Christ At My Side ~ Luke Johnson (Spoken Word)

Lyrics:
I moved away to a quiet place
little village where I couldn't even find an eighth
took walks to the country trying to find some peace
made visits to the church trying to find some faith
spent time on my own just meditating
trying to rebuild my mind, elevating
spent time in a zone doing endless praying
trying to rebuild my life, renovating
but the pain didn't stop there
I was still looking for a rock then
even when I got zen
I was still wanting to wash up rock then
even after everything I'd lost
I was begging to the cross
but I still couldn't even find any Gods then
even when I needed one there
there wasn't one there
well at least it didn't feel like there was one
but then suddenly I felt a ray of sun and I was somewhere
sat inside a meeting with some people in a circle
talking bout the pain and all the hurting that they'd learnt through
similar to me 'cause of addiction that they'd struggled with
they'd tried so many times to put a stop to all the hustling
but finally they'd found a place where they could share their misery
and talk about the trials and tribulations of their history
help each other through the pain, build each other up
and then they'd guide each other through the shame, give each other love
but even that wasn't enough to change me
proper crazy
really felt like there was nothing that could come to save me
didn't matter if I prayed and meditated daily
and attended each and every meeting weekend and weekday
the cycle kept on repeating like a replay
get clean, relapse
get clean, relapse
wishing I'd finally start to see change
but all that I could see was these chains
chained to my brain I was detained
the pain of a weak slave
for Pete's sake mate, I couldn't leave
I was deranged
by deep shame, tragedy
deceit, blame and agony
panicking
fighting this disease-made reality
mentality was decaying
replaying travesties
of family deceased
games of grief, fame and falicies
damages of deep blades, creeps, snakes, vanity
battling this cheap game to reclaim sanity
but gradually my feet made their way to a new place
a new stage
a new lane
a place where I can really see my true ways
and realise the man that I can be if I do change
I dont feel like there's nothing else I need to say
I've seen the error of my ways and achieved some grace
and now I'm living life with Christ at my side
and that aint gonna change until the day that I die