Hermit Crab Livin' The Dream

This is Bazooka the hermit crab. He could use a few friends. After all, he's a hermit. He just retired from his day job so he's been enjoying a lot of free time these days. Perhaps you could introduce him to some of your friends.
Bazooka loves traveling, signing, eating, and romantic getaways. You guys might have a lot in common. Feel free to exchange numbers if you like.
What do you say to a hermit crab? How do you keep him busy? I'm open to any suggestions. What do you do if you and your crab are having relationship issues?
Bazooka has had a lot of free time these days. He's been spending a little too much time playing Minecraft. He needs to get out more. I've been taking him to some new, fancy Chinese restaurants that he's really enjoyed. Other than that, he usually gets up in the morning and checks the stock market. Then sits down to his favorite breakfast, shrimp and rice.
This crab hopes to go back to school to get his degree in marriage and family therapy. Hermit crabs can make great friends. They are great listeners. They are not very loud or messy. They can be fun when it comes to watching movies or just hanging out by the pool.
Believe it or not, Bazooka naps more than most cats. He needs a daily supply of fresh salt water and food. He loves music. Maybe you can send him your favorite lullaby to help him go to sleep at night.
So the next time to come across a hermit crab, be sure to say hello. He might just invite you over for dinner and a game of checkers. Thanks for watching. Hope you enjoy it.