How to "Definitely Not" Cause a Church Split [satire]

How to "Definitely Not" Cause a Church Split [satire]

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Rule Guide:
1. You’re greater than The Bible
2. I'm the boss now!
3. Bible + My Rules = Better
4. Your Bible is Lame
5. What Standard? My Standard
6. This is MY project!
7. Matthew 18 is for the weak
8. Don't challenge me bro...
9. Gossip Girl
10. Oh bless her heart!
11. I need to speak with you pastor!
12. WWID (what would I do)
13. Judge thee not me
14. I can't handle the truth!
15. You've got mail!
16. Boss makes a dollar I make a dime, that's why I gossip on company time...
17. Gossip = Absolute Truth
18. I can't hear you!
19. The infallibility of fallacies
20. I'm the victim now
21. Its better to receive grace than give it...
22. Straight out of context!
23. Can't pin me down
24. Let the mob flow through you!
25. "He who is without sin cast the first stone" GOTCHA!
26. The ends justifies anything
27. By like me or die
28. My sin? Oh probably caring just way too much
29. Micro-agress this!
30. Be, Be, bE Inconsistent!
31. I hope when I grow up I'm just like my child
32. Lucy would never do that!
33. My politics and Jesus always agree!
34. Hey I donated that, give it back!
35. Unity = weakness