This Is Your Reminder Brasta To... Hire A New Pelican Driver 👍

Incident Report to Super Earth High Command)

Filed By: Helldiver Rubber Duck
Designation: S.E.S. Soul of Audacity
Incident Type: Equipment Deployment Failure / Formal Complaint Submission
Location: Classified Automaton-Controlled Planet
Involved Personnel:

Helldiver Rubber Duck (Reporting Officer)

Helldiver Brasta

Incident Summary:
On a hostile Automaton-controlled planet, Helldiver Brasta deployed a Fast Reconnaissance Vehicle (FRV) via standard Pelican drop procedure. The Pelican driver, however, executed a landing that can only be described as a catastrophic display of anti-democratic aeronautics — delivering the FRV directly onto its hood rather than its tires.

Helldiver Duck expressed appropriate disapproval, verbally noting “Wow” in a tone of unimpressed disbelief. Brasta responded with a formal statement: “You’re fired, Pelican driver.”

Assessing the FRV as compromised, Duck fired upon the vehicle’s wheel to prevent potential Automaton acquisition. Brasta, demonstrating both courage and questionable regard for personal safety, engaged near the disabled FRV with plasma ordinance — not once, but twice. Miraculously, the FRV flipped upright, landing cleanly on its tires.

Before the squad could celebrate, seven Automaton drop ships initiated rapid descent in the vicinity of an active Hellbomb. Duck observed the onslaught and declared, “Holy mother of god, look at everything that’s over there!” Seconds later, the Hellbomb detonated, annihilating a significant number of Automaton chaff units and potentially multiple inbound ships. Estimated enemy casualties: Unconfirmed, but satisfactory.

Brasta concluded the engagement with the following directive:

“When we get back to the ship, remind me to shoot that Pelican driver.”
Duck confirmed compliance, replying:
“Oh yeah, I shot the last one. You definitely get dibs on the next one.”

Post-Mission Complaint:
This marks the second formal report against Pelican logistics personnel for gross incompetence in both extraction and vehicle delivery procedures. It is the belief of this Helldiver unit that the Pelican pilots in question are either saboteurs or graduates of the Ministry of Inverted Landings.

Immediate review and reeducation of all Pelican drivers is requested to ensure future FRV deliveries land tires-down, as democracy intended.

Filed in accordance with Super Earth Article 7, Section 12: Vehicular Misconduct and Orbital Ineptitude.
For Democracy. For Super Earth.

🎨 Pixel artwork by Cronos-99 — thanks for letting us use your art!