"Burn Notice" Mockery: "License To Curd" (In Description)

I found the text file on my Ex HD for this skit, too, thankfully. The audio regards Anti-Nikola's unrelated "tiny house" scheme, which will leave most people stuck with unaffordable land after 2 years of it being "free". One can't responsibly commit to something that specialized, requiring a custom foundation, zoned in so few areas. Since it's illegal to be homeless, and most wouldn't be able to afford paying for land that they can't use, they'd be shuffled off to camps or "data centers". Ameristan boasta having no debtors' prisons, but that's all a semantics game.
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This is a long overdue mockery of a theme / psy-op from "Burn Notice".

"License to Curd"

[Bruce lets himself into Burny's house after hearing "Come in!" from the kitchen. Bruce sits and sneers.]

Bruce: "Not again!"

Burny: "What?!"

Bruce: "We've got goons to attack, and it's a 3-man job!"

Burny: "I know, but let me finish my yogurt."

Bruce: "Why so much yogurt? Every time I see you, man."

Burny: "Probiotics."

Bruce: "How 'bout some kimchee for a change?"

[Burny pulls his knife and aims it at Bruce.]

Burny: "Do you realize how much salt is in kimchee?!"

Bruce: "Okay, okay! You could make some at home, though."

Burny: "No, I couldn't. The stench of fermenting cabbage would get me evicted."

Bruce: "Fair enough. May we go kick some goon butt now, please?"

[Gabrielle steps in after fixing her makeup in the rear view mirror. Burny walks over to the refrigerator.]

Burny: "Not yet."

Bruce: "More yogurt?! You said to let you finish, so I did. Kicking goon butt is a time-sensitive business since they might be on the move, and we need you in this operation! Aggghhh!"

[Gabrielle looks to Bruce.]

Gabrielle: "Is he doing it, again?"

Burny: "Doing what, again?"

Bruce: "That thing... where you run your mouth over the spoon without taking in the entire scoop of yogurt. It's the visual equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard to every red blooded man on the planet."

Gabrielle: "Every hot girl, too. Shall I kill him?"

Burny: "WHAT?!"

Gabrielle: "I meant it as a favor, not really a threat."

Burny: "But I'd still be DEAD!"

Gabrielle: "Yeah. So?"

[Burny's jaw drops as he stares at Gabrielle in shock.]

Bruce: "You got him to stop shoveling curd down his throat. It's a miracle!"

[Burny returns to shoveling.]

Bruce: "Let's just leave, Pretty Lady. He's never gonna stop eating yogurt."

Gabriells: "Shall we attack the local dairy farms and out-of-State corporate supply trucks?"

Bruce: "If we had an army, we could do that, theoretically, but I like your first idea better."

Gabrielle: "Killing him?"

Bruce: "Exactly."

[Gabrielle shoots Burny between the eyes.]

Bruce: "Oh, my God! I wasn't THAT serious, but..."

Gabrielle: "'But' what?"

Bruce: "Let's dispose of the body... and dissolve all the yogurt containers with his DNA that we're sure to find in the trash can in the backyard."

Gabrielle: "But I used a gun from a kingpin. Wipe your prints off the table, do something about your ass print on the seat cushion, and we can leave as soon as I clean the doorknob."

Bruce: "It's a shame, though."

Gabrielle: "What? That he's dead?"

Bruce: "No. He bought all of his yogurt at a stop 'n' rob."

Gabrielle: "You want to kill the owner and clerks, too?"

Bruce: "Geez, Missy! I only meant that the shop was gonna take a financial hit."

Gabrielle: "Oh. I don't worry about such things."

Bruce: "I know. Killer first and lady...third?"

Gabrielle: "Foruth, I think, but let's go."

[Bruce chuckles, unmoved by his cohort's death. Burny isn't necessarily in a better place, but hopefully one where he's lactose intolerant and has time to offer society some benefit.]