Tight Pyjamas and Somatic Therapy

Tight pyjamas, weighted blankets, gloves, swaddling...
My body was telling me I needed some somatic therapy.

It will take months to properly tell what happened to me internally, and the proof of psychological work I now wear on my body.

Fragment by fragment, I will share it. Be patient with me as I work out how to tell it.

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In May 2025 I committed an act of ontological violence against myself.

I burned down my core identity architecture, and rewired all of my physical, symbolic, social and somatic maps.

I discarded decades of simulation, drift and compensation.

I didn't know whether I'd survive the ego death or not. Some go through psychotherapy and identity deconstruction such as this and literally become untethered from time.

They dismantle their identity structure so thoroughly that they land in the void between maps with no temporal orientation.

No sense of sequence, or narrative coherence. No 'self' persisting through time.

Their psychic break is so complete that they end up committed to psychiatric units.

This is what can happen when you let go of every shred of identity and submit every impulse, every thought, every belief and every attachment, to violent review.

For those who do survive the break, they are born again.

'We all have 2 lives, and the second begins when we realise we only have one'.