel that the other day. I thought, 'Oh, man - I'm in for a fall, I can feel it coming on...') I am obliged to humble you...so I stand back just a very little bit and allow you to go off on your own. I always get good results with this. You should know by now, when you feel insecure about doing something, a good rule of thumb is 'don't do it.' However, your desire nature trumps your wisdom and off you go. It still is all about self-will, self-love, pride and avarice.

"When you are totally dead to yourself and the world and you love Me more than anything or anyone...well, you won't go flying off. Something inside, a governor will check your action and your desire nature will be left in the dust to rot and disappear, as it should.

"This is that fateful time of the year when everyone is getting the very same impulses. There is much evil behind it, but a truly meek soul walks through it as if it were nothing. I don't care how many demons are or aren't tormenting you - the bottom line is that virtue is a steel wall they cannot penetrate. They may try to torment you, suggest, flash with passions for things, and trip you in a million different ways. But if you have wisdom and self-control, as well as Me in mind at all times, their most powerful weapons against you are worthless.

"So now we are in the cleanup stage."

And right around that time, my email went off and one of our prayer warriors sent me a link to The Priestly Bride by Anna Roundtree and told me to listen to the minutes between 40 and 50. Wow, did that ever nail it - and it was funny, because I'm sitting in here listening to the Lord, and all of a sudden she came to mind as someone I needed to share this with, personally. And Bingo! There comes the email. And I listened to Anna Roundtree for 10 minutes, I listened to that segment, and it really nailed it. I just felt a lot of conviction. And part of it had to do with seeking the Lord for Himself rather than seeking the Lord for the anointing or for the message. And we've talked about that before - that's super important for the Bride.

And the Lord began again,

"Clare, you do seek Me for Me...you do. But you still don't trust Me. That is why in some challenging situations, you prefer your own will, even though you sense it is at odds with Mine. So, can we fix this? Of course, with your cooperation we surely can. It can take days, weeks or years, depending on your willingness. (Not that we have years, guys. We don't have years!) We have been at it for years. That is something others can ponder and derive hope from."

Yeah, don't feel bad, guys. He's been working on me in this area for years.

He, continued, "Oh we are close, so very close, but there is still that vestige of 'I' in your heart. And it steers you off the road of sanctity. Someday you will see this and not permit yourself that anymore. Someday. I am not saying you have not made progress, you have made wonderful progress, but, there still is a bit to go...and I am going with you, hand in hand. I will not abandon you to the will of your enemies: thieves, brigands and murderers, waiting behind the bushes and rocks as you walk this road with Me. I will not abandon you to their will. I will defend you so long as you stay to the straight and narrow. And not let go of My hand - not even for a moment.

When you stray, My love, I must allow the lessons that go with self-will. I must allow you to suffer the consequences...so it will be deeply embedded in your heart and mind. My way is always the Best Way. Even if you have to guess at it, and deduce it by your own reasoning, it is still the best way. You know Me, Clare, you know what I think about most things pertaining to you, so it shouldn't be difficult to make the right decisions. It's all a matter of crucifying your flesh, My Love - yes, putting that old man to death, buried deep in the earth he is from. Then you will be free to glide and soar with Me, and nothing shall be able to knock you off track.

"Your life shall become simple, plain, easy. Wouldn't you like that?"

I most certainly would, Lord.

"Well then, trust Me, trust My judgment, Trust My wisdom, trust that My entire heart for you is blessing upon blessing, not burden upon burden. And not deprivation. Then you will stay free, My little dove, and not be captured so easily in the enemy's snare.

"So now, trust Me, put your hand in Mine and we will negotiate this wilderness road without further casualties. And yes, that which was meant to harm you, has become a lesson for all My Brides...with the added unction of your sufferings offered to Me for them. The wicked ones always lose. The greater the difficulty, the greater the lesson, the greater the graces spread abroad to all My Brides. Satan cannot win. Even if he should succeed in causing physical death, ten more will spring up in the place of that one. He never wins. Put your fears away. You're not going to die. I'm just using that as an example.

"I bless you now, Precious. And all My precious Brides, with the anointing to put to death the Old Man, that he may not raise his head again and drag you off the path of righteousness and sanctity.

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