Mach 1 Launch By A Spore Charger

📡 FIELD LOG SUBMITTED TO: SUPER EARTH HIGH COMMAND

Incident Designation: Thermite Failure Event
Operational Zone: Terminid Front
Enemy Classification: Spore Charger (Common Name By Duck: "Fart Charger")
Visibility Conditions: Extreme Gloom
Squad Elements: Duck, Wolf, Brasta
Threat Level: Unnecessarily Personal

📋 INCIDENT SUMMARY

During an active engagement with a hostile Spore Charger, Helldiver Duck successfully landed a Thermite Grenade directly onto the right cranial region of the biological monstrosity. Explosion yielded morale but insufficient lethality.

A second Thermite deployment was issued under pressure as squad cohesion deteriorated due to dense gloom and chaotic Terminid aggression.

Meanwhile, Helldiver Wolf initiated a tactical reposition directive, later clarifying this order with the approved Super Earth terminology:

“Reposition my ass.”

Duck confirmed similar positional adjustments were required as the Charger continued aggressive pursuit.

💥 CATASTROPHIC IMPACT EVENT

As Duck attempted lateral maneuvering, the Spore Charger delivered a left-arm strike of extraordinary force, launching the Helldiver at velocities officially recorded as:

⚠️ Mock Jesus Speeds

Trajectory concluded with Duck colliding directly into a perimeter fence corner, resulting in:

Instantaneous structural failure

Immediate martyrdom

Dignity loss (pending reinstatement)

Final transmission:

“I got nailed into a fence.”

✅ MISSION OUTCOME

✔ Thermite effectiveness partially validated
✔ Tactical vocabulary expanded
✔ Squad humor levels preserved
✖ Fence integrity weaponized
✖ Helldiver survived (temporarily)

Subject was successfully redeployed shortly thereafter to continue spreading Managed Democracy.

🏁 HIGH COMMAND REMARK

Super Earth applauds the squad’s unwavering dedication, even when propelled across the battlefield by weaponized flatulence-based bioforms.

🫡 Democracy prevails.

🎨 Pixel artwork by Cronos-99 — thanks for letting us use your art!