diy every problem cos i really don't want you to solve it

determined to make it work even if i die trying
i can't be defeated by all these things in my head that will never be completed
i dunno how people move on from anything
i can't talk to anybody but myself
there's a limited capacity i realize
there's a man inside my head that takes care of business
i would resent you for it
i don't want anyone to have the kinda problems that i have
i'm not comforted by the idea that somebody else struggles in this way
God's got me, i know it cos i feel His presence everywhere i go
no longer do i beg God to take it away for it can still be useful
you dunno the reason
i was giving raspberries to myself n my ego NOT the Lord
my ego talks a lotta shit
what if i'm not supposed to be anything
yes i told my Bishop to not gimme an ultimatum
coercion is wrong on principle
i watch myself do everything
if you heard yourself you wouldn't keep saying what doesn't work in convincing anyone
i lost my freight train of thought
FUCK YOU
i obviously do not earnestly desire this outcome if i set myself up to fail