Mario Gets Sunburned By Democracy

Incident Report To Super Earth High Command

Filed By: Helldiver Rubber Duck
Vessel Assignment: S.E.S. Soul of Audacity
Incident Type: Orbital Laser Misalignment / Friendly Incineration
Planetary Theatre: Illuminate Engagement Zone

Situation Report:

During a coordinated anti-Illuminate sweep, Helldiver Rubber Duck deployed an orbital laser strike from the Soul of Audacity. While suppressive fire was active, Helldiver Mario was warned—
“You’re about to get lasered by my laser.”
The beam passed harmlessly near Mario, prompting operational confidence.

Helldiver Mario responded by calling down his own orbital laser, stating,
“Here, I think we need another one.”

Rubber Duck approved the strike with:
“Send it. Can’t ever have too much laser.”

However, Mario’s laser adjusted trajectory mid-descent, curved back toward his position, and incinerated Mario outright with his own orbital weaponry.

Upon witnessing this anomaly, squad comms recorded:

Mario: “Oh—”

Rubber Duck: “Oh… Mario got a little too much laser.”

Mario (post-respawn): “Dude… my laser killed me.”

Rubber Duck: “Yup. I watched it happen, sir.”

Mario was promptly redeployed. Cause of friendly immolation is likely insufficient sunscreen against concentrated democracy.

Super Earth advises SPF 9000+ during laser operations.

For Democracy. For Super Earth.

🎨 Pixel artwork by Cronos-99 — thanks for letting us use your art!