Contact Mine Chaos: The Bioprocessor Incident

🪖 INCIDENT REPORT – FILED TO SUPER EARTH HIGH COMMAND
Filed By: Helldiver Rubber Duck
Designation: S.E.S. Soul of Audacity
Incident Type: Unintentional Bioprocessor Neutralization & Friendly Casualty Event
Planetary Theater: Undisclosed Automaton-Controlled World

MISSION SUMMARY:
During an active assault against Automaton forces, Helldiver Rubber Duck employed the Recoilless Rifle to intercept an enemy troop transport vessel. The shot successfully impacted the ship’s rear thrusters, resulting in a cascading explosion that sent the entire craft hurtling into an enemy Bioprocessor installation. The Bioprocessor was completely obliterated — a spectacular display of accidental efficiency.

Rubber Duck radioed, “I’m blowing up all the ships, and the S.E.A.F. soldiers are here with me — hell yeah!”
Helldiver Brasta promptly replied, “Okay, you made the ship fall on the Bioprocessor. That works for me.”

Moments later, in what can only be described as a catastrophic lapse in situational awareness, Rubber Duck stepped directly onto a contact mine. The detonation vaporized the operator instantly, and, in a cruel twist of democratic irony, triggered the deployment of a 500KG Eagle Strike that Duck had been holding at the time of death.

The bomb landed precisely in the middle of the squad’s position, resulting in the immediate death of Helldiver Wolf — marking his first casualty of the night, caused not by the enemy, but by friendly ordinance.

Wolf: “Oh, Duck…”
Brasta: “Good job.”
Mario: “Buddy…”
Duck: “I hit a contact mine like an idiot… and I dropped a 500kg.”

Following the event, uncontrollable laughter overtook the entire squad. Brasta admitted to punching his desk out of sheer disbelief, while Duck had to pause and catch his breath, declaring, “I need a second after that.”

CONCLUSION:
Mission objectives completed via unorthodox application of extreme force.
Collateral damage: high, but within acceptable democratic parameters.
Squad morale: excellent.

FOR DEMOCRACY. FOR SUPER EARTH.
🪖 INCIDENT REPORT – FILED TO SUPER EARTH HIGH COMMAND
Filed By: Helldiver Rubber Duck
Designation: S.E.S. Soul of Audacity
Incident Type: Unintentional Bioprocessor Neutralization & Friendly Casualty Event
Planetary Theater: Undisclosed Automaton-Controlled World

MISSION SUMMARY:
During an active assault against Automaton forces, Helldiver Rubber Duck employed the Recoilless Rifle to intercept an enemy troop transport vessel. The shot successfully impacted the ship’s rear thrusters, resulting in a cascading explosion that sent the entire craft hurtling into an enemy Bioprocessor installation. The Bioprocessor was completely obliterated — a spectacular display of accidental efficiency.

Rubber Duck radioed, “I’m blowing up all the ships, and the S.E.A.F. soldiers are here with me — hell yeah!”
Helldiver Brasta promptly replied, “Okay, you made the ship fall on the Bioprocessor. That works for me.”

Moments later, in what can only be described as a catastrophic lapse in situational awareness, Rubber Duck stepped directly onto a contact mine. The detonation vaporized the operator instantly, and, in a cruel twist of democratic irony, triggered the deployment of a 500KG Eagle Strike that Duck had been holding at the time of death.

The bomb landed precisely in the middle of the squad’s position, resulting in the immediate death of Helldiver Wolf — marking his first casualty of the night, caused not by the enemy, but by friendly ordinance.

Wolf: “Oh, Duck…”
Brasta: “Good job.”
Mario: “Buddy…”
Duck: “I hit a contact mine like an idiot… and I dropped a 500kg.”

Following the event, uncontrollable laughter overtook the entire squad. Duck admitted to punching their desk out of sheer disbelief, while Duck had to pause and catch his breath, declaring, “I need a second after that.”

CONCLUSION:
Mission objectives completed via unorthodox application of extreme force.
Collateral damage: high.
Squad morale: excellent.

FOR DEMOCRACY. FOR SUPER EARTH.

🎨 Pixel artwork by Cronos-99 — thanks for letting us use your art!

🎨 Pixel artwork by Cronos-99 — thanks for letting us use your art!