Disobedience Brings Sorrow

Disobedience Brings Sorrow

The Lord bless us all with wisdom, Youtube Family as I share God's correction with me, and I'll share it with you. He's corrected me over something. In the hopes that you won't have to go through this I'm going to share it with you. If there's anyway to save you from this kind of humiliation, I surely want to share it with you, because it's no fun!

Well, it all began probably a good three days or so...I'll read you my little narrative here:

When I don't hear from the Lord, sometimes it's about fatigue and sometimes it's about duties. And sometimes...it's about correction. You may have noticed in my playlist, I do have a video that says, "When You Don't Hear From God and It's Not Your Fault". You may want to delve into that a little more deeply. But, this time, it WAS my fault. So, I'm going to share with you the process of how He brought it to light, and how He healed me and delivered me. And He had a few words to share about it, too.

A few days ago, I was able to buy a thumb drive and cable for our computer - a couple more items for our computer - for some work I felt I needed to do. Now, the Lord is very strict with us for His own reasons, which He shares here towards the bottom of the message. And I tend to be more liberal with myself. He has taught me over the years to make do, and I really do mean "make do!" Mending instead of replacing clothes, in general not focusing on the things I ran after when I was a "gentile." Well...when I wasn't a believer. I ran after all kinds of things! I was a professional photographer, and I always wanted to have the best equipment. The best equipment and be well dressed and the whole nine yards, right?

But, when I became a Christian, He began to focus me in the direction of simplicity because it leads to humility which I have found to be the foundation and roof over my life. And so, for the most part, walking by clothing and such at Walmart is not an issue. I just ignore it, because I have enough to cover my body and the only one I want to impress is the Lord. And my husband's happy with the way I dress, so those things don't matter to me.

But, since I considered this a very small but important purchase, I didn't check with Him to see if He wanted me to have it. I just ran down to the store and bought it. Well... I have to admit I did have somewhat of a check in my spirit, but I'm very good at justifying things...can anybody else relate to that out there? Yeah... So, I just convinced myself that these items were necessary, and He wouldn't mind. Right?

Wrong. He didn't want me to have these items and I began to get Rhema readings about sin, which began to greatly concern me. You know, on the note of rhema readings, I'll pick up a book by an author that I appreciate, and I'll ask Holy Spirit to give me a reading. And, my rhema readings were not good for a couple of days, and I thought 'uh oh'.

And then, when I came into prayer to get a message for my Youtube family, He was very quiet and not as accessible to me as usual. Well, I was also very tired. So, I wasn't sure if I was just extremely tired, or if He was grieving and not very talkative, because other people had experienced that.

I began to feel like I might have made a mistake, and I needed a confirmation. In this case, Ezekiel had other things on his mind, and he wasn't sure what his readings were all about, his rhema readings. So, we needed an outside source.

After two days went by, I knew I'd made a mistake and I felt terrible. I was still in my mind trying to justify not checking with Him against common sense need - I was still trying to do that. So I wasn't totally convinced until a friend prayed for me. I told her, "I'm a mess, I don't know what's bothering me or why but something isn't right, and I'm not feeling good inside." So, she went into warfare for me.

She wrote back a couple hours later:

"There was a dark mist all through the house when I first started praying. I prayed in tongues after the binding prayer for a long while. There was a "block" over me for a bit - then Abba Father broke through with brilliant light, and I went to your house (in the spirit). I stood at the ready with sword drawn, there in your sunroom -but I didn't see anything except this mist.

No matter where I looked, there was this mist. As I prayed, the mist started moving away and clearing, and I saw angels stationed here and there. There was finally just one, small "cloud" of the black mist. I asked Jesus what it was, why it was there. He called it "sorrow and disobedience."

I asked why -and He said that you need to be conscious from now on to go to Him first about EVERYTHING you do. Not make a mistake, ask Him first, and let Him make the decisions specifically what to do, where to go, and how to handle these things. This was a big point. Like what to do with the money from returning the things you bought: you are to ask Him what to do with the credit specifically, before you go back to the store -and then do what He tells you. He's not angry with you or anything - just insisting that you make ALL of your decisions WITH Him from now on. I don't know why - that's all I sensed."

Well, I know why.

When I got her reply, I was so disgusted and grieved with myself. I had failed the Lord and done something without His approval. I just sat and cried for the longest time. I had a little communion service and repented deeply for my Pride and afterwards I saw Him almost nose to nose, listening very carefully to my thoughts.

I'm so sorry, Lord. I'm so, so sorry.

He replied, "I forgive you, Clare. Let's rebuild."

He went on and He said, "I wish now to move on with caution, Clare. Your enemy goes about as a roaring lion seeking who he would destroy and he knows your weak points very, very well. And he has taken careful aim and shot poison arrows into your heart. And because you were not wearing the mantle of humility they took hold and fouled your heart.

"Now we must pull out these poisoned tips and apply medicine to break the bondage. Oh, he is a clever one, using you against yourself. But we will have the victory because you love Me and I love you and nothing about that has changed."

Well, at that point, more crying...

"I'm here, Clare. I love you."

Oh, thank you, Lord.

He asked, "Can we dance together, for just a little?" ('Cause I had come straight out of my communion service to start writing.)

Oh yes, Lord, I'd love that. Would you please restore the mantle of humility?

"It is already restored."

And I could feel it - it's kind of that broken feeling. And so, we danced together for a little while and He said, "Shall we finish the message?"

And I was so glad He said that, because I felt you all needed to know about these deep pitfalls in the spiritual life so you won't fall into them.

"My Bride, when I am crafting you to your ultimate purpose, I have a certain image in mind. What would not be sin for one man might be sin for another, because I am creating a work of art and bringing to the surface all the gifts I endowed you with at your conception.

"I alone know the majesty and beauty of the finished product. I alone know the road you must take and the form you must fill to become who I have meant you to be - and that takes work on My part and obedience on your part to produce.

"A computer cable and a thumb drive might not be a sin for one person... but for you? I have put a check in your spirit, and when you ignore or explain away that check you are treading on dangerous ground in a forest full of demons.

"When you feel you must justify something to Me when you suspect I don't want you to have it, you know you've entered that dangerous, dark wood of demons stalking you because your armor of humility is down. Any time you contend with Me, your armor is down and the enemy can see it clearly.

"So, he takes careful aim, and unless you repent immediately, that arrow finds its mark in your heart and infection sets in. If you are not careful to immediately come to Me for surgery, it spreads throughout your body and off the track you go. And, if you continue and continue to go off course, they (the demons) begin plotting your way to disaster. That is why immediate repentance is so important."

And as an aside here, guys - I don't know if you have ever experienced lusting after something. You know, where you just have to have it - you just absolutely HAVE to have it. And all you can think about is HAVING IT! I'm not talking about sexual lust, I'm talking about lusting for some thing...a beautiful object, or a useful object or whatever. And you can feel it, it's like a poisonous infection when he shoots that arrow into you... that poisonous dart circulates in your whole body and it causes you to be on FIRE with a fever of lust for something. I've had issues with that all my life long, so I know exactly what it feels like. So, for me it's not just a matter of getting the arrow out, it's stopping that infection that's raging. It's really an infection of self-will more than anything else. Pride is what caused me to go off the track, and self-will will KEEP me off the track if the Lord doesn't correct me pretty quickly.

The Lord continued: "At one little infraction, the armor opens just a little. But then, as you follow that course, it opens a little more and more and more - until you are fully exposed and then the stage is set for deadly and life altering sin. You have noticed how gentle I am when you first begin to get off the track. If you catch it right then, I breathe a big sigh of relief. I hate to see you go your own way, it always has painful consequences. In a vessel unto honor, it also hurts others, because it dilutes your capacity to minister."

And then I began: All you have said, Lord, bears witness in my spirit. I am so sorry, dear Lord. Teach me obedience and humility. Please help me to catch myself before it gets serious enough to affect others.

And He started again and said, "And to all My Brides, I would say: take heed lest you fall into various temptations that bring about the ruin of My plan for your life. Anytime you feel a 'little' check in your spirit, that is not just a 'little' check - that is a warning. It begins with one, small, act of disobedience and progresses from there towards disaster.

"That is why I have told you that 'He who is faithful in the little things, will also be faithful in the greater.' So in essence, I cannot trust you with the greater gifts until you have mastered self---control over the little ones.

"Don't make the mistake of confusing Me with earthly men, who quite often will bow to your desires to make you happy. No, I am God, and have a much greater happiness in mind for you! And because I love you, I am not willing to settle for second best or to see you fail. Yes, it hurts me terribly to correct you. But, I would rather go through that pain and see you weeping tears of sorrow before it is too late to correct and you've lost an important element of your life's mission, or we have to go 'round the mountain' again.

"My Brides, I do not deny you some pleasure for anything less than a very important purpose, so please don't begrudge Me even in the little things your conscience bears witness to. Gladly hand them over to Me and we shall be at our destination in no time.

"My heart now is to bless you with the pivotal virtues of obedience and humility, without which you will miss the opportunities I have sown into the fabric of your life."

And that was the end of the message.

After He had spoken this to me, something came to mind that I'd read once. It's a 13th century parable, it really came to mind.

"Obedience is like a knight clothed in a full suit of stout armor, with his sword on a strong and spirited horse. Riding into battle, he surely has the advantage over his foes. Whereas, Disobedience is like a knight with no helmet, no armor and no sword, seated on a sorry nag of a horse. He will surely be unseated, dislodged and taken captive."

I think that was a Christian by the name of Giles, Brother Giles. I love that parable, and I think of it - I think Holy Spirit brings it to mind whenever I'm about to step out of that sphere of obedience. It's very tricky, it's very slippery.

The Lord bless you all, and I hope that you learn from my mistakes. Let's pray for each other, because it's so easy, so easy to get into self-will and move to the right or the left without the Lord's permission. And that one, little move can have terrible consequences for the future.

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