Jack Osbourne remembers Ozzy #ozzyosbourne #ozzytribute

I remember when my father died. We never had long hours together laughing, talking about deep topics, no, he mostly watched TV and talked about the weather while I had millions of thoughts swirling in my head.

I saw a video of Jack and Ozzy laughing so hard they were losing control--I don't ever remember doing that with Dad. My uncle and I laughed more. I don't remember ever just enjoying his company, feeling like I was the person he most enjoyed being with. It affected most of my relationships, feeling I didn't measure up because I never felt I measured up to the first person where it really mattered.

Now as I am on the eve of my 60th birthday and again despite my efforts, will likely die alone, I wonder if he ever knew how blessed he was to have a family by his side who loved him even to his dying breath? I will not be so fortunate--some of us are sent away to be with Christ from loving arms, some are found when the cops break down our door to find us lying face-down in the living room. Christ is my only hope. I pray that He got hold of Ozzy before it was too late.

I wrote this about my father about four years after he'd passed, lamenting that despite my efforts, he was a man I never knew and still don't know while my mother refuses to talk about him other than as a father and her partner. Was he really just a rock with a brain, or was there more? I think there was more, but I'll never know.

I could never get the last verse right....

"Was it you I cried for,
Or was it you who made me cry?
The fragile man who held me in his hand
The hand I held when last we said goodbye
I ran for you, I drew for you,
I wrote my heart out in front of you
You looked but could not see me,
You heard me but could not listen
I rode my bicycle all day to get away from you
And back to the house I grew up in
I grew up that day,
The day you were missing

Where was the time we went fishing for carp?
The talk about the birds and the bees?
When were you proud of your little boy?
When could I put my arm on your shoulder?
Just be friends, pals, buddies?
And why does ice that smothers my heart
Drip tears that long to feel a father's joy?

Whitewashed windows and sterile rooms
And mirrors on every wall
I see myself at every turn
No distractions, no photos,
No one left to call
Like the one who went before me
You held my hand enough
To pull me down the path you walked
Always walking ahead,
Afraid if I looked in your eyes, I'd see,
You weren't so tough

As your spirit filled the room
As my hand slipped from your hand
At that point in time and from then on
I knew I had to be a man
When I laid you in the ground
At last able to touch you and not fear it
I buried the boy who wanted so much to be loved
But was so afraid to ever hear it
Reach up with your black, crusty hands
I woke in the night gasping for air
Was it your voice I heard?
Terrible icy stares
I need to cry out to God Almighty
But mumbled a word
Daddy