It's Baaaack! A My Big Fat Greek .. Stairlift

**“It’s All Greek To Me”**
*A My Big Fat Greek Wedding–Style Dialogue*

**Setting**: Gus’s backyard BBQ in Scarborough. Tula’s cousin **MAGGIE** (30s, city dweller, owns a condo) just had her stairlift “act up.” **GUS** (booming, mustache, holding a lamb skewer), **TULA** (his wife, rolling her eyes), **NIKOS** (tech-savvy nephew), and **YIAYIA** (grandma, knitting, muttering in Greek) are gathered.

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**MAGGIE**:
I swear, this Acorn stairlift nearly zapped my cat! It’s like it’s haunted… or wired to a toaster.

**GUS**:
*(slams skewer down)*
Haunted? Pah! It’s not ghosts—it’s **electricity**! And electricity, Maggie, is like my ouzo: respect it, or it burns you!
But this? This is **not Greek**. This is **greed**.

**TULA**:
Oh, here we go. Next he’ll say stairlifts cause baldness.

**GUS**:
No! I say: **If it’s not grounded, it’s dangerous!** Like serving moussaka without eggplant—*what is even the point?!*

**NIKOS**:
Actually, Uncle Gus is weirdly right. I looked it up. Turns out **70% of Acorn installs** fail basic electrical code. No GFCI, wrong circuits—you name it.

**MAGGIE**:
Wait… so my “certified installer” just… plugged it into a wall socket like a lamp?

**NIKOS**:
Worse. He hardwired it to a 15-amp circuit shared with your fridge. NEC says stairlifts need a **dedicated 20-amp line**. And in Ontario? **GFCI required** in basements.
But guess what? **No permit. No inspection. Just a smile and a $2,000 invoice.**

**MAGGIE**:
But… my insurance would cover a fire, right?

**GUS**:
*(leans in, deadly serious)*
Insurance pays **you**—then sues **them**! Like when I caught Spiros selling fake feta! Insurance gave me money… then took his souvlaki cart!

**TULA**:
That never happened.

**GUS**:
It will! Because now courts say: **“If you break the code, you pay the cost!”** Even in Canada! There’s a case—*Intact v. Some Number*—says **homeowner innocent, electrician guilty**!

**NIKOS**:
And in California? Insurers **automatically get to sue** the installer once they pay you. It’s called *subrogation*—fancy word for “we’re coming for you.”

**MAGGIE**:
So… Acorn just lets this happen?

**YIAYIA**:
*(without looking up)*
*“O anthropos poulai… o Theos taxidi.”*
(“Man sells… God travels.”)

**TULA**:
She means: **They sell it. God deals with the consequences.**

**GUS**:
Exactly! But God’s got help now—**Rob’s Worldwide Stairlift Repairs**! They’re like the Greek navy—showing up, testing everything, writing reports!
Turns out most Acorn lifts fail **one, two, three, four** safety checks!

**MAGGIE**:
So what do I do?

**NIKOS**:
Don’t panic. But **get it inspected**—by someone *not* tied to Acorn. And if there’s a fire? **Your insurer pays you… then hunts the installer like a gyro thief.**

**GUS**:
And if John Jakes—the billionaire who owns Acorn—thinks he’s safe on his yacht?
*(points to sky)*
Tell him **Zeus has better Wi-Fi than he thinks**. Courts don’t care about yachts. They care about **code**.

**TULA**:
And ouzo.

**GUS**:
Always ouzo.

**MAGGIE**:
So… it’s not “all Greek to me” anymore?

**GUS**:
No, *agapi mou*. It’s **all grounded**.
*(winks, hands her a skewer)*
Now eat. Electricity waits for no one… but lamb does.

**YIAYIA**:
*(muttering)*
*“Kai o dikastis… trώει keftedes.”*
(“And the judge… eats meatballs.”)

**FADE OUT with clinking glasses and distant sirens (maybe just a neighbor’s alarm… or karma).**