This Crazy Looking Body Armor Protects Small Dogs from Coyotes

Published March 13, 2020 20,744 Views

Rumble / Dogs & PuppiesThe Coyote Vest is a body armor to keep your dog safe in areas with coyote activity. The Coyote Vest is made from stab-resistant kevlar that can withstand bites from sharp canine teeth — coyotes, foxes, bigger dogs, etc. It will also turn your Corgi into a Mad Max villain. The dog vest has a flexible “coyote collar” that fits around pretty much any little dog’s neck and comes with spikes on the collar to make biting your dog as terrible as biting down on a Dorito that has shifted, unbeknownst to you, to a vertical position inside your mouth.

If the layers of Kevlar aren’t enough, dog owners can add spikes to run along the dog’s back. Coyote whiskers, which are bright nylon bristles that irritate the attacking animal, can also be added to the Coyote Vest (similar to a pet body armor) to further make your dog impervious to the totally natural and objectively understandable — but still evil! — urges of wild predators. (Go eat a squirrel, you monsters. Leave D’Artagnan and Mr. Scruffles alone!)

I don’t mean to be alarmist, but given enough time something is going to pop out of a bush, try to rip open your small dog, and eat it alive. A Coyote Vest is the best protection against it, and the best way to bring you peace of mind about pet safety for your pooch.

You can purchase the coyote vest at Though, if it were me, I’d add a few features. A pressure enabled electric shock to electrocute anything that bites the dog. An artificial intelligence manned crossbow that sits on a turret on the dog’s back would be good too. And most important of all, a pre-recorded script of secrets about and personal threats directed towards the boys in your neighborhood most likely to kidnap, torture, or hurt an innocent dog, and activated upon said boy being within five feet of your dog(s).

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