ANTIFA's Insane Laser Assault: Portland's Commie Cowards Declare Open War on American Skies

Buckle up, patriots—this ain't your grandma's protest. Portland's resident band of black-masked Bolshevik wannabes, the so-called "Rose City Antifa" (because nothing screams "edgy anarchist" like naming your terror cell after a floral shop), just dropped a manifesto that's straight out of a bad action flick. They're calling for a city-wide "laser party" tonight at 9 PM sharp, urging their soy-fueled foot soldiers to grab cheap laser pointers and blind federal helicopters circling the ICE facility. Their goal? Ground the "spy planes," distract the feds, and unleash "daring actions" elsewhere in the city. In plain English: They're trying to crash birds full of American heroes enforcing our damn borders.
This isn't some harmless glow-stick rave. These clowns know full well that zapping aircraft with lasers is a federal felony—up to 5 years in the slammer for the beam itself, or 20 if it leads to a crash that endangers lives (18 U.S.C. § 39A). The DHS is already frothing at the mouth, vowing to "bust their networks and bring every one of them to justice." Assistant Secretary Tricia McLaughlin didn't mince words: "Antifa domestic terrorists WILL NOT overrun our cities." And get this—the FBI Portland office just reminded everyone that this stunt could land you in a "cozy cell" for life if it goes tits up. Hell, just last week, four illegal alien dirtbags got pinched for the exact same crap, shining beams at CBP choppers to blind pilots. Coincidence? Nah, these Antifa idiots are basically auditioning for Gitmo.
The Gory Details from the Commie Call-to-Arms
Their flyer (archived before they chickened out and scrubbed it) reads like a reject from the Unabomber's fan club:

The Pitch: "Every night for weeks we are forced to listen to the threatening rhythm of helicopter blades as the federal regime spies on us. The only limit power knows is our refusal to submit. This Saturday, October 11th, at 9pm you are invited to fight back. All you need is a laser."
Tactics for the Terminally Stupid: "Leave home—they can see where the laser is coming from. Go to a park, a field, or some other public place, and once the clock strikes 9 unleash your beam at the cop copter. Mask up. Coordinate with friends to throw a laser party!"
Pro Tips from Pros at Being Losers: "Be ready to dispose of the laser if you need to—wear gloves and clean it with alcohol in case you have to toss it in a hurry." And the kicker: "If enough lasers are pointed at the aircraft, we think it will not be able to safely stay in the air for long enough to continue to pinpoint the source for law enforcement."

This is peak Antifa: All bark, zero bite, but with enough delusion to actually endanger pilots who've sworn to protect us from the very chaos these freaks create. Remember 2020? These same Portland punks used lasers to fry federal agents' eyes during the BLM-Antifa riots, turning a city into a war zone while Dem overlords like Kate Brown twiddled their thumbs. Now, with Trump cracking down on the border invasion, they're escalating to aviation sabotage. It's not "protest"—it's premeditated murder-by-gadget.
Why This Matters (And Why the Left Hates Hearing It)
Antifa isn't some mythical boogeyman the "right-wing media" invented—it's a decentralized horde of entitled anarchists funded by Soros cash and blue-haired baristas, hell-bent on torching the America we built. Their "counter-info" blog, Rose City Counter-Info, is a cesspool of "anarchist and anti-authoritarian" bile that glorifies violence against cops, ICE, and anyone waving an American flag. Journalist Andy Ngo, who's been dodging their bricks for years, broke this wide open on X, sharing screenshots and calling bullshit on lefty Reddit trolls claiming it's a "false flag" by MAGA. Spoiler: It's not. It's just more proof that when you defund the police and coddle criminals, you get laser-wielding lunatics playing Kamikaze with Black Hawks.
The feds are locked and loaded—recent busts show they're tracing these beams like heat-seeking missiles. Portland PD's already monitoring, and with Trump's ICE surge underway, expect dawn raids and orange jumpsuits by sunrise. These Antifa asshats think "numbers" will save them? Nah, it'll just make the perp walk a conga line.
The Bottom Line: Time to Crush These Domestic Deadbeats
If you're in Portland, stay clear—don't be the idiot who catches a stray beam or a fed's boot. For the rest of us, this is exhibit A for why we need iron-fisted law and order: Deport the invaders, dismantle the Antifa networks, and remind these pinko pirates that America's skies belong to patriots, not pointer-waving parasites. Trump 2024 isn't just a slogan—it's the firewall against this fascist fever dream.
What say you, America? Laser pointers or lead? Sound off below. Stay vigilant, stay armed, and God bless the Republic. 🇺🇸3.2sFast