Alderperson Denise Fenton's (District 6) Invocation At 07/07/2021 Common Council Meeting

[Note: this invocation was given at the second Common Council meeting held after Mayor Woodford's statement to to the alderpersons at the 06/15/2021 Informal Organizational Meeting and seems to be connected to what he said. (https://allthingsappleton.com/2021/06/22/mayor-woodfords-opening-statement-at-informal-organizational-meeting-the-community-looks-to-us-for-leadership-and-i-dont-know-that-were-always-showing-them-that-and-i-think-we-need-to/)]

Council President Matt Reed: Tonight's invocation will be given by Alderperson Fenton.

Alderperson Denise Fenton: Good evening. All most of my colleagues and a few random people in grocery stores know, we welcomed a new granddaughter a couple weeks ago, and as if I weren't giddy enough already, we have our other granddaughter that I think you all met, and of course our daughter and son-in-law with us this week, starting their visit by checking out city government in action. We look at a new baby and we wonder what they will look like. Will they have their father's eyes? Their mother's nose? We also, rightly or not, ascribe personality or character traits to a child's relatives. We say, "He gets his sense of humor from Uncle Jim" or "She gets her stubbornness from Grandma."

Our daughter's great grandmother was famous for saying after a child misbehaved, "She certainly didn't get that from our side of the family."

Most scientific studies, including the landmark Minnesota Twins study find that personality and character are shaped by both biology and environment. I like to think that my daughters inherited or learned some things from me--perseverence and a strong sense of fairness. However, I noticed early on that both of them were much kinder than I was. They more than once let me know when I needed to understand the life of a server or a store clerk. Maybe Mr. Rogers prevailed over a stressed out mom, but however it happened I am grateful and proud.

Over the last few years we've heard a lot about kindness in the face of increasing polarization in our society, especially as the Covid pandemic caused so much suffering. But what is kindness? Is it just being nice? Is it paying it forward at Starbucks? Is it proclaiming, "Be Kind" on a t-shirt? Should we all be performing random acts of kindness as Ann Herbert scribbled on a placemat 40 years ago? Maybe.

But I don't think kindness is about what makes you or me feel comfortable. It's not about civility when dealing with those who are indifferent to the suffering of others. Kindness without justice fails in compassion. It cannot mean a lack of accountability for causing harm. Essayist Lee Green writes, "To do a kindness is to invest in the betterment of an individual or community even if that means challenging them, and making them uncomfortable." Growth is uncomfortable. Correcting someone when they're wrong--that's a kindness. Offering someone the opportunity to identify when or where they're causing harm so that they might so that they might stop--that's a kind thing to do. Not just for that person, but for everyone they interact with. Kindness is actionable.

I close tonight with a tweet from Bernice King, the youngest child of Dr. Martin Luther King. "Kindness matters, but kindness does not equal justice. Civility counts, but calling for civility is not the humane response to injustice. Justice is. Love is essential, but love is not a passive, weeping bystander. Love puts in work.